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5 Misconceptions About Your Loved One Fighting Lupus

5 Misconceptions About Your Loved One Fighting Lupus

If you love someone fighting lupus, you very likely know that this disease is an autoimmune disorder. This means that the immune system is out of sync and attacks healthy body tissue.

It just cannot distinguish the threats from the benign elements. The result is usually painful inflammation of the joints. Its official name is Systemic Lupus Erythematosus (SLE). Symptoms range from mild to severe and the disease may manifest itself in joint pain, chronic fatigue, skin rashes, migraines, ulcers and may damage internal organs such as the kidneys and heart.

If you have a loved one struggling with lupus right now, there are a few choice misconceptions that others believe and that you should keep in mind as you support them.

1. They have an easily understood disease

In spite of the fact that 1 in 185 Americans suffer from lupus, the majority of the population is extremely ignorant about this disease. They also think it is contagious, which is completely false and they persist in thinking that only the elderly are affected.

The reality is that the most common age group to be affected is actually in the 15 – 45 range. Only about 10% of lupus sufferers are men, so it is generally a women’s disease. Thanks to Toni Braxton, the reality TV star and award winning singer, who has come out about her daily battle with lupus, there is more public awareness now of what the disease involves.

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Watch the video of Toni here,as she describes some of her daily struggles.

2. They are very lazy

Few people understand any condition which involves chronic fatigue and they just assume that the people are plain lazy and they ought to get on with it. This applies to many diseases such as chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS), and lupus is no exception. Toni Braxton describes it as like having the flu, but every day.

Telling their doctor that they are tired is often very difficult as you can see from the sufferers’ comments here on the Lupus Foundation of America’s Facebook page. The fact that this post was liked by more than 1,000 people speaks volumes.

You can support your loved one better by bearing in mind that they will almost always need more rest than anyone else in the family or circle of friends.

3. They cannot have children

Lots of people mistakenly think that a woman with lupus may have a very risky pregnancy and that the child will be born with some birth defect. This is just a myth though, as the risk of birth defects with a woman with lupus is exactly the same as any normal pregnancy.

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Women with lupus are generally advised to plan their pregnancy when their disease is in remission though. This normally makes things much easier for them.

Lupus sufferers have to be carefully monitored as there are some dangers, but they very often carry a child successfully to term. There is a small chance that the lupus condition can be passed on to the child, but in reality, these risks are minimal.

4. They can be easily diagnosed

Diagnosis is not just simple blood work and many people think that a visit to the doctor can confirm the diagnosis. But it is much more complicated than that. This disease is often called “the great imitator” because its symptoms could be many other diseases.

In addition, there are flare ups which mean that the disease may come and go, and change over time. The doctor, if she suspects lupus, will order a complete set of laboratory tests. Antibody testing, a complete blood count, kidney and liver functions, and blood cells sedimentation rates are usually ordered.

Getting treatment is not that easy either, as the best person to treat it is usually a rheumatologist as that is also a connective tissue disease. This is also why doctors use the American College of Rheumatology guidelines to help them diagnose lupus.

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There are just not enough rheumatologists to go around, which means that the best qualified specialist is often not available.

5. They probably got it from their parents

This is another myth, because the actual genetic factor is quite small, statistically. It is thought that only about 5% of parents will pass on the disease to their offspring. Research so far has failed to identify a gene or group of genes that might be responsible.

The fact that Native Americans, Native Hawaiians, African and Asian ethnic groups are at greater risk certainly suggests a genetic link. There are also environmental issues involved which specialists do not fully understand, as yet.

If you talk to lupus sufferers, you will find that the hardest part for them is trying to make friends and family understand what they are going through. Some of the symptoms are vague and that is part of the problem.

The mental and physical suffering is often brushed under the carpet by the sufferers themselves because they are not getting enough support and sympathy. Talking openly and honestly about this chronic condition is often the best way to help.

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This is a great step toward accepting changes in lifestyle for family members and also helping to meet the patients’ needs.

“I was upfront about having lupus, but it never came up in the show. I didn’t want anyone thinking they had an advantage – there’s a fine line between what you tell and what you don’t.” – Leslie Hunt, season six contestant on ‘American Idol’

Featured photo credit: Fuente: Com Salud/ Com Salud Agencia via flickr.com

More by this author

Robert Locke

Author of Ziger the Tiger Stories, a health enthusiast specializing in relationships, life improvement and mental health.

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Last Updated on April 6, 2020

10 Powerful Ways to Influence People Positively

10 Powerful Ways to Influence People Positively

Most discussions on positively influencing others eventually touch on Dale Carnegie’s seminal work, How to Win Friends and Influence People. Written more than 83 years ago, the book touches on a core component of human interaction, building strong relationships. It is no wonder why.

Everything that we do hinges on our ability to connect with others and formulate deep relationships. You cannot sell a house, buy a house, advance in most careers, sell a product, pitch a story, teach a course, etc. without building healthy relationships. Managers get the best results from their teams, not through brute force, but to careful appeals to their sensibilities, occasional withdrawals from the reservoir of respect they’ve built. Using these tactics, they can influence others to excellence, to productivity, and to success.

Carnegie’s book is great. Of course, there are other resources too. Most of us have someone in our lives who positively influences us. The truth is positively influencing people is about centering the humanity of others. Chances are, you know someone who is really good at making others feel like stars. They can get you to do things that the average person cannot. Where the requests of others sound like fingernails on a chalkboard, the request from this special person sounds like music to your ears. You’re delighted to not only listen but also to oblige.

So how to influence people in a positive way? Read on for tips.

1. Be Authentic

To influence people in a positive way, be authentic. Rather than being a carbon copy of someone else’s version of authenticity, uncover what it is that makes you unique.

Discover your unique take on an issue and then live up to and honor that. Once of the reasons social media influencers are so powerful is that they have carved out a niche for themselves or taken a common issue and approached it from a novel or uncommon way. People instinctually appreciate people whose public persona matches their private values.

Contradictions bother us because we crave stability. When someone professes to be one way, but lives contrary to that profession, it signals that they are confused or untrustworthy and thereby, inauthentic. Neither of these combinations bode well for positively influencing others.

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2. Listen

Growing up, my father would tell me to listen to what others said. He told me if I listened carefully, I would know all I needed to know about a person’s character, desires and needs.

To positively influence others, you must listen to what is spoken and what is left unsaid. Therein lies the explanation for what people need in order to feel validated, supported and seen. If a person feels they are invisible, and unseen by their superiors, they are less likely to be positively influenced by that person.

Listening meets a person’s primary need of validation and acceptance.

Take a look at this guide on how to be a better listener: How to Practice Active Listening (A Step-By-Step Guide)

3. Become an Expert

Most people are predisposed to listen to, if not respect, authority. If you want to positively influence others, become an authority in the area in which you seek to lead others. Research and read everything you can about the given topic, and then look for opportunities to put your education into practice.

You can argue over opinions. You cannot argue, or it is unwise to argue, over facts and experts come with facts.

4. Lead with Story

From years of working in the public relations space, I know that personal narratives, testimonials and impact stories are incredibly powerful. But I never cease to be amazed with how effective a well-timed and told story can be.

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If you want to influence people, learn to tell stories. Your stories should be related to the issue or concept you are discussing. They should be an analogy or metaphor that explains your topic in ordinary terms and in vivid detail. To learn more about how to tell powerful stories, and the ethics of storytelling, take a look at this article: How To Tell An Interesting Story In 4 Simple Steps

5. Lead by Example

It is incredibly inspiring to watch passionate, talented people at work or play. One of the reasons a person who is not an athlete can be in awe of athletic prowess is because human nature appreciates the extraordinary. When we watch the Olympics, Olympic trials, gymnastic competitions, ice skating, and other competitive sports, we can recognize the effort of people who day in and day out give their all. C

ase in point: Simone Biles. The gymnast extraordinaire won her 6TH all-around title at the U.S. Gymnastics Championships after doing a triple double. She was the first woman to do so. Watching her gave me chills. Even non-gymnasts and non-competitive athletes can appreciate the talent required to pull off such a remarkable feat.

We celebrate remarkable accomplishments and believe that their example is proof that we too can accomplish something great, even if it isn’t qualifying for the Olympics. To influence people in a positive way, we must lead by example, lead with intention and execute with excellence.

6. Catch People Doing Good

A powerful way to influence people in a positive way is to catch people doing good. Instead of looking for problems, look for successes. Look for often overlooked, but critically important things that your peers, subordinates and managers do that make the work more effective and more enjoyable.

Once you catch people doing good, name and notice their contributions.

7. Be Effusive with Praise

It did not take me long to notice a remarkable trait of a former boss. He not only began and ended meetings with praise, but he peppered praise throughout the entire meeting. He found a way to celebrate the unique attributes and skills of his team members. He was able to quickly and accurately assess what people were doing well and then let them and their colleagues know.

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Meetings were not just an occasion to go through a “To Do” list, they were opportunities to celebrate accomplishments, no matter how small they are.

8. Be Kind Rather Than Right

I am going to level with you; this one is tough. It is easy to get caught up in a cycle of proving oneself. For people who lack confidence, or people who prioritize the opinions of others, being right is important. The validation that comes with being perceived as “right” feeds one’s ego. But in the quest to be “right,” we can hurt other people. Once we’ve hurt someone by being unkind, it is much harder to get them to listen to what we’re trying to influence them to do.

The antidote to influencing others via bullying is to prioritize kindness above rightness. You can be kind and still stand firm in your position. For instance, many people think that they need others to validate their experience. If a person does not see the situation you experienced in the way you see it, you get upset. But your experience is your experience.

If you and your friends go out to eat and you get food poisoning, you do not need your friends to agree that the food served at the restaurant was problematic for you. Your own experience of getting food poisoning is all the validation you need. Therefore, taking time to be right is essentially wasted and, if you were unkind in seeking validation for your food-poison experience, now you’ve really lost points.

9. Understand a Person’s Logical, Emotional and Cooperative Needs

The Center for Creative Leadership has argued that the best way to influence others is to appeal to their logical, emotional and cooperative needs. Their logical need is their rational and educational need. Their emotional need is the information that touches them in a deeply personal manner. The cooperative need is understanding the level of cooperation various individuals need and then appropriately offering it.

The trick with this system is to understand that different people need different things. For some people, a strong emotional appeal will outweigh logical explanations. For others, having an opportunity to collaborate will override emotional connection.

If you know your audience, you will know what they need in order to be positively influenced. If you have limited information about the people whom you are attempting to influence, you will be ineffective.

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10. Understand Your Lane

If you want to positively influence others, operate from your sphere of influence. Operate from your place of expertise. Leave everything else to others. Gone are the days when being a jack of all trades is celebrated.

Most people appreciate brands that understand their target audience and then deliver on what that audience wants. When you focus on what you are uniquely gifted and qualified to do, and then offer that gift to the people who need it, you are likely more effective. This effectiveness is attractive.

You cannot positively influence others if you are more preoccupied by what others do well versus what you do well.

Final Thoughts

Influencing people is about centering your humanity. If you want to influence others positively, focus on the way you communicate and improve the relationship with yourself first.

It’s hard to influence others if you’re still trying to figure out how to communicate with yourself.

More Tips About Making Influence

Featured photo credit: Wonderlane via unsplash.com

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