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8 Science-Backed Facts Every Couple Should Know Before Marriage

8 Science-Backed Facts Every Couple Should Know Before Marriage

The French essayist Michel D. Montaigne cynically wrote, “A good marriage would be between a blind wife and deaf husband.” Despite his jaundiced view, your marriage has a good chance of lasting if you follow some simple scientifically proven guidelines as outlined below. And FYI: The divorce rate in the United States is dropping, and is no longer around 50% — it’s much closer to 30% if you wait until age 23 to marry.

1. How deep is the hole you’re in?

It’s a scientific statistic: Almost 80% of couples who divorce, cite financial debt as a major reason for the split. Before you and your intended seal the deal, have an honest dialogue about how much each of you owes on student loans. Can you afford to marry and still pay them off? If not, can you get payments reduced or postponed? Remember that a defaulted student loan lowers your credit score significantly, critically impacting your ability to get a mortgage or find a car loan.

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2. Does your partner have a lead foot?

The science of statistics can be tedious, but it tells us this: Over 37 thousand people die in car crashes each year in the United States. Couples are less open about their past driving records than about their past love affairs. You’ve got to sit down with your fiance to work out how much past driving indiscretions are going to affect your car insurance payments. Don’t be afraid to shop around to see about getting lower combined rates — that’s what the Internet is for.

3. How many children will you have?

Social science studies show that American women have fewer children during marriage. There are various reasons for this, but the bottom line is that unless you plan on adopting, the two of you have to agree ahead of time about this tremendous economic responsibility. Leaving it to chance is foolish. Today the birth of a child in a hospital will run about $10,000. Add to that the cost of diapers, food, vaccinations, and so on, and the bills start to run very high indeed.

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4. Synchronized Sleep Patterns Bring Satisfaction

In a 2010 study, published in the journal Psychosomatic Medicine, University of Pittsburgh researchers followed 29 heterosexual couples for a week, showed that couples who went to sleep and woke up at the same time reported higher satisfaction in their marriages. Couples on the same sleep schedules have less conflict, participate in more shared activities, have sex more often, and participate in deeper conversation than those couples who are not on the same sleep schedules.

5. Where will you start out your married life?

A scientific poll on BabyCenter.com of 252 recently married couples shows the vast majority are vigorously opposed to living with their parents or in-laws after the marriage. So although it’s a great way to save money for a down payment on your own house or a deposit on a decent apartment, it isn’t a very popular option with couples today. Make sure, though, to hash it out prior to tying the knot. And if your significant other is already living back at home, what does that tell you about him or her? Is he or she just trying to save money . . . or are there deeper issues that need to be brought out into the light of day?

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6. Can you laugh it up?

Modern research indicates that people with a robust sense of humor will have fewer symptoms of physical illness than those who ignore a sense of the ridiculous in life, love and marriage. Dr. Leslie Parrott writes that, “A daily dose of laughter is like a vitamin pill for your marriage. It is a healthy habit all married couples should enjoy.” So how easy is it for you and your intended to raise a chuckle together? If your relationship is always intense and serious . . . try wearing a flower in your lapel that squirts water and see what happens!

7. The more you make love, the less you’ll worry

When you and your partner are dyed-in-the-wool worrywarts, participating in an active sex life will boost your sense of well-being. In fact, published research in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science claims that neurotic newlyweds who had a lot of sex were just as happy with their marriages as couples who tested as less neurotic. So the bottom line is lovemaking is scientifically proven to lessen stress — men have ALWAYS known that!

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8. Watch your mouth!

Before your marriage, it may have bothered you if friends constantly referred to themselves as “we” or “us,” but it turns out that, when you get married, using couple-focused words like “we,” “our,” and “us” when involved in a conflict can actually produce more affection, less anger, and has lowered psychological stress levels during the disagreement; this is according to a study printed in the journal Psychology and Aging. Also, using words like “I,” “me,” and “you” during an argument is linked to marital dissatisfaction. So watch those pronouns!

Featured photo credit: artisticfilms via pixabay.com

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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