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10 Mind Tricks That Exceptionally Likeable People Are Good At

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10 Mind Tricks That Exceptionally Likeable People Are Good At

Do you think you come across as likeable in conversation? For some people, coming across as likeable and friendly is just a way of life, but it can be more of a struggle for others. It doesn’t have to be – check out 10 mind tricks that exceptionally likeable people are good at.

1. Maintain eye contact for 60% of the conversation

Eye contact can either make or break a conversation, and you should be aiming to maintain eye contact for roughly 60% of the conversation if you want to come across as extra-likeable. Making less eye contact than this can make you make you seem disinterested and bored, but any more and you can come across as aggressive or strange. Keeping eye contact for 60% of the conversation will make you seem genuinely interested and friendly.

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2. Use silence to find answers

Often, people who are nervous tend to talk too much to fill in any possible silences, but this is rarely the best tactic if you are looking to make a good impression. If someone is slow to respond to you, don’t fill the silence with words unless you actually have something to say. A friendly silence often encourages the other person to speak up, which helps to make sure you are both contributing equally.

3. Make the most eye contact with the person you know

If you feel lost in group conversations but you want to contribute, don’t worry about having to speak up. Likeable people tend to look at the person they are closest to whenever something funny or shocking is said. They do this to share moments with the people they know the best, helping them to forge deep bonds.

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4. Physically invite trust

Body language is an big factor when it comes to you seeming either likeable or aggressive. Likeable people tend to use open palmed gestures to show they are trustworthy and friendly. They also try to avoid pointing or standing too close to the person they are talking to, as both can come across as aggressive or rude.

5. Ask questions

People like other people who show a genuine interest in the things they are interested in. Likeable people always try to ask questions after listening to a story, as it shows they were paying attention and are interested enough to want to know more.

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6. Accept favors to be more likeable

Surprisingly when someone does you a favor, it actually makes them like you more. This is because when they agree to help you, they justify the decision in their head by thinking “I like them and we are friends, so I am happy to do this”. It may not be wise to start requesting favors from everyone, but you will seem more likeable if you accept a favor when someone offers.

7. Nod as you talk

Nodding while you talk makes the other person more likely to agree with you. It is all body language; people tend to subconsciously mimic the person they are talking to to try and understand them, so it is more probable that they will agree with you.

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8. Show excitement and joy

Humans are prone to mirroring the behavior of the people around them, so it will make you seem super likeable if you project excitement and happiness as it is likely they will follow your lead.

9. Remember specific details

Another important part of being likeable and friendly is remembering specific details from conversations you were a part of. From a funny story to something on the news, bringing these things up next time you see the person will show them that you were enjoying the conversation and that it stayed in your mind.

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10. Frequently use names

Overly using a name may make you seem a little strange, but try to use the other person’s name whenever it feels natural or normal. This helps to get their full attention and it helps to strengthen the bond between you. If you are not sure when to say their name, it often feels natural and friendly at the very beginning and end of your conversation.

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Amy Johnson

Amy is a writer who blogs about relationships and lifestyle advice.

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Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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