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5 Facts About Anxious Men to Help You Help Them

5 Facts About Anxious Men to Help You Help Them

There is a growing awareness of mental health issues in the United States. From athletes, celebrities, actors, and so forth, many public figures have come forth and admitted their struggle with one form of social anxiety or another. For that reason, we have compiled a list of information to remember if you happen to be in a relationship with a man with one of these anxiety disorders. They are more prevalent and less debilitating that one might think, but anxiety is still there and still may have an effect on a relationship. Just remember these points about anxious men and you’ll be golden.

1. He loves you back so much it scares him

Anxious men are not incapable of love. In fact, they may desire it much more than most other men would. However, what sets anxious men apart is that love for them is in some way painful or difficult; it just raises so many more questions for his ever restless brain. So when you say, “I love you,” or show affection, and he only grunts back to you, it’s because many thoughts are racing through his head, and he can’t even begin to organize them.

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2. It’s not something he can just get over

A small segment of society is still afraid of mental illness, and, in response to anxiety or other, more severe mental issues, that segment is likely to say something like, “Oh, he will grow out of it,” or “Shut up and be a man.” The best way I’ve ever seen this illustrated was via a simple Internet cartoon, in which placed side-by-side were a picture of a man with his arm cut off, and picture of a man with his metaphorical heart cut out. In the one on the with the arm cut off, the doctor was saying, “Maybe it’s just all in your head!” That was designed to illustrate how real anxiety is–its not something that can just be gotten over– it must be treated the same way a severed arm would, which is with long-term care and adjustment.

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3. He is constantly being told his anxiety makes him not a man

The historical stereotype of the ultimate male is one of an emotionally-impervious, self-sufficient he-man who can withstand and overcome anything. In his book, Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons From the Myths of Boyhood, author William Pollock lays out how this stereotype not only handicaps males than are sensitive to the outside world, but also contributes to their anxiety. What I’m saying is, that if a man is anxious about something, then, due to historical gender roles, he may become anxious about being anxious, creating a downward spiral of nervousness.

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4. If he feels safe around you and you prove yourself, he will become an enduring pillar of strength for you

Because he has had to learn to hide his emotions, it might take a while for you to get a anxious man to open up. But once he does, he will be intensely loyal. This man will likely have spent years fighting an image of himself as an emotional weakling, so he will have a bevvy of coping mechanisms and ways to control negativity coming either from outside stimuli or internal thought processes, and, if you give him time, he can teach you these defense mechanisms and much, much more.

5. He will be somewhat afraid to speak about his anxiety in public, but he will recognize the need to do so

All guys, not just anxious ones, know how to ignore their feelings, sublimating sports or video games or music to cover the reality of the thoughts in their heads. But anxious men, once they get their thoughts under control, will eventually come around to the idea of educating others on how it affects them, because, at a time in America when public massacres are consistently committed by men with mental health issues, they will feel the need to reassure people that most men ARE able to grow and cope with their issues, and only the smallest fraction degenerate towards any type of violence.

Featured photo credit: Man Nervously Biting Lip/GianluK via flickr.com

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Last Updated on September 10, 2019

7 Morning Rituals to Empower Your Day And Change Your Life

7 Morning Rituals to Empower Your Day And Change Your Life

Most of your reality is not a given. It is shaped by your expectations, beliefs and thoughts you have formed about it. A big chunk of these beliefs and expectations are encoded into habits you integrate in your daily life.

Yes, some of these habits are formed unconsciously and can be counter-productive or limiting but conversely, you can consciously form positive habits that will transform and empower your life significantly.

This is a powerful point of departure that more and more people are becoming aware of. The most common trait of highly successful people is the recognition of the power they have in co-creating their reality through changing the way they think, believe or expect their reality to be.

One of the most effective ways of changing our belief patterns is through practising and maintaining daily rituals. Ancient traditions had clearly understood the power of rituals in reinforcing habits and changing the way we see and create our reality a long, long time ago.

Once again, if you look into the life history of any highly successful individual, you will find some form of ritual in their daily routine. Some of these rituals may seem banal or eccentric but don’t be deceived by appearances. Rituals are one of the most effective self-empowering tools freely available at the practitioner’s disposal – that is, you!

Below are some the easiest yet life-changing morning rituals you can do every day. Of course, you can have your own afternoon or bed-time rituals but morning rituals are extremely effective in empowering your day since they help you charge yourself before it all starts.

1. Gratitude

Feeling gratitude and appreciation for those little signs and moments of joy happening in your life is probably one of the most overlooked or underestimated rituals. It is a perfect morning ritual to start your day on a very positive key.

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The real power of gratitude is that it makes you pick out and focus on what is working in your life – what is in tune with your being as a whole. It is selectively positive. It reinforces happiness and positivity by shedding light on those awesome things, small or big, that grace your everyday living.

Quite often, we just pick out the pain points, the problems, the bottle necks, whatever it is that is not working in our life and causing friction, anxiety and unhappiness. This is like constantly rewriting the script of your life with a negative or tragic overtone. Your subconscious mind follows faithfully that script you write whether it is a negative or positive one.

So feeling gratitude is undoubtedly an immensely empowering ritual. Start your day by being thankful for those positive things that happened the previous day or throughout the week. It could be something really petty and small. It doesn’t matter. You might be grateful for an unexpected visit from an old friend, a beautiful encounter with a kind stranger, a new opportunity or whatever it is that shines your way. Do it every morning and see what happens during the day.

Gratitude-Quotes

    2. Writing Down Your Most Important Tasks

    This is a very practical ritual. Start your day by identifying and writing down from one to three of the most important tasks you need to complete during that day. These tasks are ones which support important long term goals that are aligned to your purpose, passion or general direction in life.

    For example, if writing a book or building an online community are important long term goals which are aligned to your personal growth, then an important task for the day might be finishing off a particular page or two of the book or coming up with fresh content ideas for the online community.

    What is important with this ritual is that you identify these tasks and complete them as early in the day as possible. Of course, you will have other tasks apart from the ones you will write down but, these are tasks which can be tackled later or batched up and carried out in one go.

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    Writing down your most important tasks in the morning helps you focus your day and life according to what is essential. It helps you prioritize and manage your time better. As a result, you simplify your life by applying your focus and energy on what really counts for your overall life progress.

    3. Affirm Your Goals in Writing or Drawing

    This is similar to the previous idea but different in its application and purpose. Writing down your most important tasks of the day is a way to have a concrete structure of action to follow. Affirming your goals, on the other hand, is a very powerful way of crystallizing your vision and goals in life into your everyday mental space.

    Writing down or doodling your goals on a piece of paper helps you externalize those goals by giving them form. In return, they are reflected back in your subconscious mind and thus, reinforcing them and integrating them more wholly.

    An example of this would be writing down “I am achieving greater success in my career” or “I am becoming healthier and stronger through my exercise.” Notice the present tense being used as a way to tell yourself you are in the process already. Remember the life script we subconsciously follow? You are basically modifying the script to be applied now in the present.

    Drawing or doodling can be equally, or even more, effective  (if you are more of a visual person) as it summarizes a graphical representation of your goals. For example, if your goal is to build a new house or live in another country, you can draw the house or draw things that symbolise the country you want to live in.

    write down goals

      4. Practice Qi Gong Exercises

      According to Chinese philosophy, Qi (pronounced ‘Chee’) means the life force or energy inherent in all things;[1] and Qi Gong is the practice to cultivate and circulate that energy in your body. This may sound esoteric or complicated but actually, Qi Gong is really a set of simple exercises aimed at increasing your health and vitality.

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      There are numerous forms and practices available for free through the online media. As a morning ritual, I recommend following these simple exercises by Qi Gong master Lee Holden:

      5. Drink Hot Water with Lemon

      Simply add a slice of lemon in a glass of hot water and drink one every morning. This is a very simple ritual I follow faithfully every morning.

      Apart from being a good source of vitamin C and a great way of flushing out toxins in the morning, it balances and maintains the PH levels in the body, reduces pain and inflammation in joints and knees and helps nourishing brain and nerve cells. Here are some more benefits of drinking hot water with lemon.

      6. Rise Earlier

      The practical advantages of waking up early are obvious.

      For example, you gain more time for doing exercise such as walking, cycling or Qi Gong as suggested above. You gain more time to be with yourself to reflect, meditate or, more importantly, carry out the other morning rituals.

      So rising early can be seen as a foundation for all the other morning rituals. Many, like myself, find that they are more productive in the early hours of the day.

      Also, various studies have shown that there are many other benefits from waking up an hour or two earlier in the morning. Sleeping early and waking up early helps the body attune with the earth’s circadian rhythms thus, promoting more restorative sleep. Other curious results from such studies show, for instance, that early risers tend to be more optimistic and can anticipate and solve problems more efficiently than the norm.[2]

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      7. Listen to Uplifting Music

      Uplifting music can have a direct impact on our mood, especially in the morning. It charges us emotionally and tunes us into a more positive outlook of the day ahead.

      Most people wake up to music or listen to music as they commute to work. Very often, however, they tune in to a radio or randomly pick a playlist from their device. Being more selective and conscious of the music you listen to in the morning can have a great impact on your day and life in general.

      It’s funny how we try to choose music according to our mood. For example if you are feeling down or disappointed by something, you are more prone to listen to music that reflects that mood – for instance blues, sad songs or downtempo music. This has the effect of reinforcing that mood. What you need to do is the exact opposite and retune your mood by listening to music that beats to a different tune than that mood.

      Try to listen to more uplifting music in the morning even if, or especially if, your mood does not dictate so.

      More About Energetic Habits & Rituals

      Featured photo credit: Carli Jeen via unsplash.com

      Reference

      [1] Live Science: What Is Qi Gong
      [2] Harvard Business Review: Defend Your Research: The Early Bird Really Does Get the Worm

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