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These 13 Cards Are Perfect For Your Anxious Friend

These 13 Cards Are Perfect For Your Anxious Friend

As someone who deals with social anxiety, I know the importance of having friends who support my needs and understand how social anxiety functions. Despite being some of the most common mental illnesses, anxiety disorders are still highly misunderstood and stigmatized. I’m lucky to have amazingly supportive friends who I can rely on. Because of how anxiety works, I often rely on their understanding so that I don’t have to constantly explain myself and remind them of what my needs are. It’s nice to have reminders now and again that show me they totally get me, or at least that they’re doing their best to be supportive.

Most of all, sometimes I need something that’ll make me chuckle.

Anna Borges of Buzzfeed created these great greeting cards for people who have friends with social anxiety problems, and they are totally perfect. (#5 is my favorite.)

The next time you think your anxious friend needs it, send them one of these cards to brighten their day:

1. “Sorry I Left You Alone At That Party”

You left your anxious friend in a sea of unknown people, the number one socializing no-no for people with anxiety. It’s okay, you’ll remember next time.

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    2. “Let’s Stay In And Watch Netflix”

    Watching something means you’re less obligated to make lots of conversation, and you can relax somewhere comfy and calm with lots of blankets. This is a much better alternative to that ill-fated party.

      3. “Hey: Our Conversation From Two Weeks Ago That You Keep Replaying Over And Over In Your Head Wasn’t Awkward At All. In Fact It Was Quite Delightful.”

      You’re never going to get a direct invitation to send this card, but it’ll probably be valid any time you send it to your anxious friend. The worrying is non-stop.

        4. “Good For One Canceled Plan”

        “In terms of like, instant relief, cancelling plans is like heroin.” – John Mulaney

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          5. “Have You Tried Meditation? (Just Kidding. I Know It’s More Complicated Than That)”

          A good friend won’t suggest you “eat lots of fruit” or “do yoga” to combat a legitimate psychological condition.

            6. “You Are Not A Burden”

            Sometimes, it’s just nice to have a reminder that you don’t think your anxious friend is a burden for being who they are. Repeated reminders may be necessary.

              7. “I Will Call For Delivery When Seamless Is Down So You Don’t Have To.”

              Online food ordering is a gift from the heavens. If that’s not available, as a good friend, you are the designated phone-talker.

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                8. “I Will Never Leave You Hanging”

                A perpetual typing bubble or an unfinished reply can cause anxious people a ton of stress. Don’t be ‘that guy’.

                  9. “You Are The Best Kind Of F*cked Up”

                  It’s easy to feel like your anxiety makes you irredeemably messed up. So let your friend know you love ’em anyway.

                    10. “I’m Sorry Your Mind Won’t Calm The F*ck Down”

                    Racing thoughts aren’t easily tamed when you have an anxiety disorder, but it might help a little for your friend to know that you acknowledge how much it must suck.

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                      11. “Heads Up: We’re Throwing You A Surprise Party”

                      Surprise parties seem fun, but an unexpected social gathering is a nightmare for people with anxiety. (Your friend can always pretend they’re surprised.)

                        12. “Thank You For Sharing What You’re Going Through With Me”

                        It’s hard to open up to someone and risk a lack of understanding or support. Showing how much you appreciate being trusted is an important gesture.

                          13. “Good For Unlimited Guilt-Free Mental Health Days”

                          Sometimes anxious people just need the world to stop for a moment, but it can leave them feeling guilty for checking out. Help them know they don’t need to feel bad about taking care of themselves.

                            Featured photo credit: 13 Cards Your Anxious Friends Would Seriously Appreciate/Anna Borgess via ak-hdl.buzzfed.com

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                            Last Updated on January 24, 2021

                            How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

                            How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

                            Do you say yes so often that you no longer feel that your own needs are being met? Are you wondering how to say no to people?

                            For years, I was a serial people pleaser[1]. Known as someone who would step up, I would gladly make time, especially when it came to volunteering for certain causes. I proudly carried this role all through grade school, college, even through law school. For years, I thought saying “no” meant I would disappoint a good friend or someone I respected.

                            But somewhere along the way, I noticed I wasn’t quite living my life. Instead, I seem to have created a schedule that was a strange combination of meeting the expectations of others, what I thought I should be doing, and some of what I actually wanted to do. The result? I had a packed schedule that left me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.

                            It took a long while, but I learned the art of saying no. Saying no meant I no longer catered fully to everyone else’s needs and could make more room for what I really wanted to do. Instead of cramming too much in, I chose to pursue what really mattered. When that happened, I became a lot happier.

                            And guess what? I hardly disappointed anyone.

                            The Importance of Saying No

                            When you learn the art of saying no, you begin to look at the world differently. Rather than seeing all of the things you could or should be doing (and aren’t doing), you start to look at how to say yes to what’s important.

                            In other words, you aren’t just reacting to what life throws at you. You seek the opportunities that move you to where you want to be.

                            Successful people aren’t afraid to say no. Oprah Winfrey, considered one of the most successful women in the world, confessed that it was much later in life when she learned how to say no. Even after she had become internationally famous, she felt she had to say yes to virtually everything.

                            Being able to say no also helps you manage your time better.

                            Warren Buffett views “no” as essential to his success. He said:

                            “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

                            When I made “no” a part of my toolbox, I drove more of my own success, focusing on fewer things and doing them well.

                            How We Are Pressured to Say Yes

                            It’s no wonder a lot of us find it hard to say no.

                            From an early age, we are conditioned to say yes. We said yes probably hundreds of times in order to graduate from high school and then get into college. We said yes to find work, to get a promotion, to find love and then yes again to stay in a relationship. We said yes to find and keep friends.

                            We say yes because we feel good when we help someone, because it can seem like the right thing to do, because we think that is key to success, and because the request might come from someone who is hard to resist.

                            And that’s not all. The pressure to say yes doesn’t just come from others. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves.

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                            At work, we say yes because we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing more than we are. Outside of work, we say yes because we are feeling bad that we aren’t doing enough to spend time with family or friends.

                            The message, no matter where we turn, is nearly always, “You really could be doing more.” The result? When people ask us for our time, we are heavily conditioned to say yes.

                            How Do You Say No Without Feeling Guilty?

                            Deciding to add the word “no” to your toolbox is no small thing. Perhaps you already say no, but not as much as you would like. Maybe you have an instinct that if you were to learn the art of no that you could finally create more time for things you care about.

                            But let’s be honest, using the word “no” doesn’t come easily for many people.

                            3 Rules of Thumbs for Saying No

                            1. You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

                            Let’s face it. It is hard to say no. Setting boundaries around your time, especially you haven’t done it much in the past, will feel awkward. Your comfort zone is “yes,” so it’s time to challenge that and step outside that.

                            If you need help getting out of your comfort zone, check out this article.

                            2. You Are the Air Traffic Controller of Your Time

                            When you want to learn how to say no, remember that you are the only one who understands the demands for your time. Think about it: who else knows about all of the demands in your life? No one.

                            Only you are at the center of all of these requests. You are the only one that understands what time you really have.

                            3. Saying No Means Saying Yes to Something That Matters

                            When we decide not to do something, it means we can say yes to something else that we may care more about. You have a unique opportunity to decide how you spend your precious time.

                            6 Ways to Start Saying No

                            Incorporating that little word “no” into your life can be transformational. Turning some things down will mean you can open doors to what really matters. Here are some essential tips to learn the art of no:

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                            1. Check in With Your Obligation Meter

                            One of the biggest challenges to saying no is a feeling of obligation. Do you feel you have a responsibility to say yes and worry that saying no will reflect poorly on you?

                            Ask yourself whether you truly have the duty to say yes. Check your assumptions or beliefs about whether you carry the responsibility to say yes. Turn it around and instead ask what duty you owe to yourself.

                            2. Resist the Fear of Missing out (FOMO)

                            Do you have a fear of missing out (FOMO)? FOMO can follow us around in so many ways. At work, we volunteer our time because we fear we won’t move ahead. In our personal lives, we agree to join the crowd because of FOMO, even while we ourselves aren’t enjoying the fun.

                            Check in with yourself. Are you saying yes because of FOMO or because you really want to say yes? More often than not, running after fear doesn’t make us feel better[2].

                            3. Check Your Assumptions About What It Means to Say No

                            Do you dread the reaction you will get if you say no? Often, we say yes because we worry about how others will respond or because of the consequences. We may be afraid to disappoint others or think we will lose their respect. We often forget how much we are disappointing ourselves along the way.

                            Keep in mind that saying no can be exactly what is needed to send the right message that you have limited time. In the tips below, you will see how to communicate your no in a gentle and loving way.

                            You might disappoint someone initially, but drawing a boundary can bring you the freedom you need so that you can give freely of yourself when you truly want to. And it will often help others have more respect for you and your boundaries, not less.

                            4. When the Request Comes in, Sit on It

                            Sometimes, when we are in the moment, we instinctively agree. The request might make sense at first. Or we typically have said yes to this request in the past.

                            Give yourself a little time to reflect on whether you really have the time or can do the task properly. You may decide the best option is to say no. There is no harm in giving yourself the time to decide.

                            5. Communicate Your “No” with Transparency and Kindness

                            When you are ready to tell someone no, communicate your decision clearly. The message can be open and honest[3] to ensure the recipient that your reasons have to do with your limited time.

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                            How do you say no? 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

                              Resist the temptation not to respond or communicate all. But do not feel obligated to provide a lengthy account about why you are saying no.

                              Clear communication with a short explanation is all that is needed. I have found it useful to tell people that I have many demands and need to be careful with how I allocate my time. I will sometimes say I really appreciate that they came to me and for them to check in again if the opportunity arises another time.

                              6. Consider How to Use a Modified No

                              If you are under pressure to say yes but want to say no, you may want to consider downgrading a “yes” to a “yes but…” as this will give you an opportunity to condition your agreement to what works best for you.

                              Sometimes, the condition can be to do the task, but not in the time frame that was originally requested. Or perhaps you can do part of what has been asked.

                              Final Thoughts

                              Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot where you might normally say yes.

                              Use the request as a way to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself.

                              Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or, draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project, but not by working all weekend. You’ll find yourself much happier.

                              More Tips on How to Say No

                              Featured photo credit: Chris Ainsworth via unsplash.com

                              Reference

                              [1] Science of People: 11 Expert Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser and Start Doing You
                              [2] Anxiety and Depression Association of America: Tips to Get Over Your FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out
                              [3] Cooks Hill Counseling: 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

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