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No Woman Should Apologize for These 8 Things Anymore

No Woman Should Apologize for These 8 Things Anymore

To be fair, no woman should have to apologize for a damn thing. Of course, as women, we all have those things we continually feel we should apologize for in our daily lives: speaking our minds, reading trashy novels…maybe watching the Twilight movies.

However, there are some big picture things we continuously apologize for that we shouldn’t have to apologize for at all. Ever. Again.

Our lifestyle choices

Some of us want kids. Some of us don’t. We shouldn’t have to apologize for choosing one or the other. Or for changing our minds about it. And there are those of us who choose to be single and still find ourselves apologizing to people for that choice. Why? It’s our choice.

What about our living arrangements? I own my house and live by myself. “Don’t you want a roommate?”  Nope. Not sorry. “You’re single, and you live with a guy who’s not your boyfriend?”  Yep. Not sorry.

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Whatever lifestyle choices you make, from your diet to your friends, never apologize for them.

Career choices

We shouldn’t have to apologize for our career choices. We can choose a career in a male-dominated field like law enforcement and swell the ranks of women police officers in the country. Or we can choose the career of stay-at-home mother. And if you think being a stay-at-home mother isn’t a full-time job, maybe you should be apologizing. It’s not a regular full-time job, but it will keep you busy as hell.

No more apologizing for asking for promotions or raises, either. If we’ve done the work, we deserve them. Ask for them with confidence. No sorries necessary.

Swearing

Oh, bloody hell. Just did it again. It’s long been argued that swearing is the sign of a weak mind. This ex-English teacher (who never swore in the classroom — I swear!) disagrees. Words obviously have power, but if you’re not swearing at someone, go for it, and don’t you dare apologize for it!

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The British Psychological Society conducted a study regarding swearing. It found that groups who used swear words during stressful situations were able to cope better than groups who were not. That’s right: Swearing is good for you!

Swear away, and never say you’re sorry after you do so!

Liking “guy” things

I like the classical “guy” things. Cars, sports, beer . . . I owned a 1971 Chevy Chevelle in high school and can talk about my favorite muscle cars for days. I once put a guy in his place at a bar when he mistook a Lotus Exige for a Lotus Elise. Wrong car, dude. I apologized for it. I shouldn’t have. Will I ever apologize for my car knowledge again? Hell no (not sorry!).

I will never (again) apologize for knowing about baseball or hockey or soccer or any other sport I love. Sports are becoming less and less the exclusive territory of “the guy,” but society still feels the need to compel us to apologize for liking sports, wanting to participate in them, or wanting to have any part of the world.  I’m still not apologizing for knowing about and loving sports!

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Liking “girly” things

On the other side of the “guy” coin are the “girly” things. I like beer or whiskey and an occasional cigar with said whiskey. But I also like wearing a skirt and my four-inch booties while I drink my booze and smoke my cigar. And I’m no longer apologizing for it.

I’m also not apologizing for being tall and wearing my high heels. If I tower over you, so be it. If I look you in the eye, deal with it. Don’t apologize for wanting to be feminine. And don’t apologize for not being feminine.

Saying no

Don’t apologize for saying no. To anything. Don’t apologize for saying no when someone asks for your number and you don’t want to give it to them. You don’t have to explain why. A simple: “No thanks,” or, “I’d rather not,” should suffice. Hopefully, the person asking will have enough tact to back off.

Don’t apologize if you want to stay home for a night in with a bottle of wine, your dog, and an NCIS binge. You don’t always have to hang out in the bar with your friends. Or go to the party with all your married friends. It’s okay to say no without saying you’re sorry. I’ve done it. I love going out or hanging out with my friends and their families. But sometimes, I need alone time, and I won’t apologize for it.

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Our sexuality

Don’t apologize for your sexuality, whatever that may be. And don’t apologize for expressing it. If you like sex, stop worrying that you will be stigmatized for your desires. If you don’t like it, the same can be said. Women’s sexuality can be affected by the expectations we set regarding it, and when we apologize for it, we are setting the expectation that we can’t be sensual or sexual beings.

Anything and everything!

Like I said at the beginning, just stop apologizing. Women seem to apologize for everything. We apologize for being in someone’s way at the grocery store. We apologize for expressing opinions to each other!  Stop it!  We certainly shouldn’t be apologizing to each other!  Women need to stand together and say, “I will no longer apologize for making a choice and having an opinion!”

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H. E. James

Writer and researcher

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Last Updated on June 24, 2019

Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression

Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression

A study [1] published in Depression and Anxiety found that social media users are more likely to be depressed. This was just one of the huge number of studies linking social media and depression[2] . But why exactly do platforms like Facebook and Instagram make people so unhappy? Well, we don’t know yet for sure, but there are some explanations.

Social Media Could Lead to Depression

Depression is a serious medical condition that affects how you think, feel, and behave. Social media may lead to depression in predisposed individuals or make existing symptoms of depression[3] worse explains[4] the study above’s senior author Dr. Brian Primack. So, the problem may not be in social media per se, but how we use it.

Signs You’re Suffering From “Social Media Depression”

If you feel like social media is having a negative impact on your mood, then you may be suffering from “social media depression.” Look for symptoms like:

• low self-esteem,

• negative self-talk,

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• a low mood,

• irritability,

• a lack of interest in activities once enjoyed,

• and social withdrawal.

If you’ve had these symptoms for more than two weeks and if this is how you feel most of the time, then you are likely depressed. Although “social media depression “is not a term recognized in the medical setting, social media depression seems to be a real phenomenon affecting around 50% of social media users. As explained in a review study[5] published in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, if a person has a certain predisposition to depression and other mental disorders, social media use may only worsen their mental health.

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Social Media Could Crush Self-Esteem

We know that social media and depression are in some way linked, but why is this so? Well, according to Igor Pantic, MD, Ph.D.[6], social media use skews your perception about other people’s lives and traits. To explain this further, most people like to portray an idealized image of their lives, personal traits, and appearance on sites like Facebook and Instagram. If you confuse this idealized image with reality, you may be under the false impression that everyone is better than you which can crush your self-esteem and lead to depression. This is especially true for teens and young adults who are more likely to compare themselves to others. If you already suffer from low self-esteem, the illusion that everyone has it better off than you will just make you feel worse.

Causing Social Isolation and Other Negative Emotions

Another commonly cited reason for the negative impact of social media on mental health is its link with social isolation. Depressed people are more likely to isolate themselves socially and chose only to interact indirectly through social media platforms. But communication online tends to be superficial and is lacking when compared to real-life interaction explains Panic. What this means is not that social media leads to isolation but the other way around, possibly explaining why we find so many depressed persons on these sites.

Lastly, social media use may generate negative emotions in you like envy, jealousy, dislike, loneliness, and many others and this may worsen your depressive symptoms.

Why We Need to Take This Seriously

Both depression and social media use are on the rise according to epidemiological studies. Since each one has an impact on the other, we have to start thinking of healthier ways to use social media. Teens and young adults are especially vulnerable to the negative impact of social media on mental health.

Advice on Social Media Use

Although these findings did not provide any cause-effect explanation regarding Facebook and depression[7], they still do prove that social media use may not be a good way to handle depression. For this reason, the leading authors of these studies gave some suggestions as to how clinicians and people can make use of such findings.

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One suggestion is that clinicians should ask patients about their social media habits. Then they can advise them on how to change their outlook on social media use or even suggest limiting their time spent on social media.

Some social media users may also exhibit addictive behavior; they may spend too much time due to compulsive urges. Any compulsive behavior is bound to lead to feelings of guilt which can worsen depressive symptoms.

Having Unhealthy Relationship with Social Media

If you feel like your relationship with social media is unhealthy, then consider the advice on healthy social media use provided by psychology experts from Links Psychology[8]:

Avoid negative social comparison – always keep in mind that how people portray themselves and their lives on social media is not a realistic picture, but rather an idealized one. Also, avoid comparing yourself to others because this behavior can lead to negative self-talk.

Remember that social media is not a replacement for real life – Social media is great for staying in touch and having fun, but it should never replace real-world interactions.

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Avoid releasing personal information – For your safety and privacy, make sure to be careful with what you post online.

Report users who bully and harass you – It’s easy to be a bully in the anonymous and distant world of social media. Don’t take such offense personally and report those who abuse social media to harass others.

The bits of advice listed above can help you establish a healthy relationship with social media. Always keep these things in mind to avoid losing an objective perspective of what social media is and how it is different from real life. If you are currently suffering from depression, talk to your doctor about what is bothering you so that you can get the treatment you need to get better. Tell your doctor about your social media use and see if they could give you some advice on this topic.

Reference

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