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Why Couples Who Argue Maintain A Closer And Healthier Relationship

Why Couples Who Argue Maintain A Closer And Healthier Relationship

Many people tend to see arguments in a negative light. They assume disputes can cause breakage and tear two people apart. However, research has shown that the opposite is the case. Seeing these arguments in a positive light can bring strength to a partnership. Couples who argue regularly understand what commitment means and how they can channel their energy into helping the other person to appreciate, love, and understand them.

Rather than condemn the idea, it is best to try to understand why couples who argue can maintain a healthy and close relationship.

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1. It means the line of communication is open

Arguments can be the best way to deal with issues and opens emotions, rather than just hiding how you feel and having these issues develop into resentment. According to a study conducted in India, many couples agreed that arguments can be healthy and keep the line of communication open. Arguments can bring a constructive perspective to a situation and make a couple deal with it openly.

2. It means you are concerned about the other person

Arguments can make us emotionally charged and show just how much we care. If you are really comfortable and concerned about the other person, airing your opinions won’t destroy your relationship. Rather, it may bring new strength to your relationship. When an argument is healthy, you can feel how concerned the other person is about you.

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3. It means your relationship is alive

No one likes a boring atmosphere where there is no intensity and controversy. Some drama can keep a relationship alive and active. This kind of drama exposes you to each other’s energy and fire. Such arguments also keep you awake and alert to the other person’s discomforts, needs, and characteristics — something you learn to deal with and adjust to in time.

4. It means you will learn from each other

No one should shy away from learning and trying to discover a new thread of thought or perspective on life. When you argue, you will learn from each other and see yourselves from another person’s point of view. You can truly see the other person and their knowledge in the form of a hot debate, one that you might learn a little from.

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5. It means you are real to each other

You are not pretending when you argue, since disputes are expressive. You can be authentic and allow the other person accept you for who you are — your energy, opinions, and temper. The other person can see you at your worst and find a way to appreciate you anyway.

6. It means you can deal with issues

Arguments show a level of maturity in a relationship and how well you are able to deal with negativity. Rather than run away from issues, you are willing to take on difficulties and survive them together as a couple. Arguments bring you closer in terms of allowing for each other’s negative energy and sticking with your partner regardless. There is power in every argument and that power is represented in how you survive each one.

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7. It means you stand for something

You and your partner both have values and opinions that are solid. Arguments make you defend these values and represent what you stand for. Although some may see this in a negative light, it is actually a positive thing. Having solid opinions and beliefs means that you both have something substantive you are bringing to the table. Sometimes, accepting a compromise or making a sacrifice will show how much you care about the other person and how much you are offering to make the relationship work.

Featured photo credit: http://www.pixabay.com via pixabay.com

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Casey Imafidon

Specialized in motivation and personal growth, providing advice to make readers fulfilled and spurred on to achieve all that they desire in life.

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Last Updated on August 6, 2020

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

Are we speaking the same language?

My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

Am I being lazy?

When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

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Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

Early in the relationship:

“Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

When the relationship is established:

“Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

Have I actually got anything to say?

When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

Am I painting an accurate picture?

One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

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How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

What words am I using?

It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

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Is the map really the territory?

Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

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