Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. This popular saying goes back to Roman times. Mars represented the god of war; Venus the god of love. It was a statement to reflect the different gender identities in society.
Though men and women are not from separate planets, it can feel like it when it comes to communicating. If you can understand these biological differences, then you will be able to better communicate with the opposite sex.
Women are far better communicators than men
Women excel in verbal and nonverbal communication. The average woman speaks three times as much as a man. There is a “language protein” found in women that is not present in men which helps them start off with better social and communication skills. Years of communicating and an effective language gene allow women to be effective communicators.
This is the reason women have the innate ability to send men metamessages. Women send indirect messages with the expectation that men will decode them. Men often miss these hidden messages because men are not on the same communication level as women.
So when men need to communicate with a woman, they need to watch her body language, listen to the tone of her voice, and, for the most part, ignore her words. She is sending you a codex seraphinianus. Pay attention or you might miss the meaning.
Women, when communicating with men, need to be specific about what they want or need. Men are not able to pick-up on the frustration in a woman’s voice when they say things are “fine”.
Men speak to the point; women include every detail
Men do not enjoy small talk. They want to get to the facts and straight to the point. When they communicate, feelings are removed because they are seen as irrelevant. Women enjoy small talk and include every last detail of the story because they think it is all relevant.
This difference in thinking is caused by the way our brains are wired. Men have a majority of brain connections within a single hemisphere. Women have the most connections between hemispheres. This allows women to recall and remember every detail from the story, including the emotions.
When communicating with women, men should understand that women think every part of their story is important. Even if you disagree. Learn to communicate and tell a story that includes more than the facts. She will appreciate you for it.
When communicating with men, women should try to cut out the fluff that men think is irrelevant. Get to the point of the story quicker.
Men communicate to dominate; women communicate to connect
Humans are one of the only species to have a paradox where they pair up, and yet desire polygamy. History and evolution has caused males to compete for mates. When life was a constant challenge, men tried to produce as many offspring as possible for survival.
Men would compete for women. A woman’s ability to produce more kids would not change. She is limited by the gestation and recovery period. As a result, men tend to communicate to dominate. They have learned through years of evolution that they will need to dominate for survival. This might be the reason men form shallow connections with multiple women.
Women could not have as many partners as men, so they tend to form a deeper connection. This might be the reason women communicate in an effort to connect. They want to talk about their feelings and emotions.
Men need to work on connecting with women through communication. Do not make it about impressing her. Women can talk to men in a more dominant form without men feeling threatened.
Featured photo credit: Couple/mrhayata via flickr.com