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10 Mind-Blowing TED Talks On How To Be Confident, Gorgeous- And A Better Person

10 Mind-Blowing TED Talks On How To Be Confident, Gorgeous- And A Better Person

1. Your Body Language Influences the Way You Feel

In this video, social Psychologist Amy Cuddy discusses research that shows how body language shapes your reality. Our posture and nonverbal communication not only influences how others perceive us – they actually change our body chemistry. Controlling your posture and training yourself in ‘power posing’ significantly increase your chances of success. You’ll not only seem confident, but actually be more confident! Try her tips and see for yourself.

2. Love What You Do


In this funny and audacious talk, Larry Smith, a professor of economics at the University of Waterloo in Canada, explains why you will fail to get a great career. He bluntly reveals the absurd excuses provided by people who are afraid to look for and pursue their true passions. In Smith’s words, “Wasted talent is a waste I cannot stand.”

3. Trust Your Feelings

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In this video, brain scientist Jill Bolte Taylor describes her experience of a massive stroke. Because she is a scientist with a vast knowledge of how the human brain works, she was able to observe her loss of body functions: speech, motion, and logical thinking. After losing touch with her rational mind, Jill experienced the ‘right-side’ brain- the purely emotional part of her brain- which she describes in her talk. It’s a fascinating story!

4. You Can Be Happy, No Matter What Life Circumstances You Face

Dan Gilbert, Harvard psychologist and author of Stumbling on Happiness, explains why most of us do badly in our lifelong pursuit of happiness. In his talk, he uses clinical research from psychology and neuroscience to prove we can be happy – even if everything goes totally wrong. He also says that getting things you want can give you exactly the same amount of happiness as not getting them at all. Check out his advice on how you can use the “psychological immune system” inside your brain to create your own happiness.

5. Embrace Your Vulnerabilities

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Brené Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston, offers deep insights from her 10 years of study into human emotions in this talk. She shares her personal quest to explain that embracing your vulnerabilities is the key to finding inner peace. In a funny way, she explains why accepting your imperfections, loving with your whole heart, practicing gratitude, not being afraid to apologize for your mistakes, and believing that you are enough are the major components of creating a better humanity.

6. Confidence Stems From the Belief That What You Do Is Right

Dr. Ivan Joseph, Athletic Director and Head Coach of the Ryerson University Varsity Soccer team explains in this talk why confidence is the most important skill in life. You need to practice confidence and be aware that you’re good at what you do. With this belief (and persistence), you can achieve anything. Joseph demonstrates the importance of self-affirmation, interpreting reality correctly, and accepting feedback positively.

7. Looks Aren’t Everything

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Cameron Russell, a gorgeous model, gives an honest talk about how superficial physical appearance is and how easily it can be transformed. She says that everyone is just a human being with their own struggles, whether you’re a model who won the “genetic lottery” or an obese man going bald. Everyone has to learn how not to feel judged. You should not feel overwhelmed by interactions with people who seem more attractive or powerful than you because every single person in the world has their own insecurities.

8. You Are What You Eat

Dr. Terry Wahls, a clinical professor of medicine at the University of Iowa, discussed how she used the lessons she learned about cells to cure her multiple sclerosis. She shows how she used her diet to help her deal with multiple sclerosis, which had led her to using a wheelchair. In her talk, she shows the importance of eating real, unprocessed foods and getting more of the vitamins, minerals, and essential fats our mitochondria need to thrive. In the talk she also discusses why she opposes the sugary, white flour-based products that fatigue us instead of giving us the energy to live.

9. Emotional Hygiene Is Essential

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Psychologist Guy Winch explains in this talk how neglected emotional pain can dramatically influence our happiness, success, and life expectancy. He explains that people go to the doctor when they experience certain types of pain, but neglect their emotional states (even though these can lead to serious medical conditions). Winch shows that changing your responses to failure, battling your negative thoughts, taking action when you feel lonely, and practicing emotional hygiene should be the start of your quest to reach your highest potential!

10. You’re the Only Person Who Can Define Yourself

Lizzie Velasquez, a 26-year-old motivational coach and the author of 3 books, was born with a rare disease which makes it impossible for her body to create fat. She describes the day when (as a 17-year-old girl) she discovered a YouTube video with 4 million views and thousands of mean comments naming her the “World’s Ugliest Woman.” In her talk, Velasquez gives her honest and powerful opinions on why you are the only person with the power to define who you really are.

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Published on April 7, 2021

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

Some of the most manipulative people are so good at what they do that their words and actions can convince you into thinking they truly care about what’s best for you when in reality, it’s quite the opposite. The most common signs of a controlling person are rarely obvious to outside observers. And for someone enmeshed in a controlling relationship or friendship, it can be incredibly challenging to stay away from this toxic person, even if you’re aware of their emotionally abusive tendencies.

While it’s ultimately up to you to decide whether to preserve or leave a lopsided, unfulfilling relationship, it’s nevertheless critical to understand the following six signs of controlling people so you can better advocate for yourself and mitigate the influence of their manipulative tendencies in your own life.

1. They Push Their Own Personal Agenda

Do you know someone who always tries to micromanage the words, behaviors, and attitudes of people around them? Does this person act like they have the right to know anything they want about you, including your location, what you’re doing in a given moment, who you’re talking to online, or any other private information about you? And when planning events and special occasions, does this person dominate conversations, steer plans in their own preferred directions, disparage others’ suggestions, and refuse to collaborate with anyone who might disagree with them?

If you answered “yes” to some of the above questions, then those are clear signs of a controlling person whom you absolutely need to be cautious around. Controlling people are reluctant to even consider alternative ideas, let alone enthusiastically work with people who have differing views. They prefer to be the captain of every ship—regardless of how much or how little an issue personally impacts them—and they have an arsenal of manipulative tactics to deploy if someone stands in the way of them achieving their own personal agendas.

In long-term relationships with controlling people, you may feel constantly pressured to meet their demands, follow their schedule, and focus on whatever they feel is most important. It’s not an exaggeration to say that these people act like the universe revolves around them, which can be exhausting to deal with for their family members, friends, and colleagues.

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2. They Make Everything Transactional

Controlling people aren’t always self-centered, but they’re not too empathetic either. Empathy for them tends to appear in the form of strategic concessions they use as a means to get what they want. They typically view interpersonal relationships as transactional opportunities to extract more value from people surrounding them, which can have a draining effect on those they interact with.

For example, one sign of a controlling person may be their insistence on “keeping score.” This can involve doing nice things for you with the ulterior motive of demanding something from you at a later date in exchange for what you thought was just an act of kindness or a friendly support.

Perhaps they shower you in praise (also known as “love-bombing”) or gifts then blow up at you if you don’t intuitively know they’re expecting something back from you. None of us are mind-readers, but controlling people behave as though everyone else should think and act like they want others to and those who fall out of line are punished for failing to meet their impossible expectations.

A controlling person may also threaten to withhold support if you don’t adhere to their demands, but they do so in such subtle ways that the guilt they impose blinds you from the unreasonable nature of their behaviors.

Some statements to be wary of include:

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  • “I did ___________ for you. What do you mean you can’t do ___________ for me?”
  • “Remember how I helped you with ___________? That took a lot of time and energy from me, but I guess you didn’t appreciate my help.”
  • “I always give you ___________. Don’t you care about my needs too?”
  • “You’re so selfish!” or “You don’t care about me at all!” (gaslighting if you respond with hesitation or politely decline their request for help for perfectly valid reasons, such as not having enough time or resources to assist them)

3. They Criticize Everything

One of the most common telltale signs of a controlling person is their capacity to criticize anything and everything, even small things that seemingly don’t matter. As with many toxic traits in relationships, these problems typically start out so small that you may not even notice. At first, you may even agree with their criticism or at least be able to understand their perspective when they bring up an issue.

However, the criticism tends to get more intense, more constant, and more perplexing for people who maintain relationships with controlling people. You’ll likely notice how they rarely seem to criticize something they do. It’s almost always other-oriented and these types of people are so manipulative that any rationale they offer can seem plausibly legitimate.

Some warning signs of a controlling person who’s overly critical to the point of abusiveness include:

  • Criticizing things about you that you have little to no control over (e.g., appearance, disability, family)
  • Criticizing your personal choices and interests, such as educational pursuits, career, clothing, favorite music, time spent on your hobbies, etc.
  • Punishing you for expressing vulnerability by invalidating thoughts and feelings you share with them
  • Attacking you whenever you express an opinion counter to theirs

4. They Balk When Someone Criticizes Them

We all know the adage, “what goes around, comes around.” But this statement doesn’t apply as much to toxic, controlling people. They’d much prefer to dish out criticism without ever having to take it in return.

For instance, if your friend constantly talks about your appearance with little regard for your emotions but flips out if you make just a single comment about their appearance, there’s a possibility that they could have some hidden controlling tendencies left unchecked. Remember, these people aren’t just controlling in their behaviors towards others. They’re also actively trying to stay in complete control over every aspect of their lives, which includes how others view them.

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This seemingly insatiable desire for control can prompt them to lash out against even the smallest bits of criticism, leaving people around them too weary or scared to speak up again in the future. While it’s possible they may suffer from something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria, this does not excuse them from the consequences of their words and actions. They should seek professional help to better manage their reactions to criticism.

5. They Socially Isolate You

Not all controlling people do this, but for manipulative narcissists, socially isolating victims is a go-to strategy for maintaining control because it’s effective at preventing people from truly understanding how toxic their partner, family member, or friend is treating them. Think of it this way—if you don’t talk to many other people in your life, there’s less of a risk that you’ll damage their reputation by revealing their abusive tendencies.

Socially isolating others also gives the person more control over you and your life as it becomes more difficult to break away from them if you don’t have other healthier channels of communication and interpersonal support to turn to.

This process doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it something you can readily recognize as abusive. At first, it may seem reasonable, such as asking you to stop engaging so often with family members with whom both of you disagree on major social or political issues. As the social isolation progresses, they may suggest cutting people out of your life—especially if they don’t like that person, regardless of how you personally feel—or even conjure up high-stakes problems like “it’s me or them” under the guise of saving you from people in your life whom they don’t like for whatever reason.

In a controlling person’s life narrative, they’re always the protagonist who’s incapable of any wrongdoing. The blame is always redirected at someone else, whether that’s you or other people in your life. The more they isolate you from other supportive people in your life, the more susceptible you’ll be to falsely believing that they’re right and you “don’t need” your other friends and family when you have someone as perfect as this person.

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6. They’re Emotionally Abusive

It’s hard enough to be in control of your own emotions but when someone else is constantly belittling you and your interests or leveraging guilt and shame to manipulate you into saying or doing what they want, this can make it even more challenging to stay in control of your own life and emotional well-being.

Emotional abuse is another sign of a controlling person that is often overlooked in relationships. After all, human personalities vary widely in terms of passivity, and it’s not uncommon for one person in a relationship to be significantly more passive than the other. This becomes an issue when the controlling partner or friend exudes signs of emotional abuse, which can start subtly and become much more pronounced over time.

Concerning signs of emotionally abusive language or behavior to watch out for include:

  • Dismissing your needs and/or belittling your interests in counterproductive ways
  • Privately or publicly shaming or humiliating you
  • Making you feel as though you can never live up to their expectations or do anything right (according to their own vague, subjective standards)
  • Gaslighting you into thinking they said or did something that never actually happened (making you question your own reality)

Final Thoughts

It’s sometimes hard to see the negative things about someone with whom we have a relationship. We may sometimes unconsciously overlook the signs of a controlling person, especially if that person is someone we have known for a long time or are close to us. However, cutting them off your life is the best thing you can do for yourself. Just watch out for these six signs of a controlling person and take immediate action when you spot them.

More Tips on How To Deal With a Controlling Person

Featured photo credit: Külli Kittus via unsplash.com

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