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5 Things That Adult Child Of Addict Wish To Tell You

5 Things That Adult Child Of Addict Wish To Tell You

Some people go through life not knowing what it is like to deal with somebody who has abused drugs or alcohol and probably have a very negative, biased opinion on who that person is or was during that part of their lives. You can’t blame them for they way they think. Like I said, they have no idea what it is like to be involved with an addict, especially when the addict is your parent.

Every day, there are thousands of us adult children of addicts who are forced to live their lives a little differently than everybody else. We are faced with stress, fear, anxiety and temptation every day. We feel judged by those who know our situation, even though we shouldn’t.

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It is definitely a challenge to try to live a normal life. If you are on the outside looking in, there are a few things that we, as the adult children of addicts, would like to you know.

1. Our parent’s are not necessarily bad people.

Now, I can’t speak for everybody here when I say this, but it’s the truth for a lot of us. Just because they fell into an addiction doesn’t always mean they started off doing the bad things that they do/did to get their fix. They are still human, and they made some pretty terrible choices that led them to where they are. In a lot of cases, they got involved with the wrong people during very vulnerable point’s in there life, and they got taken advantage of.

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2. We are afraid of the future.

We are afraid of the future because we can’t control it. We are afraid that our parent’s may fall into a relapse, if they have gotten clean. We are afraid of getting that phone call telling us that our parents were involved in a deal gone wrong and are now dead. We work so hard to keep the addiction out of our lives. The possibility that it will make it back into our lives scares the hell out of us.

3. We are afraid for our children.

We are afraid that our children will have to go through what we went through. We are also constantly worried if we are over parenting or under parenting. We second guess a lot of our parenting decisions. We just want to do right by them, and we always worry that what we are doing is not good enough.

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4. We do not mean to be controlling.

This started way back when we were kids. We had to learn to take charge of stuff when are parents weren’t able to. We also feel like we can keep things in order, but it has to be exactly what we want. We know that we need to loosen up a bit, but sometimes its just too hard.

5. We have a hard time finding a whole lot of positive in the situation.

Yeah, we learned how to take care of  ourselves and our siblings early, but we did not want to. We were forced to grow up well before we were ready. We desperately wanted to have our parents take care of us so we could enjoy being a kid, but we didn’t get to. We craved some sort of structure from our parents, but they couldn’t give it to us.

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As adults, we know more about the addiction that our parents deal with, and we are able to realize just how fully it impacted us negatively. We don’t ask for your sympathy, nor do we expect it from anybody. All that we as adult children of addicts ask for is just a little bit of understanding of the situation.

We are trying to create awareness of this side of addiction. Addiction doesn’t just affect the addict; it affects everybody they are close to, especially their children.

Featured photo credit: https://pixabay.com/en/smoking-young-people-youth-be-cool-737057/ via pixabay.com

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Michael Daws

Aircraft Painter, Sports & Lifestyle Blogger

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Last Updated on September 17, 2018

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

Relationships are complicated and when you’re unhappy, it can be difficult to tell what’s causing it and what needs to change.

Sometimes it’s as easy as opening up to your partner about your problems, while other times it may be necessary to switch partners or roll solo to get your mind straight.

When you’re in the thick of things, it can be difficult to tell if you’re unhappy in your relationship or just unhappy in general (in which case, a relationship may be just the cure you need).

Here’re signs of an unhappy relationship that is possibly making you feel stuck:

1. You’re depressed about your home life.

No matter what you do in life, you’re going to have good and bad days. Your relationship is no different.

However, no matter what you’re going through at home, you have to feel comfortable in your own home.

If you constantly dread going home because your significant other is there, there’s a problem. Maybe it’s something you already know about, everyone has an argument or just needs some alone time.

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When that yearning to be alone becomes an insatiable obsession over the course of months and years, it’s time to realize you’re not the exception to the rule.

You’re unhappy in your relationship, and you need to take a look in the mirror and do whatever it takes to make yourself smile.

2. You aren’t comfortable being yourself.

Remember all those things you discovered about yourself when you first got together? The way your partner made you feel when you met that made you fall in love with him or her in the first place.

If they don’t make you feel that way anymore, it’s not the end of the world. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. It’s up to you to decide how to handle that.

You need to be comfortable with who you are. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you.

If the person who supposedly loves you doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, know that you can do better. They’re not even one in a billion.

3. You can’t stop snooping.

Mutual trust is necessary in any relationship. The only way to get that trust is with respect.

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I can find you anywhere online, no matter how private and secure you think you are. The odds of you having a password I can’t crack are slim. If we’ve met in person, I could install a remote key logger on your device without even touching it.

Finding your information online hardly takes a clandestine organization. Any idiot with a Wi-Fi-enabled device can cyberstalk you. I’m just the only idiot in the village admitting it.

So now that we know everyone snoops, it’s time to address your personal habits. Governments snoop because they don’t trust us. If you’re snooping on your partner, it’s because you don’t trust them.

It’s ok to have doubts, and it’s perfectly normal to look into anything that looks weird, but keep in mind that data collection is only half of an investigation.

If you find yourself constantly snooping and questioning everything, clearly there’s a trust issue and the relationship likely needs to end.

4. You’re afraid of commitment.

If you’ve been dating longer than a year and you aren’t engaged, it’s never going to happen.

Commitment is important. People will come up with a million ways to describe why they can’t be committed.

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No matter who you are if you like it, you need to put a ring on it. Find an engagement ring, stick a gemstone in it and marry the person. If you’re not legally able to get married or you don’t believe in it for one reason or another, have a child (or adopt one, however you’re able to) or treat your partner’s family like your own. It’s a huge financial and mental commitment.

If you’re not ready for one or the other after some time, don’t waste anymore of your precious life on the relationship.

Your relationship should be something that propels you forward. If it’s not going anywhere, make it an open relationship and call it what it is—dating multiple people.

5. You imagine a happier life without your partner.

If all you’re doing is imagining a happier life without your partner, it’s a sign that you’re in the wrong relationship. You’re unhappy and you need to get out.

Your partner should be included in your dreams. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a future with someone.

Try to remember what you dreamed of before you got your heart broken by the realities of life, love and the pursuit of human success.

Remember when you would crush on that cute kid in class? You would secretly imagine marrying him or her and going on an adventure—that’s the way life should be.

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If you’re not at least imagining adventures together, then why are you in that relationship?

6. You resent, rather than love your partner.

When a relationship starts to crumble, you begin to resent your partner for all the things you once loved about him or her.

When you’ve reached this point, your partner has reached at least No. 2 on this list. From your partner’s perspective, your unhappiness with them is picked up as bashing them for being who they are.

If you’re both unhappy in the relationship, it’s better if it ends as quickly and painlessly as possible.

7. You chase past feelings.

It’s okay to reminisce about the past, but if all you do is wish things were like they used to be, it’s a sign you’re not on the right path.

You’re unhappy and, at the very least, you need to have an open dialogue about it. This isn’t necessarily a sign that the relationship should end, but it definitely needs a spark.

When you talk to your partner candidly about what it is you’re looking for, you never know how they’ll react. The risk alone is worth it, good or bad.

Final thoughts

If you’re feeling stuck in your current relationship, it’s time to reflect about it with your partner. Don’t ignore these signs of an unhappy relationship as they will slowly go worse and harm both you and your partner in long-term.

Featured photo credit: josh peterson via unsplash.com

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