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The Best Is yet to Come: 6 Signs You Deserve to Be Treated Right

The Best Is yet to Come: 6 Signs You Deserve to Be Treated Right

The pint of Ben & Jerry’s is gone; the Kleenex box is on its last tissue; the wine bottle beside your bed is empty; and you haven’t brushed your hair since the Clinton administration. Sound familiar?

We’ve all been there—on the dark side of a break-up so bad we doubt we’ll ever recover from it. Our hearts are sunk, and we’ve convinced ourselves that we’re hopeless and unworthy of true love.

It takes a while—and several thousand calories and a half-dozen of hangovers later—to realize that maybe, just maybe, we’re not the problem: the real dilemma is the person we’ve been dating.

Swagger is sexy. It’s a turn-on, really, to see a “bad boy” order a drink at the bar with the confidence of the Marlboro Man or a knockout in a red dress knock out the self-assurance of a man at a cocktail party with a mere look.

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They’re daring, provocative, and sensual—so much so you’re at first willing to overlook the way they mistreat you. It could be something as innocuous as her forgetting to remember that you don’t eat chives to something as insidious as him calling you only on Saturday nights after the bars have closed down. With time, and with more and more disappointments, you realize you’re back in the territory you know so well you don’t even need a roadmap: you’re in an unfulfilling relationship.

But then, when the tears have dried and you’ve removed all evidence of your fling from your Facebook page, someone so wonderful and compassionate comes along that you’re stunned speechless, and you’re reminded of the words of Mark Twain when he said, “Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.”

This new man makes dates with you a week in advance. She surprises you with a weekend getaway when you finally receive that promotion. You have long, passionate discussions about everything from politics to your pasts.

It may be too soon to start naming your children together, but what this person does for your health and happiness is nothing short of magical: they tear you out of your dreary landscape and show you a new, refreshing reality—the place where you belong.

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And it is there that you have the chance to see seven of the signs that reveal you deserve to be treated right.

1. You’re tired of being a doormat.

When you’re self-esteem is low, it’s easy to fall into the trap of being present for someone when they need you—even if they’re MIA during your most desperate moments. You want to feel empowered and respected, not bullied into “meeting up” when it’s convenient for them—and the difference between the two is vast. When the latter starts becoming your modus operandi, you realize that you’re worth so much more than an offhand phone chat or date when he or she requests it, often at the last minute. You, exactly how you are, merit a home-cooked meal, a vase of flowers, a call wishing you luck on a stressful day. You’re neither a doormat nor a wallflower, but someone richly deserving of time, attention, empathy, and love.

2. You know the old adage is true: beauty is only skin deep.

Players and man eaters are notoriously good looking. They dress well, sport fresh pedicures, and have their hair professionally cut. But what happens when the clothes come off, the polish chips, and the wind blows their hair out of place? Who is the person underneath? If they’re dull-witted, insolent, narcissistic, unsympathetic, slovenly, and mean to your cat. It doesn’t matter if their shirt is from Prada, they modeled in their teens, or drive a Lexus—sexual attraction has a shelf life. Your charm and value—as well as theirs—exists beneath your physicality, and you’re determined to be treated as such.

3. You’re meet-their-parents worthy.

Your Aunt Bea is convinced you’re gay. You overhear your dad say that you’ll turn into a spinster with seven cats if you keep up this behavior. Your sister calls you a man-slut. You envy the foursome at the table next to you, where the eager young man is discussing what Christmas is like in Australia to his beautiful fiancé’s father. And then it hits you: the person you’re “dating” would fit in with your family like Morticia would mesh with the Cleavers. He would start talking to your dad, who is staunchly liberal, about Trump’s “promise.” She would try to drink your Uncle Fred under the table, and mistake the olive oil for wine. In your mind, your Mr. or Mrs. Right (even if it’s only Right Now) would open the door for your mom and not give your sister’s cleavage a first, let alone second, glance. She would cheer on the Saints with your dad and push your nephew in his swing.

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The point being: we aren’t that unlike our families, however hard we try to resist it. What they like, we like; what they see as disconcerting, we should see as well—even more so. You know you’re meet-their-parents worthy, and if your partner fails to see it? It’s time to show them the door.

4. You’re starting to forget the name you were christened with.

The men and women you’ve been dating have a variety of “pet” names that aren’t cuddly whatsoever because they are, let’s admit it, so clichéd their meanings are lost in obscurity. You’re Hun. Baby Girl. Dude. Darling. Sweetheart. Bae. All of these nicknames hint at what’s likely a larger problem: you’re one of many men or women in their lives, and they’re having a tough time keeping your first and last names straight. (A problem made all the more difficult if, my word!, one of you isn’t on social media.)

You’re beginning to recall the pleasure of the person you’re intimate with addressing you properly, even, dare I say, asking and remembering your middle name. Seriously: call out “blondie” in a packed restaurant and 50% of the clientele will probably swivel their heads. Now, Paige Monroe? Bradley McAllister? How nice is that?

5. You honor loyalty and candor.

Dating an adult man who can’t hold down a job or seeing a woman who is known around town as Miss Promiscuous requires a certain level of, um, discretion. You have to tell your BFF that you’re going to the gym when He calls because god forbid you’re giving him a twenty-second chance. You have to tell your surfing buddy you’re on a deadline because he’s dating Her too.

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You have to tell yourself that you’re suffering from temporary insanity and that it’s good to feel like a naughty teen again even if you can’t remember the last time he or she actually treated you with an iota of respect. It’s getting boring, strenuous, and straight-up time consuming coming up with lies—white or not—to cover up for your absences and I-feel-so-used mornings. You acknowledge, and absorb, that in truth there is beauty, and want someone who has a similar moral compass—one who chooses kindness over impulses, diligence over laziness, principle over pleasure.

6. You love yourself, with or without a partner.

When the baes and handsomes have been inevitably replaced with vengeful and defamatory name-calling, you start to believe it. Think of it as knowledge through repetition, or, in clinical terms, emotional abuse. And, like an ill-treated dog, you start bowing your eyes and sleeping alone in the bushes, hoping someone will come around with a bowl of food and a rub on your rump.

Whether or not that happens, through time, wisdom, self-empowerment, and the introduction to someone who treats you well, you begin realizing what those who truly love and respect you always knew: you’re downright fabulous. You may not be a princess, you may not be President of the United States (or even the bank at which you work), but your positive qualities far outweigh your flaws. And the right person—that person you genuinely adore and admire—will reinforce that you shouldn’t just like yourself, whether or not you’re alone, but deserve to love yourself with all your might.

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Last Updated on October 14, 2019

12 Inspirational Speeches That Teach You the Most Valuable Life Lessons

12 Inspirational Speeches That Teach You the Most Valuable Life Lessons

The most valuable thing an experienced person has is their experience. People make mistakes, learn from them, and adapt their life around them to become better people. Those people would then tell tales to others to help teach those lessons so that others would not have to make the same mistakes.

People still tell these stories today but in a slightly different format — they use speeches to express their experiences. Here are some valuable life lessons you can learn from some of the greatest inspirational speeches:

1. JK Rowling teaches us to not fear failure no matter how bad things become

It is a well-known fact that JK Rowling’s now-famous Harry Potter series was turned down by several publishers before it was finally picked up. Those publishers are likely kicking themselves in the pants right now. However, before that, JK Rowling was in a fairly dire situation and was on the brink of failure. Despite being turned down time and time again, she kept trying. Her efforts paid off. Harry Potter is now a ubiquitous character in today’s world culture. Despite failing over and over again, Rowling kept trying and fulfilled her dreams. You can watch her deliver some valuable life lessons in her Harvard commencement speech video above.

2. Steve Jobs teaches us to never settle

Steve Jobs had a fairly tumultuous life. He co-founded Apple, was kicked out of the company, came back, and then re-defined the mobile phone space with the iPhone. Even if iPhones aren’t the rage they once were, its iconic value is forever written in stone. One thing Jobs never did was settle. He lived life on his own terms and was rewarded for it by being dubbed one of the most revolutionary voices in technology of our time. In the Stanford commencement speech above, Jobs explains how you should never settle for what someone else wants out of your life. It’s your life and you should do what you want with it.

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3. Admiral William H McRaven teaches us to make our beds every day

Anyone who has gone through the basic training of a military service will tell you it’s pretty difficult. However, every seemingly obnoxious step is actually a life lesson in disguise. This even applies to flawlessly making one’s bed every single morning. As Admiral William H McRaven teaches us, recruits are taught to make their beds every morning to remind them that even the little things in life matter. After all, how can you be expected to handle the biggest obstacles in your life if you can’t even handle the small and the mundane like making your bed every day? You can watch the entire speech in the video above.

4. Author David Foster Wallace teaches us that we’re a part of a greater existence

David Foster Wallace found fame in 1987 with his book The Broom of the System. Nearly 20 years later in 2005 he game a commencement speech at Kenyon College that is worth listening to at least once. In his speech, he reminds us that was are but a part of a huge, dynamic, ever changing interaction of life forms. In order to truly experience life, we need to leave our personal bubbles and interact with others even if it’s in an unpleasant way. Wallace states, “It will actually be within your power to experience a crowded, hot, slow, consumer-hell type situation as not only meaningful, but sacred, on fire with the same force that made the stars: love, fellowship, the mystical oneness of all things deep down.” You can watch the whole speech above.

5. Stephen Colbert teaches us that life isn’t something you can plan

If there is anyone who knows about improvisation, it’s comedian Stephen Colbert. In his commencement speech at Northwestern University in 2011, Colbert reminded students that you cannot plan life. Life throws too many curve balls. There are too many unpredictable things that can happen. The most successful and happy people are not those who have a plan, but those who can roll with the punches and overcome the obstacles. He goes on to site his time as an improv comic and how all of the actors working together to create a scene out of literally nothing are all working for one another. He states that like improv comedy, you don’t know what happens next in life. You just make it up as you go along. You can watch the whole speech above.

6. Kurt Vonnegut teaches us to not sweat the small stuff

Some of our younger readers may not know Kurt Vonnegut. He is a famous author that found of of his success during the middle of last century. In 1999, Kurt Vonnegut was at Agnes Scott College giving a commencement speech. During the speech, he mentioned that in order to live a more complete life, people needed to let stuff go. He argued that you cannot reasonably expect others to forgive you for your mistakes if you cannot forgive others and that you cannot live life fostering a personal vendetta against others.

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7. Neil Gaiman teaches us that success can be distracting.

Neil Gaiman is most known for his work in a number of literary mediums including journalism, comic books, and novels. In 2012, Gaiman gave a speech at the University of the Arts where he talked about success. He stated that when you become successful, you may be unintentionally swayed from performing the actions that made you successful. Gaiman recalled his early success and how he felt pressured to answer emails all day long and it actually prevented him from writing as much as he wanted. So he reminds us to keep doing what makes us successful and to not let others get in the way.

8. Barack Obama’s life lessons teaches us that you really can beat the odds

We know that not everyone likes Barack Obama but that doesn’t mean the man can’t deliver an amazing speech. In this 2004 keynote speech at the Democratic National Convenction, Obama reminds that it is possible to beat the odds and become something great. He cites his own upbringing as an example and how he was never expected to make it as far as he did. It shows that when you’re passionate about something and when you try hard enough, you can accomplish almost anything. It’s important to note that Obama talks about this in 2004 and would become the President of the United States just four years later.

9. Robin Roberts reminds us that we each have the courage to overcome challenges

Robin Roberts knows a thing or two about courage. She is a breast cancer survivor and has done battle with a rare blood disease called myelodysplastic syndrome. Her sister once had to donate bone marrow just so Robin could remain alive. She was also ESPN’s first African American broadcaster in the early 1990’s. She’s a woman who works in an industry predominately populated by men. So when Robin Roberts takes the stage at the ESPYs and delivers a short lecture on having courage, we would do well to listen!

10. Martin Luther King Jr. reminds us that some things are more important than success

We all know the story of Martin Luther King Jr. So much so that we have a day of the year to celebrate him as a national holiday here in the United States. Most of us have listening to segments of his famous speech where he told the world about a dream he had. The main message of his famous speech is that racial inequalities needed to end and he was absolutely right. However, he also reminds us that there are things that are more important than success such as equal rights and treating each other with respect and kindness. If you somehow made it through school without watching the famous speech, we’ve got it linked above.

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11. Jim Carrey reminds us that even if you keep it safe, you can still fail so you might as well go big

Jim Carrey delivered a commencement speech at Maharishi University recently that went absolutely viral. You may know it as the one minute video that will change your life. They weren’t lying but they weren’t telling the whole truth because the speech was actually 28 minutes long. During the speech, Carrey talks about his father who wanted to be a comedian but decided to take the safe route and become an accountant. As it turns out, his father was laid off and his family ended up poor anyway. With that, Carrey tells us that you can still end up failing even if you play it safe so you might as well swing for the fences and do what you want to do.

12. Bill Murray teaches us that it’s the hard times that determine if someone really loves you

You may have heard the story about Bill Murray crashing someone’s bachelor party and delivering a speech. It turns out the speech was both short and fairly epic. During the speech, Bill Murray challenged the bachelors to travel around the world with the women they love and go to places that are difficult to go to and deal with. He says if you can get back to the United States and you still love each other, then you should get married right then and there. It’s a great message. It’s easy to love one another when times are good but do you still love each other when the times are bad? If so, that’s true love according to Bill Murray.

Final thoughts

Inspiration comes from everywhere and from anyone. There are a countless number of speeches and stories that can teach us an incalculable number of life lessons.

All these speeches almost share the same message: Don’t be afraid to fail and keep trying.

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If you also want to live your best life like the above successful people, this is what you should start doing:

You’ll Only Live Your Best Life Once You Step Out

At the end of the day, everything is inspirational. It’s just a matter of finding the message that we need to hear to change our lives.

Featured photo credit: Miguel Henriques via unsplash.com

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