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Why You Shouldn’t Always Tell Your Kids To Be Happy

Why You Shouldn’t Always Tell Your Kids To Be Happy

If you are a really good parent, you might want to think again about how to make your child really happy. Most parents nowadays regard parenting as providing them with love, the latest toys and protecting them from unpleasant experiences. That will make them feel happy and they should always be happy, right? Wrong!

Real life has a fair share of nasty shocks, failures and unhappiness for most of us. If we are taught how to deal with these from an early age, it really is the best way to grow up as confident, happy and well balanced adults. If parents rush in to provide protection, advice and the latest toys, then discomfort, disappointment and setbacks will never be talked about. Here are 4 reasons why you shouldn’t tell your kids to be always happy and why you shouldn’t rush in to fix things and minimize suffering.

1. Buying them a new toy will not teach them about disappointment

Children will have to come to terms early on with disappointment when their favorite toy gets broken. Those parents who offer to buy the kid a new toy are making a mistake. The message the child is getting is that the feelings of sadness, frustration and disappointment are not on the agenda. They are brushed under the carpet or thrown out with the broken toy. Worse still, they never get to talk about those feelings with their parents and when they go though adolescence and adulthood, they will be not be able to deal with them.

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The worst case scenario is where parents buy the child a new toy because it makes them feel less guilty about the lack of time they can dedicate to their kids.

“Parents are driven so much by guilt, especially working parents and single parents. It’s amazing.” – Tom Limbert, Head Teacher of Stanford University’s Bing Nursery School of Child Development Research and Training

Savvy parents will talk about what happened to the toy. It may just have worn out or it may have been handled roughly by the child. Empathize with the child and talk about how things go wrong and we are sometimes disappointed and sad and say that these things happen. You could also talk about how much it costs and whether the child, if they are old enough, could start earning enough doing extra chores to help buy a new one. Teaching them the value of money and saving will help to make them autonomous.

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2. Helicopter parenting does more harm than good in the long term

Parents rush in to intervene when there is a problem at school or when Johnny does get selected for the baseball team. That will keep the kids happy and serene. But the parents will not always be around, will they? Studies show that college students who had these overprotective parents were the ones who were suffering more from depression and were generally less satisfied with life in general. Thanks Mom and Dad!

Parents who take a more relaxed approach and allow their kids to become more competent, reliable and well-balanced are doing a much better job at raising their kids. They allow them to try to get to grips with problem-solving and to deal with setbacks. They talk to them about how they are feeling and ways they can avoid similar things happening. It is just helping to learn to grow up in the real world. Chris Meno, a psychologist at Indiana University, has warned that helicopter parenting leads to depression and anxiety and they also have a tougher time in finding jobs after graduation.

3. How are you teaching your kids to be empowered?

You know how kids always feel that they are entitled to everything they want and parents often feel that they should give in, simply because maybe they themselves had a deprived childhood. But the latest smartphone, the fastest game and trendy clothes are not going to lead to happiness. They may momentarily give pleasure and gratification but this sense of entitlement is dangerous.

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If you hear your kids say that they want things now or they do not want to have to clean up their room or they expect you to fix their problems, then you have a problem with entitlement.

Parents need to instill the ideas that kids have to work for something they want and that money, success and even a job will only come after hard work and study. Teaching them how to learn from failure will also help. These are the ways to lead to empowerment because this is what will really make them happy.

4. Teach your child about how to get and stay connected

“A connected childhood is the key to happiness.”- Dr. Edward Hallowell, child psychiatrist

Parents want their children to be happy, successful and fulfilled. The best way to do that is to show them how to stay connected. Start with yourself by showing them that they are loved, wanted and understood. Help spread that sense of being connected with siblings, relatives, friends and neighbors. Once they have this sense of being loved, they are better protected against the slings and arrows that fortune will throw at them. They will be able to fight off emotional problems of depression and risky behavior such as self-harming. When 90,000 teens were asked what they desired most, they stated that it was this sense of feeling connected.

Teach your child to form loving connections. From a very early age, hold him or her often, play, talk, read, sing and laugh together. As they grow help them to form loving connections through friendship and other social channels. Texting and Instagram do not count!

If you do not believe me, ask Christine Carter who is Director of Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center. She will tell you that 50 years of research have shown that social connections are at the top of the list for helping to create happiness.

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The next time you buy your children a new gadget, ask yourself if they are getting enough of your time, affection and guidance. They say that children thrive when you give them half as many presents and twice as much of your presence.

Featured photo credit: Cute.Sweet.Smile/Muhammad Taslim Razin via flickr.com

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Robert Locke

Author of Ziger the Tiger Stories, a health enthusiast specializing in relationships, life improvement and mental health.

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Published on November 7, 2018

How to Homeschool in the 21st Century (For All Types of Parents & Kids)

How to Homeschool in the 21st Century (For All Types of Parents & Kids)

In 2016, it was estimated that 1.7 million children were being homeschooled in the U.S, roughly 3.3% of all school-aged children.[1] Although this may not sound like a big portion of the population, the growth rate of homeschooling has been 7 to15% per year for the last two decades.

The burgeoning numbers are not a coincidence. There are tremendous benefits to homeschooling, including one-on-one teaching, adaptability to individual needs and learning styles, a safe learning environment, encouraging learning for knowledge rather than grades, and tailoring a curriculum to the child’s interests.

Is homeschooling something that you have been considering for your family? With all of the tools and resources available for homeschoolers in the 21st century, it may be easier than you think.

How to Homeschool (Getting Started)

After thinking it through, you’ve decided that homeschooling is the right step for you and your family. Now what? Here are the first things you should do to get your homeschooling journey started on the right track.

Figure Out the Laws

Homeschooling is regulated by the state, not the federal government. The first step is to find the current and accurate legal requirements mandated by your state in order to educate your child legally.[2]

The regulations can vary widely, from strict guidelines to no guidelines at all. However, don’t be overwhelmed by the legal jargon. There are many resources and local communities for homeschooling families that can help you figure out the logistics.

Decide on an Approach

Every child’s needs are different. This is your chance to choose the homeschooling style or combination of styles that best fits your child’s learning style and interests. A brief description of seven different homeschooling methods are listed below.

Supplies/Resources

Often times, purchasing a homeschooling curriculum is done too early in the planning process, resulting in buyer’s remorse.

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A curriculum is not always needed for homeschooling, and other types of free or less structured resources are readily available.

Find a Community

Getting connected with a community of homeschoolers is one of the most important parts of building a successful and thriving homeschool environment for your kids.

Look for communities online for virtual support or a local group that you and your kids can interact with. Partnering with others fosters better socialization skills for the students and provides opportunities for field trips, classes, and outings that wouldn’t have otherwise been a part of the homeschooling experience.

7 Different Homeschooling Methods

1. School-At-Home

Also known as Traditional homeschool, School-At-Home uses essentially the same curriculum as the local private or public school but at home.

The lessons can be completed independently, but more commonly, they are administered by a parent or a teacher-facilitated online school.

  • Benefits: formal standards, wide selection of curricula, same pace as peers, short-term friendly
  • Drawbacks: expensive, inflexible, time consuming, parent can get easily burnt out
  • Resources: K12, Time4Learning, Abeka

2. Classical

One of the most popular homeschooling methods used, it borrows educational practices from Ancient Greece and Rome. Subject areas are studied chronologically so that students can understand the consequence of ideas over time.

Socratic dialogue fosters effective discussions and debate to achieve beyond mere comprehension. There is often a strong emphasis on Great Books[3] as well as Greek and Latin.

3. Unit Studies

Rather than breaking up education into subjects, unit studies approach each topic as a whole, studying it from the perspective of each subject area.

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For example, a unit study about animals could include reading books about animals, learning about the classification of animals, figuring out which animals live on which continents, etc. This method is often used as a technique in other more comprehensive educational methodologies.

  • Benefits: promotes thinking about concepts as a whole, not monotonous or redundant, student-directed, bolsters weaker subject areas, beneficial for teaching multi-age students
  • Drawbacks: incomplete, knowledge gaps, curriculum-dependent
  • Resources: Unit Study, Unit Studies, Unit Studies Made Easy, Konos

4. Charlotte Mason

This Christian homeschooling style utilizes shorts periods of study (15-20 minute max for elementary, 45 minute max for high school), along with nature walks and history portfolios.

Students are encouraged to practice observation, memorization, and narration often. With a focus on “living books” (stories with heroes, life lessons, socio-ethical implications), reading plays a big role in this student-paced teaching style.

5. Montessori

Maria Montessori developed this method through working with special needs children in the early 20th century.

With a primary focus on the student setting the pace and indirect instruction from the teacher, this approach includes free movement, large unstructured time blocks (up to 3 hours), multi-grade classes, and individualized learning plans based on interests.

6. Unschooling

Unschooling is a learning model largely based on the work of John Holt.[4] The teaching style focuses mainly on the students’ interests, putting priority on experiential, activity-based, and learn as you go approaches.

For basic skills such as reading, writing, and math, a systematic technique is employed, but testing and evaluations are typically not utilized. Teachers, in general, play more of a facilitator role.

7. Eclectic/Relaxed

As the most popular method of homeschool, eclectic homeschooling is child-directed, resourceful, and non-curriculum based.

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Parents can sample any combination of homeschooling methods and styles or resources. One growing sector of eclectic homeschooling combines part homeschooling with part traditional schooling.

How to Facilitate Homeschooling with Technology

One of the reasons homeschooling is more feasible than ever before is due to the accessibility of tools and resources to enhance the learning process.

Email

Email is a tool that has really stood the test of time. Invented in 1972, it is still used today as a primary means of communicating on the Internet.

It is a great way to share assignments, links, and videos between parent and student.

Google Drive/Calendar

Google Drive offers a multitude of essential programs that can come in handy for homeschoolers, such as Docs, Sheets, Slides, and more.

With its sharing capabilities, easy accessibility, and auto-save ability, it’s easier than ever to organize and complete assignments. It will improve students’ writing and typing skills, as well as eliminate the need for paper.

Google Calendar is an excellent tool for tracking assignment due dates, planning field trips and activities, and developing time management skills.

Ebooks

Rather than invest in physical copies of books, ebooks are a wonderful option for saving money and space. There are plenty of places that offer a free or paid subscription to a wide selection of ebooks:

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E-Courses

When a structured curriculum is necessary for teaching a certain topic, an e-course is the way to go.

From watercolors to calculus, there are e-courses available about almost everything. Including different teaching styles that vary from the parents will encourage students to learn in different ways.

The visual and auditory stimulation will also be beneficial in helping students understand and retain the concepts being taught.

Some recommendations:

Youtube

Youtube is not just a platform for music videos and cats doing funny things. There are a number of Youtube channels that produce quality educational videos, free of charge.

Creating a playlist of videos for various topics is a great way to supplement a homeschool education.

Some recommendations:

Final Thoughts

Homeschooling in the current age looks much different than it did ten years ago. There are more options and more flexibility when it comes to educating kids at home.

Don’t be overwhelmed by the idea of homeschooling your children if it could make a positive impact on your family.

Featured photo credit: Hal Gatewood via unsplash.com

Reference

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