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8 Things to Remember If You Love Someone With Chronic Pain

8 Things to Remember If You Love Someone With Chronic Pain

Chronic pain is a condition that we all cringe when we hear, right? Imagine being a person that suffers from pain for more than 3 months. We also know there are many conditions which cause chronic pain such as back problems, arthritis, migraines and so on. It’s sad but not much more is said about how prevalent this condition may be. Unfortunately, it’s extremely common. Over 25 million people suffer from chronic pain in the US but a discussion of their problems goes under the radar. Chronic pain is not just physical – it’s an emotional journey. If you love someone that suffers from chronic pain, you will likely have to accommodate their situation as necessary.

Beyond the physical sensation of pain, here are 8 reasons why they suffer more than you think.

1. Chronic pain is invisible

Roughly 96% of illnesses are invisible meaning they do not have any external signals that point towards it such as a walking stick or wheelchair. After dealing with it for so long, they no longer grimace or cry every time they’re in pain.  It’s possible they look perfectly fine despite being in pain.

It’s easy for it to be ignored as a disability simply because it’s unseen. Therefore their problems can be subject to statements such as “just fight through it” which are dismissive. Chronic pain isn’t the same as the common cold or even a broken leg.

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2. It leads to depression

25% to 75% of chronic pain sufferers experience moderate to severe depression. This, in addition to being in frequent pain means it’s very easy to withdraw and stop engaging in day to day activities. It strains relationships with friends and family which in turn decreases their quality of life further. It is a vicious cycle that even affects how effective pain treatment is.

As Rachel Benner says, “it’s important for them to incorporate structure, activities, socialization, purpose and meaning into each day of their lives.”

3. They don’t know how it started

It’s possible to have pain without a clear origin or an injury that seemed to appear out of nowhere. Having a reason for an injury is helpful – you can be more careful next time. More importantly, it provides closure. Without a reason, prolonged pain becomes becomes completely meaningless and feels like terrible bad luck.

Bad luck should be missing the bus to work. Not years of pain.

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Suffering without meaning creates questions that demand answers. However, those answers either don’t exist or require a very long time to discover. Both possibilities have adverse effects on their mood.

4. They don’t know if it’ll end

Especially if the person is young, this causes incredible amounts of despair. They start to wonder whether they can handle being in pain every day for the next 10, 20, or 30 years.

Here’s the kicker – it is possible there’s no end. It’s possible they could have to suffer from pain for the rest of their lives and this becomes more real to them the longer it persists.

5. They blame themselves

There’s an expectation to have gotten used to the pain after a while the same way one might get used to a walking stick. It’s easy to self-criticize for not being able to do certain things you used to like stay out with friends or complete work on time. Sometimes, they’ll want to fight the pain and if they fail, they’ll blame themselves for not working hard enough. This can lead to self-loathing and feelings of guilt because they cannot live life at the same pace as their friends and family.

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Living exactly the same life as your peers is unrealistic when you suffer from chronic pain. The expectation to do so creates a burden they blame themselves for.

6. They aren’t making a mountain of a molehill

People often underestimate chronic pain. In combination with chronic pain being an invisible illness, they can often hear the phrase ‘you don’t look ill’ turn to ‘it can’t be that bad’.

We’ve all been in pain but it’s surprisingly difficult to imagine having a pain that lasts literally every day. It might be tempting to try motivating them using a pep-talk but it can result in guilt tripping which is be incredibly demotivating. It’s important not to use throwaway lines like ‘you’ll get over it’ because it distances you from the problem and isolates those with chronic pain.

7. It’s exhausting

Chronic pain requires a lot of energy. It’s like having four flat tires and half a tank of gas then starting a cross country tour.

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Every activity ranging from getting out of bed to washing dishes to waiting for the bus takes a significant amount of energy. As a result of this, they might have to cancel plans and end the day early. Loving someone with chronic pain means cutting them some slack or planning more low-key events with them.

8. They appreciate your support

Suffering from chronic pain can feel lonely and hopeless. The relationship between a person and their pain is dynamic. It can change from apathy to frustration to hopelessness over time. These changes on a persons outlook on life and their pain are difficult to deal with especially if they become consumed with frustration. The changes are unique for every person so there’s no one-size-fits-all approach.

As you can see, chronic pain is just as emotional as it is physical. Having a person who simply listens and tries their best to understand can make that journey much easier.

A supportive friend is invaluable.

Your support is treasured dearly!

Featured photo credit: rolands.lakis via pixabay.com

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Last Updated on November 5, 2020

How to Get out of a Rut: 12 Useful Ways to Get Unstuck

How to Get out of a Rut: 12 Useful Ways to Get Unstuck

Have you gotten into a rut before? Or are you in a rut right now?

You know you’re in a rut when you run out of ideas and inspiration. A rut can manifest as a productivity vacuum and be a reason why you aren’t getting results. Even as you spend more time on your work, you can’t seem to get anything constructive done. Is it possible to learn how to get out of a rut?

Over time, I have tried and found several methods that are helpful to pull me out of a rut. If you experience ruts too, whether as a working professional, a writer, a blogger, or a student, you will find these useful. Here are 12 of my personal tips to get out of ruts:

1. Work on Small Tasks

When you are in a rut, tackle it by starting small. Clear away your smaller tasks that have been piling up. Reply to your emails, organize your documents, declutter your work space, and reply to private messages.

Whenever I finish doing that, I generate positive momentum, which I bring forward to my work.

If you have a large long-term goal you can’t wait to get started on, break it down into smaller objectives first. This will help each piece feel manageable and help you feel like you’re moving closer to your goal.

You can learn more about goals vs objectives here.

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2. Take a Break From Your Work Desk

When you want to learn how to get out of a rut, get yourself away from your desk and go take a walk. Go to the bathroom, walk around the office, or go out and get a snack. According to research, your productivity is best when you work for 50 minutes to an hour and then take a 15-20 minute break[1].

Your mind may be too bogged down and will need some airing. By walking away from your computer, you may create extra space for new ideas that were hiding behind high stress levels.

3. Upgrade Yourself

Take the down time to upgrade your knowledge and skills. Go to a seminar, read up on a subject of interest, or start learning a new language. Or any of the 42 ways here to improve yourself.

The modern computer uses different typefaces because Steve Jobs dropped in on a calligraphy class back in college[2]. How’s that for inspiration?

4. Talk to a Friend

Talk to someone and get your mind off work for a while. Relying on a support system is a great way to work on self-care when you’re learning how to get out of a rut.

Talk about anything, from casual chatting to a deep conversation about something you really care about. You will be surprised at how the short encounter can be rejuvenating in its own way.

5. Forget About Trying to Be Perfect

If you are in a rut, the last thing you want to do is step on your own toes with perfectionist tendencies. Perfectionism can lead you to fear failure, which can ultimate hinder you even more if you’re trying to find motivation to work on something new.

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If you allow your perfectionism to fade, soon, a little trickle of inspiration will come, and then it’ll build up with more trickles. Before you know it, you have a whole stream of ideas.

Learn more about How Not to Let Perfectionism Secretly Screw You Up.

6. Paint a Vision to Work Towards

If you are continuously getting in a rut with your work, maybe there’s no vision inspiring you to move forward.

Think about why you are doing this, and what you are doing it for. What is the ultimate goal or vision you have for your life?

Make it as vivid as possible. Make sure it’s a vision that inspires you and use that to trigger you to action. You can use the power of visualization or even create a vision board if you like to have something to physically remind you of your goals.

7. Read a Book (or Blog)

The things we read are like food for our brain. If you are out of ideas, it’s time to feed your brain with great material.

Here’s a list of 40 books you can start off with. You can also stock your browser with only the feeds of high quality blogs and follow writers who inspire and motivate you. Find something that interests you and start reading.

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8. Have a Quick Nap

If you are at home, take a quick nap for about 20-30 minutes. This clears up your mind and gives you a quick boost. Nothing quite like starting off on a fresh start after catching up on sleep[3].

Try a nap if you want to get out of a rut

    One Harvard study found that “whether they took long naps or short naps, participants showed significant improvement on three of the four tests in the study’s cognitive-assessment battery”[4].

    9. Remember Why You Are Doing This

    Sometimes we lose sight of why we do what we do, and after a while we become jaded. A quick refresher on why you even started on this project will help.

    What were you thinking when you thought of doing this? Retrace your thoughts back to that moment. Recall your inspiration, and perhaps even journal about it to make it feel more tangible.

    10. Find Some Competition

    When we are learning how to get out of a rut, there’s nothing quite like healthy competition to spur us forward. If you are out of ideas, then check up on what people are doing in your space.

    Colleagues at work, competitors in the industry, competitors’ products and websites, and networking conventions can all inspire you to get a move on. However, don’t let this throw you back into your perfectionist tendencies or low self-esteem.

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    11. Go Exercise

    Since you are not making headway at work, you might as well spend the time getting into shape and increasing dopamine levels. Sometimes we work so much that we neglect our health and fitness. Go jog, swim, cycle, or whatever type of exercise helps you start to feel better.

    As you improve your physical health, your mental health will improve, too. The different facets of ourselves are all interlinked.

    If you need ideas for a quick workout, check out the video below:

    12. Take a Few Vacation Days

    If you are stuck in a rut, it’s usually a sign that you have been working too long and too hard. It’s time to get a break.

    Beyond the quick tips above, arrange one or two days to take off from work. Don’t check your (work) emails or do anything work-related. Relax, do your favorite activities, and spend time with family members. You will return to your work recharged and ready to start.

    Contrary to popular belief, the world will not end from taking a break from your work. In fact, you will be much more ready to make an impact after proper rest.

    More Tips to Help You Get out of a Rut

    Featured photo credit: Ashkan Forouzani via unsplash.com

    Reference

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