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5 Things You Should Keep In Mind About Dating A Gentlelady

5 Things You Should Keep In Mind About Dating A Gentlelady

While you may not be as familiar with the term “gentlelady” as your are with the term “gentleman”, the term has a similar meaning but in a female context. A gentlelady carries herself with class and is often proud to be associated with this group. Whether you are one or you are dating one, here are some tips for dating and loving a person that is a gentlelady.

1. They are not easy

Gentleladies are not in a hurry to “get to the second base” or to “seal the deal” as they value high quality relationships and love to enjoy each moment of the courtship process. They will appreciate taking more time to know you and discover what kind of person you really are before becoming more intimate. Also, they feel it is simply inappropriate to burn through the steps, as it could lead them to be disrespected further along the way. For that reason, it is better to not go with an “end goal” in mind, especially if you are on a date with her for the first time.

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2. They love protective gestures

Gentleladies don’t feel the need to always prove how strong they are or to challenge others on a constant basis, for they prefer to simply be themselves and entrust their delicate nature to a partner who will take care of them. When walking together, they love if you walk on the street side protecting them from the cars, but they also love when you remove obstacles from in front of them, for example, opening doors might be a great chance to prove this trait. If there is a staircase, they will appreciate if you hold their hands, and if it rains, you hold the umbrella over them. Those are mainly symbolic gestures but they reflect the fact that you respect them, love them and, more importantly, you are capable of protecting them.

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3. They expect you to follow etiquette

Pulling her chair out and allowing her to face the room in a restaurant, using the utensils properly, paying the bill, or not criticizing her cooking if she is the host are considered the polite basics that you should always abide by. Gentleladies are more traditional and will surely appreciate your effort for being a little more classy. If you have a date with her, be on time, and if you really like her, after a few dates, she would greatly value if you demonstrated interest in meeting her parents or siblings. Not only because it is a proper etiquette but also because it reveals that you really respect and care for her.

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4. They are very loyal and have high standards

Even if you have just recently started dating her, a gentlelady will always be loyal to you and will expect the same from you in return. She will also expect you to keep the private information she tells you for yourself, and to never hit on another women. Gentleladies assume that you have some integrity and that you take the relationship seriously. It is of primary importance for her to be able to fully trust you and your commitments to her. Dating a gentlelady will require more diligence but keep in mind that if you do it, you can expect the same in return.

5. They prefer that you take charge

Unlike a more independent woman, a gentlelady will expect you to take charge in certain situations. If you plan to have dinner with her in a restaurant, make sure to have a reservation first! She will appreciate the fact that she can entrust you with the planning of the date. From picking her up to bringing her safely back home at the end of the date will greatly increases your chances with her, and who does not love a well-planned romantic date, right? Dating a “take-charge” gentleman who has taste and creativity will allow her to feel safe and predispose her to the enjoyment of life’s pleasures without having to worry about petty details.

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Last Updated on October 14, 2020

The Art of Humble Confidence

The Art of Humble Confidence

To be confident or not to be confident, that is the question. I’m not sure about you, but I’ve been a bit confused about all this discussion about the subject of confidence. Do you really need to be more confident or should you try to be more humble? I think the answer is both – you just have to know where to use it.

East VS West – Confidence, It’s a Cultural Thing

In typical Western countries, the answer to the confidence debate is obvious – more is better. Our heros are rebellious, independent and shoot first, ask questions later. I think this snippet of dialog from The Matrix sums it up best:

Agent Smith – “We’re willing to wipe the slate clean, give you a fresh start. All that we’re asking in return is your cooperation in bringing a known terrorist to justice.”
Neo – “Yeah. Well, that sounds like a pretty good deal. But I think I may have a better one. How about, I give you the finger”
[He does]
Neo -“ …and you give me my phone call.”

In Eastern countries, the tone is often considerably different. Elders are supposed to be revered not dismissed. The words ‘guru,’ meaning a teacher, and the philosophy of dharma, loosely translated to mean ‘duty,’ come from here. In Eastern cultures humility and respect are more important than confidence.

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These perspectives are generalizations, but it shows how the confidence debate goes back deep into our culture. I think that both extremes of pure confidence or pure humility are misguided. Instead of rectifying this situation by simply blending the two: becoming somewhat humble, somewhat confident all the time, I believe the answer is to know when to be confident and when to be humble.

Humble Confidence – Know When to Use It

I’m going to make another broad generalization. I believe that virtually every relationship you are going to have is going to fit into one of two major archetypes, either master or student. In peer relationships this master/student role may switch frequently, but it is extremely rare that the relationship never leans to one side.

In the master role, you are displaying confidence to get what you want. This is public speaker, leader or seducer. Being the master has advantages. You have more control and ability to influence from this role.

The student role is the opposite. You are intentionally displaying humility. This is the student, disciple or follower. Being the student has advantages too. You can learn a lot more in this role and are more likely to win the trust of the other person.

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Know When to Shut Up and Learn

If you are a typical Westerner, you are probably already thinking about which role you prefer. Being the leader is great. You get respect and a higher status. Most of all you get a greater degree of control.

But the problem is that you can’t and shouldn’t always try to be the leader. Trying to assume that role without the skills, resources or status to back it up will lead to conflict. More importantly, there are many times when you purposely want to display humility. Some of the benefits to the student role include:

  • You learn more.
  • Smooths relationships.
  • Makes others more willing to lend a helping hand.

Knowing when taking the humble route is to your advantage. It is far easier to get mentors and advisors if you use humility rather than arrogance. A small sacrifice to your ego can open up the potential to learn a lot.

Confidence to Persuade, Humility to Learn

In reality almost no relationship is as clearly defined as master/student. Within our connections, people have overlapping areas of expertise. I might be an expert in blogging to a non-blogger, but they might be an expert in finance. In each area there are different roles to take.

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Before any interaction ask yourself what the purpose is. Are you trying to learn or persuade?

Persuasion requires confidence. If you are trying to sell, instruct or lead you need to display the confidence to match your message. But learning requires humility. You won’t learn anything if you are constantly arguing with your professors, mentors or employers. Taking a dose of humility and temporarily making yourself a student gives you the opportunity to absorb.

Persuade Less, Learn More

Persuasion is great for immediate effect, but learning matters over the long-haul. Instead of washing over all your communication with pure confidence, look for opportunities to learn. Persuading someone to follow you may give you an immediate boost of satisfaction, but it doesn’t last. Learning, however, is an investment for the future.

Whenever I make a connection with someone and realize they have a skill or understanding I want, I am careful to express humility in that area. That means listening with what they say even if I don’t immediately agree and being patient with their response. This method often drastically cuts down the time I need to spend on trial and error to learn by myself.

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Confidence/Humility Doesn’t Replace Communication Skills

This approach of selectively using confidence and humility for different purposes doesn’t replace communication skills. Humility isn’t going to work if the other person thinks you’re an irritating whiner. Confidence won’t work if the entire room thinks you are an arrogant jerk. Knowing how to display these two qualities takes practice.

The next time you are about to enter into an interaction ask yourself why you are doing it. Are you trying to persuade or learn? Depending on which you can take a completely different tact for far better results.

Featured photo credit: BBH Singapore via unsplash.com

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