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5 Ways to Support a Friend Who Is Getting Over a Breakup

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5  Ways to Support a Friend Who Is Getting Over a Breakup

It can be difficult to know what to say when a friend is going through a breakup, but it is important that you show your support in any way that you can. Being present is the first step to being there for your friend.

Here are a few other ways that you can help out a friend in need.

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Allow your friend to feel what they need to

Every person handles breakups differently and it is important to remember whatever your friend is feeling is a valid emotion. Whether they are angry, sad or display reckless behavior, it is important as their friend not to try to dismiss their behavior or feel it is your responsibility to always cheer them up.

The most important thing that you can do as their friend is to stay by their side and clearly state that you will support them no mater what.

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Give yourself space if needed

It is also important to make sure that you know your limits as to what you can give your friend; after all, you are only human. A friend in need can be taxing on a friendship if you ignore your own needs, so it’s important to not feel guilty when saying no to certain things. When you need to dedicate some time to yourself, make sure to do so clearly, but gently tell your friend you need to take care of some personal things.

Afterwards, let them know when you are available to hang out again, so that your friend can look forward to your company and also so there is no miscommunication between you two.

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Attend to the details

One of the best ways you can be helpful is by making sure certain things in your friend’s life are taken care of. One of the biggest ways you can assist your friend with is to bring food over. Whether it is a pot of homemade soup or a pizza you have picked up, good food truly does help nourish a broken heart.

Other things that you can help with are walking their dog, picking-up their dry cleaning and helping sort through their mail. After a breakup, the smallest tasks can seem burdensome and being able to have someone else take care of those details for a while is a godsend.

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Encourage your friend to be active

After a breakup, it is easy to want to stay at home in your pajamas on the couch and binge watch Netflix. While this may be part of the grieving process for your friend, it is important that you also encourage him or her to get some fresh air. Start out by suggesting a walk around the neighborhood. Even a 30 minute walk can do wonders for your heartbroken friend, offering a change of scenery. If your friend is up to it, take a day trip somewhere that you both do not normally go. Heading to the beach or a nearby state park can be a great temporary distraction for your friend for the day and help clear their mind.

Indulge in an activity that your friend enjoys

Does your friend enjoy basketball? Take them to a local game to cheer on their favorite team. Does your friend have a sweet tooth? Treat them to a chocolate fudge sundae. During a breakup, it is important to remind a friend of their passions and help them remember that they can feel happy once again. Avoid surprising your friend and instead ask them first about whether they want to do a certain activity. They may have a bad association with certain places or things that reminds them of their ex that you are not aware of.

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Featured photo credit: Flickr via flickr.com

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Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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