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Learn These 5 Clever Ways To Get Rid Of Manipulators

Learn These 5 Clever Ways To Get Rid Of Manipulators

Some people exist and flourish in this world only because they constantly use others to their advantage to get ahead. Manipulators have the ability to make others feel as if something is owed to them, and often prey on hard-working, selfless individuals who are more susceptible to being exploited in their work. If you find yourself in a situation in which someone is trying to manipulate you, remember: You are your own person. Never ever let anyone make you feel otherwise.

1. Recognize the problem

The first step in dealing with a manipulative individual, whether at work or in your personal life, is to realize you’re being manipulated. These people will expect you to drop everything you’re doing when they’re in need of assistance, and are incredibly pervasive in their demands for help. They don’t consider your needs in the slightest when they need something to be done, and view their needs as top priority. If you notice colleagues or so-called friends putting their own needs ahead of yours, start taking steps to thwart their attempts immediately.

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2. Ask questions

Manipulators will attempt to get you to do something for them with no questions asked. So when you ask questions of them, it shifts the balance of power ever so slightly to your side. Ask them why or how a task will benefit all parties involved, or if they really think what they’re asking is reasonable. If they’re being honest, they’ll have to admit that they’re being a bit unreasonable or illogical. If they choose not to be honest, you’ve shifted power even further to your side since you have no reason to do anything for someone who’s less than truthful with you.

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3. Stand firm

Manipulators are just bullies in adult clothing. They prey on people who they know won’t stand up for themselves, as they know they’ll always get what they want from them. However, manipulators completely lose power when their victim stands their ground in front of them. They’re so used to having their bidding done for them that when someone defies their demands they have no idea what to do. When you stand firm against a manipulator, they’ll often try to sway your decision. Don’t let it happen. Only you can control you; compromising just once can lead to a slippery slope in which you’re constantly victimized by aggressors.

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4. Use time to your advantage

Manipulators make demands and impose deadlines that cause their victims massive stress. But your time is yours. If someone who you know is trying to take advantage of you demands you complete a task within a certain period of time, tell them you’ll “think about it.” Doing so is just as effective as shutting them down completely. In fact, stringing them along completely turns the tables on the manipulator, as they’ll be the ones waiting to hear from you. Of course, you don’t want to become the manipulator yourself, but it can’t hurt your own cause to give your aggressor a taste of their own medicine.

5. Set consequences

The demands manipulators impose on others are, in their eyes, mandates that must be accomplished. They’ll do their best to make it seem as if you owe them, and must do what they say. In truth, if you do them this favor, it’s them who will owe you. Make that extremely clear to them. This works especially if you have other mandates that do require your immediate attention. If they discover that they’ll end up having to do something for you in return, they’ll more than likely rescind their demand. Although they’ll probably try to find another victim rather than simply completing the task on their own, at least you’ve succeeded in getting them off your back.

Featured photo credit: Flickr via farm5.staticflickr.com

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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