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10 Signs You’re Dating Someone Who Is Gonna Grow Old With You

10 Signs You’re Dating Someone Who Is Gonna Grow Old With You

Have you ever stopped to think about how the concept of “growing old with someone” almost seems archaic in today’s world?

I mean sure, exploring your romantic and sexual horizons is great, and it’s a valid rite of passage; but at the end of the day, you really don’t want to grow old and grey alone, do you?

So how exactly do you know that the person that you’re dating is the person you’re going to grow old with? Well, while there’s no sure-fire way to confirm this, there are a few signs that could very well mean that you and your significant other are meant to be.

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1.You can be your absolute weirdest self with them

There’s nothing more liberating than being in a relationship where you don’t have to wear a façade every time you meet. I mean, think about it, having to hide an annoying habit or two from your partner might seem like a minor hindrance in the short-term, but in the long haul it can end up driving you mad. So if you’re in a relationship where you can let your freak flag fly, and not be judged/criticized/vilified for it, you might be on to a good thing.

 2.You find your partner’s quirks endearing

Are there things about your partner that people find incredibly annoying that you can’t help but find adorable? The chances are that the two of you are in for a good run. There isn’t a person in this world that doesn’t have an annoying/irritating/downright bizarre quirk or two. Being with someone whose chinks and cracks you find endearing is an added bonus that not a lot of people get to enjoy.

3.You don’t have to make plans to enjoy time together

You know how I know when a couple is truly meant to be? They don’t have to plan “date nights” or “couples’ activities” to enjoy time together. So, if you’re in a relationship where spending time together feels like the most natural and pleasant thing in the world and you’re willing to rain-check on any other activity just to see your significant other for a few minutes, the two of you could very well be meant to be.

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4.You feel magic doing the simplest of things with them

Let’s be real, being in a long term relationship means that eventually the time that you spend doing simple, mundane things together is going to far exceed the time that you get to spend doing romantic, exciting things. But here’s the thing, if the two of you still feel excited and alive when doing things as simple as pigging out over Chinese takeout or washing a car together, you can be rest assured that your magic is meant to last.

5.You can sit in silence with them for hours

Spend long enough with anyone and you’re bound to come across moments where you have nothing to say to each other. For a lot of people this can get uncomfortable and feel like a huge red flag. But when you’re with someone you’re meant to be with, these silences can feel just as comfortable as a colorful conversation.

6.You find them as attractive as you did the first time you saw them

Do you remember that little tingle you felt in your stomach the first time you saw your significant other? That urgent rush of longing and desire you felt the first time you held them? The great thing about being in a relationship that’s meant to last is that this feeling only gets stronger over time. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been together for two years or twenty, when you’re with the person you’re meant to grow old with, you want them as badly each day as you did on the first.

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7.You’re not just partners, you’re best friends

Having great chemistry as a couple is an amazing thing. But to also enjoy amazing chemistry as best friends is an even more magical thing. Couples who grow old together are usually the ones who can hold hands and be romantic one moment, and start wrestling each other on the living room couch the next second.

8.You push each other to become the best versions of yourselves

One of the greatest things about being in a healthy long term relationship is that while you both accept each other for who you are, you aren’t shy about pushing your significant other to constantly improve themselves. You see, couples who never grow as individuals and human beings usually end up boring the hell out of each other until there’s no spark left in the relationship. So if you’re dating someone who isn’t afraid to call out your shit and give you the occasional kick in the butt when you need it, you can safely assume that they’ll be around for a long time.

9.You get over fights

Being in a healthy, loving relationship doesn’t mean that you’re never going to fight. In fact, being in a relationship where you don’t have a full-blown argument at least twice a year is just not normal. The difference between every other couple and couples who are in it for the long run is that the latter are able to move past their worst fights with no baggage in tow.

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10.You worry about them more than you worry for yourself

And last but not least, for you, they always come first. It doesn’t matter if it’s something as simple as who gets the last slice of pizza or a split second decision of whether you’re going to take a bullet for them, at the end of the day there isn’t a moment’s hesitation in your mind.

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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