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Great Things You Can Do Instead Of Falling Back In Love Immediately

Great Things You Can Do Instead Of Falling Back In Love Immediately

Love is like a drug, and when one relationship ends many of us immediately start looking for a new one. However, life isn’t all about love. In fact, there are hundreds of experiences we can only have when we are single and solitary. Being in a relationship often makes every day look and feel the same, but when we break free from our addiction to love, we can develop new, fantastical, fulfilling emotions and encounters we never thought possible. For those of us who have just escaped a relationship, here are all the amazing, wonderful things you can do before you relapse into love.

Sleep

As much as couples moan about how poorly they sleep without their partner sharing their sheets, you know how much you relish in having a bed to yourself. Now that you’re single, you get to sleep however you like: back-to-front, spread eagle, curled in a ball. Plus, there’s no one to complain about how you hog the covers. You can saw logs from midnight to noon — and you should.

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Learn a Skill

Time flies when you are in a relationship — and not always in the good way. No doubt you’ve often wondered how you could have possibly spent all spring and summer without accomplishing anything meaningful. Without another person to eat up your time, you can devote your energy toward long-lasting achievements:

  • Speak a foreign language. Knowing another language is eternally useful, especially if you choose one that is spoken in places you want to travel.
  • Play an instrument. People rarely want to hear a beginning music student practice scales day and night. Singlehood is the best possible time to pick up a new instrument and learn the basics. Then, you can impress potential partners later on with your musical talent.
  • Master a craft. Sewing, knitting, woodworking, and more are easy and productive, and you can give your creations to friends and family as lovely homemade gifts.
  • Practice dancing. You don’t need a partner to learn to dance — you just need a good pair of shoes and a sense of rhythm. You can look in your area for open dance classes in any style: ballroom, Latin, swing, ballet, and more.

Travel Indefinitely

You have always talked about backpacking and now there is no one holding you back. It is time to buy a one-way ticket to your destination of choice and explore until your heart is full of new places and people. Though it can be scary to set out on your own, traveling solo provides access to a number of lessons about the cities you visit, about the world in general, and about yourself.

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Grieve Properly

Sometimes, in relationships, you might have a tendency to hold back your true emotions. Thus, when something traumatic happens, you might not react the way your mind, body, and spirit need due to a sense of responsibility to your partner. When you are finally single, you have the time and space to deal with life’s tragedies in an appropriate way for you. Whether you must organize the cremation of a family member or survive a devastating illness, you might find it easier to stay sane while you are single.

Understand Your Limits

Oftentimes, coupled individuals refrain from taking risks — financial, physical, emotional — for fear that they will lose the love of their partners. Because you have no love to lose, you can push yourself to the breaking point to understand how far you are willing to go.

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  • Run a marathon, hike the Pacific Crest Trail, lift 300 pounds. Pushing your body to its physical breaking point will only make you stronger in every sense of the word.
  • Scream, cry, laugh wildly, smile broadly. You will never know your emotional comfort zone if you don’t allow yourself to feel and express yourself.
  • Read holy books, meditate, connect with a spiritual community. Spirituality has been an essential human experience for eons, and you might benefit from developing a spiritual self.

Create Something

Some people are driven by curiosity, others by aesthetics, and others still by free time, but nearly every person enjoys creating. Creating offers fulfillment like few other activities in life, and you should devote some of your single time to trying out different forms of creation:

  • Write a novel, short story, or poem.
  • Paint a picture.
  • Compose a song.
  • Experiment in the kitchen.

Evaluate What’s Missing

Before you jump into a new relationship, you must analyze what went wrong with the last one. Perhaps the best way to do this is to spend some time discerning what you truly need in a partner, if anything. You should understand that there is a difference between qualities you need — those that fulfill emotional and physical deficits, those that make you a better person through contact — and qualities you want — those that are not essential to your sense of wellbeing. After a few months by yourself, you should have an idea of how a partner could improve your life, and you will be better equipped to fall back in love.

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Featured photo credit: VIKTOR HANACEK via picjumbo.com

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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