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10 Mind Tricks That Exceptionally Likeable People Are Good At

10 Mind Tricks That Exceptionally Likeable People Are Good At

Do you think you come across as likeable in conversation? For some people, coming across as likeable and friendly is just a way of life, but it can be more of a struggle for others. It doesn’t have to be – check out 10 mind tricks that exceptionally likeable people are good at.

1. Maintain eye contact for 60% of the conversation

Eye contact can either make or break a conversation, and you should be aiming to maintain eye contact for roughly 60% of the conversation if you want to come across as extra-likeable. Making less eye contact than this can make you make you seem disinterested and bored, but any more and you can come across as aggressive or strange. Keeping eye contact for 60% of the conversation will make you seem genuinely interested and friendly.

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2. Use silence to find answers

Often, people who are nervous tend to talk too much to fill in any possible silences, but this is rarely the best tactic if you are looking to make a good impression. If someone is slow to respond to you, don’t fill the silence with words unless you actually have something to say. A friendly silence often encourages the other person to speak up, which helps to make sure you are both contributing equally.

3. Make the most eye contact with the person you know

If you feel lost in group conversations but you want to contribute, don’t worry about having to speak up. Likeable people tend to look at the person they are closest to whenever something funny or shocking is said. They do this to share moments with the people they know the best, helping them to forge deep bonds.

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4. Physically invite trust

Body language is an big factor when it comes to you seeming either likeable or aggressive. Likeable people tend to use open palmed gestures to show they are trustworthy and friendly. They also try to avoid pointing or standing too close to the person they are talking to, as both can come across as aggressive or rude.

5. Ask questions

People like other people who show a genuine interest in the things they are interested in. Likeable people always try to ask questions after listening to a story, as it shows they were paying attention and are interested enough to want to know more.

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6. Accept favors to be more likeable

Surprisingly when someone does you a favor, it actually makes them like you more. This is because when they agree to help you, they justify the decision in their head by thinking “I like them and we are friends, so I am happy to do this”. It may not be wise to start requesting favors from everyone, but you will seem more likeable if you accept a favor when someone offers.

7. Nod as you talk

Nodding while you talk makes the other person more likely to agree with you. It is all body language; people tend to subconsciously mimic the person they are talking to to try and understand them, so it is more probable that they will agree with you.

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8. Show excitement and joy

Humans are prone to mirroring the behavior of the people around them, so it will make you seem super likeable if you project excitement and happiness as it is likely they will follow your lead.

9. Remember specific details

Another important part of being likeable and friendly is remembering specific details from conversations you were a part of. From a funny story to something on the news, bringing these things up next time you see the person will show them that you were enjoying the conversation and that it stayed in your mind.

10. Frequently use names

Overly using a name may make you seem a little strange, but try to use the other person’s name whenever it feels natural or normal. This helps to get their full attention and it helps to strengthen the bond between you. If you are not sure when to say their name, it often feels natural and friendly at the very beginning and end of your conversation.

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Amy Johnson

Amy is a writer who blogs about relationships and lifestyle advice.

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Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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