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Relationships Aren’t Only About Romance, It Requires Efforts

Relationships Aren’t Only About Romance, It Requires Efforts

No matter your age, love is always an enigma.

In a culture that idolizes long-term relationships, our individualized concept of love is a mucked up regurgitation of “always a happy ending” false promises we see in Hollywood combined with what we see from the relationships of our parents, aunts, and close family friends. We then build up this dramatized ideal as to how our relationships will be “better”, or “stronger”, or “a purer form of love” based on what we’ve seen and experienced.

We don’t really know what love is, or how to measure it, or what signs to look for to know we’ve attained it aside from what we’ve been told. All of these characteristics of love are all self-determined by what was explained above. Our concept of love is like a snowflake; no two conceptions are ever the same. So, for starters, it’s best to understand that love and relationships are amazing but can ultimately be doomed from the start if you try to cram your feelings and opinions of someone else into a box that was basically made for you.

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A lot of incredible things happen when you share your life with someone else. There’s the initial joy of finding common interests and establishing intimacy, also known as the honeymoon stage. You gain confidence and trust in that person over time, sharing moments along the timeline of both your lives that will be cherished forever. You now have someone to explore with, laugh with, and someone to snuggle with on Sunday when you’re really hungover and “can’t even”.

Aside from the many positives relationships bring, we’re not really warned about the hardships of relationships, and that’s not surprising. In the current era of social media people rarely share their dirty laundry, especially when it has to do with that special someone. We’re not encouraged to openly discuss and share the horrific things that happen between two lovers.

Relationships are great, but they’re also like a full time job. Even if you love it there are going to be days where you want to walk out and quit, wonder if there’s “something better out there”, or maybe even start looking at other jobs online in your spare time.

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There will be times when you question everything. EVERYTHING. But there really isn’t an aspect of life that doesn’t invite crippling indecision at times. Friendships, hobbies, pets; everything and anything can bring up the paralyzing fear of “is there something better?” or “am I doing this right?” Even if everything appears to be going great in your relationship, you can always dig and pry and find something to complain about or question. Know that these feelings of uncertainty are going to happen to both parties, and it’s a completely common experience.

Sometimes fighting will be easier than getting along, and being mad is easier than being the bigger person. Conflict is inevitable and those who avoid it only make the problem worse by running from it. You can’t outrun personal problems or relationship problems. There will be aspects of your partner that may annoy or bother you, but who’s perfect?

If you don’t learn to find perfection in your partner’s imperfections, the relationship won’t last. Besides, would you rather cram someone into your mental box of a “perfect partner” or let them be their true selves, flaws and all? How you answer that determines two things: how selfish you are as a partner and how badly you want a relationship to work at any cost.

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You’ll hurt alone and you’ll hurt together in a relationship. Unfortunately, you’ll also hurt each other from time to time. Don’t let your mind jump to extremes of infidelity or bold faced lies, but things happen.

Sometimes life throws you a knuckle ball you weren’t expecting when you step into the batters box of love. Hurt feelings will happen both unintentionally and, yes, sometimes intentionally. Most of us never fathom saying something hurtful to the person we love, but sometimes we say things we don’t mean in the heat of the moment. Pain is an unfortunate byproduct of love. At times, you’ll hurt separately and look to the other for support. Other times the pain will be shared. No matter how it’s experienced, the bond will grow stronger if you have the ability to endure it together. It is in enduring pain that a deeper, more appreciative love is formed.

Loving another person is never easy, but it’s always worth it. There are still many challenging points of relationships that I haven’t touched on here such as raising children, loved ones dying, and traveling together. But be choosey with whom you decide to love, and whom you give your love to. In the end, the aspects of relationships that bring the most pain are often the ones that lead to the most growth, allowing us to harbor a meaningful, worthwhile, everlasting relationship.

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Featured photo credit: Barrett_Asia_Engagement_06 / Ryan Polei via albumarium.com

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Last Updated on July 10, 2020

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

There will always be times in your life when you may need to learn how to reinvent yourself. This could come when you experience a big change, such as leaving your job, moving on from a relationship, transferring to a new home, or losing a loved one. If you are going through a major shift in your life, you may have to find new ways of thinking or doing things, or risk failing to reach your full potential.

“When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.”

Many people who dared to leave their old unhappy lives enabled themselves to pursue their passions and find a renewed zest for living. You can also achieve the same if you take a leap of faith and make things happen for yourself.

To help you always be at your best wherever you may be in your life, here are some practical tips on how to reinvent yourself.

The Reinvention Checklist

Before embarking on a journey of self-reinvention, you need to make sure that you have everything that you need to make the trip bump-proof. These things include:

Resilience

Problems and obstacles are guaranteed to happen. Some of them will be difficult and may knock you off course; the important thing, however, is that you learn from these difficulties, never lose focus, and always get back up. This requires building resilience to get through the tough times.

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Support

Humans are social beings. Although it is important that you learn to rely on yourself when facing any challenge, it is also important to have a support team that you can lean on to give you a boost when things get too tough and to correct you when you’re making mistakes.

The key is to find the right balance between independence and dependence. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and share the difficulties you’re facing. When you open up, you’ll find the people who are really going to be there for you.

Self-Care

During the process of learning how to reinvent yourself, you will have to pull yourself away from your old comfort zones, habits, roles, and self-perceptions. This can be difficult and cause you to question your self-worth, so it’s important to engage in self-care to maintain a positive outlook and keep your mind and body healthy as you face the challenges that await you. Self-care can include:

  • Participating in a hobby you enjoy
  • Spending time with your support system
  • Taking some time to walk in nature
  • Practicing loving-kindness meditation

Find what works for you and what helps you feel like your true self as you seek a reinvented version of you.

How to Reinvent Yourself

Once you’re sure that you’re equipped with all the tools in the self-reinvention checklist, you can begin your journey of learning how to reinvent yourself.

1. Discover Your Strengths

This step provides valuable information on how you deal with certain situations. If you have this information, you will be able to manage difficulties more efficiently.

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To find out what your strengths are, you can ask your friends and colleagues for feedback, engage in self-reflection, or try these 10 Ways to Find Your Own Personal Strengths.

2. Plan

This step calls for a thorough assessment of your current emotional, psychological, and financial status so that you can develop plans that are realistic and practical.

It’s okay to have ambitious dreams, but your plans have to be realistic. Making use of SMART goals can help you plan your life better.

You can also consult your mentor or life coach for practical tips and advice.

Ultimately, you’ll want to create specific long-term and short-term goals that you can create milestones for. By doing this, you’ll lay out a specific roadmap to your reinvented self.

3. Try Things Out

Sometimes, we don’t know if solutions actually work until we try them out. This is why it is important to experiment whenever possible, especially if you’re dealing with a career change. You may need to simply experiment in order to find the things you like. This can be the same with hobbies. If you’re not sure what you would like doing, accept invitations from friends to join them in their favorite sport or take a class, like pottery or photography.

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By seeing what’s out there in any area of your life, you’ll have a better chance of finding the things you enjoy and the goals you want to create.

4. Manage Your Finances Well

Changes may require a bit of money. If you’re shifting to a new career, you may have to pay for training. If you’re going through a tough divorce or having a hard time dealing with the death of a loved one, you may have to pay for therapy. If you’re moving to a new home, you’ll definitely have to pay a whole lot of expenses.

All of these things are possible, but it will require a bit of money savviness as you learn how to reinvent yourself. If you have that cushion, you’ll feel more comfortable straying from your current path to try new things.

5. Muster Your Courage

Fears and self-doubt may arise when you encounter difficulties and setbacks. Sometimes, they may also come when you’re taking risks. You have to manage these negative emotions well and not allow them to discourage you. Tap into your courage and try doing at least one new thing each week to develop it.

Learn how to deal with your self-doubts to move forward in this article: How Self Doubt Keeps You Stuck (And How to Overcome It)

6. Use Your Support Group

As stated above, you need to build a strong support group before you even start the process of reinventing yourself. Your group will keep you from taking wrong turns and encourage you when you get too weighed down by problems. Don’t be afraid to call them, or even ask them out for coffee if you need to vent about the current difficulties you’re facing.

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7. Remind Yourself Every Day of Your Commitment

Write your goals on different-sized cards and scatter them at home and at work in places where you can easily see them. This way, you will constantly be reminded of where you want to be. Remember, writing down your goals helps them stick[1].

8. Accept Failure, Learn, and Resume Your Journey

Failing is normal, especially when we’re trying out something new. When you fail, simply recognize it, learn from it, and move on. Failure, in the end, is the best way to learn what does and doesn’t work, and you simply won’t be able to learn how to reinvent yourself if you don’t accept the inevitable failures that await you.

Final Thoughts

If you truly want to learn how to reinvent yourself and live the life you desire, take the advice above and start taking action. It will take time, patience, and plenty of effort to make the change you want happen, but it will be all worth it.

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Featured photo credit: Ashley Rich via unsplash.com

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