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Success Formula No. 1: Distance Yourself From Toxic People

Success Formula No. 1: Distance Yourself From Toxic People

Some people exist only to bring others down. The worst part about this type of person is they do so under the guise of being a caring friend, when in reality they simply don’t want others to succeed and leave them behind. The trick is in realizing the difference between someone who is genuinely looking out for you, and someone who is trying to hold you back from true success. The following toxic people don’t belong in your life, and you should do whatever you can to rid yourself of them:

1. The Statistician

The Statistician will be the one constantly reminding you of your odds of success. If you’re trying to start your own business, they’ll be the one reminding you that most businesses fail within their first year. If you’re applying for a job, they’ll tell you that hundreds of other people are applying for the same position. Of course, they do so under the guise of being a friend that “doesn’t want to see us let down.” But when they tell us how small our chance of success is, what shows is that they don’t believe you’ll be the one out of ten businesses that succeed, or the one chosen out of the hundreds for the position. Throw some statistics back at them in the form of cost/benefit analysis. Show these toxic “friends” you’ve done your homework and deserve the success you’ll receive.

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2. The Ridiculer

The Ridiculer just thinks your ideas are, well, ridiculous. They’re most likely a toxic, inside-the-box thinker who won’t entertain any innovative, mind-boggling idea that comes from anyone else simply because they can’t imagine it working. This is probably due to the fact that they aren’t intelligent enough to truly understand the concept, but will play it off as if it’s the idea itself that is stupid. They’re the ones being sarcastically optimistic about your ideas, saying things like “Good luck with that,” which we all know means “That’s never gonna work.” Shut them up by sincerely thanking them for their “well wishes,” and put your plan into motion.

3. The Fault Finder

The Fault Finder is similar to the Ridiculer, in that they’ll constantly point out the flaws in your plan. Like the Statistician, the Fault Finder doesn’t give you credit enough to think that you’ve thought of these hang-ups in your plan, and doesn’t believe you have any contingent ideas for if a problem arises. They’re the ones asking toxic questions like “Well what if this happens?” whenever you discuss your ideas, and then shrug you off even if you have a perfectly valid explanation for what you’d do if “this happens.” Counter their barrage of questions with equally ridiculous questions, like “What if a meteor hits the Earth and we all get launched into outer space?” or “What if aliens actually do visit, and they don’t come in peace?”

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4. The Pessimist

The Pessimist could also be called the Nihilist. Not only do they not see any chance of success in whatever you’re setting out to do, but they also don’t see any purpose in trying. While you’re keeping your eye on success, you also don’t see failure as the be all and end all of your existence. The Pessimist, on the other hand, seems to think that failure is synonymous with ultimate demise. Instead of asking “What if” questions like the Fault Finder, the Pessimist will state negative effects as if they’ve already happened. “If you start your own business, you’ll have to work 12-14 hour days.” Yeah, and? “If you don’t succeed, you’ll end up right back where you started, but in more debt.” Yeah, and? Just keep following up their negativity with “Yeah, and?” and see how long it takes for them to get the hint.

5. The Passive-Aggresor

The Passive-Aggressor clearly doesn’t agree with what you’re setting out to do, but won’t come out and say it. They’ll most likely skirt the issue by saying something like “If you think it’s a good idea…” That kind of statement obviously isn’t any sort of attempt to lend support when you’re trying something new. Of course, if you happen to fall short of your goal, the Passive-Aggressor will be the first person to chime in with “I told you so.” Again, not helping. Regardless, you should turn the other cheek toward them. Ask them nicely (in a non-sarcastic tone, even though you’re not exactly happy with them) how they would have done it differently. They probably won’t have an answer for you, and will shut up quickly.

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6. The Staller

The Staller doesn’t want to see you succeed simply because they don’t want to be left in the dust. Whenever you start talking about your big plans, they’ll change the subject to something menial, toss you a beer, and try to make you forget you had any kind of ambition to leave your stagnant life behind. The Staller is the college friend that’s fun to hang around with once in a while, but can be absolutely deadly if you want to get anywhere in life. Meet them out for happy hour every few months, but call it a night after one or two drinks. Otherwise you’ll be out until 2AM against your wishes, and wake up the next day too tired to get your dreams moving.

Featured photo credit: Flickr via farm4.staticflickr.com

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Matt Duczeminski

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Last Updated on July 3, 2020

30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

In today’s world, true peace must come from within us and our own actions. Here are 30 small things you can do on a regular basis to increase your overall sense of harmony, peace, and well-being:

1. Don’t go to every fight you’re invited to

Particularly when you’re around those who thrive on chaos, be willing to decline the invitation to join in on the drama.

2. Focus on your breath

Throughout the day, stop to take a few deep breaths. Keep stress at bay with techniques such as “square breathing.” Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, then out for four counts, and hold again for four counts. Repeat this cycle four times.

3. Get organized and purge old items

A cluttered space often creates a cluttered spirit. Take the time to get rid of anything you haven’t used in a year and invest in organizational systems that help you sustain a level of neatness.

4. Stop yourself from being judgmental

Whenever you are tempted to have an opinion about someone else’s life, check your intentions. Judging others creates and promotes negative energy.

5. Say ‘thank you’ early and often

Start and end each day with an attitude of gratitude. Look for opportunities in your daily routine and interactions to express appreciation.

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6. Smile more

Even if you have to “fake it until you make it,” there are many scientific benefits of smiling and laughing. Also, pay attention to your facial expression when you are doing neutral activities such as driving and walking. Turn that frown upside down!

7. Don’t worry about the future

As difficult as this sounds, there is a direct connection between staying in the present and living a more peaceful life. You cannot control the future. As the old proverb goes, “Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it won’t get you anywhere.” Practice gently bringing your thoughts back to the present.

8. Eat real food

The closer the food is to the state from which it came from the earth, the better you will feel in eating it. Choose foods that grew from a plant over food that was made in a plant.

9. Choose being happy over being right

Too often, we sacrifice inner peace in order to make a point. It’s rarely worth it.

10. Keep technology out of the bedroom

Many studies, such as one conducted by Brigham and Women’s Hospital, have connected blue light of electronic devices before bed to adverse sleep and overall health. To make matters worse, many people report that they cannot resist checking email and social media when their cell phone is in reach of their bed, regardless of the time.

11. Make use of filtering features on social media

You may not want to “unfriend” someone completely, however you can choose whether you want to follow their posts and/or the sources of information that they share.

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12. Get comfortable with silence

When you picture someone who is the ultimate state of peace, typically they aren’t talking.

13. Listen to understand, not to respond

So often in conversations, we use our ears to give us cues about when it is our turn to say what we want to say. Practice active listening, ask questions, process, then speak.

14. Put your troubles in a bubble

Whenever you start to feel anxious, visualize the situation being wrapped in a bubble and then picture that sphere floating away.

15. Speak more slowly

Often a lack of peace manifests itself in fast or clipped speech. Take a breath, slow down, and let your thoughtful consideration drive your words.

16. Don’t procrastinate

Nothing adds stress to our lives like waiting until the last minute.

17. Buy a coloring book

Mandala coloring books for adults are becoming more popular because of their connection to creating inner peace.

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18. Prioritize yourself

You are the only person who you are guaranteed to live with 24 hours a day for the rest of your life.

19. Forgive others

Holding a grudge is hurting you exponentially more than anyone else. Let it go.

20. Check your expectations

Presumption often leads to drama. Remember the old saying, “Expectations are premeditated resentments.”

21. Engage in active play

Let your inner child come out and have some fun. Jump, dance, play, and pretend!

22. Stop criticizing yourself

The world is a hard enough place with more than enough critics. Your life is not served well by being one of them.

23. Focus your energy and attention on what you want

Thoughts, words, and actions all create energy. Energy attracts like energy. Put out what you want to get back.

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24. Assign yourself “complaint free” days.

Make a conscious decision not to complain about anything for a whole day. It might be harder than you think and the awareness will stick with you.

25. Surround yourself with people you truly enjoy being in the company of

Personalities tend to be contagious, and not everyone’s is worth catching. Be judicious in your choices.

26. Manage your money

Financial concerns rank top on the list of what causes people stress. Take the time each month to do a budget, calculate what you actually spend and sanity check that against the money you have coming in.

27. Stop trying to control everything

Not only is your inner control freak sabotaging your sense of peace, it is also likely getting in the way of external relationships as well.

28. Practice affirmations

Repeat positive phrases that depict the life and qualities you want to attract. It may not come naturally to you, but it works.

29. Get up before sunrise

Personally witnessing the dawn brings a unique sense of awe and appreciation for life.

30. Be yourself

Nothing creates more inner discord than trying to be something other than who we really are. Authenticity breeds happiness.

Featured photo credit: man watching sunrise via stokpic.com

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