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Seven Reasons To Believe In Yourself Again Even If You Don’t Feel You Can (And How To Do So)

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Seven Reasons To Believe In Yourself Again Even If You Don’t Feel You Can (And How To Do So)

Sometimes life sucks. That’s just the way it is. We’ve all heard over and over again that it’s through the tough times that we learn to appreciate the great times. It’s easy to say but when you’re at a low point how do you find the energy to pick yourself up off the floor and get back on track?

When your confidence is in the doldrums here are seven facts to build your self-belief and ignite the fire in your belly.

Your strengths are powerful

If you find yourself focusing on your weaknesses, it’s time to reconnect with your strengths. Knowing and developing your character strengths can have a significant impact on your quality of life as well as a positive effect on your relationships, your career and your personal growth. Take the simple free survey at www.viacharacter.org and 15 mins later you’ll have a report that outlines your top strengths. Who knows you might even by pleasantly surprised what turns up.

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“Being confident and believing in your own self-worth is necessary to achieving your potential.” – Sheryl Sandberg

You have choices

Our lives are the result of the choices we make. Pure and simple. Becoming more aware of how we make our decisions is crucial. If you find yourself in the habit of negatively reacting to people or events, next time just try to pause and think then make an informed decision on your next action.

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” Maya Angelou

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You are one of a kind

Besides the physical what also makes us unique is our individual collection of experiences, abilities, thoughts and dreams. Spend some time to reflect and get clarity on the magic that exists at the intersection of what you care about and what you’re good at. When you are clear and can operate from this intersection life will start to flow. A way to discover this is to answer two questions:

  • What really pisses you off? Not the immaterial stuff like missing out on a sale or the bus being late but at a deeper level, that you really care about and that you feel needs to be changed.
  • What did you want to be when you grew up? Think about the qualities that were necessary in that profession. Odds are that these are things you’re naturally good at and related to your strengths.

“You have to believe in yourself when no one else does – that makes you a winner right there.” – Venus Williams

You can make a difference

Find your magic then pay it forward so that others can find theirs. In his popular TED talks, Simon Sinek explains that when you help others, both you and the person you serve get a release of oxytocin. Not only does it give you the warm fuzzier but oxytocin boosts our immune systems and enables us to be better problem solvers. So find a charity or a cause that means something to you and get involved.

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“Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you.” – Oprah Winfrey

You are tougher than you think

Human beings are remarkable things. Examples of people overcoming extreme hardship who go on and thrive, are all around us. No matter where you find yourself, someone has been there before and they are stronger from it. You can be too. While you might not be feeling like you’re the best version of yourself right now, even the fact you are reading this is the first step to finding what you are truly capable of.

“Do not be embarrassed by your failures, learn from them and start again.” – Richard Branson

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Your energy is infectious (and so is your smile)

One of the best ways to feel better is to make other people to feel better first. Every day is filled with a series of energy exchanges. Make the effort to be an energy giver and you’ll find it not only coming back to you but spreading to those around you. Start every interaction with a smile and take it from there. For more tips on managing your energy check check out this article.

You can create your own destiny

Your life is yours and yours alone to create. Whether you choose to make it grand or humble is up to you. Comparing your vision to others is irrelevant. What is important is that it is fulfilling and meaningful for you. Take these seven facts and start now.

“We are not in this world to find ourselves, we are here to create ourselves.”

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Featured photo credit: https://twitter.com/viktorhanacek via picjumbo.com

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Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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