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What Becomes of the Broken Hearted?

What Becomes of the Broken Hearted?

I think it all starts with the awkward stage of welcoming someone into our lives.

They say the best way to avoid disappointment is to not expect anything from anyone. After all, you’ve come a long way now giving yourself a pat on the shoulder about how you made it through life’s hard lessons so you have no reasons to be fooled again. You don’t want to repeat the mistakes from the past because you finally understood that not everyone should be trusted with your emotions.

You’ve worked really hard to be the person you are today; independent, emotionally self-sufficient and somewhere in-between… let’s be honest, a bit full of it.

Truth is, no one’s totally heartless and eventually everyone gets their share of love. So after many – and perhaps even way too many – attempts at trying to find your way through the dating world, what was bound to happen finally happened. You’ve finally come across something a bit special. It’s not quite like anything you’ve experienced before and it even feels a bit surreal at times.

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You feel lucky that you’ve been blessed by what feels like an amazing, almost magical encounter so then you do your best to cherish what you’ve just been granted. You try to be careful about your every move, doing your very best not to ruin something that’s bringing so much good into your life. You’re delighted that you’ve let someone like this step into your world. You don’t really know what’s going on and can only be sure that you have no grip on the turn of events.

It’s like jumping off a cliff and into the unknown.

There’s something a bit odd about falling for someone. At a time where dating has become as easy as swiping left and right, it’s about taking our time while still being eager to see what it will feel like. You kind of start feeling things you thought you’d probably never feel, things you thought only existed in cheesy chick lit novels or love songs that other people would sing. It’s as if you don’t even know anymore if what you feel really exists, almost wondering if anyone else has ever felt this way too.

It’s an awkward stage where things slowly start falling into place though you’re unsure of you’re next move. What seems OK for you might be too fast for your newly found other half. So then you start the questioning, the doubts and fear.

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What if you mess up?

What if they mess up and you finally figure you have to let them go? You’ll both walk away from each other, going your separate ways to simply become a memory, someone you once knew. You’ll bruise a little, wondering how someone who brought so much good into your world has now become a complete stranger.

I wonder how many people wake up with a broken heart, with that stinging pain, that hole in their stomach and the ache in their chest?
What’s it like being broken hearted? You feel it when you know the world doesn’t really care if you’re hurting like hell and they still expect you to participate in the tasks of your daily routine. It’s when you drag yourself to work and refrain from crying and still put that smile on.

You do this at least for a little time because when you’re all alone, that’s when it starts, the maddening reasoning, the ‘whys’ and ‘ifs’ and the crippling pain that make you cry yourself to sleep. You turn all your thoughts and attention to your lost one because you have no control over your brain’s filtering system. And that’s the way it should be; you’ll lose your mind before you can find peace again.

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You’ll emotionally drain yourself, swinging back and forth through all sorts of stages: bargaining, denial, anger, depression and somewhere hope.

Always.

After all, some broken love stories still do get their happy ending eventually so why couldn’t you? Perhaps, you’ll go through a relapse and it will work out. And maybe it won’t and eventually you’ll enter the final – liberating yet excruciating – stage: moving on.

In the end, we’re all mending our broken selves the best way we can because we have no choice but to carry on living. Yet, the choice of how heavy a burden our pain will be is up to us.

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Just like C.S Lewis once said:

“It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.”

Featured photo credit: you have my back via flickr.com

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Last Updated on July 10, 2020

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

There will always be times in your life when you may need to learn how to reinvent yourself. This could come when you experience a big change, such as leaving your job, moving on from a relationship, transferring to a new home, or losing a loved one. If you are going through a major shift in your life, you may have to find new ways of thinking or doing things, or risk failing to reach your full potential.

“When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.”

Many people who dared to leave their old unhappy lives enabled themselves to pursue their passions and find a renewed zest for living. You can also achieve the same if you take a leap of faith and make things happen for yourself.

To help you always be at your best wherever you may be in your life, here are some practical tips on how to reinvent yourself.

The Reinvention Checklist

Before embarking on a journey of self-reinvention, you need to make sure that you have everything that you need to make the trip bump-proof. These things include:

Resilience

Problems and obstacles are guaranteed to happen. Some of them will be difficult and may knock you off course; the important thing, however, is that you learn from these difficulties, never lose focus, and always get back up. This requires building resilience to get through the tough times.

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Support

Humans are social beings. Although it is important that you learn to rely on yourself when facing any challenge, it is also important to have a support team that you can lean on to give you a boost when things get too tough and to correct you when you’re making mistakes.

The key is to find the right balance between independence and dependence. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and share the difficulties you’re facing. When you open up, you’ll find the people who are really going to be there for you.

Self-Care

During the process of learning how to reinvent yourself, you will have to pull yourself away from your old comfort zones, habits, roles, and self-perceptions. This can be difficult and cause you to question your self-worth, so it’s important to engage in self-care to maintain a positive outlook and keep your mind and body healthy as you face the challenges that await you. Self-care can include:

  • Participating in a hobby you enjoy
  • Spending time with your support system
  • Taking some time to walk in nature
  • Practicing loving-kindness meditation

Find what works for you and what helps you feel like your true self as you seek a reinvented version of you.

How to Reinvent Yourself

Once you’re sure that you’re equipped with all the tools in the self-reinvention checklist, you can begin your journey of learning how to reinvent yourself.

1. Discover Your Strengths

This step provides valuable information on how you deal with certain situations. If you have this information, you will be able to manage difficulties more efficiently.

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To find out what your strengths are, you can ask your friends and colleagues for feedback, engage in self-reflection, or try these 10 Ways to Find Your Own Personal Strengths.

2. Plan

This step calls for a thorough assessment of your current emotional, psychological, and financial status so that you can develop plans that are realistic and practical.

It’s okay to have ambitious dreams, but your plans have to be realistic. Making use of SMART goals can help you plan your life better.

You can also consult your mentor or life coach for practical tips and advice.

Ultimately, you’ll want to create specific long-term and short-term goals that you can create milestones for. By doing this, you’ll lay out a specific roadmap to your reinvented self.

3. Try Things Out

Sometimes, we don’t know if solutions actually work until we try them out. This is why it is important to experiment whenever possible, especially if you’re dealing with a career change. You may need to simply experiment in order to find the things you like. This can be the same with hobbies. If you’re not sure what you would like doing, accept invitations from friends to join them in their favorite sport or take a class, like pottery or photography.

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By seeing what’s out there in any area of your life, you’ll have a better chance of finding the things you enjoy and the goals you want to create.

4. Manage Your Finances Well

Changes may require a bit of money. If you’re shifting to a new career, you may have to pay for training. If you’re going through a tough divorce or having a hard time dealing with the death of a loved one, you may have to pay for therapy. If you’re moving to a new home, you’ll definitely have to pay a whole lot of expenses.

All of these things are possible, but it will require a bit of money savviness as you learn how to reinvent yourself. If you have that cushion, you’ll feel more comfortable straying from your current path to try new things.

5. Muster Your Courage

Fears and self-doubt may arise when you encounter difficulties and setbacks. Sometimes, they may also come when you’re taking risks. You have to manage these negative emotions well and not allow them to discourage you. Tap into your courage and try doing at least one new thing each week to develop it.

Learn how to deal with your self-doubts to move forward in this article: How Self Doubt Keeps You Stuck (And How to Overcome It)

6. Use Your Support Group

As stated above, you need to build a strong support group before you even start the process of reinventing yourself. Your group will keep you from taking wrong turns and encourage you when you get too weighed down by problems. Don’t be afraid to call them, or even ask them out for coffee if you need to vent about the current difficulties you’re facing.

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7. Remind Yourself Every Day of Your Commitment

Write your goals on different-sized cards and scatter them at home and at work in places where you can easily see them. This way, you will constantly be reminded of where you want to be. Remember, writing down your goals helps them stick[1].

8. Accept Failure, Learn, and Resume Your Journey

Failing is normal, especially when we’re trying out something new. When you fail, simply recognize it, learn from it, and move on. Failure, in the end, is the best way to learn what does and doesn’t work, and you simply won’t be able to learn how to reinvent yourself if you don’t accept the inevitable failures that await you.

Final Thoughts

If you truly want to learn how to reinvent yourself and live the life you desire, take the advice above and start taking action. It will take time, patience, and plenty of effort to make the change you want happen, but it will be all worth it.

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Featured photo credit: Ashley Rich via unsplash.com

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