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Common Reasons for Voluntarily Choosing a C-Section

Common Reasons for Voluntarily Choosing a C-Section

The prospect of giving birth is a scary one, especially if you’re about to give birth to your first child. There are two ways you can give birth: vaginally or by Caesarean section (C-section). The former is the unscheduled, more natural way of giving birth. The latter is a scheduled surgical procedure.

C-sections can be scheduled for a variety of reasons, from possible medical complications for mothers to complications for the babies. However, there are some women who voluntarily elect to have C-sections as an alternative to delivering children vaginally.

Medical Issues and History

For some women, medical issues preclude giving birth vaginally. Women can sometimes develop pregnancy-related diabetes, or she may have a pre-pregnancy condition such as high blood pressure that will only increase during the naturally stressful act of labor. Your obstetrician will be able to diagnose any conditions that arise during your pregnancy.

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Other women may be part of a high-risk pregnancy population, such as being classified as a geriatric pregnancy patient, or those who are over the age of 35 and pregnant. Some experts argue that age does not increase risks in pregnancy and delivery, yet the older we become, the more stress we put on our bodies. Adding pregnancy into the mix is bound to make it more difficult.

What about if you’re having twins, triplets, or quintuplets? Chances are you and your nurse midwife have already scheduled a C-section. Has your child been diagnosed in-utero with a medical condition? It is likely safer for both of you to schedule a C-section in order to plan for possible complications. Sometimes, C-sections happen at the last minute because the baby chooses to make it happen. If a baby is breech, or coming out feet-first instead of head-first, and cannot be rotated during labor, a C-section will be performed.

The Convenience of Giving Birth

Choosing a medically unnecessary C-section can occur for a variety of reasons as well. For many women, it can be a matter of convenience. Knowing the date of your baby’s birth can help you coordinate maternity and/or paternity leave if you have to take it as well as possibly helping with planning for extra help around the house. Planning your child’s birth also gives you a sense of control during a process that typically has you feeling out of control.

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If you do plan a C-section, you will definitely need more help around the house, as you will be recovering from surgery.  The postoperative recovery time for a C-section is typically six weeks compared to two for a vaginal birth.

And just because you schedule your baby’s birth doesn’t mean the baby won’t have other plans. For example, if you’re a loyal Mindy Project viewer, you will have seen that what little Leo Castellano had planned for Dr. Lahiri was much different to what she had planned for him.

The Anxieties of Labor

Like Dr. Lahiri, many women develop anxiety over giving birth. In fact, there is even a fear of giving birth, called tokophobia. It doesn’t necessarily stop women from getting pregnant, but it can add undue stress to the experience. Stress can also develop if you are fearful of interacting with your healthcare provider. Many doctors and nurses speak intimidating jargon that doesn’t translate well to all pregnant mothers.

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Tokophobia and anxieties related to labor and delivery can be due to fears of labor pains or tearing. Discussing pain management with your healthcare provider is a great option for easing anxiety around labor pains. Epidurals can be effective if administered at the proper time during labor.

The possibility of tears in the vaginal area also instills fear in many women about to give birth. During some vaginal births, an episiotomy may be performed in order to make room for the baby’s head, but you can choose a provider who does not perform this procedure. Tearing can also happen naturally, and women may choose a C-section to avoid these kinds of injuries.

However, you may be trading one pain for another, as you are electing to have surgery. Again, you will likely be staying in the hospital longer than a woman who’s given birth vaginally. You may not even be able to lift anything heavier than your baby for four to six weeks after your C-section.

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Experts’ Views

Most experts agree that if you have no medical reasons to choose a C-section, you should plan for a vaginal birth. C-sections can increase the risk of breathing problems for newborns. Because they are not being pushed through the birth canal, fluid in their lungs is not being naturally expressed, so some babies may end up in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. And according to Dr. Allison Bryant, a maternal fetal medicine specialist at Boston’s Massachusetts General Hospital, there is a small chance some babies could be nicked by surgical instrument during C-sections.

Doctors do agree that if you plan your C-section, you will face fewer risks than having an emergency C-section. But the risks may outweigh the rewards, since C-sections postpone post-birth activities such as bonding and breastfeeding. Vaginal births also decrease your and your baby’s risk of infection, and once you have a C-section, you are more likely to have more C-sections.

Your Choice

In the end, it’s your body and your baby. Make like Sherlock and do your research. Be sure to discuss all your options with your healthcare providers. And be prepared for your carefully-laid plans to be blown out of the water. Just ask Mindy Lahiri.

Featured photo credit: Olivia/Alicja via stock.tookapic.com

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H. E. James

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Published on February 11, 2021

3 Positive Discipline Strategies That Are Best For Your Child

3 Positive Discipline Strategies That Are Best For Your Child

I’m old enough to remember how the cane at school was used for punishment. My dad is old enough to think that banning corporal punishment in schools resulted in today’s poorly disciplined youth. With all of this as my early experiences, there was a time when I would have been better assigned to write about how to negatively discipline your child.

What changed? Thankfully, my wife showed me different approaches for discipline that were very positive. Plus, I was open to learning.

What has not changed is that kids are full of problems with impulses and emotions that flip from sad to happy, then angry in a moment. Though we’re not that different as adults with stress, anxiety, lack of sleep, and stimulants such as sugar and caffeine in our diets.

Punishment as Discipline?

What this means is that we usually take the easy path when a child misbehaves and punish them. Punishment may solve an isolated problem, but it’s not really teaching the kids anything useful in the long term.

Probably it’s time for me to be clear about what I mean by punishment and discipline as these terms are often used interchangeably, but they are quite different.

Discipline VS. Punishment

Punishment is where we inflict pain or suffering on our child as a penalty. Discipline means to teach. They’re quite the opposite, but you’ll notice that teachers, parents, and coaches often confuse the two words.

So, as parents, we have to have clear goals to teach our kids. It’s a long-term plan—using strategies that will have the longest-lasting impact on our kids are the best use of our time and energy.

If you’re clear about what you want to achieve, then it becomes easier to find the best strategy. The better we are at responding when our kids misbehave or do not follow our guidance, the better the results are going to be.

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3 Positive Discipline Strategies for Your Child

Stay with me as I appreciate that a lot of people who read these blogs do not always have children with impulse control. We’ve had a lot of kids in our martial arts classes that were the complete opposite. They had concentration issues, hyperactive, and disruptive to the other children.

The easy solution is to punish their parents by removing the kids from the class or punish the child with penalties such as time outs and burpees. Yes, it was tempting to do all of this, but one of our club values is that we pull you up rather than push you down.

This means it’s a long-term gain to build trust and confidence, which is destroyed by constant punishments.

Here are the discipline strategies we used to build trust and confidence with these hyperactive kids.

1. Patience

The first positive discipline strategy is to simply be patient. The more patient you are, the more likely you are to get results. Remember I said that we need to build trust and connection. You’ll get further with this goal using patience.

As a coach, sometimes I was not the best person for this role, but we had other coaches in the club that could step in here. As a parent, you may not have this luxury, so it’s really important to recognize any improvements that you see and celebrate them.

2. Redirection

The second strategy we use is redirection. It’s important with a redirection to take “no” out of the equation. Choices are a great alternative.

Imagine a scenario where you’re in a restaurant and your kid is wailing. The hard part here is getting your child to stop screaming long enough for you to build a connection. Most parents have calming strategies and if you practice them with your child, they are more likely to be effective.

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In the first moment of calm, you can say “Your choice to scream and cry in public is not a good one. It would be best to say, Dad. What can I do to get ice-cream?” You can replace this with an appropriate option.

The challenge with being calm and redirecting is that we need to be clear-minded, focused, and really engaged at the moment. If you’re on your phone, talking with friends or family, thinking about work or the bills, you’ll miss this opportunity to discipline in a way that has long-term benefits.

3. Repair and Ground Rules

The third positive discipline strategy is to repair and use ground rules. Once you’ve given the better option and it has been taken, you have a chance to repair this behavior to lessen its occurrence to better yet, prevent it from happening again. And by setting appropriate ground rules, you can make this a long-term win by helping your child improve their behavior.

It’s these ground rules that help you correct the poor choices of your child and direct the behavior that you want to see.

Consequences Versus Ultimatums

When I was a child and being punished. My parents worked in a busy business for long hours, so their default was to go to ultimatums. “Do that again and you’re grounded for a week,” or “If I catch you doing X, you’ll go to bed without dinner”.

Looking back, this worked to a point. But the flip side is that I remembered more of the ultimatums than the happier times. I’ve learned through trial and error with my own kids that consequences are more effective while not breaking down trust.

What to Do When Ground Rules Get Broken?

It’s on the consequences that you use when the ground rules are broken.

In the martial arts class, when the hyperactive student breaks the ground rules. They would miss a turn in a game or go to the back of the line in a queue. We do not want to shame the child by isolating them. But on the flip side, there should be clear ground rules and proportionate consequences.

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Yes, there are times when we would like to exclude the student from the class, the club, and even the universe. Again, it’s here that patience is so important and probably impulse control too. With an attainable consequence, you can maintain trust and you’re more likely to get the long-term behavior that you’re looking to achieve.

Interestingly, we would occasionally hear a strategy from parents that little Kevin has been misbehaving at home with his sister or something similar. He likes martial arts training, so the parent would react by removing Kevin from the martial arts class as a punishment.

We would suggest that this would remove Kevin from an environment where he is behaving positively. Removing him from this is likely to be detrimental to the change you would like to see. He may even feel shame when he returns to the class and loses all the progress he’s made.

Alternatives to Punishment

Another option is to tell Kevin to write a letter to his sister, apologizing for his behavior, and explaining how he is going to behave in the future.

If your child is too young to write, give the apology face to face. For the apology to feel sincere, there is some value to pre-framing or practicing this between yourself and your child before they give it to the intended person.

Don’t expect them to know the ground rules or what you’re thinking! It will be clearer to your child and better received with some practice. You can practice along the lines of: “X is the behavior I did, Y is what I should have done, and Z is my promise to you for how I’m going to act in the future.” You can replace XYZ with the appropriate actions.

It does not need to be a letter or in person, it can even be a video. But there has to be an intention to repair the broken ground rule. If you try these strategies, that is become fully engaged with them and you’re still getting nowhere.

But what to do if these strategies do not work? Then there is plenty to gain by seeking the help of an expert. Chances are that something is interfering or limiting their development.

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This does not mean that your child has a neurological deficiency, although this may be the root cause. But it means that you can get an objective view and help on how to create the changes that you would like to see. Remember that using positive discipline strategies is better than mere punishment.

There are groups that you can chat with for help. Family Lives UK has the aim of ensuring that all parents have somewhere to turn before they reached a crisis point. The NSPCC also provides a useful guide to positive parenting that you can download.[1]

Bottom Line

So, there your go, the three takeaways on strategies you can use for positively disciplining your child. The first one is about you! Be patient, be present, and think about what is best for the long term. AKA, avoid ultimatums and punishment. The second is to use a redirect, then repair and repeat (ground rules) as your 3-step method of discipline.

Using these positive discipline strategies require you to be fully engaged with your child. Again, being impulsive breaks trust and you lose some of the gains you’ve both worked hard to achieve.

Lastly, consequences are better than punishment. Plus, avoid shaming, especially in public at all costs.

I hope this blog has been useful, and remember that you should be more focused on repairing bad behavior because being proactive and encouraging good behavior with rewards, fun, and positive emotions takes less effort than repairing the bad.

More Tips on How To Discipline Your Child

Featured photo credit: Leo Rivas via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] NSPCC Learning: Positive parenting

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