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8 Science-Backed Facts Every Couple Should Know Before Marriage

8 Science-Backed Facts Every Couple Should Know Before Marriage

The French essayist Michel D. Montaigne cynically wrote, “A good marriage would be between a blind wife and deaf husband.” Despite his jaundiced view, your marriage has a good chance of lasting if you follow some simple scientifically proven guidelines as outlined below. And FYI: The divorce rate in the United States is dropping, and is no longer around 50% — it’s much closer to 30% if you wait until age 23 to marry.

1. How deep is the hole you’re in?

It’s a scientific statistic: Almost 80% of couples who divorce, cite financial debt as a major reason for the split. Before you and your intended seal the deal, have an honest dialogue about how much each of you owes on student loans. Can you afford to marry and still pay them off? If not, can you get payments reduced or postponed? Remember that a defaulted student loan lowers your credit score significantly, critically impacting your ability to get a mortgage or find a car loan.

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2. Does your partner have a lead foot?

The science of statistics can be tedious, but it tells us this: Over 37 thousand people die in car crashes each year in the United States. Couples are less open about their past driving records than about their past love affairs. You’ve got to sit down with your fiance to work out how much past driving indiscretions are going to affect your car insurance payments. Don’t be afraid to shop around to see about getting lower combined rates — that’s what the Internet is for.

3. How many children will you have?

Social science studies show that American women have fewer children during marriage. There are various reasons for this, but the bottom line is that unless you plan on adopting, the two of you have to agree ahead of time about this tremendous economic responsibility. Leaving it to chance is foolish. Today the birth of a child in a hospital will run about $10,000. Add to that the cost of diapers, food, vaccinations, and so on, and the bills start to run very high indeed.

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4. Synchronized Sleep Patterns Bring Satisfaction

In a 2010 study, published in the journal Psychosomatic Medicine, University of Pittsburgh researchers followed 29 heterosexual couples for a week, showed that couples who went to sleep and woke up at the same time reported higher satisfaction in their marriages. Couples on the same sleep schedules have less conflict, participate in more shared activities, have sex more often, and participate in deeper conversation than those couples who are not on the same sleep schedules.

5. Where will you start out your married life?

A scientific poll on BabyCenter.com of 252 recently married couples shows the vast majority are vigorously opposed to living with their parents or in-laws after the marriage. So although it’s a great way to save money for a down payment on your own house or a deposit on a decent apartment, it isn’t a very popular option with couples today. Make sure, though, to hash it out prior to tying the knot. And if your significant other is already living back at home, what does that tell you about him or her? Is he or she just trying to save money . . . or are there deeper issues that need to be brought out into the light of day?

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6. Can you laugh it up?

Modern research indicates that people with a robust sense of humor will have fewer symptoms of physical illness than those who ignore a sense of the ridiculous in life, love and marriage. Dr. Leslie Parrott writes that, “A daily dose of laughter is like a vitamin pill for your marriage. It is a healthy habit all married couples should enjoy.” So how easy is it for you and your intended to raise a chuckle together? If your relationship is always intense and serious . . . try wearing a flower in your lapel that squirts water and see what happens!

7. The more you make love, the less you’ll worry

When you and your partner are dyed-in-the-wool worrywarts, participating in an active sex life will boost your sense of well-being. In fact, published research in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science claims that neurotic newlyweds who had a lot of sex were just as happy with their marriages as couples who tested as less neurotic. So the bottom line is lovemaking is scientifically proven to lessen stress — men have ALWAYS known that!

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8. Watch your mouth!

Before your marriage, it may have bothered you if friends constantly referred to themselves as “we” or “us,” but it turns out that, when you get married, using couple-focused words like “we,” “our,” and “us” when involved in a conflict can actually produce more affection, less anger, and has lowered psychological stress levels during the disagreement; this is according to a study printed in the journal Psychology and Aging. Also, using words like “I,” “me,” and “you” during an argument is linked to marital dissatisfaction. So watch those pronouns!

Featured photo credit: artisticfilms via pixabay.com

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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