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11 Things Every Mother-To-Be Should Not Miss

11 Things Every Mother-To-Be Should Not Miss

The first few weeks after you bring your baby home will be one of the most stressful and wonderful times of your whole life. I went into it feeling really prepared. I had talked to my mom, aunts, and mommy friends at length. I had read every parenting book that I could get my hands on.

But it turns out that there were still surprises. There were things I wished I could do differently. And I have three kids! I discovered that each pregnancy and baby is totally different. I also learned that no matter how much you think you know – there is always more to learn.

Here are ten things I learned first hand after having a baby.

1. Take the stool softener you’re given

Things tend to get bound up immediately after having a baby. This is usually compounded by the pain medication you’re on. You will most likely be offered a stool softener. My advice? Take it. Your body will thank me.

2. Frozen maxi pads are your new best friend

Take a maxi pad, run it under water, and put it in the freezer. Give it a few hours and you have the most amazing, perfectly shaped ice pack for sore lady parts. I remember telling the nurse who told me about this amazing invention that she was a genius. Have these little gems on hand for when you bring your baby home from the hospital.

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3. Your baby might sleep a lot

There are some wonderful little souls who seem to sleep all the time right at first. One of my kiddos was like this. I was a little worried by it. But then I remember looking back and wishing it could always be like that. If you happen to get one of these amazing little beings for your own – enjoy this time. It’s normal. It also usually doesn’t last long, but when it does it’s amazing.

4. Your baby might cry a lot

My first daughter wasn’t a cryer. So we were a bit shocked when our second daughter began screaming her little brains out nearly immediately. The crying would go on for hours. It was a shock to me. I had heard other people’s babies cry before, but nothing prepared me for my own offspring howling like a banshee. It was heart-breaking and ear-shattering. I remember feeling completely overwhelmed.

But time passed and it stopped. She was gassy. Her little body figured it out. Babies outgrow this. I don’t know too many grown-ups who cry at the top of their lungs all the time.

5. You will still look pregnant

I know that the birthing class instructor told us that you should pack clothes for the trip home from the hospital that would fit your five months pregnant self. And I did. But it’s so disheartening when are having a baby and look down and you STILL LOOK PREGNANT.

I remember wanting to cry. Somehow my rock-hard nine months pregnant belly was easier to handle than this squishy mound before me. It actually shook like jelly when I laughed. I remember thinking I looked like Santa.

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But it goes away. In fact, it goes away pretty fast. You’re so busy being a mom and getting through those first few months that you’ll look up and it’ll be you in the mirror again.

6. Labor and delivery nurses are da bomb

Sure, your doctor is the one who helped your little miracle into the world. But those labor and delivery nurses – they make the entire labor and the entire after delivery portion of your hospital stay manageable.

They help you labor, help you use the bathroom, help you with your baby, help you with your pain meds. They can be your saving grace when you’re sore, tired, overwhelmed, or just have questions. Take a photo with those folks because you’ll want to remember them someday.

7. You will sweat like a pig

I had no idea how much my body could sweat. I’m not usually a big sweater, but when I came home after having a baby I would honestly soak through my pajamas, my sheets, everything.

There is nothing worse than being wet through to your skin when you’re already struggling to feel like your old self. I remember being completely shocked by this. Nobody mentioned that could happen.

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Plan for it. Make sure you have extra clean clothes, undergarments, and sheets. In fact, put a waterproof liner under your side of the bed and put towels on top of your sheets for a week or so. You’ll thank me in the middle of the night when you wake up drenched.

8. Meconium is stickier than honey

You know that first poop your precious child produces? Meconium. It’s a fancy word for black, waxy grossness. It’s somewhat traumatic trying to scrub that stuff off your precious new baby’s tender little bum.

Be generous with the wipes and generous with the diaper cream. The good news is that the meconium stage is super short. Then you’re on to the more normal stuff (and the stage where it’s normal to discuss another human being’s bathroom habits.)

9. It’s okay to say no

Can’t muster up the energy to handle more visitors? That’s okay. Tell them you’re exhausted and just want baby time. They’ll understand. Every parent out there has been in your shoes before.

10. Be gentle with yourself

Now is not the time to scrapbook or clean or cook or perform any other “super mom” duties. Heck, it’s barely even the time to shower (although you might find that feels good if you can find the time.) Pregnancy is hard work. Being a new mom is even harder work. Be as easy on yourself as you can be.

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Ask for help. I’m serious. I was terrible about this. But asking for help (not holding-the-baby help – you want doing-the-dishes, doing-the-laundry, cooking-a-meal help) is one of the smartest things you can do. Relax and enjoy your new family.

11. Having a baby is both bizarre and wonderful

There’s nothing quite as surreal as being pregnant and then giving birth. One minute you have a big belly and the next you have a child in your arms.

Be proud of yourself. You grew a PERSON. Sister – you rock!

Featured photo credit: DSC_9688 a/bradfordst219 via flickr.com

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Published on September 21, 2018

11 Smart Pieces of Advice to Help You Thrive as a Single Mother

11 Smart Pieces of Advice to Help You Thrive as a Single Mother

Becoming a mother is one of the most difficult challenges a woman can take on in her life. Whether this happens the “natural” way, with the help of science, or through adoption, being in charge of nurturing another human being is a herculean task to take on.

Typically, when we think about parenthood, we imagine two parents sharing the responsibility and having each other to lean on. However, according to the 2016 U.S. Census Bureau, 1 in 4 children under the age of 18 are being raised by a single mother.[1] This is a significant portion of the population that often gets overlooked.

If you are one of these mothers raising your children on your own, you are undoubtedly aware of the additional challenges that motherhood has placed upon you, including the constant struggle to find sufficient time, energy, money, and support.

For single mothers who find themselves bogged down by their daily responsibilities and struggle to stay afloat, don’t be fooled by the belief that you have to do all. It is possible to thrive and live as a single mother if you take advantage of all available resources and adjust your priorities based on your situation.

1. Find your community and ask for help

As the sole caretaker of your kids, going through the successes and struggles of parenthood can feel isolating and lonely. You have probably developed a strong sense of independence because you’ve had to go at it alone.

Being self-reliant is necessary in many situations that you have to face, but do not fool yourself into thinking that you don’t need support from others. If you have family nearby, strengthen your relationship with them by visiting and talking more often. Find time to catch up with old friends or co-workers, and don’t assume they don’t want to hang out if they are not parents themselves.

Would you prefer finding mom friends[2] who have more in common with you? Use resources like apps, Facebook groups, and community events to meet local moms in your area.

After you have established a support group that you can depend on, don’t be afraid to ask for help. It is NOT a sign of weakness or incompetency to admit you can’t do it all, and others are probably more willing to lend a hand than you think.

If you feel uncomfortable burdening others, suggest trading favors such as taking turns babysitting. Because after all, helping is each other is what community is all about.

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2. Make peace with the past

Before you can move forward, you must make peace with your past and not let it define you or rule your life. Whether your journey to single motherhood was through divorce, death, or never having a relationship the father, it is crucial that you leave behind the feelings of abandonment or betrayal you may be struggling with.

You cannot change the past and the hurt you had to endure, but you can use the strength that you gained from overcoming those obstacles to work towards making the best life for yourself and your child. Learn from the past but live in the present and look towards the future.

3. Make plans and set goals

The daily repetition of trying to balance work and home life can make you feel like you are on operating on autopilot. However, it is imperative to set goals for yourself and to keep working towards self-improvement.

In your personal life, you can set a fitness goal (train for a 5k), a reading goal (read 20 books in a year), or a travel goal (take a trip to Europe). At your job, you can set career goals such as gain leadership experience, get a promotion, or earn a degree or certificate.

Spend time creating a realistic plan to on how you can go about achieving these goals. Not only will working towards these goals make you a more well-rounded and successful person, they will bring more purpose and fulfillment to your life.

4. Look for role models

A great way to jump start your plans for the future is to find a role model or mentor who is further along in their life or career experience. This person can be a great resource when you need guidance on what types of goals to set for yourself and how to achieve them.

It’s also important to have people to turn to for encouragement during difficult seasons of life. Someone who has been through it before can provide the most genuine reassurance that tough times will get better and that staying positive is best approach.

5. Rethink your priorities

Single parents have twice as many responsibilities to take care of, so priorities and expectations must be adjusted accordingly.

Know that you are not superwoman and striving for a perfectly clean home, no dirty laundry, and home-cooked meals for your kids every day is not a reasonable expectation. It’s okay to take shortcuts sometimes, like serving your kids cereal for dinner or waiting until the next day to wash the dishes.

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Don’t compare yourself to anyone else and let go of the guilt that you feel for being the only parent that your kids can count on. Give yourself a break and don’t sweat the small stuff.

6. Make time for me time

Even though it can be difficult to find, making time for yourself is critical to maintaining your sanity and well-being. Without a built-in partner to take over, finding time to be away from the kids must be done intentionally and planned in advance.

If you are sharing custody, use the time away from your kids not only doing productive things but also making sure you are taking care of yourself. Sleep, exercise, and balanced diet are not things that can get pushed to the bottom of the priority list. Also make time for fun activities, such as hobbies and creative outlets.

Even though being a mother is the most important job you have, don’t let it be the only thing that defines you. Time for yourself is more difficult to find if you are the sole caretaker of your kids.

Use the resources that you have to devote time to self-care, and you and your kids will thank you for it in the long run.

7. Stay organized

With so many things to juggle, great organizational skills are an absolute must in order to keep everything moving smoothly. Use apps such as Mint for your finances, Mealime for meal planning, and Cozi as a family organizer for everything from appointments and shopping lists to after school activities.

Maintain constant contact if you are sharing custody so that it is clearly communicated who will be responsible for what when it comes to your kids. Follow consistent routines in the morning and nighttime so that your kids also know what to expect on a daily basis.

8. Be flexible (Don’t be a control freak)

Although it is important to be prepared and stay organized, things don’t always go according to plan.

When kids get sick and have to stay home or babysitters cancel at the last minute, allow for flexibility by having a contingency plan for childcare and with your employer.

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For example, make a list of people you can call when you need last minute childcare, or talk to your boss in advance about working from home when emergencies come up.

Most of all, don’t let unexpected changes stress you out and ruin your day.

9. Learn to say no (Don’t feel guilty)

Single mothers have limitations in time, energy and resources that families with two parents wouldn’t be able to understand. Because of these circumstances, it’s important you let go of feelings of guilt and stop trying to do everything and be everywhere.

You don’t have to say yes to every single birthday party your child is invited to. Your kids don’t have to be involved in sports and extracurricular activities every night of the week.

Limit the things you do to only the ones that are the most enjoyable and meaningful for you and your family. Doing more things does not make you a better mother; simply a more tired one.

10. Live within your means

When you have to raise your family on a single income, budgeting and spending within your means becomes more important than ever.

If you have outstanding debt that is accruing interest, make it a priority to pay those off as soon as possible. Outlining a budget is the best way to visualize how much money is being spent every month on various things and what is left over.

Find ways to save money on the necessities by looking for sales at the grocery store, buying some things secondhand, planning out meals.

After the necessary bills are paid, determine how much can be spent on luxury items such as eating out, vacations, and going to the movies.

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Don’t let finances be a source of anxiety for you and your family. Keep your bank account in good shape while teaching your kids how to spend money responsibly at the same time.

11. Spend quality time with your kids

The time you spend with your kids is so precious and much more limited as a single mother. Make the time that you spend with your kids count.

Rather than sitting in front of the TV, take them on fun and budget-friendly outings to the park, the playground, or a museum. Use meal times as the perfect excuse to ask them about what they are learning in school and the friends they spend time with.

When your kids ask you to play with them, look at it as a privilege and an opportunity to bond with them, rather than a distraction or waste of time. Be present when you are with them, with no work or multitasking on your mind. Your relationship with your kids will absolutely reap the benefits.

Final thoughts

Being a single mother is not an easy job. That’s why it’s important to use all the resources available to you in order to make this job a little bit easier.

Using technology, an organization system and a supportive community are just a few examples of things you should utilize to your benefit. It’s also important to shift your mindset and be more practical when it comes to things like priorities and finances.

Most of all, don’t forget about your own self care. Only when you take care of yourself can you best take care of the people you love.

Single mothers are some of the most hard-working people out there, and you deserve to have a happy and fulfilling life.

Featured photo credit: Alvaro Reyes via unsplash.com

Reference

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