Advertising
Advertising

You’ll Be Stunned: Daughter Abandoned By Father Comments On His New Life

You’ll Be Stunned: Daughter Abandoned By Father Comments On His New Life

Sometimes life throws us curve balls and things don’t go as they are supposed to. I’m sure that you have experienced this, just as I have. Perhaps you studied all night for that test, yet you didn’t pass? Maybe you finally worked up the courage to talk to that crush, and they turned you down? Maybe that train made you late for that amazing job interview, costing you that much-coveted job? These are just regular life occurrences, and they happen to all of us. We have no choice but to suck it up, and carry on with our days. However, what happens when a person who shouldn’t, terribly wrongs you?

Such was the case with the young lady in this story. Her father abandoned her at a very young age, leaving her mother to do all the work in raising her. The father made the odd appearance here and there while she was very young, then disappeared again. This man (and I use the term loosely) didn’t even have the common decency of providing financially for his offspring. He requested to give up his parental responsibility to avoid child support, and the mother agreed. This is a common occurrence in today’s world, but the way this child handled it, definitely is not.

Advertising

As I write about this story, I feel my blood boil. I am filled with anger and rage. Few things can get me going like a deadbeat father. However, the little girl (only 11 years old at this point) handled it very differently. After a chance encounter with a mutual friend, the mother learned that the dad had settled down and started to raise a family. She reacted much like I have. However, on the way home, her daughter surprised her. Instead of being angry or hurt, the little girl smiled and stated, “He finally learned how to be a dad.” The mother states that she learned all she needed to about forgiveness at that point.

Advertising

I decided to write this article because the innocence of this child amazed me. Unlike her, I am not this forgiving. As an adult, and a father, I know all that goes into raising a young child today. Yet, who am I to be angry at him? If the main victim of his transgression is not seething, and even her mother (who was also a victim of his abandonment) could let it go, then who am I to be angry for them? This story showed me that I have a lot to learn about forgiveness. I hope that some of you out there, who are like me, can also learn to forgive, or at least acknowledge that you have much more room for personal growth. I know that I do!

Advertising

8984e072-9d71-4f6b-b1da-f0feca60b713

    Featured photo credit: Diply.com Facebook Post Preview via diply.com

    Advertising

    More by this author

    How It’s Like When Parents Talk To Each Other The Way They Talk To Kids The Real Life “Benjamin Button” Imparts Wisdom in a TED Talk Don’t Know What To Stock For Emergencies? 10 Foods That (Almost) Never Expire Does Time Go Faster As We Get Older? Check Out This Infographic! The Fear of Being Seen as Weak

    Trending in Communication

    1 40 Acts of Kindness to Make the World a Better Place 2 6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak 3 How to Train Your Brain to Be Optimistic 4 How to Stop Living on Autopilot with Antonio Neves 5 The Gentle Art of Saying No For a Less Stressful Life

    Read Next

    Advertising
    Advertising
    Advertising

    Last Updated on August 6, 2020

    6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

    6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

    We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

    “Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

    Are we speaking the same language?

    My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

    When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

    Am I being lazy?

    When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

    Advertising

    Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

    Early in the relationship:

    “Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

    When the relationship is established:

    “Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

    It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

    Have I actually got anything to say?

    When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

    A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

    When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

    Am I painting an accurate picture?

    One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

    Advertising

    How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

    Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

    What words am I using?

    It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

    Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

    Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

    Advertising

    Is the map really the territory?

    Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

    A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

    I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

    Read Next