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9 Struggles Only Introverts Can Relate To

9 Struggles Only Introverts Can Relate To

In a world that often leads us to believe that extroversion is the norm, it’s not always easy to be an introvert. You may feel like you’re the only one who feels the way you do right now, but don’t worry. You’re definitely not alone in your struggles or feelings!

Trust me, there are millions of introverts around the world that can totally relate to your feelings and experiences. Introverts are everywhere, but they often go unnoticed. If it feels like no one around you can understand introversion, check out the following 9 struggles and take heart in knowing that there are millions of introverts who experience the same things you do.

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1. You feel under-appreciated

You usually don’t talk much. Sometimes you don’t know what to say, other times you don’t have anything to say, and still other times you just don’t have the energy to talk. Regardless, you still wish people would take more time to get to know you, or you wish you had more energy to talk to them.

2. You enter a group and become invisible 5 minutes into the conversation

When meeting a group of new people, you try your best to give a good first impression and appear sociable. Eventually, however, you lose people’s attention because small talk isn’t your strong suit and you can’t think of anything good to say. As you continue to feel invisible, you beat yourself up or feel you’re uninteresting or lack charisma.

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3. You hate throwing parties, especially at your own house

You don’t like to be in the spotlight and letting people into your home is a big deal for you. It almost feels like they’re invading your sanctuary. As a result, you rarely, if ever, throw parties at your place. When you do, you’re reluctant to invite people you aren’t extremely close with. When your friends ask if they can bring a guest, you’re forced to say yes even though it makes you anxious.

4. You feel lonelier at social events than you do when you’re by yourself

You could be standing in a room full of people but you still feel isolated and out of place. You crave deep conversations, but all you get is small talk. You consider yourself lucky if you find someone to talk to in the corner of the room.

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5. You feel totally exhausted when you have to spend significant amounts of time with a large group of people you don’t know

If you have to spend a day or more with new coworkers or classmates you feel completely wiped out by the time you’re done. By the time the day ends, there’s only one thing on your mind: going home and enjoying some alone time. Finally! You often wonder why these situations are so much more draining for you than they are for other people, and you wish you were more outgoing and energetic.

6. You find it hard to think when you’re in a group

You can’t keep your thoughts straight when people around you are talking. You think before you speak and often need silence to gather your thoughts and offer insights. You find yourself frustrated at the completion of group projects because you don’t feel you contributed as much as you could have.

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7. You feel like everything you say must be invaluable and perfect

You don’t raise your hand in class or speak up at work because you think that everything you say must be profound and flawless. You carefully filter your words and feel enormous pressure to say the right things.

8. You hate phone calls

You hate receiving phone calls and you absolutely dread making them. You frequently ignore a ringing phone and call the person back later or wait for them to call you back later on. You relax if you see that the caller is someone you’re close to, because it’s less draining to talk to someone you know well.

9. You secretly wish you were an extrovert

On many occasions, you envy the energy and social prowess that your extroverted friends have. You wish that you could share more of yourself with other people. However, group situations are so draining that you rarely have the energy to talk to someone for long enough to get their attention.

Featured photo credit: Pixabay via pixabay.com

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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