“Wherever there is a human in need, there is an opportunity for kindness and to make a difference.” – Kevin Heath
Studies are proving what happy people have known all along: kindness is directly related to life satisfaction. Kindness benefits both the giver and the receiver and those who are treated with kindness are more likely to pass this kindness along to others.
The definition of kindness in our contemporary culture is the act of going out of your way to be nice to someone or show a person you care. We have all heard the stories of someone being robbed or assaulted while passersby ignore the situation and go out of their way to avoid becoming involved. This lack of connection to one another is harmful to us as it creates a sense of isolation. When we bond together to help one another our ability to overcome and problem-solve increases.
Kindness is truly contagious. It is also a connector. It is like a muscle that needs to be flexed; just because we are born with the capacity for kindness doesn’t mean we use it effectively. I like to buy coffee for the person behind me in line and my barista tells me that when I start this quite often it continues to be paid forward for 5-10 coffees down the line. There is even a website entirely built around documenting random acts of kindness. When you give something for the benefit of another it’s called pro-social spending and research shows that this type of altruism is equally as beneficial to both parties! Here are some great actions you can take to cultivate a kindness epidemic in your community.Advertising
1. Smile at strangers. You brighten their day.
2. Bring in your neighbor’s trash cans. You connect with your community.
3. Donate used clothing. You don’t need then but perhaps somebody else does.
4. Compliment a co-worker or peer. Expressing what someone does well makes them more likely to repeat the action.
5. Use recyclable shopping bags. It’s good for the earth and where else are we going to live?
6. Be an organ donor! Save a life.
7. Clear the clutter at home. Hoarding makes you stressed!
8. Buy coffee for a stranger. It warms your heart and reminds you that you have something to give.
9. Volunteer your time. If you don’t have time, give money!
10. Listen with an open mind and active curiosity when your others speak.
11. Take a treat to your child’s teacher. You’ll them you value they contribution to your child’s future.
12. Drop flowers from your garden to a friend.
13. Hug someone. Six second hugs improve your health.
14. Bake a double batch of your best recipe and share it with your busiest friend.
15. Carpool. Share the drive, the gas, and the connection.
16. Pick up litter. Even if you didn’t put it there it’s still your planet.
17. Give old towels to an animal shelter. Or better still adopt a pup.
18. Pass on your old books. Your dust gathering library is someone else’s education.
19. Offer water to your postal worker, lawn service or meter reader. It’s hot. It’s cold. And it’s just the polite thing to do!
20. Express gratitude as often as possible!
21. Learn about another culture’s traditions. When we focus on understanding we remove obstacles to inclusion.
22. Stop gossiping and whining. If it’s not useful, necessary or important; keep it to yourself.
23. Invite your neighbors over.
24. Share uplifting blogs. (Like this one)
25. Cheer for your elementary school sports team. Enthusiasm is contagious.
26. Buy local.
27. Host a holiday toy drive or adopt a family.
28. Adopt a grandparent.
29. Help carry groceries to someone’s car.
30. Treat yourself as kindly as you want to treat others! You are worth it!
“Never believe that a few caring people can’t change the world. For, indeed, that’s all who ever have.” – Margaret Mead
Last Updated on February 21, 2019
The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach
In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.
Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.
Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.
Conflicts are literally everywhere.
Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win
Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.
Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.
Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.
Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.
Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.
The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts
Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:
Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships
How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.
Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.
Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.
Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem
How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.
Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.
Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.
Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances
How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.
Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.
Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.
Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows
How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.
Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.
Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.
Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem
How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.
Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.
Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.
Step 6: Solve the Problem Together
How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.
Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.
Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.