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I Don’t Want To Get Drunk On Jealousy But I Am So Scared To Lose You.

I Don’t Want To Get Drunk On Jealousy But I Am So Scared To Lose You.

Having severe insecurity is a hardship for those who feel that way. But for those who love an insecure person, it can be confusing and difficult trying to help. If you keep these few things in mind, it is guaranteed to help the person you love through their hard days and their insecurity.

1. We aren’t trying to drive you crazy

There will be days when we’ve asked you a million times if we just said or did something embarrassing, if our outfit looks bad, or if we look fat. We promise it is not to drive you crazy. How nervous we are about how we appear to others has a lot to do with how insecure we are feeling for the day. If we ask you a million times how we look or if we did something embarrassing, it’s not to drive you crazy- it’s because we’re scared we’re not living up to what we want to be. So go along with us when we need it- it’ll help us both.

2. We don’t mean to feel jealous

We love you very much, you need to know that. The days where we feel jealous or worried that you’re not interested in us anymore- it doesn’t have to do with you. It has everything to do with our own insecurity. It’s us feeling worried that we’re not good enough for you and that one day you will figure that out and shatter our hearts. We don’t want to be crazy with jealousy, but we are so scared to lose you.

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3. You make us feel comfortable when you’re near us

Around you, we are our most comfortable. On the good days, we know that we have someone in our lives that we can be ourselves around. Someone that we can let out our loudest laugh with or wear our worst sweatshirt. Please remember how special and important that is to us- there’s not that many people in the world who can take away our insecurity.

4. Some days we just feel down

There will be days when our insecurity is just too much and we’re feeling down. On these days be sensitive to our bad day. We may need an extra hug, compliment, alone time, or all of the above. Remember that it’s okay for us to have a bad day, be there for us and let us know we are loved.

5. It’s not your fault

With insecurity usually comes sensitivity. We can’t help being sensitive any more than you can help saying one little wrong thing. Deep down we know it’s not your fault that you mentioned that the dress we’re wearing doesn’t make us look very good even though we thought it looked great. You weren’t trying to but it still hurt our feelings. Just know that our insecurity is NOT your fault. You did nothing to cause us to feel this way, it’s just who we are.

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6. Sex isn’t as simple as it seems

For you it may be as simple as turning out the lights, dropping the clothes and having a little fun under the sheets. For us, it’s so much more than that. Not only are we worried about every aspect of our body, but we also have major insecurity about if we’re doing everything right. Sometimes we get so far into our own head in worry that sex is no longer fun, but stressful. Remember to be extra tender when the lights go out, and let us feel how loved we are.

7. We think you see every single flaw

We would give pretty much anything to see ourselves the way you see us. But we can’t. All we can do is see ourselves through our own eyes. And through our own eyes all of our insecurities come out and we see every single flaw. But the worst feeling is we think you see every single flaw as well. Every wrinkle, blemish, and extra pound we gain. Show us you think we’re attractive and we’ll open up so much more.

8. A new outfit can change a night

When we’re headed for a night out- we absolutely don’t mean to make you late when we can’t find anything to wear and we aren’t trying to be a pain. But we genuinely don’t feel comfortable in anything we’re wearing. There’s nothing worse for a person who has insecurities than to feel like they don’t look good. So give us a few minutes in a department store to shop around and find something we’re comfortable in, it could change the entire night.

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9. Only give compliments when you mean it

We know the difference between a true compliment and a false one simply intended to make us feel better. We have enough insecurity, so please only give us the true ones. It’ll only make us worry more if we’re wondering why you’re trying so hard to make us feel good.

10. Love us extra hard because sometimes we forget to love ourselves

We see all of our flaws, we remember every embarrassing thing we’ve ever done, and we let all of our insecurity get the best of us. When all of this piles up, sometimes we forget to love ourselves. So give us extra love, hugs, and kisses. Stand by us on our toughest days and we’ll continue to love you fiercely.

Loving a person with such major insecurity issues is a challenge, but being a person with high insecurity is a challenge as well. The most important thing to remember is to keep loving us, and we’ll give you everything we have.

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Featured photo credit: coloredgrey via flickr.com

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Last Updated on December 3, 2019

10 Life Lessons You’d Better Learn Early on in Life

10 Life Lessons You’d Better Learn Early on in Life

There are so many lessons I wish I had learned while I was young enough to appreciate and apply them. The thing with wisdom, and often with life lessons in general, is that they’re learned in retrospect, long after we needed them. The good news is that other people can benefit from our experiences and the lessons we’ve learned.

Here’re 10 important life lessons you should learn early on:

1. Money Will Never Solve Your Real Problems

Money is a tool; a commodity that buys you necessities and some nice “wants,” but it is not the panacea to your problems.

There are a great many people who are living on very little, yet have wonderfully full and happy lives… and there are sadly a great many people are living on quite a lot, yet have terribly miserable lives.

Money can buy a nice home, a great car, fabulous shoes, even a bit of security and some creature comforts, but it cannot fix a broken relationship, or cure loneliness, and the “happiness” it brings is only fleeting and not the kind that really and truly matters. Happiness is not for sale. If you’re expecting the “stuff” you can buy to “make it better,” you will never be happy.

2. Pace Yourself

Often when we’re young, just beginning our adult journey we feel as though we have to do everything at once. We need to decide everything, plan out our lives, experience everything, get to the top, find true love, figure out our life’s purpose, and do it all at the same time.

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Slow down—don’t rush into things. Let your life unfold. Wait a bit to see where it takes you, and take time to weigh your options. Enjoy every bite of food, take time to look around you, let the other person finish their side of the conversation. Allow yourself time to think, to mull a bit.

Taking action is critical. Working towards your goals and making plans for the future is commendable and often very useful, but rushing full-speed ahead towards anything is a one-way ticket to burnout and a good way to miss your life as it passes you by.

3. You Can’t Please Everyone

“I don’t know the secret to success, but the secret to failure is trying to please everyone” – Bill Cosby.

You don’t need everyone to agree with you or even like you. It’s human nature to want to belong, to be liked, respected and valued, but not at the expense of your integrity and happiness. Other people cannot give you the validation you seek. That has to come from inside.

Speak up, stick to your guns, assert yourself when you need to, demand respect, stay true to your values.

4. Your Health Is Your Most Valuable Asset

Health is an invaluable treasure—always appreciate, nurture, and protect it. Good health is often wasted on the young before they have a chance to appreciate it for what it’s worth.

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We tend to take our good health for granted, because it’s just there. We don’t have to worry about it, so we don’t really pay attention to it… until we have to.

Heart disease, bone density, stroke, many cancers—the list of many largely preventable diseases is long, so take care of your health now, or you’ll regret it later on.

5. You Don’t Always Get What You Want

“Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.” – John Lennon

No matter how carefully you plan and how hard you work, sometimes things just don’t work out the way you want them to… and that’s okay.

We have all of these expectations; predetermined visions of what our “ideal” life will look like, but all too often, that’s not the reality of the life we end up with. Sometimes our dreams fail and sometimes we just change our minds mid-course. Sometimes we have to flop to find the right course and sometimes we just have to try a few things before we find the right direction.

6. It’s Not All About You

You are not the epicenter of the universe. It’s very difficult to view the world from a perspective outside of your own, since we are always so focused on what’s happening in our own lives. What do I have to do today? What will this mean for me, for my career, for my life? What do I want?

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It’s normal to be intensely aware of everything that’s going on in your own life, but you need to pay as much attention to what’s happening around you, and how things affect other people in the world as you do to your own life. It helps to keep things in perspective.

7. There’s No Shame in Not Knowing

No one has it all figured out. Nobody has all the answers. There’s no shame in saying “I don’t know.” Pretending to be perfect doesn’t make you perfect. It just makes you neurotic to keep up the pretense of manufactured perfection.

We have this idea that there is some kind of stigma or shame in admitting our limitations or uncertainly, but we can’t possibly know everything. We all make mistakes and mess up occasionally. We learn as we go, that’s life.

Besides—nobody likes a know-it-all. A little vulnerability makes you human and oh so much more relatable.

8. Love Is More Than a Feeling; It’s a Choice

That burst of initial exhilaration, pulse quickening love and passion does not last long. But that doesn’t mean long-lasting love is not possible.

Love is not just a feeling; it’s a choice that you make every day. We have to choose to let annoyances pass, to forgive, to be kind, to respect, to support, to be faithful.

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Relationships take work. Sometimes it’s easy and sometimes it’s incredibly hard. It is up to us to choose how we want to act, think and speak in a relationship.

9. Perspective Is a Beautiful Thing

Typically, when we’re worried or upset, it’s because we’ve lost perspective. Everything that is happening in our lives seems so big, so important, so do or die, but in the grand picture, this single hiccup often means next to nothing.

The fight we’re having, the job we didn’t get, the real or imagined slight, the unexpected need to shift course, the thing we wanted, but didn’t get. Most of it won’t matter 20, 30, 40 years from now. It’s hard to see long term when all you know is short term, but unless it’s life-threatening, let it go, and move on.

10. Don’t Take Anything for Granted

We often don’t appreciate what we have until it’s gone: that includes your health, your family and friends, your job, the money you have or think you will have tomorrow.

When you’re young, it seems that your parents will always be there, but they won’t. You think you have plenty of time to get back in touch with your old friends or spend time with new ones, but you don’t. You have the money to spend, or you think you’ll have it next month, but you might not.

Nothing in your life is not guaranteed to be there tomorrow, including those you love.

This is a hard life lesson to learn, but it may be the most important of all: Life can change in an instant. Make sure you appreciate what you have, while you still have it.

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Featured photo credit: Ben Eaton via unsplash.com

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