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The Secret Of Happiness: Don’t Wait, Just Take The Chance

The Secret Of Happiness: Don’t Wait, Just Take The Chance

Lately, I’ve been hearing a new spin on the old saying, “Good things come to those who wait.” The new sentiment is that good things (like happiness) come to those who work hard and go get them. Both versions of the mantra have their merits. The original instills the idea that patience is a virtue, and not everything comes easily. The amended version clarifies the misconception that simply waiting for something good to happen is not enough; you have to work for everything you earn in life. Keep this in mind as you go through life, and understand that every moment you live is another chance you have to work for what you deserve.

1. Nothing will simply come to you

Unless you were born into an incredibly wealthy family, you’re going to have to work for everything you want in life. Unfortunately, many people have grown up with a sense of entitlement, putting hard work off until “tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.” We seem to be under the impression that one day everything we’ve ever wanted will simply appear in front of us for the taking. We have to realize that the house we grew up in didn’t grow out of the ground; our parents worked every day of their lives to make sure we had that roof over our heads. Furthermore, if we were simply handed everything on a silver platter, we’d find no fulfillment in life. Working hard may be tough, but it makes earning the things we desire much more rewarding.

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2. Risks are a necessity

No one gets anywhere staying in their comfort zone. Expanding this zone may be difficult, but it’s absolutely necessary if you want to achieve anything. You’ll never get over your fear of public speaking if you avoid classes and jobs in which you’ll have to give presentations to a large group. Avoidance is never the answer. The worst thing that can happen when you take a risk is you could fall short of your goal. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed, it simply means you’ve found a way that didn’t work. When you take a risk and fall short, make the most out of the negative experience by learning from your short-comings, and changing your plan of attack the next time around.

3. Rewards make work worth doing

I alluded to this before, but it’s worth reiterating: Earning a reward is much more fulfilling than simply being given it. When you’re simply handed everything in life without having to work for it, the only thing that happens is your desire for more increases. Wisdom shows us that you’ll wind up being unfulfilled no matter how much “stuff” you accumulate. When you work for what you’ve earned, you’ll discover you’re happy with what you have. And, if you do desire more, you’ll know that it will come to you through more hard work and dedication. Even if you absolutely despise your job, you can take comfort when you come home at night to all that you’ve earned with your hours of hard work. You can look around and be proud that everything you see is a direct product of your perseverance.

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4. Don’t think “What if?” — Just go for it!

We previously discussed how important it is to take risks in order to get where you want to be in life. Of course, it can be hard to take that first step if you constantly second-guess yourself. However, it is important that you don’t ever let the fear of trying hold you back.The more time you spend thinking, “What if I fail?” or “What if I do something wrong?” or “What if I look stupid in front of everyone?”, the less time you have to actually improve yourself. Not only do you waste time, but you also waste energy, as well. You’ll find that being anxious about possible negative outcomes is actually more mentally, emotionally, and physically draining than actually taking that first step and making moves toward your goal. Just dive in, and focus your energy on the task at hand.

5. It gets easier to push yourself, the more you do it

The more you push yourself, the easier it becomes to push even farther. When I started to get serious about writing as a career, I’d read some tips from established writers which included one seemingly daunting task: Write at least 1,000 words a day. Having just started out, that number was incredibly intimidating. Having written almost every day for Lifehack for the past four months, I look back at how I felt about that and laugh. For example, it’s only 10:30 in the morning, and I’ve probably already written over 2,000 words so far.  Think of the times you’ve skipped a day at the gym. How much more difficult was it to get back into the swing of things than if you had just bucked up and gone the day before, regardless of how exhausted you were? Once you dive into something, you’ll find that consistently pushing yourself is actually easier than slacking off. You’ll also find you’re much happier with yourself for sticking with it.

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6. You control your own destiny

When you go out and work for what you want, you realize that you’re completely in control of your life. Working from home has taught me that I’ll only be rewarded if I put out the effort. When people find themselves stuck in boring, hourly-wage jobs, they often don’t feel the need to go the extra mile, especially if they think there’s not much chance of getting promoted. Why put in extra effort if you get paid the same regardless? Thinking this way hinders your chance to improve not only your work situation, but also your life as a whole. You never know when a better position will open up. If you’ve spent time and effort going above and beyond the call of duty, you’ll not only have made yourself stand out, but you’ll also have gained the skills necessary to be considered a leader. You reap what you sow. Now, go and make sure you use every chance you get as a chance to excel.

Featured photo credit: Flickrr via farm9.staticflickr.com

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Matt Duczeminski

A passionate writer who shares lifestlye tips on Lifehack

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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