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Great Things You Can Do Instead Of Falling Back In Love Immediately

Great Things You Can Do Instead Of Falling Back In Love Immediately

Love is like a drug, and when one relationship ends many of us immediately start looking for a new one. However, life isn’t all about love. In fact, there are hundreds of experiences we can only have when we are single and solitary. Being in a relationship often makes every day look and feel the same, but when we break free from our addiction to love, we can develop new, fantastical, fulfilling emotions and encounters we never thought possible. For those of us who have just escaped a relationship, here are all the amazing, wonderful things you can do before you relapse into love.

Sleep

As much as couples moan about how poorly they sleep without their partner sharing their sheets, you know how much you relish in having a bed to yourself. Now that you’re single, you get to sleep however you like: back-to-front, spread eagle, curled in a ball. Plus, there’s no one to complain about how you hog the covers. You can saw logs from midnight to noon — and you should.

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Learn a Skill

Time flies when you are in a relationship — and not always in the good way. No doubt you’ve often wondered how you could have possibly spent all spring and summer without accomplishing anything meaningful. Without another person to eat up your time, you can devote your energy toward long-lasting achievements:

  • Speak a foreign language. Knowing another language is eternally useful, especially if you choose one that is spoken in places you want to travel.
  • Play an instrument. People rarely want to hear a beginning music student practice scales day and night. Singlehood is the best possible time to pick up a new instrument and learn the basics. Then, you can impress potential partners later on with your musical talent.
  • Master a craft. Sewing, knitting, woodworking, and more are easy and productive, and you can give your creations to friends and family as lovely homemade gifts.
  • Practice dancing. You don’t need a partner to learn to dance — you just need a good pair of shoes and a sense of rhythm. You can look in your area for open dance classes in any style: ballroom, Latin, swing, ballet, and more.

Travel Indefinitely

You have always talked about backpacking and now there is no one holding you back. It is time to buy a one-way ticket to your destination of choice and explore until your heart is full of new places and people. Though it can be scary to set out on your own, traveling solo provides access to a number of lessons about the cities you visit, about the world in general, and about yourself.

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Grieve Properly

Sometimes, in relationships, you might have a tendency to hold back your true emotions. Thus, when something traumatic happens, you might not react the way your mind, body, and spirit need due to a sense of responsibility to your partner. When you are finally single, you have the time and space to deal with life’s tragedies in an appropriate way for you. Whether you must organize the cremation of a family member or survive a devastating illness, you might find it easier to stay sane while you are single.

Understand Your Limits

Oftentimes, coupled individuals refrain from taking risks — financial, physical, emotional — for fear that they will lose the love of their partners. Because you have no love to lose, you can push yourself to the breaking point to understand how far you are willing to go.

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  • Run a marathon, hike the Pacific Crest Trail, lift 300 pounds. Pushing your body to its physical breaking point will only make you stronger in every sense of the word.
  • Scream, cry, laugh wildly, smile broadly. You will never know your emotional comfort zone if you don’t allow yourself to feel and express yourself.
  • Read holy books, meditate, connect with a spiritual community. Spirituality has been an essential human experience for eons, and you might benefit from developing a spiritual self.

Create Something

Some people are driven by curiosity, others by aesthetics, and others still by free time, but nearly every person enjoys creating. Creating offers fulfillment like few other activities in life, and you should devote some of your single time to trying out different forms of creation:

  • Write a novel, short story, or poem.
  • Paint a picture.
  • Compose a song.
  • Experiment in the kitchen.

Evaluate What’s Missing

Before you jump into a new relationship, you must analyze what went wrong with the last one. Perhaps the best way to do this is to spend some time discerning what you truly need in a partner, if anything. You should understand that there is a difference between qualities you need — those that fulfill emotional and physical deficits, those that make you a better person through contact — and qualities you want — those that are not essential to your sense of wellbeing. After a few months by yourself, you should have an idea of how a partner could improve your life, and you will be better equipped to fall back in love.

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Featured photo credit: VIKTOR HANACEK via picjumbo.com

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Last Updated on July 16, 2019

7 Ways to Get Rid of Negative Energy and Become Positive

7 Ways to Get Rid of Negative Energy and Become Positive

Negativity affects ourselves and everyone around us. It limits our potential to become something great and live a fulfilling, purposeful life. Negativity has a tangible effect on our health, too. Research has shown that people who cultivate negative energy experience more stress, more sickness, and less opportunity over the course of their lives than those who choose to live positively.

When we make a decision to become positive, and follow that decision up with action, we will begin to encounter situations and people that are also positive. The negative energy gets edged out by all positive experiences. It’s a snowball effect.

Although negative and positive thoughts will always exist, the key to becoming positive is to limit the amount of negativity that we experience by filling ourselves up with more positivity.

Here are some ways to get rid of negativity and become more positive.

1. Become Grateful for Everything

When life is all about us, it’s easy to believe that we deserve what we have. An attitude of entitlement puts us at the center of the universe and sets up the unrealistic expectation that others should cater to us, our needs, and our wants. This vain state of existence is a surefire way to set yourself up for an unfulfilled life of negativity.

People living in this sort of entitlement are “energy suckers”–they are always searching for what they can get out of a situation. People that don’t appreciate the nuances of their lives live in a constant state of lacking. And it’s really difficult to live a positive life this way.

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When we begin to be grateful and appreciate everything in our lives–from the small struggles that make us better, to the car that gets us from A to B every day–we shift our attitude from one of selfishness, to one of appreciation. This appreciation gets noticed by others, and a positive harmony begins to form in our relationships.

We begin to receive more of that which we are grateful for, because we’ve opened ourselves up to the idea of receiving, instead of taking. This will make your life more fulfilling, and more positive.

2. Laugh More, Especially at Yourself

Life gets busy, our schedules fill up, we get into relationships, and work can feel task oriented and routine-driven at times. Being human can feel more like being a robot. But having this work-driven, serious attitude often results in negative and performance oriented thinking.

Becoming positive means taking life less seriously and letting yourself off the hook. This is the only life that you get to live, why not lighten up your mood?

Laughter helps us become positive by lightening our mood and reminding us not to take life so seriously. Are you sensitive to light sarcasm? Do you have trouble laughing at jokes? Usually, people who are stressed out and overly serious get most offended by sarcasm because their life is all work and no play.

If we can learn to laugh at ourselves and our mistakes, life will become more of an experiment in finding out what makes us happy. And finding happiness means finding positivity.

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3. Help Others

Negativity goes hand in hand with selfishness. People that live only for themselves have no higher purpose in their lives. If the whole point of this world is only to take care of yourself and no one else, the road to a long-term fulfillment and purpose is going to be a long one.

Positivity accompanies purpose. The most basic way to create purpose and positivity in your life is to begin doing things for others. Start small; open the door for the person in front of you at Starbucks or ask someone how their day was before telling them about yours.

Helping others will give you an intangible sense of value that will translate into positivity. And people might just appreciate you in the process.

4. Change Your Thinking

We can either be our best coach or our best enemy. Change starts from within. If you want to become more positive, change the wording of your thoughts. We are the hardest on ourselves, and a stream of negative self talk is corrosive to a positive life.

The next time you have a negative thought, write it down and rephrase it with a positive spin. For example, change a thought like, “I can’t believe I did so horribly on the test–I suck.” to “I didn’t do as well as I hoped to on this test. But I know I’m capable and I’ll do better next time.”

Changing our self-talk is powerful.

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5. Surround Yourself with Positive People

We become most like the people that we surround ourselves with. If our friend group is full of negative energy-suckers and drama queens, we will emulate that behavior and become like them. It is very difficult to become more positive when the people around us don’t support or demonstrate positive behavior.

As you become more positive, you’ll find that your existing friends will either appreciate the new you or they will become resistant to your positive changes. This is a natural response.

Change is scary; but cutting out the negative people in your life is a huge step to becoming more positive. Positive people reflect and bounce their perspectives onto one another. Positivity is a step-by-step process when you do it solo, but a positive group of friends can be an escalator.

6. Get into Action

Negative thoughts can be overwhelming and challenging to navigate. Negativity is usually accompanied by a “freak-out” response, especially when tied to relationships, people and to worrying about the future. This is debilitating to becoming positive and usually snowballs into more worry, more stress and more freak-outs.

Turn the negative stress into positive action. The next time you’re in one of these situations, walk away and take a break. With your eyes closed, take a few deep breaths. Once you’re calm, approach the situation or problem with a pen and pad of paper. Write out four or five actions or solutions to begin solving the problem.

Taking yourself out of the emotionally charged negative by moving into the action-oriented positive will help you solve more problems rationally and live in positivity

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7. Take Full Responsibility, Stop Being the Victim

You are responsible for your thoughts.

People that consistently believe that things happen to them handicap themselves to a victim mentality. This is a subtle and deceptive negative thought pattern. Phrases like “I have to work” or “I can’t believe he did that to me” are indicators of a victim mentality. Blaming circumstances and blaming others only handicaps our decision to change something negative into something positive.

Taking full responsibility for your life, your thoughts and your actions is one of the biggest steps in creating a more positive life. We have unlimited potential within to create our own reality, change our life, and change our thoughts. When we begin to really internalize this, we discover that no one can make us feel or do anything. We choose our emotional and behavioral response to people and circumstances.

Make positive choices in favor of yourself.

“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny” ― Lao Tzu

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Featured photo credit: Brooke Cagle via unsplash.com

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