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How To Approach Women Without Being Creepy

How To Approach Women Without Being Creepy

Have you ever seen a creepy guy freak out a woman by simply talking to her? I have seen it many times. Whenever I do, my stomach turns upside down. In fact, not so long ago I was one of those guys. After I had ordered more products on picking up girls than my credit card could deal with, I was excited and motivated to test everything I had learned. I was ready to become one of the greatest seducers of all time. I was ready to be a real life Don Juan. I was ready for it all.

Or, so I thought. Turns out, what I wasn’t ready for was the truth. I thought that my way of approaching women resembled the videos of those guys who did this for a living. However, what I really looked like was an insecure little boy who tried to sell some stuff that he didn’t believe in.

I made every mistake that you can possibly make. I think it goes without saying… but I creeped out a lot of women on my road to dating success. What I also didn’t know back then is that this behavior is completely normal for a lot of guys.

They see something crazy in a YouTube video, expect that it works with every single girl on the planet and they jump right into it, without thinking about whether or not their actions make any sense. Of course you can take the same road as I took and get calibrated after experiencing one rejection after another.

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You can do that, but you can also choose another path. Check out these following five ways that give women the creeps and avoid them like the plague. Allow yourself to take the shortcut to success.

Don’t touch her before she sees you

Approaching women sounds ridiculously easy in theory, but the truth is that you can already make the first big mistake before you even talk to her. You might have seen some crazy pick up artist running up to a girl from behind, touching her neck and getting away with it. However, just because it’s on YouTube doesn’t mean that it is a good idea to do it.

Don’t get me wrong, running up to a girl from behind is absolutely okay. What’s not okay is to touch her before she sees you. When you run up to a girl who is walking in front of you, you have to make sure that she sees your face before you say the first word, and especially before you touch her.

Everything else will most likely scare her so much that the last thing she wants is to go on a date with you. She doesn’t know if you are a thief, a rapist, or just a decent guy who wants to get to know her until she sees your friendly face.

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Respect her private space

What do you do after you showed her that you are just a friendly guy who wants to get to know her? According to a lot of self-proclaimed pick up artists this is the right time to show that you are the strong and aggressive alpha man that can crush a rock with his bare hands. As a result of this delusional obsession with the alpha male archetype, a lot of guys give women the creeps by disrespecting their private space.

I know that the guy in the video course said that you should be as alpha as possible, but that doesn’t mean that you should stand so close to her that she can already smell the haze of your armpits. That’s a bit too alpha.

Instead of scaring her away by standing in front of her like a bouncer, you should rather approach her with a confident but friendly vibe without being too pushy. Give her some air to breathe and she will give you some time to say what you want to say.

Don’t stare at her like a serial killer

Another big mistake that a lot of guys make is to assume that they not only have to look like a strong alpha dude, but that they also have to stare like one. I don’t know about you, but I don’t enjoy talking to someone who looks as if he wants to rip me into two pieces.

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I’m not saying that you have to put on a fake Hollywood smile to cast a spell over a woman. All I want to say is that staring at her like a serial killer is not particularly helpful. Unless you learn to project your confidence without looking as if you have to battle with really nasty diarrhea, you will always be the guy who gives her the creeps.

Watch your body language

If there is one thing that makes women more uncomfortable than a guy who tries to take being alpha to the next level is a guy who shows that he is extremely nervous. Don’t get this the wrong way. It is absolutely fine to be a bit nervous and to have one or two bloopers.

If you; however, start to speak faster than the road runner says “meep meep” and start swinging your arms as if you were an octopus that swallowed too much ecstasy, you’ll get nowhere fast. You have to calm down. Breathe in, breathe out. Focus all your energy on your body language.

You don’t need the body language of James Bond to impress women. Standing in a relaxed way and controlling your gesticulation is all that is needed. Oh, and stop fumbling around with your zipper.

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Understand when “no” means “no”

The inability (or the unwillingness) to understand that a serious “no” actually means “no” is the fastest way to creep out a woman. I don’t know why, but some guys actually believe that a woman means “yes” when she says “no”.

Well, in some cases this is true, but only if she says it sarcastically with a big smile on her face while she is playing with her hair. When she says it with a serious facial expression and a defensive body language you can be 100% sure that she really means “no”. It is your job to respect her decision.

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Published on May 18, 2021

How To Improve Listening Skills For Effective Workplace Communication

How To Improve Listening Skills For Effective Workplace Communication

We have two ears and one mouth for a reason—effective communication is dependent on using them in proportion, and this involves having good listening skills.

The workplace of the 21st century may not look the same as it did before COVID-19 spread throughout the world like wildfire, but that doesn’t mean you can relax your standards at work. If anything, Zoom meetings, conference calls, and the continuous time spent behind a screen have created a higher level of expectations for meeting etiquette and communication. And this goes further than simply muting your microphone during a meeting.

Effective workplace communication has been a topic of discussion for decades, yet, it is rarely addressed or implemented due to a lack of awareness and personal ownership by all parties.

Effective communication isn’t just about speaking clearly or finding the appropriate choice of words. It starts with intentional listening and being present. Here’s how to improve your listening skills for effective workplace communication.

Listen to Understand, Not to Speak

There are stark differences between listening and hearing. Listening involves intention, focused effort, and concentration, whereas hearing simply involves low-level awareness that someone else is speaking. Listening is a voluntary activity that allows one to be present and in the moment while hearing is passive and effortless.[1]

Which one would you prefer your colleagues to implement during your company-wide presentation? It’s a no-brainer.

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Listening can be one of the most powerful tools in your communication arsenal because one must listen to understand the message being told to them. As a result of this deeper understanding, communication can be streamlined because there is a higher level of comprehension that will facilitate practical follow-up questions, conversations, and problem-solving. And just because you heard something doesn’t mean you actually understood it.

We take this for granted daily, but that doesn’t mean we can use that as an excuse.

Your brain is constantly scanning your environment for threats, opportunities, and situations to advance your ability to promote your survival. And yet, while we are long past the days of worrying about being eaten by wildlife, the neurocircuitry responsible for these mechanisms is still hard-wired into our psychology and neural processing.

A classic example of this is the formation of memories. Case in point: where were you on June 3rd, 2014? For most of you reading this article, your mind will go completely blank, which isn’t necessarily bad.

The brain is far too efficient to retain every detail about every event that happens in your life, mainly because many events that occur aren’t always that important. The brain doesn’t—and shouldn’t—care what you ate for lunch three weeks ago or what color shirt you wore golfing last month. But for those of you who remember where you were on June 3rd, 2014, this date probably holds some sort of significance to you. Maybe it was a birthday or an anniversary. Perhaps it was the day your child was born. It could have even been a day where you lost someone special in your life.

Regardless of the circumstance, the brain is highly stimulated through emotion and engagement, which is why memories are usually stored in these situations. When the brain’s emotional centers become activated, the brain is far more likely to remember an event.[2] And this is also true when intention and focus are applied to listening to a conversation.

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Utilizing these hard-wired primitive pathways of survival to optimize your communication in the workplace is a no-brainer—literally and figuratively.

Intentional focus and concentrated efforts will pay off in the long run because you will retain more information and have an easier time recalling it down the road, making you look like a superstar in front of your colleagues and co-workers. Time to kiss those note-taking days away!

Effective Communication Isn’t Always Through Words

While we typically associate communication with words and verbal affirmations, communication can come in all shapes and forms. In the Zoom meeting era we live in, it has become far more challenging to utilize and understand these other forms of language. And this is because they are typically easier to see when we are sitting face to face with the person we speak to.[3]

Body language can play a significant role in how our words and communication are interpreted, especially when there is a disconnection involved.[4] When someone tells you one thing, yet their body language screams something completely different, it’s challenging to let that go. Our brain immediately starts to search for more information and inevitably prompts us to follow up with questions that will provide greater clarity to the situation at hand. And in all reality, not saying something might be just as important as actually saying something.

These commonly overlooked non-verbal communication choices can provide a plethora of information about the intentions, emotions, and motivations. We do this unconsciously, and it happens with every confrontation, conversation, and interaction we engage in. The magic lies in the utilization and active interpretation of these signals to improve your listening skills and your communication skills.

Our brains were designed for interpreting our world, which is why we are so good at recognizing subtle nuances and underlying disconnect within our casual encounters. So, when we begin to notice conflicting messages between verbal and non-verbal communication, our brain takes us down a path of troubleshooting.

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Which messages are consistent with this theme over time? Which statements aren’t aligning with what they’re really trying to tell me? How should I interpret their words and body language?

Suppose we want to break things down even further. In that case, one must understand that body language is usually a subconscious event, meaning that we rarely think about our body language. This happens because our brain’s primary focus is to string together words and phrases for verbal communication, which usually requires a higher level of processing. This doesn’t mean that body language will always tell the truth, but it does provide clues to help us weigh information, which can be pretty beneficial in the long run.

Actively interpreting body language can provide you with an edge in your communication skills. It can also be used as a tool to connect with the individual you are speaking to. This process is deeply ingrained into our human fabric and utilizes similar methods babies use while learning new skills from their parents’ traits during the early years of development.

Mirroring a person’s posture or stance can create a subtle bond, facilitating a sense of feeling like one another. This process is triggered via the activation of specific brain regions through the stimulation of specialized neurons called mirror neurons.[5] These particular neurons become activated while watching an individual engage in an activity or task, facilitating learning, queuing, and understanding. They also allow the person watching an action to become more efficient at physically executing the action, creating changes in the brain, and altering the overall structure of the brain to enhance output for that chosen activity.

Listening with intention can make you understand your colleague, and when paired together with mirroring body language, you can make your colleague feel like you two are alike. This simple trick can facilitate a greater bond of understanding and communication within all aspects of the conversation.

Eliminate All Distractions, Once and for All

As Jim Rohn says, “What is easy to do is also easy not to do.” And this is an underlying principle that will carry through in all aspects of communication. Distractions are a surefire way to ensure a lack of understanding or interpretation of a conversation, which in turn, will create inefficiencies and a poor foundation for communication.

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This should come as no surprise, especially in this day in age where people are constantly distracted by social media, text messaging, and endlessly checking their emails. We’re stuck in a cultural norm that has hijacked our love for the addictive dopamine rush and altered our ability to truly focus our efforts on the task at hand. And these distractions aren’t just distractions for the time they’re being used. They use up coveted brainpower and central processes that secondarily delay our ability to get back on track.

Gloria Mark, a researcher at UC Irvine, discovered that it takes an average of 23 minutes and 15 seconds for our brains to reach their peak state of focus after an interruption.[6] Yes, you read that correctly—distractions are costly, error-prone, and yield little to no benefit outside of a bump to the ego when receiving a new like on your social media profile.

Meetings should implement a no-phone policy, video conference calls should be set on their own browser with no other tabs open, and all updates, notifications, and email prompt should be immediately turned off, if possible, to eliminate all distractions during a meeting.

These are just a few examples of how we can optimize our environment to facilitate the highest levels of communication within the workplace.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Effective communication in the workplace doesn’t have to be challenging, but it does have to be intentional. Knowledge can only take us so far, but once again, knowing something is very different than putting it into action.

Just like riding a bike, the more often you do it, the easier it becomes. Master communicators are phenomenal listeners, which allows them to be effective communicators in the workplace and in life. If you genuinely want to own your communication, you must implement this information today and learn how to improve your listening skills.

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Choose your words carefully, listen intently, and most of all, be present in the moment—because that’s what master communicators do, and you can do it, too!

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Featured photo credit: Mailchimp via unsplash.com

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