Advertising
Advertising

Signs That You’re Carrying The Old Issues Into The New Relationship

Signs That You’re Carrying The Old Issues Into The New Relationship

I have sadly destroyed many possible partnerships by assuming they would do the same thing as my former partners did. I had to eventually learn that the new partner was an individual and not my ex. Stepping into a new relationship with old baggage actually hurts the possibility of success and happiness. Maybe you started seeing someone too quickly and didn’t give yourself enough time to heal. There is an art of letting go that needs to be processed so your new relationship has a chance.

Honoring the lessons your learned in the past relationship is a positive way you can accept whatever it was that happened. If you were disappointed because your last partner let you down, it’s important to make peace with that. If you don’t, your new relationship will be plagued with bad feelings even if your new partner does none of those things your old partner did. It’s time to cut the cord! That person can’t hurt you anymore if you don’t let them.

Don’t dwell on the past, move towards a future by enjoying the present. Don’t make up a fairy tale in your head about your new relationship. Let it unfold naturally!

Advertising

1. You Compare Your Now to Yesterday

worried-girl-413690_1280

    Maybe you have doubts about your new relationship or you have a hard time trusting. This is pretty natural as trust has to be earned over time in a new relationship. The damaging part is when you compare your new partner to your ex. If they like a certain kind of music that your ex liked for example, it may bring back bad memories. Your mood diminishes and you start to second guess the possibility of happiness with your new partner. Instead of comparing these small things, look at the character of your new partner. Notice the important differences and perhaps in time that song that made you sad will make you happy.

    2. You Tend to Project

    Advertising

    portrait-119851_1280

      With your baggage from past relationships, there is likely a sense of self-doubt. Since you see the worst in yourself, you can tend to project those emotions to others. In your new relationship, you may judge your new partner harshly which may make you think they are judging you. One harmless sentence could lead you to get defensive. If you’re looking at your new partner with a lot of negativity for no real reason, you may want to look within and ask where it’s coming from. You may just be assuming something they’re not which really hurts them and also hurts you when the relationship ends.

      3. You Feel Paranoid

      Photo Credit: <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/76305380@N07/15942005192/">Mr_RyanTackett</a> via <a href="http://compfight.com">Compfight</a> <a href="https://www.flickr.com/help/general/#147">cc</a>

        If you’ve had a former partner cheat on you, it’s natural that you will avoid that terrible feeling again. Hopefully, you have chosen a partner that is worthy of your trust. Paranoia feels terrible and it makes you do unattractive things that are going to make you feel worse, which (of course) allows the cycle to continue.

        Advertising

        Warning! Neediness, checking their phone or email, and other clingy behaviors will destroy your new relationship very quickly. You’ll feel terrible about yourself and the downward spiral will leave you disliking yourself. Be realistic about your suspicions for someone else and either give them the benefit of the doubt or graciously end the relationship.

        4. You Throw Up Walls

        wall-301661_1280

          Throwing up walls is literally putting up a huge obstacle between you and your new partner. You shouldn’t hold onto secrets about your feelings or the new relationship will end up becoming stagnant. It will never go any further emotionally than the last relationship, even if the person is completely different. Don’t hold back your emotions about things. Figure out what you’re holding back from your new love so they at least have a chance. Together you have the opportunity to get through it and become stronger!

          Advertising

          5. You Hold Back from Commitment

          woman-933488_1280

            Maybe you’re a free spirit and just love to be alone and a person of the world. That’s great! For those of you that don’t want to commit because you’re afraid, not so great. To avoid something like being in love because you’re afraid prevents you from living a full life.

            Don’t allow your past relationships to rob you of the amazing feeling of love that is possible. Take the leap of faith if you want to feel and give love instead of holding yourself back.

            More by this author

            Loraine Couturier

            Content creation and marketing

            How To Mend A Broken Heart After A Heart-breaking Goodbye Insecurities Are Hidden Wounds That Take Time to Heal in Any Relationships 7 Things “I Love You” Doesn’t Mean 7 Ways to Thrive Now By Fixing Mistakes From The Past 5 Non-Surgical Ways to Look Younger at 40

            Trending in Communication

            1 How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them 2 Feeling Stuck in Life? How to Never Get Stuck Again 3 12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life 4 13 Ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently 5 How to Find Inner Peace and Lasting Happiness

            Read Next

            Advertising
            Advertising
            Advertising

            Last Updated on January 21, 2020

            How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

            How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

            If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

            Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

            So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

            Advertising

            1. Listen

            Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

            2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

            Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

            “Why do you want to do that?”

            Advertising

            “What makes you so excited about it?”

            “How long has that been your dream?”

            You need this information the help you with the following steps.

            Advertising

            3. Encourage

            This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

            4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

            After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

            5. Dream

            This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

            Advertising

            6. Ask How You Can Help

            Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

            7. Follow Up

            Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

            Final Thoughts

            By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

            Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

            More on Motivation

            Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

            Read Next