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10 Mind Tricks That Exceptionally Likeable People Are Good At

10 Mind Tricks That Exceptionally Likeable People Are Good At

Do you think you come across as likeable in conversation? For some people, coming across as likeable and friendly is just a way of life, but it can be more of a struggle for others. It doesn’t have to be – check out 10 mind tricks that exceptionally likeable people are good at.

1. Maintain eye contact for 60% of the conversation

Eye contact can either make or break a conversation, and you should be aiming to maintain eye contact for roughly 60% of the conversation if you want to come across as extra-likeable. Making less eye contact than this can make you make you seem disinterested and bored, but any more and you can come across as aggressive or strange. Keeping eye contact for 60% of the conversation will make you seem genuinely interested and friendly.

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2. Use silence to find answers

Often, people who are nervous tend to talk too much to fill in any possible silences, but this is rarely the best tactic if you are looking to make a good impression. If someone is slow to respond to you, don’t fill the silence with words unless you actually have something to say. A friendly silence often encourages the other person to speak up, which helps to make sure you are both contributing equally.

3. Make the most eye contact with the person you know

If you feel lost in group conversations but you want to contribute, don’t worry about having to speak up. Likeable people tend to look at the person they are closest to whenever something funny or shocking is said. They do this to share moments with the people they know the best, helping them to forge deep bonds.

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4. Physically invite trust

Body language is an big factor when it comes to you seeming either likeable or aggressive. Likeable people tend to use open palmed gestures to show they are trustworthy and friendly. They also try to avoid pointing or standing too close to the person they are talking to, as both can come across as aggressive or rude.

5. Ask questions

People like other people who show a genuine interest in the things they are interested in. Likeable people always try to ask questions after listening to a story, as it shows they were paying attention and are interested enough to want to know more.

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6. Accept favors to be more likeable

Surprisingly when someone does you a favor, it actually makes them like you more. This is because when they agree to help you, they justify the decision in their head by thinking “I like them and we are friends, so I am happy to do this”. It may not be wise to start requesting favors from everyone, but you will seem more likeable if you accept a favor when someone offers.

7. Nod as you talk

Nodding while you talk makes the other person more likely to agree with you. It is all body language; people tend to subconsciously mimic the person they are talking to to try and understand them, so it is more probable that they will agree with you.

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8. Show excitement and joy

Humans are prone to mirroring the behavior of the people around them, so it will make you seem super likeable if you project excitement and happiness as it is likely they will follow your lead.

9. Remember specific details

Another important part of being likeable and friendly is remembering specific details from conversations you were a part of. From a funny story to something on the news, bringing these things up next time you see the person will show them that you were enjoying the conversation and that it stayed in your mind.

10. Frequently use names

Overly using a name may make you seem a little strange, but try to use the other person’s name whenever it feels natural or normal. This helps to get their full attention and it helps to strengthen the bond between you. If you are not sure when to say their name, it often feels natural and friendly at the very beginning and end of your conversation.

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Amy Johnson

Amy is a writer who blogs about relationships and lifestyle advice.

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Last Updated on August 6, 2020

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

Are we speaking the same language?

My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

Am I being lazy?

When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

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Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

Early in the relationship:

“Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

When the relationship is established:

“Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

Have I actually got anything to say?

When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

Am I painting an accurate picture?

One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

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How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

What words am I using?

It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

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Is the map really the territory?

Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

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