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Signs That You’re Carrying The Old Issues Into The New Relationship

Signs That You’re Carrying The Old Issues Into The New Relationship

I have sadly destroyed many possible partnerships by assuming they would do the same thing as my former partners did. I had to eventually learn that the new partner was an individual and not my ex. Stepping into a new relationship with old baggage actually hurts the possibility of success and happiness. Maybe you started seeing someone too quickly and didn’t give yourself enough time to heal. There is an art of letting go that needs to be processed so your new relationship has a chance.

Honoring the lessons your learned in the past relationship is a positive way you can accept whatever it was that happened. If you were disappointed because your last partner let you down, it’s important to make peace with that. If you don’t, your new relationship will be plagued with bad feelings even if your new partner does none of those things your old partner did. It’s time to cut the cord! That person can’t hurt you anymore if you don’t let them.

Don’t dwell on the past, move towards a future by enjoying the present. Don’t make up a fairy tale in your head about your new relationship. Let it unfold naturally!

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1. You Compare Your Now to Yesterday

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    Maybe you have doubts about your new relationship or you have a hard time trusting. This is pretty natural as trust has to be earned over time in a new relationship. The damaging part is when you compare your new partner to your ex. If they like a certain kind of music that your ex liked for example, it may bring back bad memories. Your mood diminishes and you start to second guess the possibility of happiness with your new partner. Instead of comparing these small things, look at the character of your new partner. Notice the important differences and perhaps in time that song that made you sad will make you happy.

    2. You Tend to Project

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      With your baggage from past relationships, there is likely a sense of self-doubt. Since you see the worst in yourself, you can tend to project those emotions to others. In your new relationship, you may judge your new partner harshly which may make you think they are judging you. One harmless sentence could lead you to get defensive. If you’re looking at your new partner with a lot of negativity for no real reason, you may want to look within and ask where it’s coming from. You may just be assuming something they’re not which really hurts them and also hurts you when the relationship ends.

      3. You Feel Paranoid

      Photo Credit: <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/76305380@N07/15942005192/">Mr_RyanTackett</a> via <a href="http://compfight.com">Compfight</a> <a href="https://www.flickr.com/help/general/#147">cc</a>

        If you’ve had a former partner cheat on you, it’s natural that you will avoid that terrible feeling again. Hopefully, you have chosen a partner that is worthy of your trust. Paranoia feels terrible and it makes you do unattractive things that are going to make you feel worse, which (of course) allows the cycle to continue.

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        Warning! Neediness, checking their phone or email, and other clingy behaviors will destroy your new relationship very quickly. You’ll feel terrible about yourself and the downward spiral will leave you disliking yourself. Be realistic about your suspicions for someone else and either give them the benefit of the doubt or graciously end the relationship.

        4. You Throw Up Walls

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          Throwing up walls is literally putting up a huge obstacle between you and your new partner. You shouldn’t hold onto secrets about your feelings or the new relationship will end up becoming stagnant. It will never go any further emotionally than the last relationship, even if the person is completely different. Don’t hold back your emotions about things. Figure out what you’re holding back from your new love so they at least have a chance. Together you have the opportunity to get through it and become stronger!

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          5. You Hold Back from Commitment

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            Maybe you’re a free spirit and just love to be alone and a person of the world. That’s great! For those of you that don’t want to commit because you’re afraid, not so great. To avoid something like being in love because you’re afraid prevents you from living a full life.

            Don’t allow your past relationships to rob you of the amazing feeling of love that is possible. Take the leap of faith if you want to feel and give love instead of holding yourself back.

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            Loraine Couturier

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            Last Updated on October 17, 2019

            How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

            How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

            You see your partner every single day. They are the first person you talk to in the morning and the last person you kiss goodnight.

            But does seeing each other day in and day out equal a healthy relationship? Not necessarily.

            Spending quality time with your partner is the best way to ensure your relationship stays healthy and strong. This means going above and beyond sitting together while you watch Netflix or going out for the occasional dinner. You deserve more from your relationship – and so does your spouse!

            What does quality time mean? It means spending time with your spouse without interruption. It’s a chance for you to come together and talk. Communication will build emotional intimacy and trust.

            Quality time is also about expressing love in a physical way. Not sex, necessarily (but that’s great, too!) but through hand-holding, cuddling, caressing, and tickling. Studies show that these displays of affection will boost partner satisfaction.[1]

            So how do you spend quality time with your partner? Here are 13 relationship tips on making the most out of your time with your partner.

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            1. Recognize the Signs

            If you want a healthy relationship, you have to learn how to recognize the signs that you need to spend more quality time together.

            Some telltale signs include:

            • You’re always on your phones.
            • You value friendships or hobbies over quality time with your spouse.
            • You aren’t together during important events.
            • You are arguing more often or lack connection.
            • You don’t make plans or date nights.
            • You’re not happy.

            If you are experiencing any of these relationship symptoms, know that quality time together can reverse the negative effects of the signs above.

            2. Try New Things Together

            Have you ever wanted to learn how to play an instrument or speak another language? How about skydive or ballroom dance?

            Instead of viewing these as solo hobbies and interests, why not involve your partner?

            Trying new activities together builds healthy relationships because it encourages spouses to rely on one another for emotional and physical support.

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            Shared hobbies also promote marital friendship, and the Journal of Happiness Studies found that marital satisfaction was twice as high for couples who viewed each other as best friends.[2]

            3. Schedule in Tech-Free Time

            Your phone is a great way to listen to music, watch videos, and keep up-to-date with friends and family. But is your phone good for your relationship?

            Many couples phone snub, or ‘phub’, one another. Studies show that phubbing can lower relationship satisfaction and increase one’s chances of depression.[3]

            Reduce those chances by removing distractions when spending quality time together and showing your partner they have your full attention.

            4. Hit the Gym as a Couple

            One way you can spend more time together as a couple is by becoming workout partners. Studies show that couples are more likely to stay with their exercise routine if they work out together.[4] Couples also work out harder than they would solo. One study found that 95 percent of couples who work out together maintained weight loss compares to the 66 percent of singles who did.[5]

            Join a gym, do at-home couples’ workouts, try couples yoga, hit the hiking trails, or get your bikes out. No matter which way you choose to exercise, these healthy activities can promote a healthy relationship.

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            5. Cook Meals Together

            Pop open a bottle of wine or put some romantic music on while you get busy – in the kitchen, of course!

            One of the best relationship tips for spending quality time together when you both have busy schedules is to cook meals together.[6]

            Spice things up and try and prepare a four-course meal or a fancy French dish together. Not only is this a fun way to spend your time together, but it also promotes teamwork.

            If all goes well, you’ll have a romantic date night meal at home that you prepared with your four hands. And if the food didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped, you are guaranteed to have a laugh and create new memories together.

            6. Have a Regular Date Night

            Couples experience a greater sense of happiness and less stress when they are spending quality time together.[7] One of the biggest relationship tips for a healthy partnership is to include a date night in your weekly routine.

            The National Marriage Project found that having a weekly date night can make your relationship seem more exciting and helps prevent relationship boredom.[8] It also lowers the probability of divorce, improves your sex life, and increases healthy communication.

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            Some great ideas for what to do on your date night include:

            • Have a movie marathon – Gather up your favorite flicks and cuddle up on the couch.
            • Play games together – Cards, board games, video games, and other creative outlets are a fun way to spend quality time together.
            • Recreate your first date – Go back to that restaurant and order the same meal you did when you first got together. You can spice up your evening by pretending you’re strangers meeting for the first time and see how sexy the night gets.
            • Plan a weekend getaway – There’s nothing better than traveling with the one you love.
            • Dinner and a movie – A classic!
            • Try a new restaurant – Make it your mission to rate and try all of the Mexican restaurants/Irish pubs/Italian trattorias in your area.
            • Have a long sex session – Intimacy promotes the release of the oxytocin hormone which is responsible for a myriad of great feelings.[9]

            Here’re even more date night ideas for your reference: 50 Unique and Really Fun Date Ideas for Couples

            Final Thoughts

            The benefits of spending quality time together are endless. Here are just some of the ways it can contribute to a healthy relationship:

            • Improves emotional and physical intimacy
            • Lowers divorce rates
            • Improves communication
            • Reduces marital boredom
            • Bonds couples closer
            • Improves friendship
            • Boosts health
            • Reduces stress

            These are all excellent reasons to start making date night a regular part of your week.

            It’s easy to have a healthy relationship when you set aside dedicated time to share with your spouse. Try new things together, make your spouse your workout buddy, and look for innovative ways to be close and connected.

            These relationship tips will bring great benefits to your marriage.

            Featured photo credit: Allen Taylor via unsplash.com

            Reference

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