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Signs That You’re Carrying The Old Issues Into The New Relationship

Signs That You’re Carrying The Old Issues Into The New Relationship

I have sadly destroyed many possible partnerships by assuming they would do the same thing as my former partners did. I had to eventually learn that the new partner was an individual and not my ex. Stepping into a new relationship with old baggage actually hurts the possibility of success and happiness. Maybe you started seeing someone too quickly and didn’t give yourself enough time to heal. There is an art of letting go that needs to be processed so your new relationship has a chance.

Honoring the lessons your learned in the past relationship is a positive way you can accept whatever it was that happened. If you were disappointed because your last partner let you down, it’s important to make peace with that. If you don’t, your new relationship will be plagued with bad feelings even if your new partner does none of those things your old partner did. It’s time to cut the cord! That person can’t hurt you anymore if you don’t let them.

Don’t dwell on the past, move towards a future by enjoying the present. Don’t make up a fairy tale in your head about your new relationship. Let it unfold naturally!

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1. You Compare Your Now to Yesterday

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    Maybe you have doubts about your new relationship or you have a hard time trusting. This is pretty natural as trust has to be earned over time in a new relationship. The damaging part is when you compare your new partner to your ex. If they like a certain kind of music that your ex liked for example, it may bring back bad memories. Your mood diminishes and you start to second guess the possibility of happiness with your new partner. Instead of comparing these small things, look at the character of your new partner. Notice the important differences and perhaps in time that song that made you sad will make you happy.

    2. You Tend to Project

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      With your baggage from past relationships, there is likely a sense of self-doubt. Since you see the worst in yourself, you can tend to project those emotions to others. In your new relationship, you may judge your new partner harshly which may make you think they are judging you. One harmless sentence could lead you to get defensive. If you’re looking at your new partner with a lot of negativity for no real reason, you may want to look within and ask where it’s coming from. You may just be assuming something they’re not which really hurts them and also hurts you when the relationship ends.

      3. You Feel Paranoid

      Photo Credit: <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/76305380@N07/15942005192/">Mr_RyanTackett</a> via <a href="http://compfight.com">Compfight</a> <a href="https://www.flickr.com/help/general/#147">cc</a>

        If you’ve had a former partner cheat on you, it’s natural that you will avoid that terrible feeling again. Hopefully, you have chosen a partner that is worthy of your trust. Paranoia feels terrible and it makes you do unattractive things that are going to make you feel worse, which (of course) allows the cycle to continue.

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        Warning! Neediness, checking their phone or email, and other clingy behaviors will destroy your new relationship very quickly. You’ll feel terrible about yourself and the downward spiral will leave you disliking yourself. Be realistic about your suspicions for someone else and either give them the benefit of the doubt or graciously end the relationship.

        4. You Throw Up Walls

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          Throwing up walls is literally putting up a huge obstacle between you and your new partner. You shouldn’t hold onto secrets about your feelings or the new relationship will end up becoming stagnant. It will never go any further emotionally than the last relationship, even if the person is completely different. Don’t hold back your emotions about things. Figure out what you’re holding back from your new love so they at least have a chance. Together you have the opportunity to get through it and become stronger!

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          5. You Hold Back from Commitment

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            Maybe you’re a free spirit and just love to be alone and a person of the world. That’s great! For those of you that don’t want to commit because you’re afraid, not so great. To avoid something like being in love because you’re afraid prevents you from living a full life.

            Don’t allow your past relationships to rob you of the amazing feeling of love that is possible. Take the leap of faith if you want to feel and give love instead of holding yourself back.

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            Loraine Couturier

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            Last Updated on June 13, 2019

            How to Quit Your Boring Life and Start Living an Interesting One

            How to Quit Your Boring Life and Start Living an Interesting One

            Think you have a boring life?

            The definition of boring is dull or not interesting. Maybe you’ve been doing the same thing and living the same life for too long, or maybe your daily routine is limiting your growth and happiness. Whatever your reason is, the following list of 20 things can definitely make any day more interesting. Some of them are silly, while some are more meaningful, so hopefully just reading the list makes your life less boring and sparks your creativity.

            Let’s dive in the list to quit your boring life and start living an interesting (and meaning) one!

            1. Channel Your 7-Year-Old Self

            What would he or she want to do right now? Color? Paint? Run around outside? Play dress up? Eat with your hands? Play that instrument hiding in the back of your closet that you haven’t touched in years?

            Just because you’re a grown up doesn’t mean any of this stuff will be less enjoyable than you remember it. Give yourself permission to play.

            2. Go Play with Kids

            Speaking of little kids, if you have your own or access to any (in a non-creepy way, like they’re your niece or your best friend’s kid, you get the idea) go play with them!

            They didn’t create an entire show called Kids Say The Darndest Things because kids aren’t hilarious. They also keep things so simple, and we can really stand to be reminded of this and stop allowing ourselves to get bogged down in boring details.

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            3. Order a Hot Dog

            While you’re eating it, Google: “What’s in a hot dog?” You decide whether or not you want to finish it.

            4. For the Ladies: Wear Your Sexiest Lingerie Under Your Work Clothes

            Your “little secret” will leave you feeling anything but boring all day!

            5. Play Cell Phone Roulette

            You’ll need at least one buddy for this. Scroll through the contacts in your phone, stop on a random one and call the person.

            You could spark an incredible catch up session or be incredibly awkward. Neither are boring.

            6. Fill out a Pack of Thank-You Cards

            Give them to random people who probably don’t get thanked too often for doing what they do ever day.

            Ideas: police officers, librarians, servers, baristas, cab drivers, sanitation workers, teachers, people behind any check out counter, receptionists, your friends, the guy at the falafel stand, etc.

            7. Sign up for a Class in Something You’ve “Always Wanted to Do”, or Something That Makes You Really Uncomfortable

            Ideas: pole dancing, salsa lessons, improv, pottery, cooking, knitting (yup, there are classes for this, too!), karate, boxing, something techy like the workshops they run in Apple stores, get Rosetta Stone and learn that language you’ve always wanted to speak, etc.

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            What’s good about joining an interest class is that you will also meet new people!

            8. Interview Your Grandparents About Their Lives

            You can bet they’ve had some crazy experiences you probably never knew about.

            9. Get up on Stage at an Open Mic Night

            Whether you’re funny or not, get up on stage and just talk funny. And if you’re not, memorize a few of your favorite jokes and tell those!

            10. Do Something for Someone Else That You Wish Someone Would Do for You

            We all have a few ideas on this list. I promise you will feel amazing after and anything but bored.

            11. Start a DIY Project in Your Home

            It doesn’t have to be super complicated. If you need ideas, there’re plenty on Pinterest. Or you can also check out these 30 Awesome DIY Projects that You’ve Never Heard of.

            12. Plan a Weekend Trip or an All-Out Vacation

            This will give you something to look forward to.

            Even if you don’t have the time or money to go on a vacation, plan for a staycation, which is same fun and relaxing!

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            13. People Watch

            Find a bench in a crowded area (centers of transportation like airports, bus stops and train stations are great for this!) and just observe.

            People are infinitely interesting.

            14. Eat Something You’ve Never Eaten Before

            Bonus points if it’s a random fruit or veggie.

            15. Dance

            You can get your friends together for a night on the town or just pull up a video on YouTube and bust a move from your own living room.

            If you’re feeling extra brave, you can even dance in public and get other people involved.

            16. Go to YOUTUBE and Search “Funny Pets” or “Funny Babies”

            This is also a great quickie ab workout as you will be laughing hysterically.

            17. Pick up a Book and Start Reading

            Check out the NY Times Best Sellers lists and grab a new book you can get lost in.

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            18. Step Away from the Computer and Go Get Some Time with People You Care About in Real Life

            Facebook stalking doesn’t count as real social interaction. You can even share this post with your friends and vote on which one you’d like to do together!

            19. Check out a Museum You’ve Never Been to Before

            OK, depending on your interests, this one might actually be boring. If you love learning, art or different cultures though, this one is for you!

            20. Write a List of Things You Desire and Truly Want

            This is a great way to help you figure out the real reason why you’re feeling bored about your life. Maybe you haven’t really done things that you truly enjoy? Maybe what you’ve wanted to do all the time has been left behind?

            Think about the list of things you really want to do, and ask yourself why you aren’t doing these things (yet). Then start taking your first step to make what you want happen.

            Now go make your life interesting and live your dream life!

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            Featured photo credit: Kev Costello via unsplash.com

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