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6 Golden Rules For Strong Relationships That Are Backed By Science

6 Golden Rules For Strong Relationships That Are Backed By Science

Love is perhaps the most studied – and yet, still the most confusing – of human emotions. It is not surprising that scientists have yet to concoct a love potion. However, one important thing that scientists have done is provide helpful tips, backed by scientific studies, to improve our chances of finding true love and build strong and lasting relationships.

It doesn’t matter if you are in a new relationship or if you consider yourself an expert in relationships, the following scientifically proven rules for building strong romantic relationships may come in handy.

Keep in mind that there is a distinction between romantic love, which can endure, and passionate or obsessive love, which often fades after the beginning of a relationship.

1. Cultivate positive thoughts about your partner

Scientists have found that having positive thoughts about your partner is vital in relationships. When you focus on the good in your partner’s personal qualities and character, it strengthens your relationship.

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Bianca Acevedo, Ph.D. and author of a 2009 study conducted by researchers at the University of California in Santa Barbara, noted that couples in good relationships engage in “positive sentiment override.” That means they remember more of the favorable than the unfavorable experiences they’ve shared together, and also give each other the benefit of the doubt.

These couples seem to be able to resolve conflicts better because they don’t dwell on things that bother them. Ruminating about these things can only lead you to magnify the small foibles which will make your partner even more irritating to you.

2. Express your affection to your partner physically

Feeling love and affection toward your partner is important, but so is expressing that love and affection in physical ways. Studies suggest it’s not wise to play hard to get when your goal is to build the passion in your relationship.

Expressions of affection don’t have to be overly gushy or elaborate at all. A kiss on the cheek or touch on the shoulder is often enough to build intensity in your relationship. Similarly, in secure, long-term relationships, having more sex is often a positive expression of love’s intensity.

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Researchers Michelle Russell and James McNulty of the University of Tennessee say frequent sex could be the answer to maintain feelings of love and happiness that endure over time.

Even if the sex isn’t good now, keep it up. Other studies indicate sex may get better with age, despite a lower sex drive.

3. Talk with your partner face-to-face

You probably already know that communication is a vital component that determines the quality of any relationship. But, did you know that the method in which you communicate is also critical to the quality of your relationship?

Scientists have found that couples who talk face-to-face are more likely to stay together. A 2007 study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that women are generally happier the more they communicate with their partners face-to-face.

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Calling, texting, Skyping, and the like are OK, but communicating via electronic means does not correlate with greater relationship satisfaction. For stronger and more satisfying relationships, have more face-to-face conversations with your partner.

4. Explore novel and challenging activities together

Spending time with your partner is important, but studies show it’s how you spend your time together that influences your relationship satisfaction most.

Psychologist Arthur Aron, Ph.D. and collaborator in a study reported in the prestigious journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, found that couples can improve their love for each other when they spend their time together exploring new and challenging activities. The study identified this factor as especially relevant for men.

So, if you’re going to go bungee jumping for the first time, researchers say your relationship will benefit when you and your partner face this challenge together. On the other hand, if you’re not up to bungee jumping, seek out mentally challenging ways to spice up your daily routines.

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5. Give each other space — but not too much

No matter how much you adore each other, every couple needs a little elbow room. It’s best to understand each other and how much space you both require in a relationship, and to give each other that space.

Giving your partner too little space and smothering them in the relationship is just as bad as giving them too much space and coming across as distant. In fact, a 2013 study published in the journal Personality & Social Psychology Bulletin found that if a partner wants more closeness than what they get in a relationship, they are more likely to be unhappy. This leads them to think about breaking up more, and they tend to feel depressed.

6. Maintain other passions outside of the relationship

This may sound counterproductive, but don’t give up on your passions just yet. People who approach their daily lives with zest and strong emotion seem to carry these intense feelings over to their love life as well, according to the findings of the study collaborated by Arthur Aron.

Your brain’s reward centers respond similarly to love as to getting excited about your other interests and passions. So, if you want your relationship to have passion, put that emotional energy to work in your hobbies, interests, and even political activities. Getting “fired up” in these areas of life translates into firing up the feelings you have toward your partner. The study found this rule seems have more impact for men.

Remember, the formula for keeping love alive isn’t always straightforward. But, by making conscious changes in thought and behavior, you can boost your relationship and keep it fresh and vital for years.

More by this author

David K. William

David is a publisher and entrepreneur who tries to help professionals grow their business and careers, and gives advice for entrepreneurs.

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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