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These 9 Amazing Things Will Happen When You Show People Who You Really Are

These 9 Amazing Things Will Happen When You Show People Who You Really Are

It’s hard to show people who we truly are. We’re taught that if we don’t build massive walls of protection we’ll get hurt, and it’s these walls that our true selves are hiding behind. The result is us living within the expectations of others and forgetting to take care of ourselves and live our own lives.

Our lives become about everyone else and not about us. We start interpreting ourselves and our lives based on how others are interpreting themselves and their lives. It then becomes a competition on who can externalize themselves the best. You only have to look on Facebook to see this. When you start showing people who you really are, none of this matters. You start to realize that competition is exhausting, boring, and pointless. It becomes a waste of energy that could be better used on positive pursuits.

When you start showing people who you really are, a number of amazing things happen.

1. You’ll have confidence in yourself

This confidence will mean that you’ll be able to achieve anything you put your mind to. You’ll realise that the only person holding you back is you and that your potential is limitless. Want to ask your boss for that well-deserved, long-overdue raise? No problem! Met someone you like and want to ask them out on a date? Bring it on! Your confidence will radiate out and draw in new experiences and new people to share this confidence with. It’ll help you realize your capabilities — you can deliver an excellent and well-informed presentation at work, and you can communicate effectively with your loved ones.

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2. You’ll start to consciously choose the people who you surround yourself with

You’ll begin to realize that sometimes you need to let go of certain types of people. For example, there may be one friend who is always around when you’re feeling good, but they’re nowhere to be found when you’re feeling down. You’ll evaluate whether it’s worth having these kinds of people around you. Your circle of trust will eventually be filled with people who are honest, open, and accepting, people who share your beliefs and values.

3. You’ll let go of the need to impress other people

You will define yourself based on what makes you feel good and not on what makes other people feel good. There’s more to you, and to life, than impressing other people. Other people’s opinions and judgments won’t matter because your sense of self-worth will be solid. You’ll come to realise that people will always have an opinion, but you will have reached a place where their opinions will fly over your head. Everything you do, you’ll be doing for you because you want to and not because it’s the expected thing to do. As Alan Watts says in his book Become Who You Are, “Know WHAT you want, not what you OUGHT to want.”

4. You’ll accept yourself

This goes hand in hand with showing people who you really are. To show someone who you are – warts and all – is to accept yourself. Quite simply, you are who you are. You know this. You know you’re not a morning person, you know slow drivers frustrate you, you know you give honest advice, you know you’re brilliant at your job. You know all this, but you accept that certain things frustrate you and you accept that you’re talented. Acceptance doesn’t mean arrogance. It means you know what does and doesn’t work for you. Most importantly, you accept that no one is perfect. As you accept yourself, acceptance of others will naturally follow. This means that people will gravitate to you because they know you won’t judge them and they can be themselves without fear.

5. You’ll develop an inner strength that no one can take away

This will be reflected in the life choices you make, whether it’s knowing you deserve that promotion at work, consciously choosing a partner that reflects your same beliefs, or even choosing to have some “me time” and not feeling guilty about it. No matter what life may throw your way, you’ll be fully adapted and well equipped to deal with it. Even something like saying “no” and setting clear boundaries takes inner strength that a lot of people don’t utilize as often as they need to.

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6. You’ll find that personal and professional fulfilment will become more important

What is it that makes you tick? What activity makes time disappear and has you forgetting to eat, drink, and go to the toilet? You’ll start focusing on yourself and what it is you want from life and you’ll discover new passions or reignite old ones. You’ve spent so much time hiding who you are that now you have the freedom, the confidence, and the know-how to fulfil long-held dreams and ideas. Through showing people who you really are, you’re unleashing aspects of yourself to yourself. You’ll know yourself better for it, which enables you to make the decision that you want more from life. Now, you’ll want to do something for you.

7. You’ll smile more and your outlook on life will be much more positive

Yes! A smile will never be far from your lips! And because you’ll be smiling more, you’ll attract positive people to you. A smile shows that you’re engaged, you’re actively listening, and you’re a cheerful person. Positivity breeds positivity, and so how you connect with other people changes for the better. Suddenly, you’ll find yourself focusing on other people’s positive attributes as well as your own. As an added bonus, positive people tend to attract other positive people, and so your circle becomes much happier and supportive.

8. You’ll be happier

You won’t be hiding yourself away from the world. You won’t be pretending to be something you’re not. You’ll start being honest with the most important person in your life: you. You’ll express your uniqueness and love every second of it. With this happiness will come a sense of inner peace. It’s like a breath of fresh air has just blown into your life and whisked away all the expectations and worries, replacing them with a conscious stillness. This will ripple out into every aspect of your life and to the people around you. Just as positivity attracts positivity, so happiness attracts happiness.

9. You’ll take back your power

No longer will you be led by other people’s ideas or expectations. Before we were taught how we should act or feel, we were children who found amazement and wonder in everything. As you show people who you are, you’re showing them a part of your soul and you will feel amazing about it. Perhaps you’ve always felt strongly about an important social cause but haven’t actively pursued your interest because you’ve been afraid of what other people may think. When you start showing who you really are and standing up for that cause, people may be surprised at first, but they’ll most likely be supportive and may even join you! The point is you’ll know that your life is yours and that you may as well spend it being who you are and showing that gift off to the world.

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In Conclusion

Becoming who you really are and showing this to the world will not result in rejection. Admittedly, it may take others a while to get their heads around the “new you,” but secretly they’re wishing they had the confidence to do it for themselves. If people can’t accept you for who you are, then you don’t need them in your life.

People make the assumption that showing people who you really are is being “too honest,” which often is negatively associated with “brutal honesty.” This is not the case. Yes, you’ll be more honest, but it’ll always be from a place of compassion and never with the intention to hurt someone.

You have the power to show your real self off to the world. The question is, are you allowing people see who you really are, or are you still hiding? Are you allowing other people to show you who they are?

Show people who you really are. Amazing things happen when you do.

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“You cannot fail at being yourself.” – Wayne Dyer

Featured photo credit: Dancing Girl Jumping In Street Looking Happy/Ed Gregory via dl.dropboxusercontent.com

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Last Updated on February 20, 2019

How to Master Effective Communication Skills at Work and Home

How to Master Effective Communication Skills at Work and Home

Possessing effective communication skills is a powerful tool to have. Effective communication skills are essential to success in many aspects and areas of your life. There are a lot of jobs that require you to be a good communicator.

Strong communication skills help you enjoy better relationships with friends and family. Being an effective communicator will give you advantages in more ways than you can imagine.

Conversely, being poor at communicating will negatively impact your life.

Let’s take a look at how to master effective communication skills at work and home.

What is Effective Communication?

Probably a good place to start is to paint a picture of what clear communication is.

Effective communication is defined as verbal speech or other communication methods to get your point across. Sounds pretty simple, right? It does but there’s more to it than that.

It’s really about how all of us interact and communicate in every aspect of our lives. It’s the ability to say something at the right time; to be able to get multiple people on the same page in a group decision. It’s how that one friend of yours who plans most of the activities is able to get everyone to the same place at the same time.

Non-verbal communication is key to being effective as well. It’s the ability to have your body language say the right thing so the person you’re speaking to knows your listening.

Effective communicators don’t react to situations with high emotion. It means not having to say something all the time in every situation. You are even being an effective communicator when you show up to pick your daughter up from the mall when you say you will. You are communicating to her that she can rely on you.

Are You a Poor Communicator?

Before we get too deep into how to be a master communicator, let’s take a look at your communication skills.

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If you find yourself agreeing with a lot of these, you might want to sharpen your communication skills.

  • You’re constantly interrupting – Hey, I know, we all want to be listened to. We all want to get our point across. Most importantly, we want to be understood. If you find yourself interrupting all the time you aren’t listening enough.
  • Doing too much – Many of us are master multi-taskers. It’s not good if you are communicating with someone. When you try to do too much while speaking with someone, you aren’t paying attention to what they are saying. Lack of focus is bad.
  • Rambling – I know of several people I work with who do this constantly. I honestly dread having to speak to them. The worst part is even though a lot of words are coming out of their mouths, they really aren’t saying anything. I’m more confused after they answer my question.
  • Not being direct – Nothing wrong with emails or reports. However, if you can convey the same information quickly and directly to someone, it is much more effective. Why write a 2 paragraph email when you can pick up the phone and say the same information in 2 sentences?
  • Always talking about yourself – Everybody likes to relate things to their own experiences. It draws us together and helps us create a feeling of sharing and community. If you are always coloring someone else’s conversation with a similar situation in your life, people will think you are making everything about you. Don’t be that person!
  • Using a lot of qualifiers – Qualifiers are fine for the most part. When you use them as a crutch most of the time when you speak, it’s not helping your communication. Sometimes, we do this to makes things seem “softer”. Saying things like “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way but…” or “I know what you’re thinking but…” over and over doesn’t help you communicate.
  • Your ears don’t work – If you don’t listen well, you can’t answer someone correctly. In order to be an effective communicator, you have to understand what someone else is saying to you. If you don’t listen with purpose you will only have part of the picture.
  • Bad body language – The importance of body language is well documented. If you don’t look at someone when they are speaking, it appears that you don’t really care what’s being said. This makes people feel like you don’t care what they are saying and it’s not important to you. Other bad body language examples include always crossing your arms and not looking someone in the eyes.

What Effective Communication Can Do For You

Let’s take a look at how being able to effectively communicate can help you at work and in your personal relationships.

Work

  • Better client relationships – You certainly want a great communicator to be handling your client relationships. Strong communicators represent both the client and your company is the best manner.
  • Higher employee engagement – Pretty critical if you are a leader or a manager of people. An engaging and interactive communicator in a leadership position is wonderful for employees.
  • Getting better buy in from others – This is great whether you are a manager or individual contributor. Strong communicators tend to get people moving and working towards a common goal.
  • Helps mitigate conflict – Good communicators are able to help resolve conflicts quicker and easier. This helps smooth things over and keeps projects and initiatives moving forward.
  • Builds trust – You want to be able to trust who you work for and with. Effective communicators are good at establishing and building trust between people and groups.
  • Solves problems – Problems are solved by people with the ability to communicate clearly between groups and people. Those without good communication skills many times add to the confusion of a problem because they are unable to articulate their thoughts and ideas.

Personal relationships

  • Creates closeness – A good communicator is able to help foster a feeling of closeness with his or her partner.
  • Makes conflict okay – It’s actually better to fight with your partner from time to time instead of never fighting. We all have differences of opinion and points of view. When we don’t express these and bury it inside by not communicating, it just comes out later in a more negative form.
  • Provides support – It’s nice to know that someone cares about you and supports you. A strong communicator will ask how you’re doing and be a good sounding board for what you’re going through.
  • Expressing feelings – People who are not effective communicators tend to be not very good at expressing how they feel. This makes it tough to share your feelings with you partner.
  • Get the loving you want – In order to get the physical, mental, and emotional love you want and need, you have to be able to communicate clearly and appropriately with your spouse or partner. This is done through effective communication.
  • Eliminate mistrust, doubt, faithlessness, and insecurities – Many times these seeds are sown due to a lack of communication. If your partner rarely tells you where he or she is going, you will tend to start coming up with your own ideas. Often these aren’t true but how would you know if you aren’t told?

Can You Improve Your Communication Skills?

The short answer is yes, of course you can improve your communication skills.

Improving or changing anything in your life takes some work and effort but it can be done. You have to keep in mind your starting point and your goal.

If you are not a very good communicator now and you want to be able to give a motivating speech to a large graduating class, you’d better get working.

On the other hand, if you get along fairly well in general but want to be able to improve your relationship with your boss or spouse by being able to master effective communication, you may just need some guidance and practice.

Either way, if you want to master effective communication skills at both work and home, it will take a little work and effort. Doing so will benefit you in many ways.

How to Master Effective Communication Skills

In general mastering effective communication skills will help you at both work and home. Let’s look at how to improve verbal, written, and body language communication skills. These will help you create better relationships everywhere you go!

1. Learn how to listen

Speaking is only half of the communication equation. Sharpen your listening skills so you are able to process what the other person is saying. You can then respond it a well-informed manner.

Check out these active listening guidelines to be a better listener.

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2. Make eye contact

Having regular eye contact with someone while you are having a conversation shows you care what they are saying. When you are looking at the floor or out the window it gives the impression that you aren’t paying attention.

Take a look at this advice on how to make engaging eye contact.

3. Ask questions

When you ask someone questions, you are able to clarify what they are saying to ensure you get the whole picture. If you don’t understand it fully, ask questions.

Do you know that it takes some skills to ask questions too? Here’s how to be good at asking questions.

4. Watch body language

Watch both yours and the other persons.

We all know if you have a conversation with your arms crossed the entire time, it gives off a bad vibe. Have open, engaging body language when speaking with someone.

On the flip side, if you see someone’s eyes glazing over while speaking to you, it’s probably a good idea to wrap it up.

Take a look at these top 20 body language indicators to learn more.

5. Speak confidently

Sometimes this is easier said than done. If you communicate in an open, direct, and clear manner, it subtly shows people that you are confident in what you are saying.

It doesn’t mean you always have to be right but delivering your thoughts with confidence helps your case.

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These tips will help you speak more confidently.

6. Keep it simple

You don’t always have to be succinct in your communication. There is a lot of value in being able to tell a great story.

That being said, there are many instances where keeping it simple is very helpful. This is especially true at work in both verbal conversations as well as written like emails.

7. Know your audience

You should have a certain style when communicating with your boss. Another style of communication is better with your spouse and probably others with your kids or friends.

Know your audience to help you communicate the most effectively.

8. Be empathetic and understanding

There is a massive amount of power in being empathetic. And I mean that in a very positive way.

Showing that you are empathetic and understanding to another person goes a long way to creating a great bond with that person. We all want to be understood. It’s that simple.

Think it’s a challenge for you? These 5 tips for empathetic listening will help you.

9. Pause before reacting

There have been a number of times when I’ve read an email that just came in and had an instant reaction to reading it. And I don’t mean a positive reaction. My less effective ways of dealing and communicating has been to send a scathing email back.

When I’ve communicated more appropriately, I’ve waited a while before I responded. This is true in verbal situations as well.

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10. Over communicate

You’d think if you tell someone something that should be the end of it, right? Done deal. Not so fast.

I’m not recommending you tell someone the same thing 10 times in a row. With as many distractions as we all have these days, it’s generally a good idea to follow up on something you’ve communicated a few times if it’s important.

Conclusion

Having effective communication skills at both work and home will help you immensely.

At work, it helps you in your career in many ways.

Communicating well with your boss leads to a solid, symbiotic working relationship. You’re able to clearly articulate what you need to do your job well. You can share your vision and strategy with your boss and others. Good communicators are needed in management roles and leading others. Fostering an environment of effective communication leads to a great work environment.

At home, having effective communication skills will help you achieve the type of relationship you want with your spouse.

You are able to speak freely and openly about your feelings. You can share your wants and needs in a manner that your spouse understands. Your spouse will feel understood and supported by you which is a wonderful feeling to have. And being able to have a disagreement and work through it due to strong communication skills is amazing.

Look at how you can master effective communication skills at work and home to help create more satisfying relationships in all phases of your life.

More Resources About Work Communication

Featured photo credit: NeONBRAND via unsplash.com

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