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Why People Who Cry A Lot Are Mentally Stronger, Healthier And Freer

Why People Who Cry A Lot Are Mentally Stronger, Healthier And Freer

What do these words and phrases mean to you? Cry baby, weepy, tearful, and emotional. Most times, these words have negative connotations. They are associated with weakness or a lack of control. Society expects us to keep a stiff upper lip. This stems from stoic Victorian attitudes, but in other eras, crying openly was expected in some circumstances. It was quite acceptable to cry openly for the loss of friends when mourning and was considered noble. Medieval monks often wept for their sins!

Attitudes are changing, but it is still taboo to cry openly at work, unless you have suffered a bereavement or some other personal loss. Crying at work is not okay when you are frustrated, angry, under attack, or have had a poor performance assessment.

Research by Kimberley Elsbach at UC Davis is fascinating, though. She examined over 100 crying incidents. Women who cried were likely to be judged negatively and were seen either as manipulating, unstable or over emotional. But 8 of the 9 men who cried were actually viewed sympathetically, because they were showing a more human and compassionate side to their nature.

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Let’s leave the workplace and look at how crying can make us stronger mentally and can be actually physically good for us. Here are 6 myths doing the rounds with some research findings to debunk them.

1. People who cry feel terrible

They may feel sad while crying, but the benefits that follow are amazing. Studies show that up to 89% of people who have cried buckets feel in a better mood afterwards. One of the reasons is that manganese is released when weeping. Manganese is a vital mineral for many essential bodily functions such as absorbing calcium, metabolizing fat and regulating blood sugar. Too much of it tends to result in fatigue, anxiety and aggression. Crying can help lower the levels of manganese, other toxins and stress hormones, which is one of the reasons we always feel better afterwards. It is also interesting to note that teardrops contain as much as 30 times the amount of manganese that is in our blood. So, let the tears flow. It can do you a lot of good.

2. Crying can make you feel ashamed

If you always hide your emotions, then crying will certainly make you feel ashamed. Believe it or not, expressing emotions through tears is part of being emotionally mature. Once you have overcome that barrier, you will be reap many benefits. You will feel better and freer than ever before.

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3. Weeping does nothing for your health

This is another myth that reflects the misinformation going around about crying. Among the fascinating ingredients of the average teardrop, we have the lysozyme fluid. This is your own anti-bacterial protection. It will help prevent eye infections. If your nose starts running too, that is all the better as lysozyme will protect the whole area from germs. It is estimated that tears can kill up to 90% of bacteria in a very short time. It is also effective against anthrax.

4. Crying only adds to depression

There is no evidence that crying increases depression, nor are there any conclusive studies that it is more effective than anti-depressants. But many aspects of weeping and being tearful can help a depressed person, though it should not be their main activity! But crying can help them to come to terms with difficult emotions such as despair. It can help to purify negativity.

“Crying is cathartic. It lets the devils out before they wreak all kind of havoc with the nervous and cardiovascular systems. All these feelings need to be felt. We need to stomp and storm; to sob and cry; to perspire and tremble.”- John Bradshaw, author of Homecoming

5. Crying cannot actually benefit your eye health

Tears are essential and will help to keep eyes lubricated. When you cut an onion, these are known as reflexive tears and together with basal tears, they help to keep eyes free from infection. Your eyes will manufacture tears when you get an object in them or when the wind blows very strongly. These are all essential for good eye health and the best ones of all are the emotional tears, as we have mentioned above.

The majority of those who suffer from Sjogren’s syndrome, where there are not enough tears to keep the eyes moist and healthy, were found to be repressing emotional expression. Incapacity to cry was damaging their eye health but the underlying cause was doing more harm emotionally and psychologically.

6. Real men don’t cry

Figures show us that women tend to cry 47 times a year while men only do it 7 times! Men do not cry because they have been taught not to. They end up by expressing their anger and frustration in more aggressive and destructive ways. This can massively damage relationships at home and at work.

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There were times when men were respected when they cried because it indicated that they were in actual touch with their feelings and emotions. It was even seen as a sign of being a real leader and warrior.

Real people, women and men, do cry and they should do more of it! They will live longer and healthier lives.

“Given that I sweat a lot and hate deodorant, I suppose it makes sense that I weep often. But I’m not going to apologize for that, because after a good cry, I always feel cleansed, like my heart and mind just rubbed each other’s backs in a warm bath.” – Benedict Carey, New York Times reporter.

Featured photo credit: Been Crying(1)/ Toni Blay via flickr.com

More by this author

Robert Locke

Author of Ziger the Tiger Stories, a health enthusiast specializing in relationships, life improvement and mental health.

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Last Updated on April 14, 2021

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

Expressing Anger

Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

Being Passive-Aggressive

This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

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Poorly-Timed

Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

Ongoing Anger

Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

Healthy Ways to Express Anger

What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

Being Honest

Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

Being Direct

Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

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Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

Being Timely

When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

How to Deal With Anger

If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

1. Slow Down

From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

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When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

2. Focus on the “I”

Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

3. Work out

When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

If you’re not sure where to start with an exercise routine, check out Lifehack’s free Simple Cardio Home Workout Plan.

4. Seek Help When Needed

There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

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5. Practice Relaxation

We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

6. Laugh

Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

7. Be Grateful

It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

Final Thoughts

Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

More Resources on Anger Management

Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

Reference

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