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5 Tips to Raising Caring and Moral Children

5 Tips to Raising Caring and Moral Children

Any good parent wants their children to grow up to be caring individuals who make the world a better place. As with most accomplishments in life, this is easier said than done. However, raising a morally just child is perhaps the most important and rewarding experience a parent can have, and the effort required in order to do so is absolutely worth it. Parents who want to raise caring, moral children should:

1. Spend time with them

This should be a no-brainer, but today’s busy world makes it incredibly difficult to find the time to just be with our children. Because these moments are so scarce, it’s important to make the most out of every second you have with your child. Learn about their interests, their fears, their hopes and dreams. The Harvard Graduate School of Education suggests parents “plan regular, emotionally intimate time with (their) children.” In other words, don’t just assume that being around your child is the same as spending time with them. Take time to understand what motivates them, and monitor how they treat their friends and peers. Use every second you have to impart the knowledge and wisdom you wish you had growing up. And do this before they’re teenagers and don’t want anything to do with you!

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2. Be omnipresent in their lives

I always joke that, at 30 years old, my mother still knows what I’m up to at any given time. But it’s because she was incredibly involved in my life when I was a child. She kept in touch with my friends’ parents and my teachers, and would always volunteer to chaperone at school functions. This isn’t to say she was overbearing, but she definitely always knew what I was up to. Because of this, I grew up being a naturally moral being who has respect for the world around him. As parents, it’s important to make sure your child knows you’re never too far away, and you’re always available when needed.

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3. Teach them how to handle emotions

Everyone goes through tough times in their lives. It’s how they handle these situations that determines the kind of person they are. Children experience a variety of emotions that they may or may not understand. Harvard suggests we “pay close attention to whether you are practicing honesty, fairness, and caring yourself and modeling skills like solving conflicts peacefully and managing anger and other difficult emotions effectively.” Instead of just letting your kids “deal with” whatever situation they find themselves in, help them identify their negative emotions, reach the foundation of their problems, and work through them in a productive way. Once they recognize their ability to cope with negative situations, they’ll be more likely to face them head on in the future.

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4. Make gratitude routine

Being grateful goes beyond saying “please” and “thank you,” and shouldn’t be done superficially. It’s customary to leave a tip at a restaurant, but it’s possible to show true gratitude by seeking out the manager and pointing out just how great a job your server did throughout your meal (in addition to a tip, of course!). Those at Harvard believe we should “encourage children to express appreciation for family members, teachers, or others who contribute to their lives.” Parents should model gratitude and helpfulness every chance they get, whether it’s by donating to a shelter, or buying a coffee for a homeless man outside a convenience store. Your children will live by the example you lead, so it’s important to set a good one for them.

5. Practice and reinforce empathy

Along with gratitude, it’s also important to teach your children to be empathetic. This goes beyond simply “feeling bad” for someone, but actually putting yourself in their shoes. Everyone knows the Golden Rule, but the Platinum Rule is much more important: Treat others as they want to be treated. Teach your children not to just assume how someone wants to be treated, but show them how to actually see from various perspectives. Teach them not to judge others as if they know where they’ve come from, but rather help them understand that not everyone comes from the same walk of life, and everyone has had their own unique experiences in this world. By doing this, your children will grow up treating every person they meet as they should be treated: a unique individual.

Featured photo credit: Catie and Her Parents / VSPYCC via farm6.staticflickr.com

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Matt Duczeminski

A passionate writer who shares lifestlye tips on Lifehack

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Published on November 12, 2020

How to Identify And Play to Your Child’s Strengths

How to Identify And Play to Your Child’s Strengths

As you sit there, perhaps on a sofa, maybe a lounge chair, or while you’re sharing a meal at the table, you glance over to the pride and joy you are happy each day to call your child. They smile back, running around the table they learned to stand up using or kiss you on the cheek as they snatch your car keys for their first (or second, but what feels like hopefully the last) errand using your car. You watch as they take their plate from the table, ask if anyone needs anything on their way to the sink, and then finally meander towards the living room saying to you, “Bed fort after dinner?”

How respectful! How creative! Such initiative!

What you may not realize is that because we don’t often think about this in the day-to-day of parenting, your child’s strengths—the initiative, creativity, drive, passion, and introspective nature that turns other people off—are cultivated daily!

If you’ve never given thoughts to your child’s inherent strengths, that’s okay. As is all too common, you’re conditioned to only look at what they need to fix.[1]

Turns out, identifying, cultivating, and managing your child’s strengths isn’t very difficult. In fact, much of those three steps can occur during a visit to the park. Let’s discover simple and effective ways to highlight your child’s strengths.

Identifying Strengths

Now, I know what you may be thinking: between office meetings, Zoom sessions, laundry, and grocery shopping, when exactly do I have time to become a psychologist?

I get it. But really, identifying your child’s strengths is not difficult. In fact, a simple exercise usually suffices—participate in their play!

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Participate in Their Play

Play can take many forms and is usually defined as an activity that does not bring extrinsic value to be enjoyed—us adults typically refer to these activities as “hobbies.” Whether your child is two or thirteen, children are children, after all, and play is essential.

According to a report from the University of Utah, play is a way for children to practice “problem-solving, self-control, and learning how to share.”[2] Aren’t those powerful strengths that we should identify and cultivate in our supportive role of helping children thrive as adults?

When children engage in play, they naturally show how they lead, how they empathize with others, and how they work with others (or not) to solve problems. If you spend time being present with your children during play, you will be able to see how your child’s strengths manifest in the simplest of activities. Seeing your children play allows you to see how they make mistakes, too, which is a powerful indicator of their sense of self.

Allow (Supported) Mistakes—and Often!

Identifying your child’s strengths has nothing to do with demanding them to be perfect. Far from it, actually. Remember—you are guiding them to becoming a self-sufficient and nurturing adult, and there aren’t many of us out there that are perfect!

Highlighting moments when your child has made some mistakes and working through how to bounce back or fix that mistake can be wondrous when they are working towards understanding their effect on others, themselves, and the world.

Just like parents that tend to focus too much on the negative, children too often learn more from their mistakes than their successes. Catch your child softly during a mistake, and work through a plan to get themselves out of it. Your goal is not to fix their issue, of course, but to build within them the capacity to make a better choice next time.

When you take on this mindset of an engaging and present parent that is looking for ways to build your child’s strengths, you’ll be surprised at what you see them able to do.

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Some solid examples of inherent child strengths to look for include:

These are the soft skills that are being developed as young as preschool and even before. In today’s global workplace environment, ensuring that your child is developing in these (and other) areas will set them up for success.

Okay, great. You’ve watched your children at the park or tag along with your teenager to a volunteer event and notice how gracious they are. How do we keep that going?

As is normally the case, you’ll see that cultivating strengths is no more difficult than identifying them.

Cultivating Your Child’s Identified Strengths

Imagine this scenario: Thursday evening, and you’ve worked your fourth ten-hour day. Your partner is late getting home from work, and your three kids are all wanting different things for dinner that should have been made yesterday.

At the exact moment you’re about to snap from the pressure, your middle child says, “Hey, maybe we can all act like chefs tonight and make our own dinners? Might be fun!”

Um, yes, please?

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As you settle in bed later that evening and reflect on that exchange in the kitchen, you start to highlight other times that child—and, as you doze, your other children in their own ways—stepping up and leading. You know this cannot be by accident, so what’s going on here?

Provide Many At-Bats

Just because a child can take their plate to the sink doesn’t mean they are responsible enough with Grandma’s China set. But when you provide the “at-bats” for children to build capacity using their strengths, you see the road to them handling more difficult scenarios becoming less and less cluttered with obstacles.

There will come a day, and perhaps soon, that your child will be able to navigate that China with extreme grace. Today just ain’t that day, but with some work, it’ll come!

Providing opportunities for your child to build on their strengths is a great idea. Everyone likes to feel competent, and your child is no different! Setting up scaffolded opportunities for them to showcase their budding personalities decreases the stress and increases the chance that, next time, they will perform even better.

Teach Them to Trust but Verify

Good leaders don’t have all the answers. Neither should you and of course, we don’t expect our children to know everything. But we should build within them the capacity for understanding what they don’t know and figuring out ways to get the information they need to work through their situations.

You cannot always have the answers, either. So, what should you do?

Exposing them to the world of information that exists is a good start. Great, you’ve identified your child is empathetic, but must they assist and provide supportive care to everyone they encounter? Or should there be some healthy boundaries established?

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Working with your children to mold and curate these more nuanced approaches to their strengths will provide them with a good road map to use when they ultimately leave you and lead their own lives.

Turning Weaknesses Into Opportunities

While not exactly the elephant in the room, I can’t possibly write an article about child strengths without also addressing the fact that our children aren’t possibly capable of being good at everything.

Perhaps one of your most important roles as a parent is to decide what strengths your child has and to inspire them to cultivate those strengths using the tips and suggestions in this article. However, there will be a wide variety of opportunities for you to work through the challenges your child experiences.

I don’t want this to sound too harsh but the fact is, everyone has competencies on a spectrum: you can work, hustle, and grind to develop parts of your personality or skill set to whatever gain you set for yourself. Allowing children to operate with a mindset of progress, not perfection, will help their journey. You cannot be weak, after all, if you are constantly striving for improvement.

So, the next time you take your kiddo out to the park, attend a professional sporting event, or perhaps when you’re playing cards in the living room on a cold winter night, pay attention to how they maneuver around.

How are they asking for what they need? How are they offering support? How are they handling conflict? How are they bouncing back from missed opportunities or mess-ups?

In each of those moments—and many more—the opportunity to cultivate strength in your child is just around the corner!

More Tips on Developing Your Child’s Strengths

Featured photo credit: Nathan Dumlao via unsplash.com

Reference

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