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If You Really Love, Don’t Just Text, It’s Just Like Cheating

If You Really Love, Don’t Just Text, It’s Just Like Cheating

The digital information age has made staying in constant contact so effortless and commonplace. We can now share the most important moments of our lives as frequently as we like with the ease of a few simple clicks. Staying in touch takes little exertion. Sometimes we have relationships with no physical communication at all. We can now do it completely alone, scrolling social feeds in the comfort of our own homes, or cozily on the toilet at work.

However, no matter interconnected we are digitally, the ease of information sharing and instant communication can place a wedge between couples that we shouldn’t ignore.

It’s common to text someone you care about all day, and how couldn’t you? With the aforementioned ease in which we communicate, combined with the simple fact that you’re thinking about them, you’d have to be some sort of tenured Buddhist monk to have the self-restraint not to say something. In fact, I don’t think texting frequently throughout the day is a bad thing, but we should pose some questions before conclusions are reached.

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When you’re texting are you ignoring friends that you’re actually hanging out with? When you go get beers with a buddy, can you not put your phone down or ignore it for an hour without having crippling anxiety that your partner will be either angry with you or cheating on you?

In texting, do you have plans (any plans at all) to meet up with that person face-to-face some time that week or weekend? Are you going to pick her up for dinner at her favorite restaurant on Thursday so you text her Wednesday afternoon expressing your excitement for tomorrow’s plans? Are you surprising him with tickets to the season opener of his favorite basketball team and just can’t wait to tell him, so you shoot him a picture of the confirmation email?

I used to be the type of person who was against texting all day, even though I enjoyed it and it was a consistent source of laughter. Recent research and previous articles written regarding the intricacies of texting, have proven that there is in fact a dopamine release when you receive texts messages. Therefore, it only makes sense that these dopamine releases will either increase, or steadily stay at a high level, if those texts come from someone you really enjoy. I don’t think texting is a short road to disaster in relationships. That is, if you’re using it in the right way.

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A recent article by Psychology Today suggests that texting in relationships can go one of two ways. The scenario involving higher intimacy has couples texting comments of honest affection and sincere connection (i.e. “I miss you” or “I’m thinking about you and hope you’re kicking today’s butt” or “I know yesterday was rough, so I’m on my way to your office with a breakfast burrito from your favorite food cart”). The scenario in which couples are headed for trouble is when texting is done to resolve conflict, to repair damage done, or (the worst) to straight up fight and argue.

We know the dangers of cyber bullying and the horrendous outcomes that occur when someone says hurtful things while cowering behind an illuminated screen. Though we live in the dawn of emojis and GIFs, emotion is still hard to read via text message, especially when abbreviations are brought into play. If you need to argue, be the bigger partner and suggest meeting in person to talk it out. It doesn’t matter if you’re “the shyer one” or “afraid he’ll clam up”, it might end up saving your relationship in the long run.

You should also be honest with your lover about how you want to communicate digitally. If you don’t like texting all day, say so. It might be a good idea to pair this with something like what Adam Sandler’s character “Sonny” (from the movie Big Daddy) said to Joey Lauren Adam’s character “Layla” after they start dating, “When I’m not with you, I’m thinking of you.”

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Honesty like this, especially when it’s sincere and from the heart, will go a long way. If you like texting, but are going to spend some time with friends, shoot straight! Any functional, adult relationship will understand if one party says, “Hey, babe, I’m going out with the girls tonight so I might be away from my phone. But I’m excited to see you after and hope you had a good day.”

Save your jealousy and “my mind might wander” BS for a different article, because if you really love and care about the other person as much as you say, you should trust them and respect their time with friends. If they gave you reason not to trust them, ask yourself why yous are still with them?

In closing, we are all blessed by communication convenience; however, we need to be wise about it if we want to harbor relationships that mean anything, and can withstand difficult times. Don’t ignore your friends for your lover, and don’t ignore your lover for whatever’s on Instagram. Trust me, the notifications and text messages aren’t going anywhere. It’s all in the digital ether waiting for you later.

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On top of cheating others out of having quality conversations, moments, and relationships with you, you’re cheating yourself just as much.

Featured photo credit: Girl Taking Photo With Smartphone On Sunny Day / Ed Gregory via stokpic.com

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Last Updated on September 17, 2019

10 Simple Ways To Always Think Positive Thoughts

10 Simple Ways To Always Think Positive Thoughts

Positive thinking can lead to a lot of positive change in your life. Developing an optimistic outlook can be good for both your physical and mental health.

But sometimes, certain situations arise in life that makes it hard to keep a positive outlook. Take steps to make positive thinking become more like your second nature and you’ll reap the biggest benefits.

Here are 10 ways to make thinking positive thoughts easy:

1. Spend Time with Positive People

If you surround yourself with constant complainers, their negativity is likely to rub off on you.

Spend time with positive friends and family members to increase the likelihood that their positive thinking habits will become yours too. It’s hard to be negative when everyone around you is so positive.

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2. Take Responsibility for Your Behavior

When you encounter problems and difficulties in life, don’t play the role of the victim. Acknowledge your role in the situation and take responsibility for your behavior.

Accepting responsibility can help you learn from mistakes and prevent you from blaming others unfairly.

3. Contribute to the Community

One of the best ways to feel good about what you have, is to focus on what you have to give.

Volunteer in some manner and give back to the community. Helping others can give you a new outlook on the world and can assist you with positive thinking.

4. Read Positive and Inspirational Materials

Spend time each day reading something that encourages positive thinking. Read the Bible, spiritual material, or inspirational quotes to help you focus on what’s important to you in life. It can be a great way to start and end your day.

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Some recommendations for you:

5. Recognize and Replace Negative Thoughts

You won’t be successful at positive thinking if you’re still plagued by frequent negative thoughts. Learn to recognize and replace thoughts that are overly negative. Often, thoughts that include words like “always” and “never” signal that they aren’t true.

If you find yourself thinking something such as, “I always mess everything up,” replace it with something more realistic such as, “Sometimes I make mistakes but I learn from them.”

There’s no need to make your thoughts unrealistically positive, but instead, make them more realistic.

6. Establish and Work Toward Goals

It’s easier to be positive about problems and setbacks when you have goals that you’re working toward. Goals will give you motivation to overcome those obstacles when you encounter problems along the way. Without clear goals, it’s harder to make decisions and gauge your progress.

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Learn to set SMART goals to help you achieve more.

7. Consider the Consequences of Negativity

Spend some time thinking about the consequences of negative thinking. Often, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

For example, a person who thinks, “I probably won’t get this job interview,” may put less effort into the interview. As a result, he may decrease his chances of getting the job.

Create a list of all the ways negative thinking impacts your life. It likely influences your behavior, your relationships, and your feelings. Then, create a list of the ways in which positive thinking could be beneficial.

8. Offer Compliments to Others

Look for reasons to compliment others. Be genuine in your praise and compliments, but offer it frequently. This will help you look for the good in other people.

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9. Create a Daily Gratitude List

If you start keeping a daily gratitude list, you’ll start noticing exactly how much you have to be thankful for. This can help you focus on the positive in your life instead of thinking about all the bad things that have happened in the day.

Getting in the habit of showing an attitude of gratitude makes positive thinking more of a habit. Here’re 40 Simple Ways To Practice Gratitude.

10. Practice Self-Care

Take good care of yourself and you’ll be more equipped to think positively.

Get plenty of rest and exercise and practice managing your stress well. Taking care of your physical and mental health will provide you with more energy to focus on positive thinking.

Learn about these 30 Self-Care Habits for a Strong and Healthy Mind, Body and Spirit.

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Featured photo credit: DESIGNECOLOGIST via unsplash.com

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