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Why People Who Are Always Afraid to Be Hated Won’t Be Happy

Why People Who Are Always Afraid to Be Hated Won’t Be Happy

Having a constant need to please everyone is not only unrealistic, it actually backfires in numerous negative ways for you. Here are some reasons why trying to please everyone will only make you more miserable.

You are constantly overwhelmed

One of the biggest issues of constantly feeling the need to please others is that it is mentally and physically taxing. Always offering to do extra favors for other people can deplete your energy quickly and make you feel like a robot. Playing neutral for any disagreement between a group of your friends or co-workers can make you a mental zombie and can take precious time away from focusing on your own priorities.

It is important to learn how to say no sometimes to tasks that you know your friend or co-worker can handle on their own and will free up more time for you to concentrate on more pressing matters.

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You are seen as a pushover

People who always try to agree with others are often seen as people that can be taken advantage of. Your co-workers might dump the extra work project that no one else wants to take on. Your family might delegate you with extra tasks for the upcoming reunion, just because they know you will not say no. In order to reach a happier mindset, it is important to be assertive towards people in your life who have seen you as someone who is always willing to make everyone else happy first.

Finding true happiness as an individual will be infectious towards those in your life who truly care about your well-being, without always needing something from you in return.

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    Photo source: Flickr

    You do not recognize your own opinions anymore

    Constantly agreeing with people is not only tiring, but it can cause you to lose your own independent thoughts and instead mistake them for what other people think. Developing and voicing your own opinion can be a daunting task at first, but the more you practice and utilize it, the easier it will become.

    Standing up for what you believe in will increase your happiness tenfold and your days as a people pleaser will be a thing of the past.

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    You constantly over-think what other think of you

    Having the need to constantly please people requires a certain level of anxiety and stress, since you are always wondering what people are thinking of you. From playing over certain scenes in your head to rehearsing what you will say to people — all of this takes a toll on you and leaves you a emotional mess! It is important to learn to let go of the judgmental voices in your head and instead focus on the positive aspects of social interactions that you have. Living in fear of being hated by others will often mean missing out on the positive outcomes of interacting with others.

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      Photo source: Flickr

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      You are seen as lacking a personality

      People who are afraid of being hated by others frequently appear as if they lack any character and often seem dull. It is important for you to be able to be yourself and let your true personality shine through without you having to heavily edit it. What makes a person interesting is that they are able to embrace their flaws, instead of ignoring that they are there. Not everyone will get along with you and that is fine.

      Instead, it is important to find people who truly care about the real you and your opinions — no matter how different they may be. You will feel infinitely happier when you are not hiding any of your personality and can show off your true colors!

      Featured photo credit: Flickr via flickr.com

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      Last Updated on June 19, 2019

      6 Ways to Be a Successful Risk Taker and Take More Chances

      6 Ways to Be a Successful Risk Taker and Take More Chances

      I’ve stood on the edge of my own personal cliffs many times. Each time I jumped, something different happened. There were risks that started off great, but eventually faded. There were risks that left me falling until I hit the ground. There were risks that started slow, but built into massive successes.

      Every risk is different, but every risk is the same. You need to have some fundamentals ready before you jump, but not too many.

      It wouldn’t be a risk if you knew everything that was about to happen, would it? Here’re 6 ways to be a successful risk taker.

      1. Understand That Failure Is Going to Happen a Lot

      It’s part of life. Everything we do has failure attached to it. All successful people have stories of massive failure attached to them. Thinking that your risk is going to be pain free and run as smooth as silk is insane.

      Expect some pain and failure. Actually, expect a lot of it. Expect the sleepless nights with crazy thoughts of insecurity that leave you trembling under the covers. It’s going to happen, no matter how positive you are about the risk you are about to take.

      When failure hits, the only options are to keep going or quit. If you expect falling into a meadow of flowers and frolicking unicorns, then you’re going to immediately quit once you realize that getting to that meadow requires you to go through a rock filled cave filled with hungry bats.

      2. Trust the Muse

      Writing a story isn’t a big risk. It’s really just a risk on my time. So when I start writing a story, I’m scared it will be time wasted. Of course, it never really is. Even if the story doesn’t turn out fabulous, I still practiced.

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      When I’ve taken risks in my life, the successful ones always seemed to happen when I followed the muse. Steven Pressfield describes the muse,

      “The Muse demands depth. Shallow does not work for her. If we’re seeking her help, we can’t stay in the kiddie end. When we work, we have to go hard and go deep.”

      The muse is a goddess who wants our attention and wants us to work on our passion.

      If you’re taking a risk in anything, it’s assumed that there is some passion built up behind that risk. That passion, deep inside you, is the muse. Trust it, focus on it, listen to it.

      The most successful articles and stories I write are the ones I’ve focused all my attention on. There were no interruptions during their creative development. I didn’t check my phone or go watch my Twitter feed. I was fully engaged in my work.

      Trust the muse, focus your attention on your risk, let the ideas and path develop themselves, and leave the distractions at the side of the road.

      3. Remember to Be Authentic

      Taking a risk and then turning into something you’re not, is only going to lead to disaster. Whether you are risking a new relationship or new opportunity, you must be yourself throughout the entire process.

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      How many times have you acted like you loved something just because the men or woman you just started going out with loved it?

      For example, I’m not an office worker. I have an incredibly hard time working in a confined timeline (ie. 9-5). That’s why I write. I can do it whenever the mood strikes, I don’t have somebody breathing down my neck, telling me that I’m five minutes late, or missed a comma somewhere. I don’t have to walk on eggshells wondering if what I’m writing will get me fired or make me lose a promotion. I can just be myself, period.

      One girlfriend didn’t understand that. She believed solely in the 9-5 motto, specifically something in human resources because that was a very stable job. I was scared for my future, but I stuck with the relationship because of my own insecurities and acted like I would do it to make her happy.

      Here’s a tip: NEVER take away from your happiness to make somebody else satisfied (note I didn’t say happy).

      Making somebody else happy will make you happy. Doing something to satisfy somebody is murder on your soul.

      4. Don’t Take Any Risks While You’re Not Clearheaded

      I’d been considering the risk for a couple weeks. It all sounded good. I was 22 and I could be rich in a couple of years. That’s what they were selling me, anyways.

      One night, while at a house party with some friends, I found myself at a computer. A couple of my friends were standing nearby and asked me what I was doing. I told them I was considering starting my own business and it was only going to cost me $1,500.

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      Of course, when a bunch of drunk people are surrounded by more drunk people, things get enthusiastic. It sounded like the best business venture in the world to everybody, including me. So I signed up and gave them my credit card number.

      A few painful months and close to $4,000 dollars lost later, I quit the business. I was young and fell into the pyramid scheme trap. It was an expensive drunk decision.

      Drinking heavily and making decisions has a proven track record of failure. So when you have something important to decide, don’t let your emotions take over your brain.

      5. Fully Understand What You’re Risking

      It was the start of my baseball comeback. I got a tryout with a professional scout and killed it. After the tryout, he talked to my girlfriend and myself, making sure we understood I would be gone for up to 6 months at a time. That strain on the relationship could be tough.

      We understood. I left to play ball, chose to stay in the city I played in, and a year later we broke up. Not because of baseball, see point 3 above. Taking big risks can have massive impacts on everything in your life from relationships to money. Know what you’re risking before you take the risk.

      If you believe the risk will be worth it or you have the support you need from your family, then go ahead and make the leap.

      You can get more guidance on how to take calculated risks from this article: How to Take Calculated Risk to Achieve More and Become Successful

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      6. Remember This Is Your One Shot Only

      As far as we know officially, this is our one shot at life, so why not take some risks?

      The top thing people are saddened by on their deathbeds are these regrets. They wish they did more, asked that girl in the coffee shop out, spoke out when they should have, or did what they were passionate about.

      Don’t regret. Learn and experience. Live. Take the risks you believe in. Be yourself and make the world a better place.

      Now go ahead, take that risk and be successful at it!

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      Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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