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Here’s What Happy Couples Do To Keep Their Relationships Fresh

Here’s What Happy Couples Do To Keep Their Relationships Fresh

Ralph Waldo Emerson was once quoted as saying that “True Love is the residue that’s left once the excitements of love banish away.”

As the new season approaches, we tend to have hopes and dreams of advancing our lives and taking them to a new level. The question is: do we ever think of behaviors we can adapt which can lead to a fresh new start for our current relationship?

The reason why most relationships become dull is that couples abandon the duties and efforts which are essential in keeping the relationship alive. I am sure you have heard before about how couples should make New Year resolutions to keep their relationships fresh. Be honest — have you ever thought about how you can make resolutions in your relationship? If your answer is no, then it’s high time that you reassess your approach to your relationship.

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Below are some simple steps which will help you and your partner to mold your mature relationship and keep that fire burning with freshness and excitement.

Share most of your time with your partner

This may sound crazy to some football fans out there, but the truth is that sacrificing the time you spend watching football with your friends to be with your partner can really boost your relationship. Happy couples always spend most of their time doing what their partners love. Furthermore, you can decide to be more helpful to your partner through helping them in their tasks and becoming part of their successes.

Try something new together

You might have always wished to infuse your old relationship with something new but have been reluctant for a variety of reasons. The moment you adapt new ideas and relate them to your relationship, you will be able to achieve more happiness and bonding with your partner. Ensure that your relationship is fun-filled and adventurous.

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When I first met my wife, I would always spring surprises on her just to see her smile and fill her heart with love and adoration. Take your partner back to the days when the relationship was new and see them light up again.

Maintain outside relationships

It’s important to note that a couple’s relationship can either be enhanced or corrupted by outside relationships. Not all outside relationships are positive — some are bad and should be avoided at all cost.

An example of a healthy outside relationship includes spending time with other couples who are in a very strong relationship. Look for couples who have strong values and character and who are able to influence your relationship positively. Through this, you will gain insight on the importance of commitment and keeping the relationship exciting.

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At the same time, couples should choose the types of friends they hang out with. These types of friends help you to develop a social life, which is important in keeping a relationship fresh.

Try a joint project

Most of us know the story of Ken Blanchard and how he became a spiritual motivational speaker and a renowned author. Ken and his wife Marjorie decided to form a joint project by starting a company which could offer high-quality training to young investors on how to make a difference in a business platform. Through hard work and sacrifice, they managed to launch the Ken Blanchard Company, which quickly gained worldwide recognition for offering International Management training and counseling programs on leadership qualities.

Couples should create common goals which they can work on and achieve together. An example of a joint project may include a financial goal where both of you can save a certain amount of money to go on a vacation. Or, it could include saving some cash to buy something you have always wished for. Through accomplishing your goals together, you feel more like a team — something which strengthens your love bonds. Be it shopping for running shoes together or scouring trampoline reviews to find an outdoor trampoline you could both enjoy, any kind of common hobby or interest will help cement the bond between the two of you.

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Discuss your dreams and ideas

When you first met your partner, conversation was probably never lacking at the dinner table. You talked about hopes, dreams, and things you wished to achieve in the future. With time, such conversations likely vanished. It’s important to spend time discussing your dreams and the things you wish to achieve in the future.

Keep surprising your partner

Keeping the element of surprise alive is among the most basic things that most couples do to keep their relationships fresh. Here’s how: choose one day of the week to go home early carrying a small gift. Alternatively, you can decide to cook your partner’s favorite meal or book a surprise holiday getaway. It doesn’t have to be much, but nothing works as well as giving small and unexpected gifts. These small surprises help to enhance your relationship, decorating it with freshness and novelty and preventing it from getting stuck.

Let them know how much you admire them

When you first met your spouse, there were certain qualities which attracted you to them. Maybe it’s beauty, intelligence, or their ability to speak freely and intelligently. Whatever it is that drove you mad still exists. You should tell them how beautiful, handsome, intelligent, or humorous they are from time to time. This will make them feel loved, valued, and special.

Bottom line

Even though you may find these steps hard to achieve or outside of your comfort zone, they are the best cure for bringing a dull relationship back to life. Psychological studies have revealed that the most important thing in your life is your relationship. So, make it a good one.

Featured photo credit: Pedro Ribeiro Simões via flickr.com

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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