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4 Books Introverts Wish You Would Read

4 Books Introverts Wish You Would Read

The latest estimates put the number of people who identify as “introverts” at 50%. That’s an increase of nearly 30% from a few decades ago. Could it be that the instance of the introverted personality trait is increasing as time goes on? Perhaps more and more people are gaining an understanding of the introverted personality trait and are identifying those aspects in themselves. Whatever the reason, books about introverts, extroverts, and the struggles between them keep coming.  Here are four books that take the reader inside the mysterious minds of those who identify as “introverts” and what it’s like to live in their worlds. You may find a little (or a lot) of yourself in these writings…

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    1. Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, by Susan Cain

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      Perhaps THE book that inspired the current love affair with all things introverted, Susan Cain brings us the vanguard writing on introverts and how they manage in a world where extroversion seems to lead the way while introversion is often viewed as something that needs to be fixed.

      Cain begins with a short history lesson recounting the U.S.’s culture shift away from the building of character and toward the “cult of personality” when we started to see extroversion as the gateway to personal and professional success. From there she moves on to extol the virtues of the introverted mindset and ends with a call to action for society in general to rethink its views of introversion in all aspects of life from how we educate our children to how we lead our organizations. The success of the book has spawned an ever-growing online community of introverts who connect on Facebook and through Cain’s website Quiet Revolution.

      2. The Genius of Opposites: How Introverts and Extroverts Achieve Extraordinary Results Together, by Jennifer B. Kahnweiller, PhD

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      O Ginásio do Pacaembu recebeu, neste sábado (02/04), a 26ª edição do Jungle Fight Championship - by Pretorian, o maior evento de MMA da América Latina.

        Can introverts and extroverts work together successfully? According to Kahnweiler, the answer is a resounding yes, with exponential results. However the path to success can be fraught with opportunities for these tenuous relationships between opposites to break down. Kahnweiller discusses well-known opposite duos that have made it work, as well as some who failed, and she provides a 5-step process she believes will set these pairs up for success.

        3. The Introvert’s Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World, by Sophia Dembling

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          With chapter titles like “Quiet Riot” and “Hell is a Cocktail Party,” The Introvert’s Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World could be taken as the heavy metal version of Cain’s Quiet…. Irreverent and un-apologetic, this book further illustrates the misconceptions and deep-seated biases introverts and extroverts have toward each other; and offers a “safe space” for the introverted among us to flip society the *quiet* bird for trying to change who we are.

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          4. The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You, by Elaine N. Aron, PhD

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            Let’s get it out of the way right off the bat… all introverts are not highly sensitive and all highly sensitive people are not introverts. The terms are not interchangeable. However, evidence suggests that people who fall into the introverted category also have a higher incidence of what Elaine Aron terms “high sensitivity.” According to Aron a “highly sensitive person” is someone who may be easily overwhelmed by external stimuli like the light and sound one may encounter at a large gathering. The “high sensitive” may need to remove him- or herself from these types of situations in order to re-group and recharge. High sensitives may display more empathy, feel more deeply, and in general be more reflective than the less sensitive among us – traits also commonly attributed to introverts. It shouldn’t come as a surprise, then, that Aron characterizes Carl Jung as a high sensitive (1996).

            Backlash against the “new” love affair with introversion

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            Maybe it’s that introverts are getting all the attention or that they no longer feel they need to apologize for being themselves. Or maybe it’s because this country loves an underdog…Whatever it is, these days it seems introverts get all the love while extroverts are cast as loud-mouthed jerks be-boppin’ and scattin’ their way through life with all the self-awareness of a freight train. Either way if you are an introvert, work with introverts or otherwise share your life with introverts, these books provide insights into their worlds that may help you understand them (and yourself) a little better.

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            Last Updated on February 21, 2019

            The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

            The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

            In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

            Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

            Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

            Conflicts are literally everywhere.

            Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

            Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

            Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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            Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

            Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

            Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

            The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

            Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

            Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

            How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

            Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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            Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

            Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

            How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

            Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

            Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

            Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

            How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

            Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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            Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

            Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

            How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

            Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

            Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

            Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

            How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

            Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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            Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

            Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

            How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

            Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

            Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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