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8 Signs That You’ve Left A Manipulator

8 Signs That You’ve Left A Manipulator

Manipulators are skilled at what they do. Whether they’re being overly flattering or downright liars for the purpose of controlling others they do it well. Furthermore, they are often hard to spot, at least initially. By the time you realize you’re being manipulated your self esteem has dropped and perhaps you’re starting to think something is wrong with you. Sometimes you don’t realize you were involved with a manipulator until after you’ve parted ways. Once you’ve had a decent amount of space between you and your manipulator you’ll start to notice that your life is changing for the better. Here are 8 signs that you’ve left a manipulator and are living a better life.

1. You have a better sense of self

Manipulators thrive on control. They mistakenly believe that power exist outside themselves. In order to increase their so called external power they prowl on others. They want you to feel powerless so that you will willingly give them control over your very being. If you feel as though a veil has been lifted off of your life and you finally know who you are you’ve probably left a manipulator.

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2. You are less emotional

With a manipulator, everything you do is wrong. Every fight you’ve had is your fault. Being manipulated will wreak havoc on your emotions. You go from crying to being angry to feeling guilty and unworthy in short order. Then you’re regretful you didn’t stick up for yourself. You’re embarrassed that you let them get over on you yet again. When you’ve left a manipulator you’re emotions are more stable.

3. Your relationships with others are improving

Manipulators often pit people against each other. By creating this division they can continue their manipulations with little interference. There’s no one there to compare notes with. There’s no one to tell you you’re being bullied and you deserve better. If you’re noticing your once strained relationships are starting to improve now that a certain someone has left your life there’s a good chance you left a manipulator.

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4. You doubt yourself less

Manipulators will make you doubt everything you do. Whether it’s your choice of dinner or how much time you spend at the gym they can make you feel as if every decision you make is wrong. You now feel more confident in your decisions and are excited about your future.

5. You do more things you enjoy

Now that you’ve cut ties with your manipulator you actually do things you enjoy. You’re not constantly being coerced into doing things they want to do while neglecting your own desires. Some manipulators will actually say to you, “You don’t really like that” or “You don’t want to do this.” Now that they’re gone, you’re not pretending you like something you don’t just to keep the peace. You’re finally free to live the life you want and it feels great.

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6. You feel more peaceful

Being manipulated is stressful! You never know what to do, believe, or say. You’re always conflicted, on edge, and anxious. Once you’ve removed yourself from a controlling relationship you are more at ease, drama free and peaceful.

7. You are starting to trust again

You’re no longer questioning everything anyone says to you. You’re not wondering what agenda lies behind that story. You’re starting to trust people again. Most importantly, you’re starting to trust yourself again.

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8. You body feels healthier

Manipulation can be a form of mental abuse. You’re constantly being lied to, told half truths, and insulted. That’s why you’re emotions are unstable, you’ve lost your sense of self and your self confidence drops. Science suggests that there’s a relationship between your mental health and your physical health. When you’re constantly plagued with worry, anxiety and insecurity it can manifest itself in the body. You have more headaches than you’ve ever had before. You have aches and pains in places you never knew existed. Your energy is at an all time low. When you’ve removed yourself from that situation the pain suddenly disappears and your energy level increases.

Leaving a manipulative relationship whether it’s an intimate, platonic or professional relationship is one of the best decisions you can make for yourself. Life gets better when you’re in control of your own destiny. You can now live life on your own terms and return to you happy, confident, secure self.

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The Gentle Art of Saying No

The Gentle Art of Saying No

No!

It’s a simple fact that you can never be productive if you take on too many commitments — you simply spread yourself too thin and will not be able to get anything done, at least not well or on time.

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But requests for your time are coming in all the time — through phone, email, IM or in person. To stay productive, and minimize stress, you have to learn the Gentle Art of Saying No — an art that many people have problems with.

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What’s so hard about saying no? Well, to start with, it can hurt, anger or disappoint the person you’re saying “no” to, and that’s not usually a fun task. Second, if you hope to work with that person in the future, you’ll want to continue to have a good relationship with that person, and saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that.

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But it doesn’t have to be difficult or hard on your relationship. Here are the Top 10 tips for learning the Gentle Art of Saying No:

  1. Value your time. Know your commitments, and how valuable your precious time is. Then, when someone asks you to dedicate some of your time to a new commitment, you’ll know that you simply cannot do it. And tell them that: “I just can’t right now … my plate is overloaded as it is.”
  2. Know your priorities. Even if you do have some extra time (which for many of us is rare), is this new commitment really the way you want to spend that time? For myself, I know that more commitments means less time with my wife and kids, who are more important to me than anything.
  3. Practice saying no. Practice makes perfect. Saying “no” as often as you can is a great way to get better at it and more comfortable with saying the word. And sometimes, repeating the word is the only way to get a message through to extremely persistent people. When they keep insisting, just keep saying no. Eventually, they’ll get the message.
  4. Don’t apologize. A common way to start out is “I’m sorry but …” as people think that it sounds more polite. While politeness is important, apologizing just makes it sound weaker. You need to be firm, and unapologetic about guarding your time.
  5. Stop being nice. Again, it’s important to be polite, but being nice by saying yes all the time only hurts you. When you make it easy for people to grab your time (or money), they will continue to do it. But if you erect a wall, they will look for easier targets. Show them that your time is well guarded by being firm and turning down as many requests (that are not on your top priority list) as possible.
  6. Say no to your boss. Sometimes we feel that we have to say yes to our boss — they’re our boss, right? And if we say “no” then we look like we can’t handle the work — at least, that’s the common reasoning. But in fact, it’s the opposite — explain to your boss that by taking on too many commitments, you are weakening your productivity and jeopardizing your existing commitments. If your boss insists that you take on the project, go over your project or task list and ask him/her to re-prioritize, explaining that there’s only so much you can take on at one time.
  7. Pre-empting. It’s often much easier to pre-empt requests than to say “no” to them after the request has been made. If you know that requests are likely to be made, perhaps in a meeting, just say to everyone as soon as you come into the meeting, “Look guys, just to let you know, my week is booked full with some urgent projects and I won’t be able to take on any new requests.”
  8. Get back to you. Instead of providing an answer then and there, it’s often better to tell the person you’ll give their request some thought and get back to them. This will allow you to give it some consideration, and check your commitments and priorities. Then, if you can’t take on the request, simply tell them: “After giving this some thought, and checking my commitments, I won’t be able to accommodate the request at this time.” At least you gave it some consideration.
  9. Maybe later. If this is an option that you’d like to keep open, instead of just shutting the door on the person, it’s often better to just say, “This sounds like an interesting opportunity, but I just don’t have the time at the moment. Perhaps you could check back with me in [give a time frame].” Next time, when they check back with you, you might have some free time on your hands.
  10. It’s not you, it’s me. This classic dating rejection can work in other situations. Don’t be insincere about it, though. Often the person or project is a good one, but it’s just not right for you, at least not at this time. Simply say so — you can compliment the idea, the project, the person, the organization … but say that it’s not the right fit, or it’s not what you’re looking for at this time. Only say this if it’s true — people can sense insincerity.

Featured photo credit: Pexels via pexels.com

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