Advertising
Advertising

Seven Reasons To Believe In Yourself Again Even If You Don’t Feel You Can (And How To Do So)

Seven Reasons To Believe In Yourself Again Even If You Don’t Feel You Can (And How To Do So)

Sometimes life sucks. That’s just the way it is. We’ve all heard over and over again that it’s through the tough times that we learn to appreciate the great times. It’s easy to say but when you’re at a low point how do you find the energy to pick yourself up off the floor and get back on track?

When your confidence is in the doldrums here are seven facts to build your self-belief and ignite the fire in your belly.

Your strengths are powerful

If you find yourself focusing on your weaknesses, it’s time to reconnect with your strengths. Knowing and developing your character strengths can have a significant impact on your quality of life as well as a positive effect on your relationships, your career and your personal growth. Take the simple free survey at www.viacharacter.org and 15 mins later you’ll have a report that outlines your top strengths. Who knows you might even by pleasantly surprised what turns up.

Advertising

“Being confident and believing in your own self-worth is necessary to achieving your potential.” – Sheryl Sandberg

You have choices

Our lives are the result of the choices we make. Pure and simple. Becoming more aware of how we make our decisions is crucial. If you find yourself in the habit of negatively reacting to people or events, next time just try to pause and think then make an informed decision on your next action.

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” Maya Angelou

Advertising

You are one of a kind

Besides the physical what also makes us unique is our individual collection of experiences, abilities, thoughts and dreams. Spend some time to reflect and get clarity on the magic that exists at the intersection of what you care about and what you’re good at. When you are clear and can operate from this intersection life will start to flow. A way to discover this is to answer two questions:

  • What really pisses you off? Not the immaterial stuff like missing out on a sale or the bus being late but at a deeper level, that you really care about and that you feel needs to be changed.
  • What did you want to be when you grew up? Think about the qualities that were necessary in that profession. Odds are that these are things you’re naturally good at and related to your strengths.

“You have to believe in yourself when no one else does – that makes you a winner right there.” – Venus Williams

You can make a difference

Find your magic then pay it forward so that others can find theirs. In his popular TED talks, Simon Sinek explains that when you help others, both you and the person you serve get a release of oxytocin. Not only does it give you the warm fuzzier but oxytocin boosts our immune systems and enables us to be better problem solvers. So find a charity or a cause that means something to you and get involved.

Advertising

“Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you.” – Oprah Winfrey

You are tougher than you think

Human beings are remarkable things. Examples of people overcoming extreme hardship who go on and thrive, are all around us. No matter where you find yourself, someone has been there before and they are stronger from it. You can be too. While you might not be feeling like you’re the best version of yourself right now, even the fact you are reading this is the first step to finding what you are truly capable of.

“Do not be embarrassed by your failures, learn from them and start again.” – Richard Branson

Advertising

Your energy is infectious (and so is your smile)

One of the best ways to feel better is to make other people to feel better first. Every day is filled with a series of energy exchanges. Make the effort to be an energy giver and you’ll find it not only coming back to you but spreading to those around you. Start every interaction with a smile and take it from there. For more tips on managing your energy check check out this article.

You can create your own destiny

Your life is yours and yours alone to create. Whether you choose to make it grand or humble is up to you. Comparing your vision to others is irrelevant. What is important is that it is fulfilling and meaningful for you. Take these seven facts and start now.

“We are not in this world to find ourselves, we are here to create ourselves.”

Featured photo credit: https://twitter.com/viktorhanacek via picjumbo.com

More by this author

7 Ways To Have A Healthy Relationship With Food Seven Leadership Mistakes That Deplete The Energy Of Teams Seven Reasons To Believe In Yourself Again Even If You Don’t Feel You Can (And How To Do So)

Trending in Communication

1 11 Facts About Volunteering That Will Surely Impress You 2 I Hate My Wife – Why a Husband Would Resent His Spouse 3 How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them) 4 How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide) 5 The Hidden Power of Every Single Person Around You

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

Advertising

It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

Advertising

Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

Advertising

1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

Advertising

6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

Read Next