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Couples Should Unfriend Each Other To Have A More Fulfilling Relationship

Couples Should Unfriend Each Other To Have A More Fulfilling Relationship

What is the best way for couples to stay close to each other? Talk to each other. Not through Facebook or Instagram or texting, but through face to face communication.

Those are the words of Ian Kerner, a counsellor who specializes in couples and sexual counselling. In an interview with Public Radio International (PRI), Kerner talked about how technology like Facebook and Instagram are posing real issues with relationships, and that a great way to handle it is to turn that all off.

Tuning Out

Kerner observed that couples frequently hold side-by-side conversations with their cell phones and laptops, and that “they’re not having direct face-to-face conversations because they’re also on an iPhone or a gadget, so they’re partially vacated.” Often, the only time where the couples actually have a face to face conversation was when they were speaking with Kerner at therapy.

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Kener said that studies show that even the mere presence of a technological device nearby, even if it is off or silent, can change the texture of a conversation. It distracts people and thus worsens relationships as couples worry that they are not being listened to.

Kerner does not think technology inherently hurts relationships. In the interview, he mentions one couple who used video games like Minecraft and Nintendo titles to bond as an example that technology can sometimes be used for good relationships. The Pew Research Center found that 21 percent of cell owners or internet users in a committed relationship “have felt closer to their spouse or partner because of exchanges they had online or via text message”. In addition, 74 percent of couples reported that the Internet had a mostly positive effect on their relationship with just 20 percent claiming a mostly negative effect.

One of the key aspects to understanding how technology can hurt relationships is something which Kerner calls “technological compatibility.” If a wife loves to be on Instagram and Facebook all the time, but the husband is more old-fashioned and only really uses the Internet for work-related purposes, then this can raise tensions.

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One example which Kerner cited was a family where the wife used Instagram to show photos of absolutely everything, whether friends, special events, or day to day life., against the advice of home security companies When the family went on vacation and got ice cream, she then started trying to get everyone in a proper position to photograph the family with their ice cream.

The husband, who just wanted to eat the ice cream, snapped in public. He caused a scene, cursing her out in front of the children “about just wanting to eat his [bleeping] ice cream.” It was fundamentally a difference between a wife who was happy to use technology all the time and a husband who was less comfortable with the idea. Kerner noted that he has seen other instances where the husband does not want to be on Facebook or have his kids to have a Facebook account, which invites further acrimony.

Further Research

Lisa Pollack of the Financial Times pointed out another issue of technological compatibility. Another Pew Research Center poll showed that 62 percent of individuals believed that using your cell phone at a restaurant is not okay. But this means that 38 percent of individuals believe that using your cell phone at a restaurant is okay. So when someone from the 38 percent goes on a date at a restaurant with someone from the 62 percent, that one issue can seriously damage a relationship.

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So how can couples actually fix this problem? Kerner believes that the best thing a couple can do is to go on a “digital diet” and use that time gained to start repairing relationships. He also observed that spending some time away of those devices could improve one’s sexual life as well.

“People go to bed too tired to make love… And yet they’re spending hours a day on social media, on blogs and on Netflix. Maybe we really need to figure out how to turn off that faucet.”

So unfriend your partner, close the computer, and go outside with him or her. If that makes for a better relationship, it will certainly be worth it.

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Featured photo credit: woodleywonderworks via flickr.com

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Last Updated on June 13, 2019

How to Quit Your Boring Life and Start Living an Interesting One

How to Quit Your Boring Life and Start Living an Interesting One

Think you have a boring life?

The definition of boring is dull or not interesting. Maybe you’ve been doing the same thing and living the same life for too long, or maybe your daily routine is limiting your growth and happiness. Whatever your reason is, the following list of 20 things can definitely make any day more interesting. Some of them are silly, while some are more meaningful, so hopefully just reading the list makes your life less boring and sparks your creativity.

Let’s dive in the list to quit your boring life and start living an interesting (and meaning) one!

1. Channel Your 7-Year-Old Self

What would he or she want to do right now? Color? Paint? Run around outside? Play dress up? Eat with your hands? Play that instrument hiding in the back of your closet that you haven’t touched in years?

Just because you’re a grown up doesn’t mean any of this stuff will be less enjoyable than you remember it. Give yourself permission to play.

2. Go Play with Kids

Speaking of little kids, if you have your own or access to any (in a non-creepy way, like they’re your niece or your best friend’s kid, you get the idea) go play with them!

They didn’t create an entire show called Kids Say The Darndest Things because kids aren’t hilarious. They also keep things so simple, and we can really stand to be reminded of this and stop allowing ourselves to get bogged down in boring details.

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3. Order a Hot Dog

While you’re eating it, Google: “What’s in a hot dog?” You decide whether or not you want to finish it.

4. For the Ladies: Wear Your Sexiest Lingerie Under Your Work Clothes

Your “little secret” will leave you feeling anything but boring all day!

5. Play Cell Phone Roulette

You’ll need at least one buddy for this. Scroll through the contacts in your phone, stop on a random one and call the person.

You could spark an incredible catch up session or be incredibly awkward. Neither are boring.

6. Fill out a Pack of Thank-You Cards

Give them to random people who probably don’t get thanked too often for doing what they do ever day.

Ideas: police officers, librarians, servers, baristas, cab drivers, sanitation workers, teachers, people behind any check out counter, receptionists, your friends, the guy at the falafel stand, etc.

7. Sign up for a Class in Something You’ve “Always Wanted to Do”, or Something That Makes You Really Uncomfortable

Ideas: pole dancing, salsa lessons, improv, pottery, cooking, knitting (yup, there are classes for this, too!), karate, boxing, something techy like the workshops they run in Apple stores, get Rosetta Stone and learn that language you’ve always wanted to speak, etc.

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What’s good about joining an interest class is that you will also meet new people!

8. Interview Your Grandparents About Their Lives

You can bet they’ve had some crazy experiences you probably never knew about.

9. Get up on Stage at an Open Mic Night

Whether you’re funny or not, get up on stage and just talk funny. And if you’re not, memorize a few of your favorite jokes and tell those!

10. Do Something for Someone Else That You Wish Someone Would Do for You

We all have a few ideas on this list. I promise you will feel amazing after and anything but bored.

11. Start a DIY Project in Your Home

It doesn’t have to be super complicated. If you need ideas, there’re plenty on Pinterest. Or you can also check out these 30 Awesome DIY Projects that You’ve Never Heard of.

12. Plan a Weekend Trip or an All-Out Vacation

This will give you something to look forward to.

Even if you don’t have the time or money to go on a vacation, plan for a staycation, which is same fun and relaxing!

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13. People Watch

Find a bench in a crowded area (centers of transportation like airports, bus stops and train stations are great for this!) and just observe.

People are infinitely interesting.

14. Eat Something You’ve Never Eaten Before

Bonus points if it’s a random fruit or veggie.

15. Dance

You can get your friends together for a night on the town or just pull up a video on YouTube and bust a move from your own living room.

If you’re feeling extra brave, you can even dance in public and get other people involved.

16. Go to YOUTUBE and Search “Funny Pets” or “Funny Babies”

This is also a great quickie ab workout as you will be laughing hysterically.

17. Pick up a Book and Start Reading

Check out the NY Times Best Sellers lists and grab a new book you can get lost in.

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18. Step Away from the Computer and Go Get Some Time with People You Care About in Real Life

Facebook stalking doesn’t count as real social interaction. You can even share this post with your friends and vote on which one you’d like to do together!

19. Check out a Museum You’ve Never Been to Before

OK, depending on your interests, this one might actually be boring. If you love learning, art or different cultures though, this one is for you!

20. Write a List of Things You Desire and Truly Want

This is a great way to help you figure out the real reason why you’re feeling bored about your life. Maybe you haven’t really done things that you truly enjoy? Maybe what you’ve wanted to do all the time has been left behind?

Think about the list of things you really want to do, and ask yourself why you aren’t doing these things (yet). Then start taking your first step to make what you want happen.

Now go make your life interesting and live your dream life!

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Featured photo credit: Kev Costello via unsplash.com

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