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Reasons Why Couples Who’re Frank To Each Other, Stay Together

Reasons Why Couples Who’re Frank To Each Other, Stay Together

Long lasting relationships are like plants that need constant nurturing. They are built with great effort and care. Just as plants need the right amount of water, sunlight and nourishment; relationships need commitment, team work and willingness to resolve conflicts. A key factor that makes relationships last long is frankness. Frank couples are like best friends, except that they are more than that.

They share everything with each other. They do not hide their inner feelings, whether they are good or bad. They are not afraid of sharing their insecurities with each other. They confide in one another, and stand by each other in both success and failure.  They identify what they are doing right as a couple, and what needs to be changed. Once they have identified the pain points, they work as a team to fix the issues. They are constantly working towards improving the quality of their relationship. Because they create an environment of openness, they perceive no difference between themselves or their partner. Over time they grow into each other even more and become inseparable.

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1. They develop a strong bond of mutual trust

Trust is the building block of any relationship. Couples that are frank to each other do not keep secrets. As a result, they develop a strong bond of trust. On the other hand, couples who hide things from their partners for fear of hurting them or not being judged end up harboring misunderstandings. A key part of communication is frankness. When partners open up, they come close together. As a result, they tend to stick together.

2. They understand each other better

It is no surprise that frank couples have a lot of feedback for each other. Sometimes it is positive and other times it is negative. But because they speak their heart out, they also understand each other’s likes and dislikes better.

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This helps them quickly tune their reactions based on the feedback they get from their partner. For example, one of the partners might not enjoy how the other speaks to them when they are having an argument. Instead of holding it against their partner, a frank couple will talk it through so that they can quickly resolve conflicts in the future. Since they don’t hold grudges against each other, the quality of their relationship goes up.

3. They have a fulfilling sex life

Often times, couples resist talking about their sexual likes and dislikes to each other. As a result, they end up not understanding each other’s sexual requirements which leads to an unsatisfactory sex life. Frank couples on the other hand, clearly communicate to each other what they don’t like about their sex life and work together to make it better. When this team spirit is applied to sex, it only gets better!

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4. They hold each other accountable

People in a relationship know more about each other than they probably do about themselves. Because they spend the majority of their time together, they cannot help observing each others’ behaviors, habits and reactions. Frank couples do not shy away from being honest to each other, and point out habits and behaviors that they find are detrimental.

For example, one of the partners might be stressed out due to multiple deadlines at work that need to be met. As a result, he might be procrastinating. A frank partner would not only express his concern over such behavior, but also offer a candid discussion on how to face the issue. Only frank couples provide such space to one another, but it is this team work the enables couples to enjoy a happy and stress free life together.

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Featured photo credit: The romantic couple, Dublin, Ireland/giuseppemilo via flickr.com

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Last Updated on February 25, 2020

5 Rules for Overcoming Adversity and Emotional Pain

5 Rules for Overcoming Adversity and Emotional Pain

“Some people choose to see the ugliness in this world, the disarray. I choose to see the beauty. To believe there is an order to our days. A purpose.” – from the popular show, “Westworld”

It’s different for us all. My personal quest for purpose began with five stages of grief and one startling realization that everything’s endlessly fragile. Adversity, as it happens by rule, found me terribly unprepared, so I decided to take my time. Today, I can honestly say that I’ve grown.

Ugliness and beauty, good and evil, pain and laughter – everything in the universe consists of two forces that are opposing but complementary. In the face of difficulty, that is the only mantra you need.

Here’s how I learned it and why you should too, with five simple rules.

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1. Embrace the Complexity

Quite insidiously, adversities come in all shapes and sizes. Paralyzing physical disabilities, mind-wracking mental problems, ruthless emotional havocs, all leading to the same painful acknowledgement: all the beauty in the world cannot possibly make up for the ugliness that surrounds us. Shattered to pieces, helpless and bare naked, we sit in our therapy chairs, apologizing for being so negative.

Eventually, what it all comes down to is the nature of negative emotion. Our positives overshadow our negatives, thus wrongly teaching us that the road to well-being is paved with nothing but positive feelings and thoughts. How utterly wrong!

“If you’re not failing every now and then, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything innovative”, Woody Allen said.

It’s a classic “learn from your mistakes” rule, but in this case, it implies growing from negative experiences. Make peace with your negativities and embrace beauty and ugliness alike! Accepting this marvellously complex world just as it is will allow you to find purpose in adversity and meaning in misery.

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2. Find Balance, Regain Control

Still, accepting adversity is only the first step toward eventual victory. One can endure only so much trauma in life; if we’re not prepared to deal with difficulties in a productive way, even the minor setbacks can get us off track. Our strengths come from learning, and the best way to learn is through a series of trials and errors. Just like phases of grief or stages of drug addiction, adversities suggest a disabling loss of control, so find your way to regain it.

Some call it the coping mechanism; for others, it’s a spiritual will. However you choose to name yours, know that not all supporting systems are equally beneficial, though each is effective in its own way. Escapism was mine, but it only helped me retain the illusion of beauty. It wasn’t until I opened up toward the ugliness and accepted the naked truth that I was finally free. Whether you choose to dwell in art, religion and spiritualism, thus feeding your resilience from within or to reach out to others for help, choose wisely.

Whatever the means, the second rule is a golden one: find your inner balance and stick to it. Eventually, it will lead you out of the vicious circle.

3. Fight with Patience

My bargaining turned in depression with a single touch. Fearless and free, my dance instructor timidly put her hands on my shoulders and I realized, for the first time, just how tense, stiff and cloistered I was. And just like that, I started letting go. Adversities have their sneaky ways, but in my experience, becoming aware is what hurts the worst. It took me a year to recover from this little moment of self-discovery, and I know remember it as the edge of the rabbit hole.

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Some sufferings are impossible to console; I know that now. The only way to get through is to, well, get through. Depression and despair are only the beginning of the excruciatingly unnerving process that ravages the mind and shrivels the soul, and once they strike, there is no easy way back. So, fight them with patience. When your head starts spinning and your feet lose ground, go to your happy place. Over there, you’ll be reminded that nothing is forever, not even our little existential psychosis.

Take a deep breath and say “om”. When things cannot be combated, they have to be endured, so practice patience and learn to let go. Finally, keep repeating to yourself that this too shall pass.

4. Keep Swimming

Nothing is impossible, in the end. Your negative thoughts will gently pour into your positive ones, just as two streams come together to become a river. In the event of the inevitable disaster, one can only be as calm as still water. Suffering teaches patience, and the latter gives rise to flexibility. Ultimately, what is life than a series of unfortunate events and a handful of bright moments in between? If adversities are impossible to avoid, than learn to glide through as smoothly and patiently as water does with rocks.

Even if spirituality isn’t exactly your cup of tea, you have to admit that this is one solid metaphor. Staying adaptable in the face of change will soothe your panic attacks and keep you sane and sober-blooded. Even if you fail, you’ll know exactly how to breathe and face what’s in front of you once it eventually strikes again. Stay calm and visualize a better tomorrow; if anything else, it will give you strength to dive deep and weather the storm. And, in case there’s somebody’s hand to reach out to, grab it firmly and don’t let go.

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Being flexible against adversities takes a lot of learning, just as staying brave demands a lot of courage. It’s a long, arduous step-by-step routine, and you can reach the end only by swimming on. Persist, even when you fall.

5. Never Stop Searching for Inspiration

And, if it’s a guidance you need, where else to seek it than in experiences of others? Find it in art, in people around you, in chance encounters. The pure beauty of perseverance can be discovered where you expect it the least, so never stop searching for inspiration. If self-help literature soothes your pains and clears your mind, don’t let cynics discourage you. Your path toward reconciliation is nobody’s but yours to choose.

Ever heard of Nick Vujicic? Or Nando Parado? Inspiring people sound their yawps over the roofs of the world, sometimes voiceless, sometimes limbless, sometimes both. Born without arms, Jessica Cox became the most unusual certified pilot in the world, and you can rarely see her without a smile on her face. If you’ve already ripped all of your bucket lists and said goodbye to your dreams and plans, meet Sean Swarner, who’s officially became the first cancer survivor to climb Mount Everest. The stories just go on.

Make your own guidebook! Pen down your positive thoughts, cover your walls with quotes and devise your personal mantras. Whenever things get hard, they’ll be there to remind you of what you need to do. It’s the simplest of all life hacks, and one of the most effective ones.

Find beauty in the world, but never stay blind for its ugliness. However daunting, adversities and emotional pain challenge our inner strength, thus making us resilient and allowing us to grow. As soon as you recognize them as the wind in your sails instead of the devastating storm, the purpose will become simple and clear.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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