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I Don’t Want To Get Drunk On Jealousy But I Am So Scared To Lose You.

I Don’t Want To Get Drunk On Jealousy But I Am So Scared To Lose You.

Having severe insecurity is a hardship for those who feel that way. But for those who love an insecure person, it can be confusing and difficult trying to help. If you keep these few things in mind, it is guaranteed to help the person you love through their hard days and their insecurity.

1. We aren’t trying to drive you crazy

There will be days when we’ve asked you a million times if we just said or did something embarrassing, if our outfit looks bad, or if we look fat. We promise it is not to drive you crazy. How nervous we are about how we appear to others has a lot to do with how insecure we are feeling for the day. If we ask you a million times how we look or if we did something embarrassing, it’s not to drive you crazy- it’s because we’re scared we’re not living up to what we want to be. So go along with us when we need it- it’ll help us both.

2. We don’t mean to feel jealous

We love you very much, you need to know that. The days where we feel jealous or worried that you’re not interested in us anymore- it doesn’t have to do with you. It has everything to do with our own insecurity. It’s us feeling worried that we’re not good enough for you and that one day you will figure that out and shatter our hearts. We don’t want to be crazy with jealousy, but we are so scared to lose you.

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3. You make us feel comfortable when you’re near us

Around you, we are our most comfortable. On the good days, we know that we have someone in our lives that we can be ourselves around. Someone that we can let out our loudest laugh with or wear our worst sweatshirt. Please remember how special and important that is to us- there’s not that many people in the world who can take away our insecurity.

4. Some days we just feel down

There will be days when our insecurity is just too much and we’re feeling down. On these days be sensitive to our bad day. We may need an extra hug, compliment, alone time, or all of the above. Remember that it’s okay for us to have a bad day, be there for us and let us know we are loved.

5. It’s not your fault

With insecurity usually comes sensitivity. We can’t help being sensitive any more than you can help saying one little wrong thing. Deep down we know it’s not your fault that you mentioned that the dress we’re wearing doesn’t make us look very good even though we thought it looked great. You weren’t trying to but it still hurt our feelings. Just know that our insecurity is NOT your fault. You did nothing to cause us to feel this way, it’s just who we are.

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6. Sex isn’t as simple as it seems

For you it may be as simple as turning out the lights, dropping the clothes and having a little fun under the sheets. For us, it’s so much more than that. Not only are we worried about every aspect of our body, but we also have major insecurity about if we’re doing everything right. Sometimes we get so far into our own head in worry that sex is no longer fun, but stressful. Remember to be extra tender when the lights go out, and let us feel how loved we are.

7. We think you see every single flaw

We would give pretty much anything to see ourselves the way you see us. But we can’t. All we can do is see ourselves through our own eyes. And through our own eyes all of our insecurities come out and we see every single flaw. But the worst feeling is we think you see every single flaw as well. Every wrinkle, blemish, and extra pound we gain. Show us you think we’re attractive and we’ll open up so much more.

8. A new outfit can change a night

When we’re headed for a night out- we absolutely don’t mean to make you late when we can’t find anything to wear and we aren’t trying to be a pain. But we genuinely don’t feel comfortable in anything we’re wearing. There’s nothing worse for a person who has insecurities than to feel like they don’t look good. So give us a few minutes in a department store to shop around and find something we’re comfortable in, it could change the entire night.

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9. Only give compliments when you mean it

We know the difference between a true compliment and a false one simply intended to make us feel better. We have enough insecurity, so please only give us the true ones. It’ll only make us worry more if we’re wondering why you’re trying so hard to make us feel good.

10. Love us extra hard because sometimes we forget to love ourselves

We see all of our flaws, we remember every embarrassing thing we’ve ever done, and we let all of our insecurity get the best of us. When all of this piles up, sometimes we forget to love ourselves. So give us extra love, hugs, and kisses. Stand by us on our toughest days and we’ll continue to love you fiercely.

Loving a person with such major insecurity issues is a challenge, but being a person with high insecurity is a challenge as well. The most important thing to remember is to keep loving us, and we’ll give you everything we have.

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Featured photo credit: coloredgrey via flickr.com

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Last Updated on September 30, 2020

How to Live a Stress Free Life in a Way Most People Don’t

How to Live a Stress Free Life in a Way Most People Don’t

Learning how to live a stress free life may seem impossible, but the truth is that there are specific things you can do to begin eliminating sources of stress.

No, it doesn’t look like a made-for-television movie. No, it doesn’t look like something only people with extra time and money can do. It looks like your life—but without any self-created stress triggers.

Here are 11 ways to help you live a stress-free life:

1. Stop Overanalyzing Situations That Haven’t Happened

The first step to living a stress-free life is to stop overanalyzing imaginary scenarios. It’s easy to spend time in the world of worst-case scenarios. People tend to cultivate this world for one of two reasons.

First, because if you know what the worst-case scenario is, then it won’t surprise you when it happens. Second, if you know what the worst-case scenario is, then you can do everything in your power to control the universe so the worst case never happens.

If that’s really the world you want to cultivate, then become a professional risk assessor. If not, then ask yourself how you are benefiting from continuing to live that way.

Does it make you feel better about yourself and your life? Does it make you want to leap out of bed in the morning, eager to embrace the worst-case scenario? Does it bring you joy or fulfillment?

If your answer to these three questions is no, then stop living in the future and bring yourself back into the present.

2. Don’t Take on Other People’s Problems

The whole advantage of other people having problems is that they aren’t your problems. When you frequently take on other people’s problems, you get into the habit of enabling.

Let’s get crystal clear about the definition of enabling: enabling is the art of continuing to take responsibility for other people, thereby disallowing their personal responsibility[1].

It is of no service to other people to take on their problems because they can’t/won’t/don’t know how to fix the problem.

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It is of service to empower others to take responsibility for themselves and their lives, to encourage, teach, and motivate others to address their own problems. So stop enabling, and start empowering.

3. Get Present in the Moment

Being present in the moment involves being in your body and feeling your feelings—two things that lots of folks actually don’t know how to do.

Ask yourself these two questions: What does fear feel like in your body? What are you afraid of?

If you don’t know the answer to these questions, you probably aren’t present in the moment. Being present involves vulnerability, humility, and openness[2].

How to live a stress free life by being present

    The past and the future stop being so relevant and intriguing when you’re able to get in your body and feel your feelings. When you can do these two things, you actually want to be in the present moment.

    To get started, close your eyes, focus on your breathing, and watch your stress levels drop. Then, try these tips: How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying.

    4. Focus on What You Have, Not What You Don’t

    The easiest way to stop focusing on what you don’t have is by not watching TV commercials. Marketing teaches us to focus on what we don’t have, and advertising campaigns spend millions of dollars convincing us that we must have what we don’t yet have.

    Can you think of a marketing campaign that teaches you to enjoy what you already have without buying something to enhance it? Odds are you can’t.

    In a world dictated by Super Bowl commercials and Facebook ads, it takes stalwart focus to recognize what you have more than what you don’t. If you want a stress-free life now, get stalwart, and stop letting other people dictate your focus.

    In order to do this, try cultivating a gratitude practice to help refocus your mind toward what is good in your life. You can get started with this guide.

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    5. Stop Surrounding Yourself With People Who Don’t Make You Happy

    Honestly, what kind of people do you really like to be around with? People who get you, who see you clearly, who accept your flaws and all; people you can be yourself with; people who have shared interests?

    How many of those people are in your life? What characteristics do all of the other people in your life have?

    If you find that the people in your life aren’t adding anything positive, it may be time to make some changes. If you find that other relationships you have are downright toxic, start working to cut out those relationships immediately.

    6. Find a Job That Makes You Feel Good

    You don’t have to stay at a job just because it pays the bills. Most people spend more time working than sleeping. The average person spends 40 to 80 hours a week—or 2,000 to 4,000 hours a year—working. That is a significant investment!

    If your best friend or child told you that they were going to spend 4,000 hours giving their emotional, mental, and physical energy to something (or someone) that wasn’t going to value them, give anything back to them, or pay them what they were worth, what advice would you offer? Give that same advice to yourself. You won’t be stress-free unless you don’t learn this[3].

    Here’re 11 Signs That You Should Leave Your Job.

    7. Only Take on What You Can Handle

    Busyness is an addiction. Slowing down can actually be terrifying because it causes you to notice that you have feelings that you now have time to feel.

    I get it.

    By the time I slowed down, I had decades of busyness under my belt. I went into a tailspin depression because I didn’t understand how to be in the right relationship with my own emotions.

    When I finally figured out that feelings are just feelings and allowing them to express themselves is healthy and natural, I stopped experiencing withdrawal from my addiction to busyness and started figuring out the pace of life that felt best for me.

    Remarkably, I discovered that I don’t actually like being busy. What will you discover about yourself?

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    8. Let Go of Grudges and Anger

    For me, it took 20 years of adulthood to figure out that holding on to grudges and anger only hurt me. Lucky for you, though, you can benefit vicariously from my experience just by reading one short paragraph!

    No one is holding your feet to the fire, demanding that you hold on to grudges and anger. The energy of anger slowly eats away at your body, mind, and spirit, until one day you wake up more resentful than optimistic.

    One day, people no longer want to be around you because the stink of negativity is oozing out of your pores. One day, you even get tired of hearing yourself get angry. And the person or people you are angry at or holding grudges against probably haven’t been affected at all.

    Who gets hurt the most in that process of repeating negative thoughts? You do.

    Some good advice for you here: How to Let Go of Resentment and Anger

    9. Stop Reliving Your Past

    To live a stress-free life, you have to stop reliving your past. I know it seems like fun to compare everything in your present to your past, and to experience the present through past-colored glasses, but it actually isn’t.

    When you wear past-colored glasses, you can’t truly experience the present for what it is. Your boyfriend or girlfriend gets compared to a list of expectations and failed relationships rather than recognized for the unique blessing they are in your life.

    Your boss gets compared to all the bosses who came before her/him. Your friends’ ability to parent gets compared to your parents’ ability to parent.

    People, including you, deserve to stand on their own past-free merit.

    10. Don’t Complain About Things You Can’t Change

    There are always going to be people elected into office whom you don’t like, taxes that you don’t want to pay, idiot drivers who refuse to move out of the left-hand lane, and a person ahead of you in the check-out line who won’t stop chatting with the clerk.

    The great benefit of being human is that we get to experience all of what life offers us. To live stress-free is to learn to deal with this fact.

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    Dwelling on your frustration with something that can’t be changed doesn’t do anything other than drag you down. You are the only person who will ultimately decide how to respond to what is.

    11. Stop Living Through Other People’s Lives

    Someone else’s life is not your life. Your life is your life.

    What that means is you get to live your life in the way you want. You get to make ridiculous mistakes, take leaps of faith, and stuff things inside your handbag of fear just as much as the next person.

    Going through stuff is the whole great messy adventure of being human! Being alive and living life is terrifying and glorious and everything in between.

    Stop living through social media, trying to soak in all of the experiences everyone else is having. Focus, instead, on what it feels like to be you in this moment. You may find you like it.

    Final Thoughts

    An astounding thing happens when you reduce stress and anxiety, get into a relationship with your body, mind, and spirit, and just be yourself without judgment.

    Your life literally slows down. You stop wishing for the weekend. You begin to live in each moment, and you start feeling like a human being. You just ride the wave that is life, with this feeling of contentment and joy.

    You move fluidly, steadily, calmly, and gratefully. A veil is lifted, and a whole new perspective is born through improved mental health. And this is how you live a stress-free life.

    More Tips on How to Live a Stress-Free Life

    Featured photo credit: Drew Coffman via unsplash.com

    Reference

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