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5 Stages Every Pair Of Best Friends Endures

5 Stages Every Pair Of Best Friends Endures

Where would we be without friendship? Being socially and emotionally connected to other people is part of what gives us purpose in life. The development of a very close friendship, one where we become best friends, is a process. One in which both parties experience a journey of discovery. While the events that unfold over this period will be different for each friendship the steps we go through are the same.

Finding a new bestie is an exciting experience, one where we learn as much about ourselves as we do our new friend. To preserve ourselves, we remember previous friendships and shape our behavior to avoid mistakes we’ve made before.

Some of us are conservative because we’ve been let down in the past but for a true friendship to thrive we must let go at some point and just be ourselves. These are the steps we take in building a beautiful best friendship

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1. “Getting To Know You” Stage

When potential best friends first meet there is no rule book to say that they will immediately hit it off. In fact, I know best friends who were bitter rivals before they ever became comrades. Initially we need to take the time to get to know each other. Then, there is a chance those misguided first impressions will be replaced with a more realistic opinion.

At this point in the friendship we aren’t so comfortable with each other that we just turn up at each other’s homes without warning – we text or call in advance – and we quite possibly bring a little gift with us . But we are learning more about each other and discovering that we actually have quite a lot in common. We initiate outings or friendship dates and talk for hours about things like our families, work, your neighbor arguing at three in the morning – everyday stuff.

2. “Building Trust” Stage

This stage is crucial if this person is to ever become your best friend. This is the time during which we open up about the things in our lives which are most personal to us. The high school secrets we prefer to forget, the affair we had last year, the reason why we got kicked out of college. Everyone’s got their secrets and to make it to the best friend category you will find yourself wanting share, share, share. (On the other hand, you also should be listening).

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Of course, as we pour our hearts out, we open up old wounds leaving ourselves at the mercy of our new best friend to console us. If we do a good job of consoling each other during this outpouring, we are on the way to sealing the deal on our friendship. Now, we have qualified as best buddy ever.

3. “The Adventure” Stage

Now that we are super close, it’s okay to turn up unannounced. Hell, we practically live together at this stage.

This is a time for fun and adventure. Best friends going through the adventure stage like to go out together all the time – often to the detriment of their romantic relationships. They go to dinner, the park, each other’s families, holidaying in Europe, lets not forget shopping – you name it, they’ve been there and they have the photos to prove it.

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There is a great bond between the best friends now as they know each other very well and they’re making memories together everyday. They have learned to trust each other. They feel a sense of loyalty for each other and they know they have a shoulder to cry on when they need one. These are the qualities of a close friendship – one that can last the distance… or does it?

4. “The Breakdown” Stage

It has to happen eventually- someone slips up and lets the cat out of the bag on a secret – or maybe someone leaves the other in a club to find their own way home. Either way, every friendship is tested eventually when someone messes up and does something to hurt the feelings of another.

We are all human after all and sometimes we make mistakes, but when you have been let down by someone you thought you could trust, it can take some time to forgive.

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This is where the friendship is truly tested – where both parties, given the time to reflect must decide whether or not they value the other person enough to try again. No doubt the offender will feel terrible and will be trying desperately to get through to the injured party. Copious amounts of texting and calling will take place until eventually the victim will soften and open discussions.

5. “The Make-Up” Stage

Before making up there must first be a re-hashing of events. This could get messy for the less mature amongst us, in some cases you may need to expect tears and tantrums. But for the more mature duo ,this will involve some over and back of “I felt hurt when you laughed at my chubby ankles, I told you I didn’t like my ankles” followed by “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, you can laugh at my big toes if you want”.

Good communication is key here, talking and listening to each other – that way we reach a conclusion fast and can get back to being best friends again just like before. On making up, the friendship is even closer than before. We come away with a more realistic perspective on the relationship. Things may cool down a little before balance is restored finally.

Steps 4 and 5 may be repeated again throughout the lifetime of any friendship. Friendships are tested over and over because without intending to we are all capable of hurting each other. Only true best friends manage to go the distance despite this.

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Last Updated on April 14, 2021

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

Expressing Anger

Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

Being Passive-Aggressive

This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

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Poorly-Timed

Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

Ongoing Anger

Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

Healthy Ways to Express Anger

What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

Being Honest

Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

Being Direct

Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

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Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

Being Timely

When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

How to Deal With Anger

If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

1. Slow Down

From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

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When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

2. Focus on the “I”

Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

3. Work out

When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

If you’re not sure where to start with an exercise routine, check out Lifehack’s free Simple Cardio Home Workout Plan.

4. Seek Help When Needed

There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

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5. Practice Relaxation

We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

6. Laugh

Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

7. Be Grateful

It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

Final Thoughts

Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

More Resources on Anger Management

Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

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