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3 Things People With Depression and Thoughts of Suicide Should Know

3 Things People With Depression and Thoughts of Suicide Should Know

On July 14, 2014, Conrad Roy killed himself after reaching out to someone when he was fighting thoughts of suicide. The local authorities released a series of text messages between him and his girlfriend at the time, Michelle Carter. Unfortunately, instead of helping, she encouraged him to kill himself and then held an fundraiser to honor his death. If Conrad was given either words of encouragement or hope when he went to the person he trusted the most, maybe this situation would have had a different outcome. (You can find more about the case here.)

Here are some points that people with depression and thoughts of suicide should know.

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1. Your thoughts matter.

You may not always feel like it, they do. There are many people in the world that care what you are thinking about and your opinion on things. They don’t have to be thoughts on big decisions like buying a house — but it’s the small things that count, right? Even your laughter at a dumb joke means the world to someone in your life.

Everything that you do on a daily basis: the kind things you say, the smiles you flash people, and the conversations you have based on the thoughts that are going on up there in your noggin, shows that you matter. Your thoughts matter because a spark of an idea in your brain may turn into research for a new treatment for a disease, or may relay a song that someone holds onto when they’re contemplating taking their own life.

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2. You will always have at least one person to talk to.

I know there are times when you feel alone, but you are not. There is always someone that will be there to talk to you if you need them. There are plenty of people dedicated to volunteering their time to help out. There are places like Lifeline which offers the option to either call or chat depending on what is easier and best for you when you feel like you don’t have anyone to talk to about your thoughts about suicide. There are also hotlines if you are feeling depressed; you can find the list here. Most of these organizations depend on volunteers, so they want to be there for you and they want to hear what you have to say.

They are there because they want to be, not because they have to be.

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3. By staying alive, you encourage others that aren’t as strong to stay alive as well.

There was a study done in 2014 that shows that a parent who committed suicide while their child was under the age of 18 increased the likelihood of the child committing or attempting to commit suicide in the future. By staying strong throughout your depression, you are able to give your child the strength to carry on as well. (You can read more about the study here.)

Remember, as Josh Billings once said: “Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well”. Even if you are not a parent, there are people in your life that consider you a strong person. They may not say it out loud, but they think that if you are going through what you have to each day, then they can keep going too. Your strength is strength for those who do not have as much as you.

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No matter what you are going through or how alone you feel, there will always be someone out there that cares and that is willing to spend the time to talk to you. According to Save.org there is one suicide in the U.S. every 13 minutes. I hope that by knowing these three things, that you do not become a part of that statistic.

Your thoughts, your emotions and your life matters.

Featured photo credit: 98 Browse more: abstract, blowball, blowing, dandelion, girl, nature, sunbeams, sunnyTest Drive image Take a look how this image can be used! Girl Blowing Blowball/Dandelion- Viktor Hanacek via picjumbo.com

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Margielyn Musser

Event And Volunteer Coordinator / World Traveler

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Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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