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If You Really Love, Don’t Just Text, It’s Just Like Cheating

If You Really Love, Don’t Just Text, It’s Just Like Cheating

The digital information age has made staying in constant contact so effortless and commonplace. We can now share the most important moments of our lives as frequently as we like with the ease of a few simple clicks. Staying in touch takes little exertion. Sometimes we have relationships with no physical communication at all. We can now do it completely alone, scrolling social feeds in the comfort of our own homes, or cozily on the toilet at work.

However, no matter interconnected we are digitally, the ease of information sharing and instant communication can place a wedge between couples that we shouldn’t ignore.

It’s common to text someone you care about all day, and how couldn’t you? With the aforementioned ease in which we communicate, combined with the simple fact that you’re thinking about them, you’d have to be some sort of tenured Buddhist monk to have the self-restraint not to say something. In fact, I don’t think texting frequently throughout the day is a bad thing, but we should pose some questions before conclusions are reached.

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When you’re texting are you ignoring friends that you’re actually hanging out with? When you go get beers with a buddy, can you not put your phone down or ignore it for an hour without having crippling anxiety that your partner will be either angry with you or cheating on you?

In texting, do you have plans (any plans at all) to meet up with that person face-to-face some time that week or weekend? Are you going to pick her up for dinner at her favorite restaurant on Thursday so you text her Wednesday afternoon expressing your excitement for tomorrow’s plans? Are you surprising him with tickets to the season opener of his favorite basketball team and just can’t wait to tell him, so you shoot him a picture of the confirmation email?

I used to be the type of person who was against texting all day, even though I enjoyed it and it was a consistent source of laughter. Recent research and previous articles written regarding the intricacies of texting, have proven that there is in fact a dopamine release when you receive texts messages. Therefore, it only makes sense that these dopamine releases will either increase, or steadily stay at a high level, if those texts come from someone you really enjoy. I don’t think texting is a short road to disaster in relationships. That is, if you’re using it in the right way.

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A recent article by Psychology Today suggests that texting in relationships can go one of two ways. The scenario involving higher intimacy has couples texting comments of honest affection and sincere connection (i.e. “I miss you” or “I’m thinking about you and hope you’re kicking today’s butt” or “I know yesterday was rough, so I’m on my way to your office with a breakfast burrito from your favorite food cart”). The scenario in which couples are headed for trouble is when texting is done to resolve conflict, to repair damage done, or (the worst) to straight up fight and argue.

We know the dangers of cyber bullying and the horrendous outcomes that occur when someone says hurtful things while cowering behind an illuminated screen. Though we live in the dawn of emojis and GIFs, emotion is still hard to read via text message, especially when abbreviations are brought into play. If you need to argue, be the bigger partner and suggest meeting in person to talk it out. It doesn’t matter if you’re “the shyer one” or “afraid he’ll clam up”, it might end up saving your relationship in the long run.

You should also be honest with your lover about how you want to communicate digitally. If you don’t like texting all day, say so. It might be a good idea to pair this with something like what Adam Sandler’s character “Sonny” (from the movie Big Daddy) said to Joey Lauren Adam’s character “Layla” after they start dating, “When I’m not with you, I’m thinking of you.”

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Honesty like this, especially when it’s sincere and from the heart, will go a long way. If you like texting, but are going to spend some time with friends, shoot straight! Any functional, adult relationship will understand if one party says, “Hey, babe, I’m going out with the girls tonight so I might be away from my phone. But I’m excited to see you after and hope you had a good day.”

Save your jealousy and “my mind might wander” BS for a different article, because if you really love and care about the other person as much as you say, you should trust them and respect their time with friends. If they gave you reason not to trust them, ask yourself why yous are still with them?

In closing, we are all blessed by communication convenience; however, we need to be wise about it if we want to harbor relationships that mean anything, and can withstand difficult times. Don’t ignore your friends for your lover, and don’t ignore your lover for whatever’s on Instagram. Trust me, the notifications and text messages aren’t going anywhere. It’s all in the digital ether waiting for you later.

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On top of cheating others out of having quality conversations, moments, and relationships with you, you’re cheating yourself just as much.

Featured photo credit: Girl Taking Photo With Smartphone On Sunny Day / Ed Gregory via stokpic.com

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Last Updated on July 18, 2019

What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

Some people just seem to float through life with a relentless sense of happiness – through the toughest of times, they’re unfazed and aloof, stopping to smell the roses and drinking out of a glass half full.

They may not have much to be happy about, but the simplicity behind that fact itself may make them happy.

It’s all a matter of perspective, conscious effort and self-awareness. Listed below are a number of reasons why some people are always happy.

1. They Manage Their Expectations

They’re not crushed when they don’t get what they want – or misled into expecting to get the most out of every situation. They approach every situation pragmatically, hoping for the best but being prepared for the worst.

2. They Don’t Set Unrealistic Standards

Similar to the last point, they don’t live their lives in a constant pursuit towards impossible visions of perfection, only to always find themselves falling short of what they want.

3. They Don’t Take Anything for Granted

Happiness rests with feeling fulfilled – those who fail to stop and appreciate what they have every now and again will never experience true fulfillment.

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4. They’re Not Materialistic

There are arguing viewpoints on whether or not money can really buy happiness; if it can, then we know from experience that we can never be satisfied because there will always be something newer or better that we want. Who has ever had enough money?

5. They Don’t Dwell

They don’t sweat the small things or waste time worrying about things that don’t really matter at the end of the day. They don’t let negative thoughts latch onto them and drain them or distract them. Life’s too short to worry.

6. They Care About Themselves First

They’re independent, care for themselves and understand that they must put their needs first in order to accommodate the needs of others.

They indulge, aim to get what they want, make time for themselves and are extremely self-reliant.

7. They Enjoy the Little Things

They stop to smell the roses. They’re accustomed to find serenity when it’s available, to welcome entertainment or a stimulating discussion with a stranger when it crosses their path. They don’t overlook the small things in life that can be just as important.

8. They Can Adapt

They’re not afraid of change and they work to make the most out of new circumstances, good or bad. They thrive under pressure, are not overwhelmed easily and always embrace a change of pace.

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9. They Experiment

They try new things, experience new flavors and never shy away from something they have yet to experience. They never order twice from the same menu.

10. They Take Their Time

They don’t unnecessarily rush through life. They work on their own schedule to the extent that they can and maneuver through life at their own relaxing pace.

11. They Employ Different Perspectives

They’re not stuck in one perspective; a loss can result in a new opportunity, hitting rock bottom can mean that there’s no where to go but up.

12. They Seek to Learn

Their constant pursuit of knowledge keeps them inspired and interested in life. They cherish information and are on a life-long quest to learn as much as they can.

13. They Always Have a Plan

They don’t find themselves drifting without purpose. When something doesn’t go as planned, they have a plan for every letter in the alphabet to fall back on.

14. They Give Respect to Get It

They are respectful and, in turn, are seen as respectable; the respect they exude earns them the respect they deserve.

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15. They Consider Every Opportunity

They always have their eyes open for a new road, a new avenue worth exploring. They know how to recognize opportune moments and pounce on them to make the most of every situation. Success is inevitable for them.

16. They Always Seek to Improve

Perpetual self-improvement is the key towards their ongoing thirst for success. Whatever it is they do, they take pride in getting better and better, from social interactions to mundane tasks. Their pursuit at being the best eventually materializes.

17. They Don’t Take Life Too Seriously

They’re not ones to get offended easily over-analyze or complicate matters. They laugh at their own faults and misfortunes.

18. They Live in the Moment

They don’t live for tomorrow or dwell on what may have happened yesterday. Every day is a new opportunity, a new chapter. They live in the now, and in doing so, get the most out of every moment.

You can learn how to do so too: How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future

19. They Say Yes

Much more often than they say no. They don’t have to be badgered to go out, don’t shy away from new opportunities or anything that may seem inconvenient.

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20. They’re Self-Aware

Most important, they’re wholly aware of themselves. They self-reflect and are conscious of their states of mind. If somethings bothering them, they fix it.

We’re all susceptible to feeling down every now and again, but we are all equipped with the necessary solutions that just have to be discovered.

Lack of confidence, inability to feel fulfilled, and susceptibility to stress are all matters that can be controlled through the way we handle our lives and perceive our circumstances.

Learn about How Self-Reflection Gives You a Happier and More Successful Life.

Final Thoughts

The main philosophy employed by the happiest includes the idea that life’s simply too short: life’s too short to let things get you down, to take things for granted, to pursue absolute and unrealistic perfection.

For some, employing these characteristics is a second nature – they do it without knowing. For others, a conscious effort must be put forth every now and again. Self-Awareness is key.

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Featured photo credit: Charles Postiaux via unsplash.com

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