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10 Signs You’re Dating Someone Who Is Gonna Grow Old With You

10 Signs You’re Dating Someone Who Is Gonna Grow Old With You

Have you ever stopped to think about how the concept of “growing old with someone” almost seems archaic in today’s world?

I mean sure, exploring your romantic and sexual horizons is great, and it’s a valid rite of passage; but at the end of the day, you really don’t want to grow old and grey alone, do you?

So how exactly do you know that the person that you’re dating is the person you’re going to grow old with? Well, while there’s no sure-fire way to confirm this, there are a few signs that could very well mean that you and your significant other are meant to be.

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1.You can be your absolute weirdest self with them

There’s nothing more liberating than being in a relationship where you don’t have to wear a façade every time you meet. I mean, think about it, having to hide an annoying habit or two from your partner might seem like a minor hindrance in the short-term, but in the long haul it can end up driving you mad. So if you’re in a relationship where you can let your freak flag fly, and not be judged/criticized/vilified for it, you might be on to a good thing.

 2.You find your partner’s quirks endearing

Are there things about your partner that people find incredibly annoying that you can’t help but find adorable? The chances are that the two of you are in for a good run. There isn’t a person in this world that doesn’t have an annoying/irritating/downright bizarre quirk or two. Being with someone whose chinks and cracks you find endearing is an added bonus that not a lot of people get to enjoy.

3.You don’t have to make plans to enjoy time together

You know how I know when a couple is truly meant to be? They don’t have to plan “date nights” or “couples’ activities” to enjoy time together. So, if you’re in a relationship where spending time together feels like the most natural and pleasant thing in the world and you’re willing to rain-check on any other activity just to see your significant other for a few minutes, the two of you could very well be meant to be.

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4.You feel magic doing the simplest of things with them

Let’s be real, being in a long term relationship means that eventually the time that you spend doing simple, mundane things together is going to far exceed the time that you get to spend doing romantic, exciting things. But here’s the thing, if the two of you still feel excited and alive when doing things as simple as pigging out over Chinese takeout or washing a car together, you can be rest assured that your magic is meant to last.

5.You can sit in silence with them for hours

Spend long enough with anyone and you’re bound to come across moments where you have nothing to say to each other. For a lot of people this can get uncomfortable and feel like a huge red flag. But when you’re with someone you’re meant to be with, these silences can feel just as comfortable as a colorful conversation.

6.You find them as attractive as you did the first time you saw them

Do you remember that little tingle you felt in your stomach the first time you saw your significant other? That urgent rush of longing and desire you felt the first time you held them? The great thing about being in a relationship that’s meant to last is that this feeling only gets stronger over time. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been together for two years or twenty, when you’re with the person you’re meant to grow old with, you want them as badly each day as you did on the first.

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7.You’re not just partners, you’re best friends

Having great chemistry as a couple is an amazing thing. But to also enjoy amazing chemistry as best friends is an even more magical thing. Couples who grow old together are usually the ones who can hold hands and be romantic one moment, and start wrestling each other on the living room couch the next second.

8.You push each other to become the best versions of yourselves

One of the greatest things about being in a healthy long term relationship is that while you both accept each other for who you are, you aren’t shy about pushing your significant other to constantly improve themselves. You see, couples who never grow as individuals and human beings usually end up boring the hell out of each other until there’s no spark left in the relationship. So if you’re dating someone who isn’t afraid to call out your shit and give you the occasional kick in the butt when you need it, you can safely assume that they’ll be around for a long time.

9.You get over fights

Being in a healthy, loving relationship doesn’t mean that you’re never going to fight. In fact, being in a relationship where you don’t have a full-blown argument at least twice a year is just not normal. The difference between every other couple and couples who are in it for the long run is that the latter are able to move past their worst fights with no baggage in tow.

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10.You worry about them more than you worry for yourself

And last but not least, for you, they always come first. It doesn’t matter if it’s something as simple as who gets the last slice of pizza or a split second decision of whether you’re going to take a bullet for them, at the end of the day there isn’t a moment’s hesitation in your mind.

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Last Updated on April 6, 2020

10 Powerful Ways to Influence People Positively

10 Powerful Ways to Influence People Positively

Most discussions on positively influencing others eventually touch on Dale Carnegie’s seminal work, How to Win Friends and Influence People. Written more than 83 years ago, the book touches on a core component of human interaction, building strong relationships. It is no wonder why.

Everything that we do hinges on our ability to connect with others and formulate deep relationships. You cannot sell a house, buy a house, advance in most careers, sell a product, pitch a story, teach a course, etc. without building healthy relationships. Managers get the best results from their teams, not through brute force, but to careful appeals to their sensibilities, occasional withdrawals from the reservoir of respect they’ve built. Using these tactics, they can influence others to excellence, to productivity, and to success.

Carnegie’s book is great. Of course, there are other resources too. Most of us have someone in our lives who positively influences us. The truth is positively influencing people is about centering the humanity of others. Chances are, you know someone who is really good at making others feel like stars. They can get you to do things that the average person cannot. Where the requests of others sound like fingernails on a chalkboard, the request from this special person sounds like music to your ears. You’re delighted to not only listen but also to oblige.

So how to influence people in a positive way? Read on for tips.

1. Be Authentic

To influence people in a positive way, be authentic. Rather than being a carbon copy of someone else’s version of authenticity, uncover what it is that makes you unique.

Discover your unique take on an issue and then live up to and honor that. Once of the reasons social media influencers are so powerful is that they have carved out a niche for themselves or taken a common issue and approached it from a novel or uncommon way. People instinctually appreciate people whose public persona matches their private values.

Contradictions bother us because we crave stability. When someone professes to be one way, but lives contrary to that profession, it signals that they are confused or untrustworthy and thereby, inauthentic. Neither of these combinations bode well for positively influencing others.

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2. Listen

Growing up, my father would tell me to listen to what others said. He told me if I listened carefully, I would know all I needed to know about a person’s character, desires and needs.

To positively influence others, you must listen to what is spoken and what is left unsaid. Therein lies the explanation for what people need in order to feel validated, supported and seen. If a person feels they are invisible, and unseen by their superiors, they are less likely to be positively influenced by that person.

Listening meets a person’s primary need of validation and acceptance.

Take a look at this guide on how to be a better listener: How to Practice Active Listening (A Step-By-Step Guide)

3. Become an Expert

Most people are predisposed to listen to, if not respect, authority. If you want to positively influence others, become an authority in the area in which you seek to lead others. Research and read everything you can about the given topic, and then look for opportunities to put your education into practice.

You can argue over opinions. You cannot argue, or it is unwise to argue, over facts and experts come with facts.

4. Lead with Story

From years of working in the public relations space, I know that personal narratives, testimonials and impact stories are incredibly powerful. But I never cease to be amazed with how effective a well-timed and told story can be.

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If you want to influence people, learn to tell stories. Your stories should be related to the issue or concept you are discussing. They should be an analogy or metaphor that explains your topic in ordinary terms and in vivid detail. To learn more about how to tell powerful stories, and the ethics of storytelling, take a look at this article: How To Tell An Interesting Story In 4 Simple Steps

5. Lead by Example

It is incredibly inspiring to watch passionate, talented people at work or play. One of the reasons a person who is not an athlete can be in awe of athletic prowess is because human nature appreciates the extraordinary. When we watch the Olympics, Olympic trials, gymnastic competitions, ice skating, and other competitive sports, we can recognize the effort of people who day in and day out give their all. C

ase in point: Simone Biles. The gymnast extraordinaire won her 6TH all-around title at the U.S. Gymnastics Championships after doing a triple double. She was the first woman to do so. Watching her gave me chills. Even non-gymnasts and non-competitive athletes can appreciate the talent required to pull off such a remarkable feat.

We celebrate remarkable accomplishments and believe that their example is proof that we too can accomplish something great, even if it isn’t qualifying for the Olympics. To influence people in a positive way, we must lead by example, lead with intention and execute with excellence.

6. Catch People Doing Good

A powerful way to influence people in a positive way is to catch people doing good. Instead of looking for problems, look for successes. Look for often overlooked, but critically important things that your peers, subordinates and managers do that make the work more effective and more enjoyable.

Once you catch people doing good, name and notice their contributions.

7. Be Effusive with Praise

It did not take me long to notice a remarkable trait of a former boss. He not only began and ended meetings with praise, but he peppered praise throughout the entire meeting. He found a way to celebrate the unique attributes and skills of his team members. He was able to quickly and accurately assess what people were doing well and then let them and their colleagues know.

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Meetings were not just an occasion to go through a “To Do” list, they were opportunities to celebrate accomplishments, no matter how small they are.

8. Be Kind Rather Than Right

I am going to level with you; this one is tough. It is easy to get caught up in a cycle of proving oneself. For people who lack confidence, or people who prioritize the opinions of others, being right is important. The validation that comes with being perceived as “right” feeds one’s ego. But in the quest to be “right,” we can hurt other people. Once we’ve hurt someone by being unkind, it is much harder to get them to listen to what we’re trying to influence them to do.

The antidote to influencing others via bullying is to prioritize kindness above rightness. You can be kind and still stand firm in your position. For instance, many people think that they need others to validate their experience. If a person does not see the situation you experienced in the way you see it, you get upset. But your experience is your experience.

If you and your friends go out to eat and you get food poisoning, you do not need your friends to agree that the food served at the restaurant was problematic for you. Your own experience of getting food poisoning is all the validation you need. Therefore, taking time to be right is essentially wasted and, if you were unkind in seeking validation for your food-poison experience, now you’ve really lost points.

9. Understand a Person’s Logical, Emotional and Cooperative Needs

The Center for Creative Leadership has argued that the best way to influence others is to appeal to their logical, emotional and cooperative needs. Their logical need is their rational and educational need. Their emotional need is the information that touches them in a deeply personal manner. The cooperative need is understanding the level of cooperation various individuals need and then appropriately offering it.

The trick with this system is to understand that different people need different things. For some people, a strong emotional appeal will outweigh logical explanations. For others, having an opportunity to collaborate will override emotional connection.

If you know your audience, you will know what they need in order to be positively influenced. If you have limited information about the people whom you are attempting to influence, you will be ineffective.

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10. Understand Your Lane

If you want to positively influence others, operate from your sphere of influence. Operate from your place of expertise. Leave everything else to others. Gone are the days when being a jack of all trades is celebrated.

Most people appreciate brands that understand their target audience and then deliver on what that audience wants. When you focus on what you are uniquely gifted and qualified to do, and then offer that gift to the people who need it, you are likely more effective. This effectiveness is attractive.

You cannot positively influence others if you are more preoccupied by what others do well versus what you do well.

Final Thoughts

Influencing people is about centering your humanity. If you want to influence others positively, focus on the way you communicate and improve the relationship with yourself first.

It’s hard to influence others if you’re still trying to figure out how to communicate with yourself.

More Tips About Making Influence

Featured photo credit: Wonderlane via unsplash.com

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