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5 Phone Habits That Are Destroying Your Relationship (And How To Fix Them)

5 Phone Habits That Are Destroying Your Relationship (And How To Fix Them)

They used to say a man’s best friend is his dog. In the 21st century, it seems that the fluffy pet has been replaced by the smartphone. Everywhere you go these days, half of the population seems to be gazing, tapping, and swiping at their phones. Sometimes, this can be annoying — like those people who charge towards you on the street, heads down, thinking they can successfully walk and text at the same time.

However, when it comes to relationships, being a phone-zombie can have more serious effects. New research shows that romantic partners who devote too much attention to their phones suffer more conflict and experience lower levels of relationship satisfaction, which ultimately can lead to higher levels of depression.

A study of 453 adults from Baylor University’s Hankamer School of Business looked at the relationship effects of Pphubbing — that is, “partner” phone-snubbing. Unsurprisingly, researchers found that participants felt snubbed and ignored when their romantic partners were constantly distracted by their phones.

The study asked participants a range of questions about their partner’s phone habits including:

  • If there is a lull in our conversation, does my partner check their phone?
  • Does my partner hold their phone in their hand when they are with me?
  • Does my partner always have to have their phone in view when they are with me?
  • Does my partner glance at their cellphone when we’re talking?

Ultimately, the study found that phone snubbing had an indirect negative effect on life satisfaction and depression.

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So, is there anything you can you do about partner phone-snubbing? Well the first thing is to become more mindful. Don’t reach for your phone every time there’s a gap in conversation. But, there are also some practical tips you can apply to ensure your phone doesn’t ruin your relationship.

1. Turn off all your push notifications

Push notifications are the little symbols and icons that pop-up on your phone, even when you’re logged out. Facebook messages, email alerts, Retweets, Instagram Likes. These are all nice things to have, but do you really need to be notified instantly, every time they happen?

The ping of a new notification is often too irresistible to ignore. So, do yourself and your partner a favour: turn off all your push notifications. They’re a distraction and they can destroy intimate moments with your partner.

(Cheater’s tip: if you can’t completely do without push-notifications, at least set them to silent!)

2. Set a cut-off time for work emails and phone calls

Email was supposed to free us from the tyranny of being tied to the work desk. Instead, it has meant that we increasingly bring our work back home with us. Sure, it’s great to have instant access to the latest updates in your work inbox, but ask yourself, do you really need to check your work emails at 10 pm?

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Understandably, if you’re climbing the career ladder or trying to impress your boss, you might want to put in some extra time at home away from the office. But if you’re a 9-5-er and make a habit of reading and responding to work-related matters at home, your employer and your colleagues will eventually just get used to your 24/7 availability. Before you know it, you’ve lost all sense of work-life balance, you burn-out, and your relationship suffers.

So set yourself a cutoff, say 7 pm, as a time for clocking out of your virtual office. After that, be determined not to read any emails or answer any phone calls related to work, unless you think it’s putting your career in jeopardy.

3. Start implementing screen-free time

How many screens have you got at home? Count them: TV, computer, laptop, tablet, phone, gaming console — probably quite a few if you’re like most households. But screens weren’t designed to foster romantic relationships — apart from curling up together on the sofa for some Netflix.

Screen-time is usually about me-time, and this obviously isn’t a great thing for relationships. In an earlier era, troubled couples used to read separate newspapers in silence. These days, we often sit next our loved ones, hypnotized, not by looking into each other’s eyes, but into our iPhones.

Setting aside some dedicated time each night where both of you vow not to spend time in front of the screen (unless it’s something you do together) will create more opportunity for intimacy, conversation, and generally just being together as a couple.

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4. Keep your phone out of view

This hack is super simple and super effective — out of sight, out of mind. What better way to rid yourself of the temptation to pick up your phone at every spare minute than to move it into another room. Don’t use the bedroom for the best results, and try and keep your phone out of the living spaces, maybe in the hallway or even the kitchen.

This way, next time you’re tempted to refresh your Twitter feed, or curious to see if anyone has posted another cat video on Facebook, you’ll be actively forced to get up and fetch your phone, rather than just lazily reaching over the sofa… or your partner.

Even better, keep your phone tethered, on charge — like a dog on a leash. Don’t be tempted to unplug it until you really have to (playing Candy Crush in the bathroom doesn’t count). Soon, you’ll come to realise that life does not come to an end when you’re more than a meter away from your phone. And more importantly, your romantic partner won’t feel like they’re competing for your attention anymore.

5. Turn off your phone 30 minutes before bed

It’s becoming more acceptable to take your phone to bed these days. We kid ourselves that we’re just using it as an alarm clock, deep down we know that’s not true. We’re checking out social media, reading the news, or playing games. A recent survey found that 3% of young people actually sleep with their smartphone in their hand!

According to sleep specialists, the bedroom should be reserved for two things — sleep and sex. The bedroom should be a sanctuary for relaxation and intimacy. Bringing the phone into the bedroom is like inviting the outside world, with all its excitement and stimulation, into a space that should be tranquil, peaceful, and private.

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Another thing to bear in mind is that smartphone screens emit blue light. Recent research has shown that exposing yourself to blue light at night stops the brain from producing melatonin — the “drowsy hormone” that helps us fall asleep.

So, if you want to improve the quality of your relationship AND get better sleep at night, it’s wise to consider a total ban on phones in the bedroom. Give yourself a 30-minute gap between spending time with your phone and hitting the sack. You never know, you might enjoy it.

Featured photo credit: Canalway Cavalcade 2013 – 10/Garry Knight via flickr.com

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Last Updated on April 23, 2019

13 Ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently

13 Ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently

Let me begin by being 100% frank with you – everyone is capable of happiness.

Happiness is first a choice but it also takes persistence to maintain. Happiness is our birth right and my mission is to help as many people as I can live their happiest life.

My mission is to spread the message that everyone deserves happiness.

To live a happy life; however, you must do the work, gain the necessary knowledge, and increase your awareness.

You must fully embody this state and begin to think and feel happiness on every level of your being.

Often times, excuses present themselves and our mind gives us the reasons why we can’t be happy:

“I am too busy right now to focus on happiness”

“I will be happy when I finish school, when I have the money, when I am in the right relationship, when I have kids, when my children are older….”

“I would have had a happy life if this traumatic event had never happened”

“I don’t deserve happiness”

EVERYONE deserves happiness. The reason that you are here right now is because you have a purpose and you are on the earth to enjoy your journey.

Think BIGGER than your excuses. Push FARTHER than your complaints.

Don’t be pulled away from greatness. Get uncomfortable. At least these are what happy and successful people do on a daily basis.

This article highlights the top 13 tips and tricks of how happy people think and feel.

If you would like to begin embodying this life-changing state, then… Here are the 13 ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently:

1. Happy People Put Happiness First

Happy people have made the decision that their end goal is happiness.

Every situation, event, bad day ultimately ends with happiness.

To them, happiness is equivalent to sleep and water – it is a necessity to their life. To live an unhappy life is to have never lived at all.

The happy person asks,

“What would be the point of living if every day and moment were filled with negativity?”

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“Why would I deplete my energy on negativity when I expend less to be positive?”

They make happy-based decisions which means in EVERY MOMENT they choose happiness.

If their circumstances can’t change then they instead change their perspective, they look for the silver lining in the negative.

Happy people don’t let negativity steal their moments away – a positive mindset always prevails.

If you ask a happy person how their day was, they will always answer your question with a highlight or a lesson learned.

2. Happy People Embrace Pain

I know what you are thinking –

“No one is ALWAYS happy”

or …

“Even happy people get in bad moods”

and …

These statements are absolutely accurate.

Happy people aren’t always happy and they DO get into bad moods. They get overwhelmed, they feel defeated, and their feelings get hurt.

Happy people aren’t invincible and they feel pain just like everyone else. The only difference between happy people and people who let negativity run their lives is that…

Happy people quickly acknowledge their pain and they make a decision to find a way to transform their pain into something greater. They also use these 13 simple ways to shake off the sadness.

Happy people admit the negativity they feel and they do what it takes to get back into their natural state: happiness.

When your end goal is happiness, then you will find a way to achieve it no matter how much strength you have to muster.

3. Happy People Have a Happy Self-Image

We all have an image in our minds that we subconsciously live up to.

The reason that change is so hard is because our subconscious mind is programmed to live by how we define ourselves.

How are you currently defining yourself?

For happy people, they see themselves with a smile, positive outlook, and/or a bounce in their step. When an event or situation arises that brings in a negative emotion, they quickly change their state to resemble their natural self-image.

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When happy people are in a bad mood, it feels unusual to them because feeling negative isn’t aligned with how they see themselves.

When they feel upset, they acknowledge the negativity and look for a solution to bring their emotions to the level of how they perceive themselves.

Look at how you define yourself today – your mind and body are always trying to live up to the definition it is taught to believe.

Your body’s job is to keep you in a “normal” state because this is where it feels most comfortable.

If your self-image is happy, then your mind and body will naturally be brought back to where it feels at home. Your actions will be a clue to how you define yourself.

4. Happy People Have a Strong Support System

The happiest people know that it takes a village and they lean on others for support.

Happy people feel comfortable reaching out for help when they feel that their resistances are overpowering them. They quickly sense their negativity and they tell somebody.

Happy people ask for assistance when they can’t figure out a problem. Seeking help takes strength and it never gets in the way of their self-worth. Happy people appreciate the wisdom that their support system provides.

They have strong connections with the people who are close to them. They never trudge through tough times alone because jeopardizing their happiness for too long would be detrimental to their well-being.

5. Happy People Safeguard Their Minds from Negative Triggers

Warding off negativity is almost impossible when we live in a society that lives by what went wrong and feeds off of what could go wrong. News travels instantaneously so it would be unrealistic to shut this out of your life completely.

However, one strategy that happy people use to safeguard their minds is regulating their environment.

We have a lot of control on how we allow our environments to affect us. We can control our social media feed, the television shows and movies we watch, the books that we read, the people that we spend our time with, and the places that we hang out.

If happiness is your end goal, then take a good look at what is bringing you down. What triggers your unhappiness? See if there is anything in your environment that can be changed……

What we listen to, read, and who we hang out with influence our mind, what we think about, what we worry about, our reactions, and behaviors.

Happy people know what triggers a feeling of negativity and it feels out of alignment for them so they do what it takes to avoid it.

They might regulate their social media news feed to reflect the information that brings them positive energy. They might regulate the people that they spend their time with. It is important to hang out with like-minded people.

What are you triggers? How can you avoid the negativity in your environment?

These are ways that happy people regulate their environment and safeguard their minds.

6. Happy People Know When to Say “No”

Happy people know when to sit one out and say “no.” They do this to protect their happiness and well-being.

Life gets overwhelming – a lot of people need our attention and the to do list can seem never ending.

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Happy people give themselves permission to take the day off and they feel comfortable with saying “no” when their stress levels begin to climb. They understand that those around them aren’t benefiting from someone who is frazzled, overwhelmed, and tired.

A happy person identifies their negative emotion and then they quickly treat it to bring themselves back to their “normal” state, so that they can be at their best for not only themselves but for those around them, too.

A simple “no” can ultimately mean many more “yes’s” in the future because happiness has a long battery life. You can take a look at Leo Babauta’s article The Gentle Art of Saying No and learn to say no.

7. Happy People Are Good Evaluators

Happy people can quickly sense when something is off with themselves or others. They are very intuitive to happiness levels. When someone isn’t quite right, they are the first ones to notice.

Being able to evaluate happiness means that you can identify when negativity is lingering around for too long.

We all have bad days; however, the happy person evaluates often and quickly intervenes.

In other words, happy people frequently evaluate their state and immediately change when their pessimism is overshadowing their joy.

8. Happy People Bring Other People Up

What goes on inside of us is mirrored into our physical world.

What we think about literally consumes our life and is displayed in our work, relationships, and attitude.

Happy people naturally feel good inside and about themselves so they treat others the way that they treat themselves. It never feels forced to give a compliment or to help out a stranger.

When we are truly happy with ourselves, everyone around us has a better experience. Happy people are kind to themselves and because of this, it feels natural to them to want to make others’ happy, too.

9. Happy People Go After Their Dreams

Happy people are always following the joyful path. They make happy-based decisions and because of this, they always end up where they want to be.

It’s absolutely impossible to be happy by following an undesirable path, which is quite opposite for unhappy people.

Most people journey through life on a path they think they are “supposed” to be own. Warning signs (negativity) are often ignored because they truly believe that these feelings are a normal part of life.

Negativity is NOT normal.

The happiest people investigate the negativity in their life and quickly analyze the results. This process allows them to get back on the joyful path which ends in a desirable outcome.

Follow your happiness and your dreams will come true (If that isn’t motivation then I don’t know what is!)

In addition to happiness, here are 14 amazing things that happen when you live your passion.

10. Happy People Never Sweat the Small Stuff

The only expectation that the happy person has is that they remain in a joyful state.

They rarely have expectations for the events and people in their lives because they know that this is a sure way to get let down.

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The happiest people take life as it comes – you could say that they roll with the punches. When you don’t have expectations, thenyoue can just sit back and watch how beautifully life unfolds.

Happy people understand that bad things are inevitable, they are a part of life – The car will break, the kids will make mistakes, people will be late, and dinner will burn.

If it’s not anything seriously affecting their lives, then they don’t give their energy to it.

11. Happy People Rarely Have to Prove That They Are Right

Happy people remember that it’s more important to live up to what they believe. When you live your life aligned with your belief system, then there is no need to explain or prove yourself to others.

Differences in opinions are inevitable, but the happiest of people know it’s wasted energy to defend their position.

It is more effective to simply show people, through actions, how you think, feel, and what you believe.

Energy is saved, arguments are diminished, and credibility/respect are gained when we live by what we believe.

12. Happy People Smile (Even When They Don’t Want To)

Smiling is one of the healthiest things we can do; and happy people use this simple trick quite often.

It has been proven that smiling has the ability to boost your immune system, decrease stress levels, and can even make you look younger. The benefits of smiling have even been backed up by science.[1]

Better yet, smiling is contagious. When you engage in a quick smile, you are likely to brighten someone else’s day along with your own. It is no wonder why happy people smile often!

13. Happy People Live Life in the Present Moment.

When we are genuinely happy, we are living for the moment.

Happy people let go of the past, enjoy the present, and look forward to the future. They take the moments for what they are worth – they only invest their energy in what feels right to them.

Everyone is capable of living a happy-centered life. You deserve a life that you desire – your dream life. All you have to start doing is make happy-based decisions TODAY.

In every moment, decide on what makes you happy – decide on what gets you excited. Stop doing what you don’t love, don’t listen to the people that you dislike.

If you are engaging in something that isn’t bringing you joy, then quit doing it. Listen to your heart, stop ignoring the warning signs (negativity) because they are there for a reason.

I have observed, studied, and interviewed some of the happiest and most successful people along with some of the most miserable and self-loathing.

It starts with one decision – happiness.

The happiest, most successful people choose happiness with EACH and EVERY decision. And you can start doing this today.

Featured photo credit: Autumn Goodman via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Harvard Business Review: The Science Behind the Smile

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