I have sadly destroyed many possible partnerships by assuming they would do the same thing as my former partners did. I had to eventually learn that the new partner was an individual and not my ex. Stepping into a new relationship with old baggage actually hurts the possibility of success and happiness. Maybe you started seeing someone too quickly and didn’t give yourself enough time to heal. There is an art of letting go that needs to be processed so your new relationship has a chance.
Honoring the lessons your learned in the past relationship is a positive way you can accept whatever it was that happened. If you were disappointed because your last partner let you down, it’s important to make peace with that. If you don’t, your new relationship will be plagued with bad feelings even if your new partner does none of those things your old partner did. It’s time to cut the cord! That person can’t hurt you anymore if you don’t let them.
Don’t dwell on the past, move towards a future by enjoying the present. Don’t make up a fairy tale in your head about your new relationship. Let it unfold naturally!
1. You Compare Your Now to Yesterday
Maybe you have doubts about your new relationship or you have a hard time trusting. This is pretty natural as trust has to be earned over time in a new relationship. The damaging part is when you compare your new partner to your ex. If they like a certain kind of music that your ex liked for example, it may bring back bad memories. Your mood diminishes and you start to second guess the possibility of happiness with your new partner. Instead of comparing these small things, look at the character of your new partner. Notice the important differences and perhaps in time that song that made you sad will make you happy.
2. You Tend to Project
With your baggage from past relationships, there is likely a sense of self-doubt. Since you see the worst in yourself, you can tend to project those emotions to others. In your new relationship, you may judge your new partner harshly which may make you think they are judging you. One harmless sentence could lead you to get defensive. If you’re looking at your new partner with a lot of negativity for no real reason, you may want to look within and ask where it’s coming from. You may just be assuming something they’re not which really hurts them and also hurts you when the relationship ends.
3. You Feel Paranoid
If you’ve had a former partner cheat on you, it’s natural that you will avoid that terrible feeling again. Hopefully, you have chosen a partner that is worthy of your trust. Paranoia feels terrible and it makes you do unattractive things that are going to make you feel worse, which (of course) allows the cycle to continue.
Warning! Neediness, checking their phone or email, and other clingy behaviors will destroy your new relationship very quickly. You’ll feel terrible about yourself and the downward spiral will leave you disliking yourself. Be realistic about your suspicions for someone else and either give them the benefit of the doubt or graciously end the relationship.
4. You Throw Up Walls
Throwing up walls is literally putting up a huge obstacle between you and your new partner. You shouldn’t hold onto secrets about your feelings or the new relationship will end up becoming stagnant. It will never go any further emotionally than the last relationship, even if the person is completely different. Don’t hold back your emotions about things. Figure out what you’re holding back from your new love so they at least have a chance. Together you have the opportunity to get through it and become stronger!
5. You Hold Back from Commitment
Maybe you’re a free spirit and just love to be alone and a person of the world. That’s great! For those of you that don’t want to commit because you’re afraid, not so great. To avoid something like being in love because you’re afraid prevents you from living a full life.
Don’t allow your past relationships to rob you of the amazing feeling of love that is possible. Take the leap of faith if you want to feel and give love instead of holding yourself back.