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15 Times You Realized You Were Raised By Really Strict Parents

15 Times You Realized You Were Raised By Really Strict Parents

Were you raised by really strict parents? From having to ask permission to go somewhere weeks before the actual event to making sure your parents were definitely in a good mood when you did ask, being raised by strict parents really was a minefield.

Check out 15 times you realized you were raised by really strict parents here.

1. Piercings Were A No-Go

Your parents hated piercings, and you would never have dared to ask for a belly button piercing, never mind a facial piercing like your nose or eyebrow. Getting your earlobes pierced was as far as your strict parents were willing to stretch – and even then they thought they were being pretty laid-back about it.

2. You Always Changed The Channel If Your Parents Came In While You Were Watching TV

If you heard your parents in the hall, you always changed the television channel. What if the characters kissed or swore? Totally not worth the lecture.

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3. Asking To Go Somewhere Took Immense Effort

Asking your strict parents for permission to go somewhere became an art form for you. You would mentally prepare to ask them for at least a day, and then you would practice coming up with solutions to the problems your parents would inevitably raise.

Then you would make sure they were in a good mood and finally ask for permission – and then, finally, you would agree on a ridiculously early time for you to come home. Phew.

4. You Were Always The First To Leave When You Hung Out With Your Friends

Your friend’s house, the park, the cinema – it didn’t matter where you were or who you were with, you were always the first to leave. Sigh.

5. If Your Friends Made Plans For That Night, You Knew You Wouldn’t Be Able To Go

If you friends made plans for later that day, you wouldn’t even bother to ask your parents if you could go. You really wanted to – you just knew you parents needed at least one business day to make a decision.

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6. You Only Needed To Ask If You Could Go Somewhere Once

You never understood why your friends thought asking your parents again after they had already said no would work. If your parents said no, they meant no – there was never any wriggle room.

7. You Couldn’t Believe What Your Friends Were Allowed To Get Up To

Their boyfriends and girlfriends were allowed to sleep over? While their parents were HOME?! You could barely even imagine what it would be like to have such cool, relaxed parents.

8. You Had To Prioritize Plans

When you lived with your parents, everything was about prioritizing; you couldn’t go out on both Friday and Saturday, you just had to pick one.

9. Your Friends Changing Plans Made You Stressed Out

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Every time your friends changed their plans, you would have a mini-freak out in your head, because you knew you would have to provide your strict parents with a detailed explanation as to why the plans changed – and then you had to get permission all over again.

10. Your Parents Intensely Disliked One Of Your Friends

Your parents absolutely hated one of your friends; even though you thought they were kind and funny, your parents thought they were a terrible influence on you and hated you two hanging out together.

11. You Lied Constantly To Have A Social Life

You’re not a liar by nature, but you didn’t have a choice. It was lie and have a fun exciting social life, or tell the truth and sit inside every day.

12. You Talked About Grades Rather Than Friends With Your Parents

Family conversations at dinner were focused on your education and your achievements. Your strict parents never wanted to hear about your social life – especially if you’d been hanging around with that one friend they really hated.

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13. Your Parents Still Live In Your Mind

If you put on a particularly revealing outfit, you can’t help feeling a little guilty because you know your parents would disapprove if they could see. Get out of my head!

14. Manners Were Everything

If you didn’t say please or thank you as a child, you would get a two hour lecture on manners and being polite, so you are pretty well-mannered.

15. You Fantasize About Being Rebellious

You always fantasize about doing something rebellious and crazy, like getting your belly button pierced – but then you remember that even though you’re an adult, your parents are still happy to lecture you. Oh well.

What did you think of this list? Do you agree with the points? Share this list with your friends who had strict parents to see what they think!

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Amy Johnson

Amy is a writer who blogs about relationships and lifestyle advice.

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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