Advertising
Advertising

6 Ways To Make Your Every Message Count In Daily Communication

6 Ways To Make Your Every Message Count In Daily Communication

Being a brilliant communicator is more about the way we think than articulating our messages fluently and interestingly. No matter how carefully you choose your words, you can never fully control how your message will be received. What you do can influence the content, tone, and intensity of your message.

When you apply these 6 ways to improve your communication, your words will become more powerful. You’ll increase your chances that people actually hear what you’re saying.

1. Prepare yourself before the conversation.

Take some time before sharing your ideas. This will make you more confident when talking to people. As a result, your message will be more powerful and easier to understand.

Before opening your mouth, ask yourself what is your real aim in this conversation? What message do you want your listeners to remember? Whether you’re talking with your partner or your colleagues, stress and frustration can cause you to speak less clearly. Clarifying your emotions before a conversation can help you to avoid beating around the bush and going into tangents on minor points. It’s important to stick to the main subject – the one you feel most passionate about.

Advertising

Keep in mind that this conversation won’t necessarily go the way you’ve planned it. Anticipate negative replies in advance so you don’t have to wing it.

2. Keep it simple.

Use as few words as possible to communicate your message. Keeping it concise offers less room for misunderstandings and boredom. Even though you may think what you’re saying is the most interesting thing on earth, your listeners may not share this feeling. If you speak for too long, they will stop paying attention and may not understand your message.

Also, the simpler and more concrete your message is, the more you can focus on your body language — which is 55% of all communication! Stand with your body open and inclusive. Plant your feet firmly on the floor, distribute your weight evenly, and look people in the eye.

3. Use positive language.

Our subconscious mind doesn’t hear negatives. Your message will be more efficient if you speak positively. Instead of telling people what not to do, let them know what you actually want them to do.

Advertising

For example: “You hang out with your friends too much and you never have time for me!” is not likely to be well-received. Instead, use a precise request: “I miss hanging out with you. Let’s spend Saturday evening together”.

4. Think from the listener’s perspective.

Flip around your thinking and try to imagine how your listeners will take your message. Use this method to develop a balanced and clear approach. In this era of texting (and other types of impersonal messages) our communications can be easily misunderstood.

Dr. Rosenberg (a communication expert) says, “The more we empathize with the other party, the safer we feel ourselves.” By connecting to your listeners’ humanity, they are more likely to realize the value of your ideas and find common ground with you.

Take into consideration the influencing emotions which can play in the perception of a message. Don’t demand, but gently and precisely indicate what you want from another person.

Advertising

For example: “I’d like you to wash the dishes after dinner.” might come across the wrong way. Try a softer approach: ”Would you be willing to wash the dishes after dinner?”

5. Avoid judgments.

People usually feel bad when you judge their behaviour. Judgment creates a power dynamic of superiority and inferiority which makes people defensive. This can derail a conversation and prevent healthy dialogue.

Differentiating observation from evaluation is a key step in improving your communication skills. As the Indian philosopher J. Krhnamurti says, “Observation without evaluation is the highest form of human intelligence.”

Even if you disagree with someone’s behaviour, remember this is nothing more than your own subjective opinion. Train yourself to stay mindful and to notice judgmental thoughts — these can lead you to unconsciously choose judgmental language in your conversations.

Advertising

For example: “You’re so naive.” is a judgment which would likely provoke a defensive reaction, whereas this second sentence explains a fact: “When I see you accepting Rob’s explanations, even though we know he’s lied to us before, I think you’re being naive.”

6. Stick to the facts.

Approach people with logic and an objective mind. A conversation supported by facts is less likely provoke hostility because no one can argue with the facts.

Especially when describing a tricky point, be as precise as you can and rely on simple facts. Avoid generalizations and words such as “always” and “never”.

For example: “You never accomplish your tasks on time.” is an opinion which will likely provoke a negative reaction. State a simple fact: “On our last three projects, we met our goals late because you delivered your work after your deadline.”

Communication is a skill which we have an opportunity to practise every day. As it is one the most useful skills we can acquire in life, mastering it is a good idea. Strive to not only be a good communicator, but to be an excellent one!

Featured photo credit: Stokpic via stokpic.com

More by this author

10 Mind-Blowing TED Talks On How To Be Confident, Gorgeous- And A Better Person 26 Things To Remember If You Want To Be Truly Happy 5 Surprising Tricks That Will Enhance Your Concentration Science Says Vegetarians Are More Intelligent And Empathetic 15 Best Photos From 2015 iPhone Photography Awards Winners

Trending in Communication

1 How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them) 2 How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide) 3 The Hidden Power of Every Single Person Around You 4 The Purpose Of Friendship: The Only 4 Types Of Friends You Need In Life 5 14 Things That Make You Happy and Enjoy Life More

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

Advertising

It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

Advertising

Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

Advertising

1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

Advertising

6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

Read Next