I think it all starts with the awkward stage of welcoming someone into our lives.
They say the best way to avoid disappointment is to not expect anything from anyone. After all, you’ve come a long way now giving yourself a pat on the shoulder about how you made it through life’s hard lessons so you have no reasons to be fooled again. You don’t want to repeat the mistakes from the past because you finally understood that not everyone should be trusted with your emotions.
You’ve worked really hard to be the person you are today; independent, emotionally self-sufficient and somewhere in-between… let’s be honest, a bit full of it.
Truth is, no one’s totally heartless and eventually everyone gets their share of love. So after many – and perhaps even way too many – attempts at trying to find your way through the dating world, what was bound to happen finally happened. You’ve finally come across something a bit special. It’s not quite like anything you’ve experienced before and it even feels a bit surreal at times.
You feel lucky that you’ve been blessed by what feels like an amazing, almost magical encounter so then you do your best to cherish what you’ve just been granted. You try to be careful about your every move, doing your very best not to ruin something that’s bringing so much good into your life. You’re delighted that you’ve let someone like this step into your world. You don’t really know what’s going on and can only be sure that you have no grip on the turn of events.
It’s like jumping off a cliff and into the unknown.
There’s something a bit odd about falling for someone. At a time where dating has become as easy as swiping left and right, it’s about taking our time while still being eager to see what it will feel like. You kind of start feeling things you thought you’d probably never feel, things you thought only existed in cheesy chick lit novels or love songs that other people would sing. It’s as if you don’t even know anymore if what you feel really exists, almost wondering if anyone else has ever felt this way too.
It’s an awkward stage where things slowly start falling into place though you’re unsure of you’re next move. What seems OK for you might be too fast for your newly found other half. So then you start the questioning, the doubts and fear.
What if you mess up?
What if they mess up and you finally figure you have to let them go? You’ll both walk away from each other, going your separate ways to simply become a memory, someone you once knew. You’ll bruise a little, wondering how someone who brought so much good into your world has now become a complete stranger.
I wonder how many people wake up with a broken heart, with that stinging pain, that hole in their stomach and the ache in their chest?
What’s it like being broken hearted? You feel it when you know the world doesn’t really care if you’re hurting like hell and they still expect you to participate in the tasks of your daily routine. It’s when you drag yourself to work and refrain from crying and still put that smile on.
You do this at least for a little time because when you’re all alone, that’s when it starts, the maddening reasoning, the ‘whys’ and ‘ifs’ and the crippling pain that make you cry yourself to sleep. You turn all your thoughts and attention to your lost one because you have no control over your brain’s filtering system. And that’s the way it should be; you’ll lose your mind before you can find peace again.
You’ll emotionally drain yourself, swinging back and forth through all sorts of stages: bargaining, denial, anger, depression and somewhere hope.
After all, some broken love stories still do get their happy ending eventually so why couldn’t you? Perhaps, you’ll go through a relapse and it will work out. And maybe it won’t and eventually you’ll enter the final – liberating yet excruciating – stage: moving on.
In the end, we’re all mending our broken selves the best way we can because we have no choice but to carry on living. Yet, the choice of how heavy a burden our pain will be is up to us.
Just like C.S Lewis once said:
“It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.”
Featured photo credit: you have my back via flickr.com