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8 Things Somebody with Depression Never Wants To Hear

8 Things Somebody with Depression Never Wants To Hear

Depression is a serious medical condition that is often misunderstood by the general public. Unfortunately, many people who have never suffered from the disease tend to underestimate the detrimental effects it can have on a person’s physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Many well-meaning friends may say or do something intended to help a loved one that will ultimately make things much worse for the suffering individual. If you want to help a friend through this incredibly difficult stage of life, avoid saying any of the following:

1. Have you tried…?

Yes, yes I have. Listening to music, going outside, seeing a psychiatrist. I’ve tried everything. I’d do anything to not feel like this all of the time. Unfortunately, going through depression is a work in progress. There is no single way to get through it. But believe me, nothing you suggest is going to flip a switch in my head and turn off my depression.

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2. You shouldn’t dwell on things so much

You’re right, I shouldn’t. But I can’t help it. That’s literally what depression does. It takes all of the negative aspects of a person’s life and magnifies them a thousand times over, so it’s impossible to see any sort of silver lining through the gigantic dark clouds above. It’s almost impossible not to dwell on the negative when it’s the only thing your brain is allowing you to see.

3. What are you so sad about?

If I knew, I’d work on it. Depression is an enigmatic disease which makes it difficult to pinpoint the problem, and so it’s impossible to figure out how to fix what’s wrong. I know there are good things going on in my life, but I just can’t be happy about them. Bringing this to my attention only serves to make me more sad. I know you want to help, but just let me be sad without pointing out the reasons I should be happy.

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4. You just gotta have fun!

Oh, it’s that easy? Let me get right on that. Actually, depression hits the hardest when you realize you no longer enjoy the things you used to enjoy doing. When you’re in a “bad mood,” it helps to watch a comedy, or go to the driving range. But when you’re depressed, even these fun activities aren’t enough to improve your mood. And, again, when you realize you’re not enjoying yourself when doing something you used to love, this only digs you deeper into a depressive hole.

5. You shouldn’t rely on pills to make you happy

Not everyone suffering from depression relies on medication, but those who do usually do so as a last resort. Depression medication has a ridiculous amount of side effects that no one would voluntarily put themselves through unless they absolutely had no other choice. We didn’t just get a friend of a friend who happens to be a doctor sign off on medication for us; we actually need it to be able to function semi-normally.

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6. Don’t cry

Why not? I’d rather feel sadness than nothing at all. At least when I’m crying I know I can still feel something. And sometimes, it actually makes me feel better. If I stop crying, it will only serve you; you’ll probably think I’m “over” whatever I was sad about. But if I withhold tears for everyone else’s sake, I’m most likely just bottling things up and am doing myself a disservice.

7. You have a lot to be happy about

I know I do! I know I have a roof over my head and food in my fridge, but that’s not what this is about. I can’t even enjoy the taste of a good meal because my mind is playing tricks on every other part of my body. I know I have a good job, but that’s not enough to get me up and out of bed on my worst days. Like I said before, pointing out all the reasons I should be happy is only going to have the opposite effect.

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8. Snap out of it

Why didn’t I think of that? This should never be said to anyone who’s visibly upset, let alone someone suffering from depression. If you broke your leg, you couldn’t just decide not to have a broken leg anymore. The same goes for depression. It requires medical attention, therapy, and a gradual return to baseline in order to be cured correctly. Pushing it before you’re ready will only exacerbate the problem in the long run. Just give me the time I need to get better, and I’ll get there eventually.

Featured photo credit: Depression / Victor via farm9.staticflickr.com

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Matt Duczeminski

A passionate writer who shares lifestlye tips on Lifehack

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Last Updated on November 4, 2020

15 Simple Ways To Make Self Improvement That Will Change Your Life

15 Simple Ways To Make Self Improvement That Will Change Your Life

Self-improvement doesn’t have to be big mind-blowing changes; it can actually be simple steps to improve upon what you already have to get you where you want to be.  However, what you will need is consistency, determination and wiliness to try some things that will stretch and challenge you.

Rather than setting your sights way off into the future, which leaves you feeling like you’ll never make it, you can start following these simple and effective self-improvement steps today.  So if you want to make an immediate impact on your life and are willing to take action, then keep reading— you’ll going to love these!

1. Be willing to work hard.

As with anything in life, if you want something, you’ve got to work hard to get it.  This doesn’t mean you burn the candle at both ends, leaving you exhausted and leaving your personal life in ruins.  It merely means that when you want something badly enough, you’ll put in the time to get there.  Action is what’s important here and the more ‘inspired’ the action is, the better the results in the end.

2. Make sure you have friends who you can talk to.

Sharing the load is important as with any self-improvement. If you can communicate with others and get feedback on how you are doing then that’s great.  We all need ‘cheerleaders’ in our corner to keep us going when times get hard, but you also need to have people who will tell you how it is even when you don’t want to hear it.  So make sure you have a good support network around you, especially those people whose opinions you respect.

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3. Adapt to your circumstances rather than over-thinking them.

Sometimes, we can hit a hard period. Perhaps you’ve lost your job or your partner has left you.  Instead of over analyzing the situation, learn to adapt to your circumstances and accept them as they are.  It’s not about making your circumstances into some kind of a drama; remember, what you focus on expands which means you’ll get more of it.  You then don’t become your problems and you’ll feel a lot less burdened by them.

4. Ensure that you use your time wisely.

Time is of the essence, some might say; whilst others will say that time is an illusion.  One thing we do know is that you have one life on this planet, so how you use that time is of the utmost importance.  So how can you use your time wisely? Only you know how to do that, but look at how you currently spend your days: do you sit working all day, get home, eat and then sit slumped in front of the TV for the rest of the evening?  Your time on this earth is precious, so isn’t it time to make use of the time you have left? Try something new, go for a walk, learn a new language or meditate but make sure it’s something you absolutely love.

5. Always be consistent.

A wonderful way to self-improvement is to make changes to how you do things.  For example, with your friends, are you always the unreliable one who bows out of an arrangement just before it happens? Or are you someone who starts a new exercise routine and then stops doing it 3 weeks into it?  Whatever it is and whatever you do, always be consistent. When you make a commitment, stick to it. It will improve your life immeasurably you’ll feel more confident and happier with yourself, especially because you’ll know that whatever you tackle, you’ll be able to consistently do it!

6. Go and find your happy place.

No, I’m not saying “place” as in popping to your local bar or restaurant and gorging yourself on your favorite drinks or food. What I’m saying is to find out what you love to do, what makes you happy and go there.  Your happy place is a place where you find peace, where you lose yourself and feel contented.  Meditation is a great way to find your happy place; it brings you back to you and ensures that you are always living in the present moment.

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7. Make sure you embrace all your emotions.

In life you are going to find that it throws you some difficult challenges, sometimes it will bring out your fears and lead you into uncertainty, and other times it will be joyful.  It’s important to embrace all emotions that come up in your life, embrace them wholeheartedly and understand why they are there and then let them go.  Try not to dismiss or resist them because remember “what you resist, persists,” so embrace them each and every time.

8. Always be prepared to step out of your comfort zone.

The idea of stepping out of your comfort zone for some people can leave you paralyzed with fear; however for any changing in your life, your comfort zone will always have to be stepped out of.  It doesn’t have to be something big, like doing a sky-dive or something just as crazy. However, it’s worthwhile to change something that you’d once have feared, like going to the cinema on your own or eating at a sushi restaurant when the thought of trying raw fish which would normally mean you running for the hills.

So try something new—it doesn’t have to be wacky, but it has to challenge you!

9. Be on hand to help others.

Whether it’s helping a stranger on the street or a family member or a friend helping someone else either in their time of need, lending a helping hand is a wonderful and simple self-improvement to make.  Giving to others is not only beneficial to those you are helping but also to yourself; it can give you a sense of purpose, of contribution and also takes your mind of your own troubles and worries.

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10. Live in the present moment.

A wonderful self-improvement tool is to live in the present moment, to live in the now.  It is within this moment that you’ll appreciate all that you have and see the beauty in the simplest of things.  Being mindful of your current circumstances and bringing your mind back to where it belongs will bring about a happier way of life instead of constant worry or stressing about the past or future—both of which do not exist. Only the present moment exists. When you get used to living that way, you’ll never want to go back!

11. Learn something new.

There is nothing so liberating as learning something new; it can lift both your confidence and self-esteem and give you a great reason to meet new people.  If you continually top up your brain activity by learning something new all the time, you’ll feel on top of your game and want to share the knowledge you have learned. There is nothing quite so empowering as learning a new tool in life that can either improve your circle of friends or raise confidence levels—or both!

Reading is also a great way to help you learn something new:

12. Exercise daily.

This seems an obvious one, but exercise is so important not only to your health but also to your spirit.  We all know that after exercise, the world can feel a brighter and more positive place, so why don’t we do it more often?  Exercise isn’t about getting the perfect body or losing weight; it’s more about feeling good inside and out!  With a healthy body comes a healthy mind—so start something today. Even if it’s just a daily walk, it’s better than staying on that couch, again.

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13. Go to new places, travel a bit.

I’m not saying go fly off to some far away distant forgotten land—although you can if you so wish. It’s more about going to new places and experiencing life outside of your own back yard.  Too many of us stay in one place too often. We only see the same people, the same streets and do the same things each and every day.  If you want to improve your life, get out there and see the world and what it can offer.  You can start by going to a town or city you’ve never been to in your own country and checking out the architecture, the landscapes and the people.  Anything new is good, so get out there!

14. Listen to uplifting music and dance.

If there’s one thing that can really improve your life and get you excited about it, it’s listening to great uplifting music and dancing.  When was the last time you really let go?  Let it all hang loose and got into a piece of music and let yourself go?  Dancing, like exercise, makes you feel great. It releases all kinds of emotions and can make you feel unbelievably good.  Self-improvement isn’t all about the serious stuff; it can be something as simple as finding new music, music that inspires you and makes you dance and have fun!

15. Get up earlier than normal.

This is the last one, and it’s last because it’s one of those self-improvement tips that we all know is a good thing, yet we seem to avoid it at all costs!  If you think about it, the earliest part of the day is when your brain is most active because it’s been turned off for the last 7 hours or so.  So don’t you think it’s best to get all those things above done in the morning?  Things like exercise, meditation and dancing, which can all be done in the first part of the day.  Take it from me: this early morning stuff can really get your day started with a bang!

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Featured photo credit: Laura Chouette via unsplash.com

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