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Every Couple Should Never Forget To Do These 10 Things No Matter How Long They’ve Been Together

Every Couple Should Never Forget To Do These 10 Things No Matter How Long They’ve Been Together

True love lasts forever, doesn’t it? Well, at least the majority of people believe so. However, it is not only the love itself that makes a relationship work for years; it is also about the people and what they do to make it work.

Just being together and being in love may be enough for the first year, but then you will need to try harder. Here are some things for couples to do in every stage of their relationships.

1. Go on dates

Whether you’ve just started dating or have been married for years, it is always great to go out together. Dress up and go to a restaurant, to the theater or just for a walk around a park.

If it is true love, you’ll always have something to talk about, from how both of your days were, to the deepest thoughts and feelings.

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2. Travel together

Nothing brings people closer than traveling. You make plans together, you see new exciting views, you get great memories to remember for years and, most importantly, you overcome difficulties together.

With age, people tend to travel less, finding many excuses not to go far away from home. Don’t be those people! Travel to a new place every year; that will definitely be beneficial for your relationships.

3. Do things together

It is very important to spend quality time together, whether you prefer watching TV together, working out, taking cooking or dancing classes, going for a walk or just staying up all night talking. The most important thing is to enjoy each other’s company.

4. Have your own hobbies as well

No matter how much you love your partner, being together all the time and doing every single thing together can be quite difficult sometimes. Having separate hobbies is a great thing in every stage of the relationship.

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One person can play video games, while the other one draws, for example. It will give you satisfaction from doing the thing you love and will actually make you miss your partner.

5. Have traditions

Traditions are a great part of every community, big or small. Traditions in a family are also very important.

Traditions can be different, starting from the more common ones such as celebrating big holidays and inviting all the relatives, to the small personal ones such as cooking pancakes for each other every weekend.

6. Hug and kiss every day

Many happy couples kiss and hug every day. Psychologists say that thanks to such personal contact, couples develop devotion and affection towards each other; it improves their spirit and they trust one another and feel safe.

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Such intimacy is crucial for every relationship.

7. Do the small things for each other

Surprising each other and making each other feel special is a must for any relationship. Paying a compliment, giving flowers, cooking his or her favorite dish, writing a love letter (or sending a love text if you must, but an actual letter is preferable), and bringing coffee to bed are all the great things to surprise your partner with.

Be creative and don’t forget to please your beloved all the time.

8. Share your responsibilities and help each other

The times when men were responsible for financial stability and women for household only are long over. Now, often both spouses work and provide for the family.

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Household responsibility should be shared as well. If you see that your beloved one is especially tired today, take his or her household responsibilities this time. They’ll surely exchange the favor in the near future.

9. Always be honest

Always tell your partner the truth, even if it is not very pleasant. Don’t let your loved one doubt your honesty. Distrust is one of the main reasons of losing the harmony in relationships.

Happy couples value honesty and are always sincere with each other.

10. Make love and talk about it

Physical love is as important as emotional love in a relationship. If there are both of these components, it is magical. Have sex regularly and talk about things you like and don’t like in bed.

Being open here is very important. Spice things up once in a while too, and do something different to make it more interesting for the two of you.

Featured photo credit: Beach Couple/Nick Page via flickr.com

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Last Updated on September 18, 2020

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

1. Take a step back and evaluate

When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

  1. What is the problem?
  2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
  3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
  4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
  5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

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2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

4. Process your thoughts/emotions

Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

  1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
  2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
  3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
  4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

5. Acknowledge your thoughts

Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

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Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

6. Give yourself a break

If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

As Helen Keller once said,

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

  1. What’s the situation?
  2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
  3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
  4. Take action on your next steps!

After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

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12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

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