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What Becomes of the Broken Hearted?

What Becomes of the Broken Hearted?

I think it all starts with the awkward stage of welcoming someone into our lives.

They say the best way to avoid disappointment is to not expect anything from anyone. After all, you’ve come a long way now giving yourself a pat on the shoulder about how you made it through life’s hard lessons so you have no reasons to be fooled again. You don’t want to repeat the mistakes from the past because you finally understood that not everyone should be trusted with your emotions.

You’ve worked really hard to be the person you are today; independent, emotionally self-sufficient and somewhere in-between… let’s be honest, a bit full of it.

Truth is, no one’s totally heartless and eventually everyone gets their share of love. So after many – and perhaps even way too many – attempts at trying to find your way through the dating world, what was bound to happen finally happened. You’ve finally come across something a bit special. It’s not quite like anything you’ve experienced before and it even feels a bit surreal at times.

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You feel lucky that you’ve been blessed by what feels like an amazing, almost magical encounter so then you do your best to cherish what you’ve just been granted. You try to be careful about your every move, doing your very best not to ruin something that’s bringing so much good into your life. You’re delighted that you’ve let someone like this step into your world. You don’t really know what’s going on and can only be sure that you have no grip on the turn of events.

It’s like jumping off a cliff and into the unknown.

There’s something a bit odd about falling for someone. At a time where dating has become as easy as swiping left and right, it’s about taking our time while still being eager to see what it will feel like. You kind of start feeling things you thought you’d probably never feel, things you thought only existed in cheesy chick lit novels or love songs that other people would sing. It’s as if you don’t even know anymore if what you feel really exists, almost wondering if anyone else has ever felt this way too.

It’s an awkward stage where things slowly start falling into place though you’re unsure of you’re next move. What seems OK for you might be too fast for your newly found other half. So then you start the questioning, the doubts and fear.

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What if you mess up?

What if they mess up and you finally figure you have to let them go? You’ll both walk away from each other, going your separate ways to simply become a memory, someone you once knew. You’ll bruise a little, wondering how someone who brought so much good into your world has now become a complete stranger.

I wonder how many people wake up with a broken heart, with that stinging pain, that hole in their stomach and the ache in their chest?
What’s it like being broken hearted? You feel it when you know the world doesn’t really care if you’re hurting like hell and they still expect you to participate in the tasks of your daily routine. It’s when you drag yourself to work and refrain from crying and still put that smile on.

You do this at least for a little time because when you’re all alone, that’s when it starts, the maddening reasoning, the ‘whys’ and ‘ifs’ and the crippling pain that make you cry yourself to sleep. You turn all your thoughts and attention to your lost one because you have no control over your brain’s filtering system. And that’s the way it should be; you’ll lose your mind before you can find peace again.

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You’ll emotionally drain yourself, swinging back and forth through all sorts of stages: bargaining, denial, anger, depression and somewhere hope.

Always.

After all, some broken love stories still do get their happy ending eventually so why couldn’t you? Perhaps, you’ll go through a relapse and it will work out. And maybe it won’t and eventually you’ll enter the final – liberating yet excruciating – stage: moving on.

In the end, we’re all mending our broken selves the best way we can because we have no choice but to carry on living. Yet, the choice of how heavy a burden our pain will be is up to us.

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Just like C.S Lewis once said:

“It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.”

Featured photo credit: you have my back via flickr.com

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Last Updated on August 16, 2018

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

The ability to take risks by stepping outside your comfort zone is the primary way by which we grow. But we are often afraid to take that first step.

In truth, comfort zones are not really about comfort, they are about fear. Break the chains of fear to get outside. Once you do, you will learn to enjoy the process of taking risks and growing in the process.

Here are 10 ways to help you step out of your comfort zone and get closer to success:

1. Become aware of what’s outside of your comfort zone

What are the things that you believe are worth doing but are afraid of doing yourself because of the potential for disappointment or failure?

Draw a circle and write those things down outside the circle. This process will not only allow you to clearly identify your discomforts, but your comforts. Write identified comforts inside the circle.

2. Become clear about what you are aiming to overcome

Take the list of discomforts and go deeper. Remember, the primary emotion you are trying to overcome is fear.

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How does this fear apply uniquely to each situation? Be very specific.

Are you afraid of walking up to people and introducing yourself in social situations? Why? Is it because you are insecure about the sound of your voice? Are you insecure about your looks?

Or, are you afraid of being ignored?

3. Get comfortable with discomfort

One way to get outside of your comfort zone is to literally expand it. Make it a goal to avoid running away from discomfort.

Let’s stay with the theme of meeting people in social settings. If you start feeling a little panicked when talking to someone you’ve just met, try to stay with it a little longer than you normally would before retreating to comfort. If you stay long enough and practice often enough, it will start to become less uncomfortable.

4. See failure as a teacher

Many of us are so afraid of failure that we would rather do nothing than take a shot at our dreams.

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Begin to treat failure as a teacher. What did you learn from the experience? How can you take that lesson to your next adventure to increase your chance of success?

Many highly successful people failed plenty of times before they succeeded. Here’re some examples:

10 Famous Failures to Success Stories That Will Inspire You to Carry On

5. Take baby steps

Don’t try to jump outside your comfort zone, you will likely become overwhelmed and jump right back in.

Take small steps toward the fear you are trying to overcome. If you want to do public speaking, start by taking every opportunity to speak to small groups of people. You can even practice with family and friends.

Take a look at this article on how you can start taking baby steps:

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The Number One Secret to Life Success: Baby Steps

6. Hang out with risk takers

There is no substitute for this step. If you want to become better at something, you must start hanging out with the people who are doing what you want to do and start emulating them. (Here’re 8 Reasons Why Risk Takers Are More Likely To Be Successful).

Almost inevitably, their influence will start have an effect on your behavior.

7. Be honest with yourself when you are trying to make excuses

Don’t say “Oh, I just don’t have the time for this right now.” Instead, be honest and say “I am afraid to do this.”

Don’t make excuses, just be honest. You will be in a better place to confront what is truly bothering you and increase your chance of moving forward.

8. Identify how stepping out will benefit you

What will the ability to engage in public speaking do for your personal and professional growth? Keep these potential benefits in mind as motivations to push through fear.

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9. Don’t take yourself too seriously

Learn to laugh at yourself when you make mistakes. Risk taking will inevitably involve failure and setbacks that will sometimes make you look foolish to others. Be happy to roll with the punches when others poke fun.

If you aren’t convinced yet, check out these 6 Reasons Not to Take Life So Seriously.

10. Focus on the fun

Enjoy the process of stepping outside your safe boundaries. Enjoy the fun of discovering things about yourself that you may not have been aware of previously.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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