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8 Fabulous Tips To Help With Small Talk

8 Fabulous Tips To Help With Small Talk

“How about that weather out there?” “Wow, the Yankees sure blew it last night!” “Looks like someone’s got a case of the Mondays!”

If you cringed after reading that last line, congratulations! You’re a human being, after all. Small talk is one of the more monotonous events in life that we all secretly hate, but we all go through to put on a good show to the world around us. However, small talk doesn’t have to be so one-dimensional. You just need to put in some extra effort. No friendships were ever forged because someone agreed that you hate the rain. Dig a little deeper next time someone engages you in mindless chitchat.

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1. View everyone as a potential friend

If you saw your friend walking down the sidewalk, you’d be happy to see them. You’d engage in conversation about pretty much anything, and you’d be more than happy to do so. However, when a stranger engages you in menial conversation in the elevator, you probably feel a bit put off. Change your perspective. If you approach all conversations openly, you might end up enjoying small talk on some level.

2. Assume the best

Most people will only start talking to you if they’re welcoming and friendly. Why do we feel like it’s a such a hassle to talk to someone for two minutes while we both wait for a bus? The truth is, we’ve put up guards around ourselves to only let a select few people into our inner circle. By doing this, we inadvertently shut the door on so many other possible relationships. Even if you’ll never see the person next to you at the train station ever again, what’s the harm in letting down your guard and talking about nothing for a few minutes?

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3. Skip introductions at first

At parties, you probably feel like you have to introduce yourself to people you’ve never met before. Of course, you want to meet new people, or else you would have stayed home, but it really isn’t that important to know someone’s name right from the get-go. If your friend is talking to someone you’ve never met, and that person says something interesting that you feel you can chime in on, go for it. Don’t worry about the fact that you don’t know each other’s names. There will be time for that later. Think about it:

4. Focus on the conversation

Even if you’re feeling stuck in boring chatter, resist the urge to take out your phone and check your Facebook feed. First of all, you’re actions speak volumes about the type of person you are. Secondly, you never know when the other person might say something that will completely pique your interest. If you shut them down from the start of what seems to be a boring topic that doesn’t interest you, you might end up missing out on some insightful and intriguing information or knowledge.

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5. Make meaningful connections

There’s nothing wrong with taking stock of who you’re talking to (or who’s talking to you) and making a positive remark referring to something you notice about them. If someone is dressed to the 9s, tell them they’re looking sharp, or ask them what the occasion is. Chances are, something special is going on that they’d be more than happy to talk about. If they’re wearing a hat with your favorite team’s logo on it, give them a shout out (this really only works if you’re out of town, but it’ll make you both feel right at home for a short time). Basically, just make it clear that you genuinely care, and aren’t just using conversation to pass the time until something more meaningful comes up.

6. Be open and interested

Like I said before, it might be tempting to take out your phone or a book while waiting for a bus to give off the impression that you don’t want to be bothered. However, think of all the experiences you miss. Remember Forrest Gump? He’s literally telling his incredible life story to anyone willing to listen. Some people blow him off, but the ones that stick around have a story to tell themselves for the rest of their lives. You might not think you’re into whatever your neighbor is blathering on about, but if you take the time to listen to what they have to say, you might leave the conversation with a new hobby or interest.

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7. Be enthusiastic

Even if you’re not intrigued by someone’s life story, at least humor them. Is it really so torturous to let someone have the spotlight for a short period of time? Chances are, if someone is droning on and on to a stranger about something that’s only meaningful to themselves, it’s because they don’t have anyone else to talk to. Ask them questions, even if you don’t really care what the answer is. But listen anyway. How would you feel if you had something to tell the world and were met with blank stares everywhere you went? Pay it forward, and the next time something good happens to you, feel free to let everyone know about it.

8. Put yourself out there

For introverts, small talk is torturous because we’re not good at it. However, the only way to get better at something is to expose yourself to it as much as possible. Leave your headphones at home, and your phone in your pocket. Greet everyone you come across with a smile, and be the one who engages others in conversation. The worst that can happen is you’ll get shut down by some Gloomy Gus who isn’t open to new connections. The best that can happen is…well, you could meet your future best friend, or wife. You never know.

Featured photo credit: Flickr via farm3.staticflickr.com

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Matt Duczeminski

A passionate writer who shares lifestlye tips on Lifehack

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Last Updated on February 11, 2021

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

How often have you said something simple, only to have the person who you said this to misunderstand it or twist the meaning completely around? Nodding your head in affirmative? Then this means that you are being unclear in your communication.

Communication should be simple, right? It’s all about two people or more talking and explaining something to the other. The problem lies in the talking itself, somehow we end up being unclear, and our words, attitude or even the way of talking becomes a barrier in communication, most of the times unknowingly. We give you six common barriers to communication, and how to get past them; for you to actually say what you mean, and or the other person to understand it as well…

The 6 Walls You Need to Break Down to Make Communication Effective

Think about it this way, a simple phrase like “what do you mean” can be said in many different ways and each different way would end up “communicating” something else entirely. Scream it at the other person, and the perception would be anger. Whisper this is someone’s ear and others may take it as if you were plotting something. Say it in another language, and no one gets what you mean at all, if they don’t speak it… This is what we mean when we say that talking or saying something that’s clear in your head, many not mean that you have successfully communicated it across to your intended audience – thus what you say and how, where and why you said it – at times become barriers to communication.[1]

Perceptual Barrier

The moment you say something in a confrontational, sarcastic, angry or emotional tone, you have set up perceptual barriers to communication. The other person or people to whom you are trying to communicate your point get the message that you are disinterested in what you are saying and sort of turn a deaf ear. In effect, you are yelling your point across to person who might as well be deaf![2]

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The problem: When you have a tone that’s not particularly positive, a body language that denotes your own disinterest in the situation and let your own stereotypes and misgivings enter the conversation via the way you talk and gesture, the other person perceives what you saying an entirely different manner than say if you said the same while smiling and catching their gaze.

The solution: Start the conversation on a positive note, and don’t let what you think color your tone, gestures of body language. Maintain eye contact with your audience, and smile openly and wholeheartedly…

Attitudinal Barrier

Some people, if you would excuse the language, are simply badass and in general are unable to form relationships or even a common point of communication with others, due to their habit of thinking to highly or too lowly of them. They basically have an attitude problem – since they hold themselves in high esteem, they are unable to form genuine lines of communication with anyone. The same is true if they think too little of themselves as well.[3]

The problem: If anyone at work, or even in your family, tends to roam around with a superior air – anything they say is likely to be taken by you and the others with a pinch, or even a bag of salt. Simply because whenever they talk, the first thing to come out of it is their condescending attitude. And in case there’s someone with an inferiority complex, their incessant self-pity forms barriers to communication.

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The solution: Use simple words and an encouraging smile to communicate effectively – and stick to constructive criticism, and not criticism because you are a perfectionist. If you see someone doing a good job, let them know, and disregard the thought that you could have done it better. It’s their job so measure them by industry standards and not your own.

Language Barrier

This is perhaps the commonest and the most inadvertent of barriers to communication. Using big words, too much of technical jargon or even using just the wrong language at the incorrect or inopportune time can lead to a loss or misinterpretation of communication. It may have sounded right in your head and to your ears as well, but if sounded gobbledygook to the others, the purpose is lost.

The problem: Say you are trying to explain a process to the newbies and end up using every technical word and industry jargon that you knew – your communication has failed if the newbie understood zilch. You have to, without sounding patronizing, explain things to someone in the simplest language they understand instead of the most complex that you do.

The solution: Simplify things for the other person to understand you, and understand it well. Think about it this way: if you are trying to explain something scientific to a child, you tone it down to their thinking capacity, without “dumbing” anything down in the process.[4]

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Emotional Barrier

Sometimes, we hesitate in opening our mouths, for fear of putting our foot in it! Other times, our emotional state is so fragile that we keep it and our lips zipped tightly together lest we explode. This is the time that our emotions become barriers to communication.[5]

The problem: Say you had a fight at home and are on a slow boil, muttering, in your head, about the injustice of it all. At this time, you have to give someone a dressing down over their work performance. You are likely to transfer at least part of your angst to the conversation then, and talk about unfairness in general, leaving the other person stymied about what you actually meant!

The solution: Remove your emotions and feelings to a personal space, and talk to the other person as you normally would. Treat any phobias or fears that you have and nip them in the bud so that they don’t become a problem. And remember, no one is perfect.

Cultural Barrier

Sometimes, being in an ever-shrinking world means that inadvertently, rules can make cultures clash and cultural clashes can turn into barriers to communication. The idea is to make your point across without hurting anyone’s cultural or religious sentiments.

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The problem: There are so many ways culture clashes can happen during communication and with cultural clashes; it’s not always about ethnicity. A non-smoker may have problems with smokers taking breaks; an older boss may have issues with younger staff using the Internet too much.

The solution: Communicate only what is necessary to get the point across – and eave your personal sentiments or feelings out of it. Try to be accommodative of the other’s viewpoint, and in case you still need to work it out, do it one to one, to avoid making a spectacle of the other person’s beliefs.[6]

Gender Barrier

Finally, it’s about Men from Mars and Women from Venus. Sometimes, men don’t understand women and women don’t get men – and this gender gap throws barriers in communication. Women tend to take conflict to their graves, literally, while men can move on instantly. Women rely on intuition, men on logic – so inherently, gender becomes a big block in successful communication.[7]

The problem: A male boss may inadvertently rub his female subordinates the wrong way with anti-feminism innuendoes, or even have problems with women taking too many family leaves. Similarly, women sometimes let their emotions get the better of them, something a male audience can’t relate to.

The solution: Talk to people like people – don’t think or classify them into genders and then talk accordingly. Don’t make comments or innuendos that are gender biased – you don’t have to come across as an MCP or as a bra-burning feminist either. Keep gender out of it.

And remember, the key to successful communication is simply being open, making eye contact and smiling intermittently. The battle is usually half won when you say what you mean in simple, straightforward words and keep your emotions out of it.

Reference

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