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Signs That You’re Carrying The Old Issues Into The New Relationship

Signs That You’re Carrying The Old Issues Into The New Relationship

I have sadly destroyed many possible partnerships by assuming they would do the same thing as my former partners did. I had to eventually learn that the new partner was an individual and not my ex. Stepping into a new relationship with old baggage actually hurts the possibility of success and happiness. Maybe you started seeing someone too quickly and didn’t give yourself enough time to heal. There is an art of letting go that needs to be processed so your new relationship has a chance.

Honoring the lessons your learned in the past relationship is a positive way you can accept whatever it was that happened. If you were disappointed because your last partner let you down, it’s important to make peace with that. If you don’t, your new relationship will be plagued with bad feelings even if your new partner does none of those things your old partner did. It’s time to cut the cord! That person can’t hurt you anymore if you don’t let them.

Don’t dwell on the past, move towards a future by enjoying the present. Don’t make up a fairy tale in your head about your new relationship. Let it unfold naturally!

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1. You Compare Your Now to Yesterday

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    Maybe you have doubts about your new relationship or you have a hard time trusting. This is pretty natural as trust has to be earned over time in a new relationship. The damaging part is when you compare your new partner to your ex. If they like a certain kind of music that your ex liked for example, it may bring back bad memories. Your mood diminishes and you start to second guess the possibility of happiness with your new partner. Instead of comparing these small things, look at the character of your new partner. Notice the important differences and perhaps in time that song that made you sad will make you happy.

    2. You Tend to Project

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      With your baggage from past relationships, there is likely a sense of self-doubt. Since you see the worst in yourself, you can tend to project those emotions to others. In your new relationship, you may judge your new partner harshly which may make you think they are judging you. One harmless sentence could lead you to get defensive. If you’re looking at your new partner with a lot of negativity for no real reason, you may want to look within and ask where it’s coming from. You may just be assuming something they’re not which really hurts them and also hurts you when the relationship ends.

      3. You Feel Paranoid

      Photo Credit: <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/76305380@N07/15942005192/">Mr_RyanTackett</a> via <a href="http://compfight.com">Compfight</a> <a href="https://www.flickr.com/help/general/#147">cc</a>

        If you’ve had a former partner cheat on you, it’s natural that you will avoid that terrible feeling again. Hopefully, you have chosen a partner that is worthy of your trust. Paranoia feels terrible and it makes you do unattractive things that are going to make you feel worse, which (of course) allows the cycle to continue.

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        Warning! Neediness, checking their phone or email, and other clingy behaviors will destroy your new relationship very quickly. You’ll feel terrible about yourself and the downward spiral will leave you disliking yourself. Be realistic about your suspicions for someone else and either give them the benefit of the doubt or graciously end the relationship.

        4. You Throw Up Walls

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          Throwing up walls is literally putting up a huge obstacle between you and your new partner. You shouldn’t hold onto secrets about your feelings or the new relationship will end up becoming stagnant. It will never go any further emotionally than the last relationship, even if the person is completely different. Don’t hold back your emotions about things. Figure out what you’re holding back from your new love so they at least have a chance. Together you have the opportunity to get through it and become stronger!

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          5. You Hold Back from Commitment

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            Maybe you’re a free spirit and just love to be alone and a person of the world. That’s great! For those of you that don’t want to commit because you’re afraid, not so great. To avoid something like being in love because you’re afraid prevents you from living a full life.

            Don’t allow your past relationships to rob you of the amazing feeling of love that is possible. Take the leap of faith if you want to feel and give love instead of holding yourself back.

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            Loraine Couturier

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            Last Updated on August 16, 2018

            10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

            10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

            The ability to take risks by stepping outside your comfort zone is the primary way by which we grow. But we are often afraid to take that first step.

            In truth, comfort zones are not really about comfort, they are about fear. Break the chains of fear to get outside. Once you do, you will learn to enjoy the process of taking risks and growing in the process.

            Here are 10 ways to help you step out of your comfort zone and get closer to success:

            1. Become aware of what’s outside of your comfort zone

            What are the things that you believe are worth doing but are afraid of doing yourself because of the potential for disappointment or failure?

            Draw a circle and write those things down outside the circle. This process will not only allow you to clearly identify your discomforts, but your comforts. Write identified comforts inside the circle.

            2. Become clear about what you are aiming to overcome

            Take the list of discomforts and go deeper. Remember, the primary emotion you are trying to overcome is fear.

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            How does this fear apply uniquely to each situation? Be very specific.

            Are you afraid of walking up to people and introducing yourself in social situations? Why? Is it because you are insecure about the sound of your voice? Are you insecure about your looks?

            Or, are you afraid of being ignored?

            3. Get comfortable with discomfort

            One way to get outside of your comfort zone is to literally expand it. Make it a goal to avoid running away from discomfort.

            Let’s stay with the theme of meeting people in social settings. If you start feeling a little panicked when talking to someone you’ve just met, try to stay with it a little longer than you normally would before retreating to comfort. If you stay long enough and practice often enough, it will start to become less uncomfortable.

            4. See failure as a teacher

            Many of us are so afraid of failure that we would rather do nothing than take a shot at our dreams.

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            Begin to treat failure as a teacher. What did you learn from the experience? How can you take that lesson to your next adventure to increase your chance of success?

            Many highly successful people failed plenty of times before they succeeded. Here’re some examples:

            10 Famous Failures to Success Stories That Will Inspire You to Carry On

            5. Take baby steps

            Don’t try to jump outside your comfort zone, you will likely become overwhelmed and jump right back in.

            Take small steps toward the fear you are trying to overcome. If you want to do public speaking, start by taking every opportunity to speak to small groups of people. You can even practice with family and friends.

            Take a look at this article on how you can start taking baby steps:

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            The Number One Secret to Life Success: Baby Steps

            6. Hang out with risk takers

            There is no substitute for this step. If you want to become better at something, you must start hanging out with the people who are doing what you want to do and start emulating them. (Here’re 8 Reasons Why Risk Takers Are More Likely To Be Successful).

            Almost inevitably, their influence will start have an effect on your behavior.

            7. Be honest with yourself when you are trying to make excuses

            Don’t say “Oh, I just don’t have the time for this right now.” Instead, be honest and say “I am afraid to do this.”

            Don’t make excuses, just be honest. You will be in a better place to confront what is truly bothering you and increase your chance of moving forward.

            8. Identify how stepping out will benefit you

            What will the ability to engage in public speaking do for your personal and professional growth? Keep these potential benefits in mind as motivations to push through fear.

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            9. Don’t take yourself too seriously

            Learn to laugh at yourself when you make mistakes. Risk taking will inevitably involve failure and setbacks that will sometimes make you look foolish to others. Be happy to roll with the punches when others poke fun.

            If you aren’t convinced yet, check out these 6 Reasons Not to Take Life So Seriously.

            10. Focus on the fun

            Enjoy the process of stepping outside your safe boundaries. Enjoy the fun of discovering things about yourself that you may not have been aware of previously.

            Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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